SunshineHeart Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 We were together 1.5 years, friends for 4 years before. he was very needy at first and always loved me more than i did. i had helped him get through a severe depression. one day completely randomly - he even said it was sudden - he said he stopped loving me and became very cold and told me he wanted to stay together as long as he can hang with other girls. He knew my weakness was marriage and he'd promised me it for a longtime even till the last few days. He promised me that after falling out of love with me for no reason that he was falling for me again and he told me to stay even though he was making no effort for me at all. He told me kids names and marriage venues and how we should move in together soon. He did other things though that were upsetting me, he invited girls to his house amd he would not message for days or ask how I was. He was very selfish and didn't make time for me at all and spent late nights out with girls and guys without telling me. for the last 6 months i was very depressed about it because i was pretty much alone and he only talked to me about himself. so one day, even though i was very scared of telling him my opinion, i told him I was unhappy that he didn't seem as into the relationship as me so he told me he doesn't love me at all. i feel like he used me to get back on his feet after the depression and after, i was no use. He led me on for the 6 months saying we'd be together forever. It's been 4 months. 3 month NC. he insulted me a lot to my friends and he used to insult me during my time with him which made me cry - i used to want to leave but he'd promise me marriage so id stay. I'm Still heartbroken because he led me on for so long and i was attached. i even tried getting back together with him but he said never. How do I move on? do i actually deserve better? i feel like i won't find someone who treated me as well as he did at the start. ps. i logged onto my twitter and an update came that showed that a girl had said lots of love to him. i feel completely dejected Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 The one thing that stands out to me and I think was a mistake on your part is that you let yourself be guided by his words, and not his actions. None of his words matched his actions, it was all empty promises meant to keep you hooked. People can say lots of stuff, that you always have to take with a grain of salt and only believe when you see that they are backed up by actions. This guy didn't treat you well, despite the fact that you tried your best to help him and were there for him in dark times. Unfortunately, this is life: you can choose to be there for someone and help them, but with the understanding that your efforts may or may not be reciprocated. Oftentimes people will take your help, but will never return the favor. He did exhibit lots of red flags, that you should have listened to and that should have had you running for the hills. You're only human, and like every human who truly likes someone, chose to ignore them, or even if you saw them, you chose to stick around and hoped something would change, if the guy saw how much you cared about him. It rarely turns out that way though. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. And never, ever let a guy insult you, make you sad and cry on a regular basis, ignore you, cheat on you, and generally disrespect you. I suggest you sit down, do some thinking and decide upon a set of boundaries for yourself, that you will apply going forward. Think of a few deal breakers (such as the ones I mentioned above), and promise yourself to never put up with any of them again, and to run as soon as one or more of them pop up. Stick to these deal breakers, and you'll start having much happier relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 you're completely right. i just feel so upset that he might be with this girl now that he denied anything to do whilst we were together. i don't know why i love him still but it still hurts a lot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 you're completely right. i just feel so upset that he might be with this girl now that he denied anything to do whilst we were together. i don't know why i love him still but it still hurts a lot Of course it hurts, how could it not? But don't think for a second that everything will be only milk and honey with them (if they are indeed together). He treated you poorly not because of you as a person, but because this is his character. Therefore, he will be just the same with any woman he's with, once the honeymoon period is over. Don't take it personal (I know it's easier said than done!), it's not a reflection on you, it's him that was the problem. That girl won't be any happier than you were. Plus, they may not even be together! Thinking about this will only poison your days, and make you feel anxious and upset. Think of what happened as a bullet dodged even if you still love him, sometimes we can't help but have feelings for people we know aren't good for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 do you think there is hope in finding someone who is better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 do you think there is hope in finding someone who is better Of course! Not only hope, but extremely likely. Keep your head high and everything will work out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 I found out that he's with a new girl. The one he was flirting with and talking to whilst we were together. I feel completely rejected and replaced. This hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate18 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 hi stapler123 .. My ex left me for someone else, we're together for 10 years and 6 mos. She denied everything and told me that she just wanted to focus in her work.. 2 months later I found out that they are together.. She says bad things about me to her friends.. Posted pictures of them together online.. That was 3 years ago, now she's with someone new, her 3rd relationship since we broke up.. Her new relationship is much intense compared to those two and I honestly feel that this new person in her life is THE ONE. If there is one thing that I considered my MISTAKE, that is hoping that oneday she'll realize how much I love her.. Because the truth is, she knows..she just never wanted to be with me anymore. It's been 3 years, I paused my life for her.. Don't do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbbcoop77 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 hi stapler123 .. My ex left me for someone else, we're together for 10 years and 6 mos. She denied everything and told me that she just wanted to focus in her work.. 2 months later I found out that they are together.. She says bad things about me to her friends.. Posted pictures of them together online.. That was 3 years ago, now she's with someone new, her 3rd relationship since we broke up.. Her new relationship is much intense compared to those two and I honestly feel that this new person in her life is THE ONE. If there is one thing that I considered my MISTAKE, that is hoping that oneday she'll realize how much I love her.. Because the truth is, she knows..she just never wanted to be with me anymore. It's been 3 years, I paused my life for her.. Don't do the same. Great advice! Take time to heal but don't stay stuck "waiting"' for them to return. It's rare for them to come back and rarer still for it to work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 i really dont want to be with him again. he hurt me beyond belief. but ive been having really low days like today and i cant seem to get him out of my head. what do i do? is therapy any good, does it speed up healing? i think i feel good when i know how bad he was to me and how lucky i was to get away from him, but i need to be reminded of the bad. can anyone help me out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alc16 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Being reminded of the bad isn't going to help. Time is the only thing that helps. When you think about him, try to push him out of your head, think about something else. I would write grocery lists, to-do lists or whatever if I had a pen handy. Plan a good night with friends, go volunteer at your local shelter.. Do something productive other then sit and think about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 i have work but even when im working i think of him. its tiring and im sick of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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