Striker0602 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Ok so here is the situation. Met a wonderful girl, through Tinder no less. Mother of 3, divorced, and 29 smart, funny, pretty and looking for the same thing I am. I am 30. We have been on 2 dates over about 10 days. She calls me every night before she goes to bed, and often before work early in the morning. Needless to say things are progressing well, even if fast. Our conversations lately are starting to make that turn where you really begin to know someone, but really haven't completely gotten there yet. Yesterday her mom had a mammogram and has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She called me last night after being relatively quiet all day to reassure me that she was not ignoring me, and that her mom, who she is very close to, had been diagnosed. I, of course, offered my condolences and told her that I was there for her for literally anything she needs. Today, after 2 text messages all day, I am at a loss for what to do. I want to be supportive, but I dont know her that well. I also want her to know that I am not in any way concerned over our lack of contact, we all have to deal with tragedy and I am not worried about whether or not I get to see her anytime soon, as much as the well being of her and her family. I just dont know how to be supportive with someone I essentially dont even begin to intimately know, but would really like to. There are a thousand ways people deal with issues like this, and I am a textbook overthinker. She knows I am here for her, but how often do I contact her? looking for some advice here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 What was her mother staged? Breast cancer is very survivable, if caught in earlier stages. I lost my brother to cancer, and the best thing to do is listen and show concern. I think it is commendable that you are showing concern, but you are right, you don't know this woman very well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Striker0602 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 What was her mother staged? Breast cancer is very survivable, if caught in earlier stages. I lost my brother to cancer, and the best thing to do is listen and show concern. I think it is commendable that you are showing concern, but you are right, you don't know this woman very well. Sorry i forgot to mention that. When i asked what stage, she choked up and said she didnt want to discuss it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youareworthy Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 I, of course, offered my condolences and told her that I was there for her for literally anything she needs. Today, after 2 text messages all day, I am at a loss for what to do. I want to be supportive, but I dont know her that well. I also want her to know that I am not in any way concerned over our lack of contact, we all have to deal with tragedy and I am not worried about whether or not I get to see her anytime soon, as much as the well being of her and her family. I just dont know how to be supportive with someone I essentially dont even begin to intimately know, but would really like to. There are a thousand ways people deal with issues like this, and I am a textbook overthinker. She knows I am here for her, but how often do I contact her? looking for some advice here! Dear Striker, What a sweet guy. She is lucky to have you around. (Notice that this "Sample answer" is made up of mostly your words. You are a good writer!) Here's what you could say: "I am here for you. I'll help you in any way you need. You probably wish to focus on your mom and other family members, so I won't be at all concerned if you need to spend less time talking, texting or seeing me right now. Though I look forward to seeing you whenever you wish, at this point I want to make sure I don't interfere with your time with them. How often would you like to hear from me? Perhaps I could text you every three days or so to check in? I will tailor my contact to your needs and wishes. Please know that I am thinking of all of you each day. Is there anything practical I can do? Bring meals, bring groceries, do laundry, fix anything, or simply listen while you vent? Best, Striker" Whatever you do write to her will be great, because your post to us is terrific. It shows a beautiful heart. Youareworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Sorry i forgot to mention that. When i asked what stage, she choked up and said she didnt want to discuss it. I see. You sound like a great guy. You sound patient and understanding, and so you know that they will have to have to time to digest this news, and figure out ways to challenge it. Be there for her, when she needs it. It means more than you can imagine. It's a scary time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 You are in a challenging situation. It's someone you just met, you are not really in a relationship. Although it might seem intuitive and kind to offer to help, I'm not so sure that is a good idea. You're not a boyfriend, family member or friend. So don't try to act like that. I'm not suggesting aloofness and coldness. When you are in contact be empathetic and supporting. But only in so much as is appropriate for a near stranger, which is what you are. I would contact her very little, if at all. You are not the priority here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youareworthy Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Sportster, you make some excellent points. Youareworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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