SunshineHeart Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 we dated for 1.5 years and been friends for ages beforehand. during our friendship i had helped him through a tough depression because of uni work and stress and i started liking him towards the end but he was always very hot and cold towards me. ultimately he asked me out and it was going great for the majority of time. he moved out of state and told me continuously we would get married and we planned every little detail of it including kids names and how we would move in together soon too. however, out of the blue he said he stopped loving me but that he was falling for me again. he wanted to continue to go out as long as he had the chance to talk to other girls because otherwise i was the only girl in his life. i agreed and everything got better again. since it was LD i asked to message everyday and it was working great for like 6 months. then he suddenly started to ignore me, forget about messaging me and whenever i told him to message he would get angry. i wanted to leave on many MANY occasions because he was hurting me - he insulted me and brought up my past a lot - but he insisted i stayed by promising me a good future together. he used to invite girls to his house and go out late without telling me with girls. he would ignore me for days on end and not make any time for me, but made time for other girls. he called another girl hot to my face. one day, i told him i wasn't happy and he decided to use that to break up with me despite me trying my best to make it work for that whole time, with the false promises he gave me. i tried to get him back and he said he didn't want to talk again. i discovered that the 'hot' girl is with him and that was the primary reason for the break up so that doesn't feel great. he insulted me to my friends very very viciously too which really hurt me. did i make a mistake? do i deserve better? I feel like I'll never move on. My heart hurts everyday. I want to message him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dion333 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 we dated for 1.5 years and been friends for ages beforehand. during our friendship i had helped him through a tough depression because of uni work and stress and i started liking him towards the end but he was always very hot and cold towards me. ultimately he asked me out and it was going great for the majority of time. he moved out of state and told me continuously we would get married and we planned every little detail of it including kids names and how we would move in together soon too. however, out of the blue he said he stopped loving me but that he was falling for me again. he wanted to continue to go out as long as he had the chance to talk to other girls because otherwise i was the only girl in his life. i agreed and everything got better again. since it was LD i asked to message everyday and it was working great for like 6 months. then he suddenly started to ignore me, forget about messaging me and whenever i told him to message he would get angry. i wanted to leave on many MANY occasions because he was hurting me - he insulted me and brought up my past a lot - but he insisted i stayed by promising me a good future together. he used to invite girls to his house and go out late without telling me with girls. he would ignore me for days on end and not make any time for me, but made time for other girls. he called another girl hot to my face. one day, i told him i wasn't happy and he decided to use that to break up with me despite me trying my best to make it work for that whole time, with the false promises he gave me. i tried to get him back and he said he didn't want to talk again. i discovered that the 'hot' girl is with him and that was the primary reason for the break up so that doesn't feel great. he insulted me to my friends very very viciously too which really hurt me. did i make a mistake? do i deserve better? I feel like I'll never move on. My heart hurts everyday. I want to message him DO YOU DESERVE BETTER!? Do you really need to even ask that!? a resounding YESSS!! He has treated you like something you wipe from the bottom of your shoe. Good riddance to him. These types of people who have this trait of hot and cold affection, can be very damaging to your mental health. Think of this as a beautiful opportunity to heal , grow and fly. Hugs and good luck The lyrics of this song reminds me a bit of a girl in your situation : '‘ And we're in the same bar where you slammed down your hand and said Danny, I’m in love with him, ... no you’re not, your just a sucker for the ones that use you and it doesn’t matter what i say or do, the jerks going to have his way with you..and if you take him back i’m gonna lose my nerve And you thought you could change his mind by changing your perfume to the kind his lovers wore oh god why? You are the impossible princess of denial and after all this time you are non the wiser’..and if you take him back i’m gonna lose my nerve’ ' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 DO YOU DESERVE BETTER!? Do you really need to even ask that!? a resounding YESSS!! He has treated you like something you wipe from the bottom of your shoe. Good riddance to him. These types of people who have this trait of hot and cold affection, can be very damaging to your mental health. Think of this as a beautiful opportunity to heal , grow and fly. Hugs and good luck The lyrics of this song reminds me a bit of a girl in your situation : '‘ And we're in the same bar where you slammed down your hand and said Danny, I’m in love with him, ... no you’re not, your just a sucker for the ones that use you and it doesn’t matter what i say or do, the jerks going to have his way with you..and if you take him back i’m gonna lose my nerve And you thought you could change his mind by changing your perfume to the kind his lovers wore oh god why? You are the impossible princess of denial and after all this time you are non the wiser’..and if you take him back i’m gonna lose my nerve’ ' thank you that means a lot. I'm finding it hard to get over the fact that he's with someone. like imagining him being romantic with her is hurting me. do you have any tips? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dion333 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 thank you that means a lot. I'm finding it hard to get over the fact that he's with someone. like imagining him being romantic with her is hurting me. do you have any tips? welcome yes, that is alot of pain. i hate that type of thinking it will subside eventually, just remember that. That alone will help. A month from now you will feel less pain Do you meditate-it really calms the emotions and mind? Write your painful thoughts down and throw them away? make yourself a better person in whatever way you can(eg diet, fitness, career, hobbies, new social life, etc) and you will feel your strength rise slowly. Don't let him back in. That's the biggest gift to give to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbbcoop77 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Dwelling on your ex with a new partner is horrible. I'm not sure there's a way around it, just "through" it. Cry it out when you need to. Over time it ebbs. Also staying busy and focused on other tasks helps. Exercise helped me tremendously. Just don't get in the trap of laying in bed all weekend, Force yourself up, once you're moving it does help. Just hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 Dwelling on your ex with a new partner is horrible. I'm not sure there's a way around it, just "through" it. Cry it out when you need to. Over time it ebbs. Also staying busy and focused on other tasks helps. Exercise helped me tremendously. Just don't get in the trap of laying in bed all weekend, Force yourself up, once you're moving it does help. Just hang in there! I want to talk to him so badly even though I'm doing well with no contact. Amy advice to stop me? I've had enough of feeling bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hls923 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 There are forums here where you can post whatever you want to say to your ex. It helps to write it out and hit send!!! Just DONT send it to him/her!!! Good luck!! Not going to lie to you, NC is hard and it sucks!!!!! But it has to be done..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 There are forums here where you can post whatever you want to say to your ex. It helps to write it out and hit send!!! Just DONT send it to him/her!!! Good luck!! Not going to lie to you, NC is hard and it sucks!!!!! But it has to be done..... I really feel like I'm not progressing at all and it feels really bad. I keep thiking of him. Does anyone have amy tips Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbbcoop77 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 The biggest tip I can give is know how awful you WILL feel after you talk to him. It's like a drug addict taking another hit or shot. Feels great and then crash and burn. I did that for so many months it was a colossal waste of healing time. I broke NC many times until I finally realized I was just hurting myself. I know how bad it hurts. Focus on how bad he made you feel. Write it all down..all his faults and how awful he treated you. When u have the urge to contact him..read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 The biggest tip I can give is know how awful you WILL feel after you talk to him. It's like a drug addict taking another hit or shot. Feels great and then crash and burn. I did that for so many months it was a colossal waste of healing time. I broke NC many times until I finally realized I was just hurting myself. I know how bad it hurts. Focus on how bad he made you feel. Write it all down..all his faults and how awful he treated you. When u have the urge to contact him..read it. thats a great point thank you.is it normal for me to feel this bad? i mean, he treated me terribly and cheated but i still love him. i wouldnt take him back but what hurts the most is that he will probably treat a girl who he loves well, but that wasn't me. all i remember is the good times we had together and not the bad. i still can't believe he replaced me immediately like that. any advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 thats a great point thank you.is it normal for me to feel this bad? i mean, he treated me terribly and cheated but i still love him. i wouldnt take him back but what hurts the most is that he will probably treat a girl who he loves well, but that wasn't me. all i remember is the good times we had together and not the bad. i still can't believe he replaced me immediately like that. any advice? to be honest, all i want is to feel respect again. basically i left him but i cried to him a lot and i asked for him back and he said no. and i tried to maintain contact but i came across as desperate. how do i get my dignity back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbbcoop77 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 You won't get your dignity back by contacting him. He can't give you your dignity back. You get it back by holding your head high, stop all contact with him, work on healing and doing things that make you happy. By being the best version of yourself. Set some goals and work toward them. This also makes you more attractive and will attract someone who WANTS to be with you and treat you like you deserve to be treated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 You won't get your dignity back by contacting him. He can't give you your dignity back. You get it back by holding your head high, stop all contact with him, work on healing and doing things that make you happy. By being the best version of yourself. Set some goals and work toward them. This also makes you more attractive and will attract someone who WANTS to be with you and treat you like you deserve to be treated. All of this really stems from a fear that I won't be loved romantically again or I'll mever find love again. I know it's a naive way of thinking - he was my first love - I'm just scared that i won't feel this way about anyone again. Is it possible to love again given time and maturity? I'm interested to know if anyone felt completely lost after a break up and them went on to find a truer love than before? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 i know its bad to be hung up on the words he said. he promised me everything i ever wanted romantically but he would never act on those things because the time was never right. how do i stop getting hung up on the words he said. I'm scared no one will say those to me again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alc16 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Actions speak louder then words. What were his actions? Lying to you, going out with girls, more then likely sleeping with them? Telling them the same things? Do not contact him and find a hobby to keep you busy outside of work/school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 Actions speak louder then words. What were his actions? Lying to you, going out with girls, more then likely sleeping with them? Telling them the same things? Do not contact him and find a hobby to keep you busy outside of work/school. i always put him on a pedestal. my mind knows what he did was so wrong but i just want hope in finding someone new. what do you think. are there better guys out there? any stories of love after heartbreak? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 i always put him on a pedestal. my mind knows what he did was so wrong but i just want hope in finding someone new. what do you think. are there better guys out there? any stories of love after heartbreak? To be honest I feel like ke completely devalued me as a person because he did all these things behind my back. I feel bad because I know if he were to love a girl properly maybe when he's more mature, he'll treat her amazingly, the way I want to be treated. I'm scared I'll never find someone who treated me as well as he did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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