Feeling so angry. Just found my worst fears were true. Always listen to your gut

[jbone1973]

Hi everyone. If you have read any of my posts from the past you would kno that I have been in a relation ship for about 15 month which completely ruined me. It's so scared how the wrong person can completely wreck you life.

 

My x told how much she loved me everyday and sucked me in. She made me think I was crazy today for not trusting her. I have been so anxious I haven't slept properly for a year and have become quiet mentally I'll.

 

I split with her before Christmas and like always she spent the next month telling me how much she loved me and wanted me back. I though that maybe I could trust her. We got back together yesterday and today we were lying in bed and she was booking a holiday on my I Pad and she logged in with her Facebook account. Later in the day I opened Facebook and it was still open with her account. I could believe what I read. She had been flirting and sleeping with various guys and one guy she actually had a full on relationship with behind my back. He had been messaging her saying how she had been messing him about and making him anxious. She had been seeing him for months along with other guys. She really is poison. She made me go completely nuts making me feel it was me that i had jealousy problems. I can honestly say I have never been so angry in my life. She is the most manipulative person and a compulsive lier. I told her to never speak to me again. She is horrible. I'm just so glad I didn't move in with her. She was telling me she wanted to get married a few days ago.

 

I have blocked her deleted her number and will definitely never speak to her again. I feel horrible. Have this sick anxious feeling in my gut. Just hope I can recover from this. Can't understand how someone can beg you to be with them tell you they love you and then cheat. It doesn't make sense. My last two girlfriends have cheated on me and now I have no trust in woman at all.

[Tom1990]

Oh man. Sorry that happened. She's a real piece of work. Did you confront her about it, or did you just ghost?

[Hm1357]

I am sorry this happened to you. What she did was cruel and I can imagine it's hard to see light in the dark right now, but I can assure you not all women are lying cheaters. I've been cheated on before and learned after the relationship ended that it happened (or started happening) 5 months into a 3 year relationship. It made me very resentful that I let someone take advantage of me and waste years of my life. I thought I was in love with him so when we broke up, I wasn't sure I'd made the right decision until I found what he did, then he was dead to me. It temporarily scarred me and made it nearly impossible to let someone have all of me. My best advice to you is to take time for yourself to heal and seek counseling to sort through your feelings, or otherwise you might not be able to give the woman of your dreams or "the one" a fair shot at having your heart. I will never understand it, but some people need to have their cake and eat it too. I think the need to have a relationship plus something on the side is a psychological attention-seeking problem that lies within them. I hope this doesn't leave permanent scars on you. Good luck and I wish you the best!

[youareworthy]

Dear JBone1973,

 

What a terrible, terrible betrayal. This is infidelity on steroids! I agree that she has serious mental health issues. I am sorry about this, but given the scope of her promiscuity, you ought to have a complete STD screening.

 

I am very glad you discovered this before you two lived together, or worse, married. This would be far more complicated if you were linked legally and financially, and if you had had children together.

 

On one level, it must be a relief to know that you are not an insanely jealous person just imagining everything. And you have learned the extremely valuable lesson of trusting your gut. This lesson will carry you very far in the future.

 

It will take time and counseling to work through these trust issues to which not one, but three women have contributed. I am so sorry for the negative pattern that has taken shape. Your counselor will help you cope, and perhaps uncover any common threads between these relationships. You may be in some way attracted to unfaithful partners. I don't mean that their unfaithfulness is your fault. I just mean that you may be drawn to some characteristic that they all share.

 

I can assure you that many women never cheat on their partners. Do not believe the lie that no one is faithful.

 

Get a lot of sleep during this recovery period, eat really healthy foods, exercise, and limit your alcohol consumption. You will greatly strengthen your mental and physical health by taking excellent care of yourself at this point.

 

Bless you!

 

Youareworthy

[Hollyj]

"I am 41 and was previously married for 12 years and got divorced nearly three years ago. The break up was easy for me as we had just fallen out of love with each other and I never missed my wife at all. I thought I would remain single for years and didn't want to get into another relationship. I then met a girl a year ago and we were just seeing each other for a bit of fun an company. I found her so sexy and loved spending time with her but new I didn't want to be in a relationship as she is a handful. At the beginning she told me all about her sexual history. She had pre had various f**k buddies the year before, been sleeping with 20 year olds from well know sports teams, she had had threesomes and slept with loads of people I knew years ago. After she told me all this I just didn't want to be in a relationship with her but over time I have fell for her. In the first few months I finished it five times as I new she would cause me anxiety and worry. Each time she begged me to go back with her and I gave in. The first time I finished with her was because she had asked me to meet up with her and a male friend for a drink, this ended in her having a horrible argument with the guy that got very aggressive and nearly come to blows. I couldn't believe how aggressive she was and I finished it. She then text me fifty times a day telling me how much she wanted me and after about two weeks of constantly texting me I gave in and went back with her."

 

I'm sorry that this happened, BUT all the info was available to you. You knew who she was, yet you continued to move on with her.

 

The problem is not women, it the awful women YOU CHOOSE. You need to understand your patterns and why you are attracted to these types of people.

 

You are the common denominator!

[jbone1973]

I just text her and told her she's dead to me and never talk to me again. She wanted to talk and kept trying to call me. I just told her not to waste her breath as I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of her mouth I am so angry. At least I now know I had a reason not to trust her and I wasn't paranoid. Gutted it took me so long to work out. She really is poison.

[jbone1973]

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I've been stabbed through the hart. Think it would hurt less.

[Hollyj]

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I've been stabbed through the hart. Think it would hurt less.

 

 

You knew who she was from the beginning. You chose to involve yourself with someone who is not an appropriate partner.

 

If you continue see yourself as a victim, you will once again, choose the wrong woman. Learn from this.

[ParisPaulette]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Some people do things like that simply because they can. Hold your head high and understand you gave her a second chance and you are not the one who blew it. She did that.

 

I'm all for second chances, but now that you've done it and she continues to be who she is you need to understand there are no third lunches, maintain NC, heal and take the lessons learned here with you in life. Red flags are a very clear indicator of how people really are and someone loving and true just won't feel a need to do the things she did.

 

And one day you're going to understand that you'll be okay. My best to you and stay NC and don't respond again should she contact you. My guess is maybe you paid her way and she liked the money or maybe she just needs to feel like all men want her, whatever it is that's a very messed up and insane thing to do. Understand she isn't sane in this area, that she likely never will be without therapy and admitting to wrong doing, and stop all contact so you can heal and move on.

[dion333]

Hi everyone. If you have read any of my posts from the past you would kno that I have been in a relation ship for about 15 month which completely ruined me. It's so scared how the wrong person can completely wreck you life.

 

My x told how much she loved me everyday and sucked me in. She made me think I was crazy today for not trusting her. I have been so anxious I haven't slept properly for a year and have become quiet mentally I'll.

 

I split with her before Christmas and like always she spent the next month telling me how much she loved me and wanted me back. I though that maybe I could trust her. We got back together yesterday and today we were lying in bed and she was booking a holiday on my I Pad and she logged in with her Facebook account. Later in the day I opened Facebook and it was still open with her account. I could believe what I read. She had been flirting and sleeping with various guys and one guy she actually had a full on relationship with behind my back. He had been messaging her saying how she had been messing him about and making him anxious. She had been seeing him for months along with other guys. She really is poison. She made me go completely nuts making me feel it was me that i had jealousy problems. I can honestly say I have never been so angry in my life. She is the most manipulative person and a compulsive lier. I told her to never speak to me again. She is horrible. I'm just so glad I didn't move in with her. She was telling me she wanted to get married a few days ago.

 

I have blocked her deleted her number and will definitely never speak to her again. I feel horrible. Have this sick anxious feeling in my gut. Just hope I can recover from this. Can't understand how someone can beg you to be with them tell you they love you and then cheat. It doesn't make sense. My last two girlfriends have cheated on me and now I have no trust in woman at all.

 

sorry to hear this, but i would definitely always listen and rely on your gut

[tonstar89]

Damn dude that's intense, screw that. You did the right thing bouncing out, let me guess the last 3 women you dated all came onto you in the beginning and they were very charming with their presence?