Overwhelmed

[Brokenheart99]

I don't know if this is the right forum for this topic but I think so, considering I broke up kinda recently.

 

Anyway, I felt like I was doing well, moving on, feeling settled, but today the sadness came back some. Which I know is normal, good days and bad days, it comes in waves etc.

 

Either way though, in general I find that when I am talking to someone/dating someone, if the convo starts progressing, they respond favorably and normally, I get so overwhelmed. It doesn't even have to be far in into dating, even the first week or first couple phone calls or meets. I don't know of a better word to describe it than that. It feels like this mini panic/anxiety attack and I just want to never hear from them(at least at that point). It's not just something that happens right now because I'm recovering from a break up, this happens allll the time with me, over the years. What is this overwhelmed feeling and why? It's not like I want them to ignore me and not love me because I definitely hate that more. I just don't know why it happens to me. Is it some deep rooted intimacy issue or something? What gives?

[reinventmyself]

I don't know if this is the right forum for this topic but I think so, considering I broke up kinda recently.

 

Anyway, I felt like I was doing well, moving on, feeling settled, but today the sadness came back some. Which I know is normal, good days and bad days, it comes in waves etc.

 

Either way though, in general I find that when I am talking to someone/dating someone, if the convo starts progressing, they respond favorably and normally, I get so overwhelmed. It doesn't even have to be far in into dating, even the first week or first couple phone calls or meets. I don't know of a better word to describe it than that. It feels like this mini panic/anxiety attack and I just want to never hear from them(at least at that point). It's not just something that happens right now because I'm recovering from a break up, this happens allll the time with me, over the years. What is this overwhelmed feeling and why? It's not like I want them to ignore me and not love me because I definitely hate that more. I just don't know why it happens to me. Is it some deep rooted intimacy issue or something? What gives?

 

A lot of good questions. Please pull yourself out of dating until you resolve some of these things.

You are clearly not ready to date and it's not fair to those who are.

How long since your breakup?

[Brokenheart99]

I mean my break up was like 6 months ago. But this isn't just happening now, this happens anytime I date.

[Ms Darcy]

So there are two concerns. One, is that you feel overwhelmed talking to someone new in a dating context. Two, is that you don't really have an understanding of why you feel this way.

 

I think there are a lot of ways we could speculate about this, but I honestly think this - as a long standing emotional issue - might be a bigger issue that you might need to unpack with a therapist. You are your best advocate and perhaps you need help understanding your feelings.

[catfeeder]

Yes, this isn't a problem just limited to how you feel, which of itself is a good enough reason to work with a therapist. The other problem is that it will have you behaving in ways that will screen out healthy guys and only encourage guys who want to pursue past it to win the prize.

 

Setting yourself us a prize means that once you're won, you're disposable or shelved. So then whatever mistreatment you've feared plays out and confirms for you why relationships are so scary for you.

 

That's why it's important to work with someone trained to help you get on solid ground before you attempt dating again. You'll thank yourself later.