Starting over, just in time for 2016

[alc16]

I realized there was a journal section after a stupid thread I posted turn into chaos so now I will vent in this section instead.

 

Long story short, 3 years with a drunk abusive liar is over.

 

We broke up in the 3rd week of November, and he was due to move out by February 1st. Yesterday he informed me he would be moving out this weekend.

 

I'm so happy its over, and I'm so happy he will not be staying until February. But I'm still so angry at him, I'm so humiliated. He humiliated me at every turn, everyone thinks I'm such a horrible person because he puts on such a good show for others. Its going to be weird for him to be gone, but I know its for the best and I know I will be happier.. Maybe not initially, but you can't help how you feel sometimes. I have been trying to keep myself occupied with friends, the dog and picking up the things I need for the apartment when he leaves.

 

I have the colors picked out for the bedroom, I picked up a very nice bed frame, got a new mattress and night stands.. New dishes, pots and pans and some towels. I know even with changing things and replacing things doesn't mean all the memories will go away, but it will feel more like mine then ours.

 

Hopefully he is out by Sunday so I can spend the day cleaning and painting my room, getting it all situated for the beginning of my new life.

[alc16]

He is moving up the street.. Literally like 15 houses down the street. Ugh.

 

And my new years day is going to be interesting.. He thinks he is staying until Sunday, when he is off work, has the key to the apartment and has for days.. So I'm putting his in the porch, and in his rust bucket car in the driveway.. He claims he is calling the cops if I do so, the cops are going to laugh at him and tell him to grow up.

[alc16]

I have accomplished so much.. I'm so happy with the way things have been turning out. I even got a raise yesterday! I still have a decent size to do list but everything is getting there. I was sick last night, so I didn't get anything done.. I think I will finish the kitchen on the weekend when I have more time.. I will touch up the bedroom tonight, clean up and organize some things..

 

I thought I missed J at first, but I realized I just missed the company. How could I miss someone I basically despised? I wanted to be around him when he wasn't there, but when I was around him I was miserable.. L will soon be moving in and it wont be as quiet.. J was always so jealous of L.. Well, he was jealous of everyone I spoke to. I never gave him a reason to feel that way, and he told me I was a "cold b***h" for telling him it was his own insecurities..

 

I'm excited for this new chapter in my life, so far so good.. I'm thinking drinks are in order this weekend, I love not answering to anyone.. Oh how I missed this..

[alc16]

Well, a friend discovered J on a dating site friday.. I didn't pay much attention to it, laughed a little bit. Well, an hour later he decided to text me about how much he missed me. I replied, shouldn't have but I did.. Just to let him know I knew and he could stop texting me his bullsh**.

 

He still has yet to come get the last of his belongings.. When he only lives up the street.. I will be sending him one last text tonight to come get it or I'm throwing it out. He has had a month, its getting pathetic.

 

I'm sure when I tell him I'm throwing it out he will try to start a fight.. But I just need to remember we aren't together anymore, I don't need to fight.. Just laugh at him.

 

L is moving in this weekend or next week, so I have to finish painting the trim in the spare room tonight. Unfortunately I can't afford the supplies to finish the kitchen for another couple weeks, but it definitely looks way better then it did.

[alc16]

I have been having such a hard time at work recently.. I went to school to build a career, but be in a dead end job babysitting stupid people.

 

G keeps showing up to fight with A, and B seems to think babysitting is my job. You can't count money? How did you get a job handling money? I have other things to do.. Stop harassing A because he wants a job done, that is his right as a boss.. G - You are NOT doing your job and it is falling on the rest of us. For god sakes you showed up today on your day off, waiting for him to come to harass him.. Dramatic BS all the time.

 

Calling for correspondence monday, hopefully I can get my grade 12 quick and get to PLT, I know I have a job waiting just need that stupid slip.. Its not in my trade, but way better money, benefits, union.. Yes please.

[alc16]

So I decided to join a dating site, just for friends. I'm lacking in that department and I've been feeling sort of alone lately because my schedule and my friends can be quiet different the majority of the time.

 

I keep my pictures private.. I have always had a hard time putting myself out there. Someone without a picture messaged me, and we got talking... Turns out I know him, and he was actually fixing some things at my work last week, and I also worked with him years ago. He confessed he had always thought about asking me to hang out but never got up the courage. I don't think he is really the serious type of guy, and I am completely fine with that as I want nothing of the sort. Plus, wow hes hot. Years ago driving him to work that is all I could think about.

[alc16]

Feeling alot better, rarely get the feeling of loneliness. Catching up with old friends and been having some good times. Finally got a kitchen table last night.. Yay, except its bar height and I need more chairs for poker this weekend.. Wow, bar stools are expensive but it will be worth the party.

 

J text me last night apologizing for not being able to come get the rest of his stuff because he didn't have a ride.. He lives up the street. I was quite rude as I am sick of the excuses.. Nevermind his new girlfriend drives and is always there. She can't drive him up the street? Really.. F**king lazy moron. He has my god damn house keys and I'm getting really mad. I told him to come get it this week or I'm throwing it out and sending the cops for my keys.

 

Then he tried to be a victim and question why we can't talk like mature adults.. I explained to him I'm sick of the excuses and his pathetic laziness.

I could tell by the text he was hoping I would be friendly with him.. I thought I made it clear I was done with his sh*t, we weren't going to be friends and I am content without him but apparently not.

He always seems to reappear after someone posts a picture of me on social media having a good time.. He has never got the kind of response he was looking for so I'm not sure why he still tries.

[alc16]

For a few weeks I've had the urge to smoke some weed. I used to smoke alot, but rarely did for the past maybe 4 years. Once in awhile with the same couple friends who somehow knew how to get me to do it.

 

So I splurged last night and bought myself a nice bong.. Wow, I haven't spent money smoking accessories in like 8 years, and I can't remember the last time I picked up weed for myself.

 

I busted a bit up and ended up with 3 bowls, and wow.. I realized shortly after the second one how much I missed it. I may have splurged on a nice bong, but turns out its going to be well used.

[alc16]

Well.. J dropped off my keys and saw the bong on the table.. Lost his mind because I would never smoke weed with him..

 

But now I have my keys and he has his stuff, so finally no more pointless arguments with a brick wall.

 

Having a get together tomorrow night then heading out to the bar.. Feels good. I replaced all the light switch/plug covers last night and it looks so much better.. It is crazy how the little things make such a difference. I have to fix my bed, touch up the kitchen and paint the bathroom tonight.. Then I will clean the rest of the place tomorrow.

 

I also have an issue though.. I have an old friend that needs a room to rent, I don't really want to rent to her.. Shes nice, but she has some issues and I feel for her. Her mother just passed about a month ago, and her ex is a complete tool. I know she would pay her rent and keep up her end of the housework, etc.. But she is just too much for me to handle. She is high strung, and not overly smart.. And she is always taking things the wrong way and getting mouthy with people. She invited me to an event on facebook, supposed to be a girls night to go out to the bar tomorrow night. I declined, I didn't have plans I just didn't want to go. Well, now I have plans to go to the same bar tomorrow night and now I have to deal with this all at once.. I know I will see her, small bar, small town. Ugh.. I'm not looking forward to this.

 

I can honestly say I'm happy now.. Things could be better, but they could be a whole lot worse. I'm healing well.. I've seen J with another woman, and yeah my heart sank but I was fine within a couple days. I am enjoying my life, I'm not stressed.. Notta. I have noticed I am not eating as much, I can only assume I was eating so much due to stress.. So I'm hoping that will help with my weight loss journey.. I would love to fit into some of my old clothes, and it would make me feel a lot better about myself.

 

I'm so happy 2016 has started off well..

[alc16]

I had a sorta lonely weekend.. Watched the fights Saturday with a couple people..

 

Had an invite to go see a band, but I'm having a really hard time putting myself out there. I feel like I have lost all ability to interact with people.. Someone texts me something I don't know how to reply to I overthink it and never end up replying.. It is starting to get frustrating. Maybe deep down I'm scared of catching feelings? Or having to shut someone down that develops feelings for me..

 

I don't know. I just know I need a better job and to reconnect with some old friends. I'll head over to see K tonight, its been over a month and I feel terrible but our schedules are so different. Ugh.

[alc16]

I made a huge mistake and now I'm dealing with the consequences.. It hurts.. I don't know what to do.. I can't be friends with him right now, I can't watch him go through this. I also know I'm not something that can thrown in a box and dusted off when it doesn't work. I'm embarrassed, I'm a fool.. And now it is known.

[alc16]

I can't believe we were so stupid.. We screwed everything up. I haven't been sleeping because when I do I dream about it all.. My imagination is out of control.

[alc16]

We are stuck in what seems to be an infinite loop of stupidity. Thankfully I learned how to walk away from the situation like last time with minimal effect. I don't think he will though..

 

Next step is trying to figure out where this is going, and if its ever going to get out of this loop. Yeah.. Could see myself with him.. But months from now when things settle down and he gets his life together.

 

Just going with the flow at this point.

[alc16]

Wow.. What a year. Ups and downs all over the place. Things are finally starting to look up. Can happily say I have met up with someone from my past and we have been together officially for a couple months. The two of us have been through so much this year, including together that there was no honeymoon faze. Its just us, as we are, and always have been. Hopefully 2017 will be a better year for everyone..