Moving too fast leads to breaking up

[parkersoups]

The highlights: Brother introduced me to a girl about in early November, spent 2 weeks E-mailing and talking over the cells, spent the T-day break together, spent the next few weeks e-mailing and celling, spent the 3.5 weeks of xmas/semester break together, had the talk about me being here for one last semester (4 hours from Mpls/St. Paul) and she was onboard, she surprised me by coming out here for 3 days after I returned from the break, and than it started to fall apart.

 

She stated that we moved to fast, didn't establish a friendship and she needed her space. Hmmm, what was the 4-plus weeks talking establish and if we moved too fast why didn't she slow things down? Okay, my two conclusions and these are just my opinions:

 

1-I was a BF of connivance and she was along for the ride, never had any true feelings, if she did, they weren't enough to sustain "us."

 

2-She could not handle the distance and decided to end it as easily as she could

 

3-She is waiting to see if I end up with a job in the TC's and than she will pursue another relationship with me, which just tells me that she cannot handle difficult situations in relationships AND likes them to run as smoothly as possible. Heck, relationships are tough, but why make them any more difficult?

 

So, what do you think? Did we move too fast or was I option number three? Oh, she wants to do the friendship thing, but I personally find it difficult to move to a friendship state after being in an intimate relationship.

[MetallicAguy]

In this time period did you tell her everything about you? And yeah you did move too fast.

[parkersoups]

Yes, we told eachother a lot about ourselves. In my personal opinion, it is both parties fault at the amount of speed a relationship moves at. There were times when I wanted to slow it down and I was questioned as to there being anything wrong. So how, on one end, I can attempt to slow things down and be made to feel guilty about it, but than be dumped because of moving too fast? Where is the logic in that or is there no logic in being dumped?

[MetallicAguy]

Oh yeah and another thing, you flooded her with too much attention, this is pretty much the worst thing you can do when you first get into a relationship. You can't call her everyday and hang with her everyday or more than 2 times a week. My expierience with women is that if you do this they respond negatively (i.e. they don't want you to talk to them, you come by as annoying). So next time when your in a relationship with a girl, don't do this.

[MetallicAguy]

Well, if you want to see her again then don't call her as much even though it is tempting too; don't. Call her 2 times a week. Remember you want the girl to pursue you, not you pursuing her. And same thing goes for hanging out; 2 times a week. Things should flow better when you do this. If you haven't revealed everything about yourself. Show bit by bit or there will be no reason for her to be interested in you.

[parkersoups]

let me clarify a few things. The time we spent together was a mutual thing. It was not me calling her and asking if I could come over or her calling me and saying, "Hey, come on over." It was not a smoothering type of relationship. As for the phone calls and e-mails it was not an everyday thing.

[MetallicAguy]

I'm thinking that when you guys did talk you poured your heart out to her because you liked her a lot. Correct me if I'm wrong. And did she tell you everythign about herself?

[parkersoups]

Yes, it was pretty open very soon in the relationship.

[MetallicAguy]

Oh, that's why shes giving you all the bad signs...I guess you two both messed it up. It's ok everyone makes mistakes.

[hecka_bekah]

Perhaps you did move too quickly, but then again I'm sure most of us have made the same mistake as you have. Many of these situations end up very badly, leaving both partners very bitter.

 

However, it seems like you have acted very maturely in this situation. Most likely she appreciates your mature outlook, if not now sooner or later. So allow her to miss you and at the same time go about your own business.

 

Don't go out of your way to contact her. She's the one who ended it so I think it's in her place right now to make anything you both had work as a friendship. If and when you do speak with her it's good to "kill her with kindness". Be as accepting as you have been before and it may make her feel bad for not spending time getting to know someone with such a kind heart.

 

There's a chance she may not come back, but I think that there is also a good chance that she will miss you if you let her go, especially since it seems both of you didn't end on bad terms. Hope this had helped out a little bit! I'd like to know what happens

 

Rebekah