She feels we are just friends

[oereich]

Hi,

So I have been dating my recently ex-gf for about 2.5yrs (we're 24). We broke up twice before due to external issues that were resolved (the last time in January) and were apart for about a month each time. This time around, I felt everything was going amazingly, much better than our previous tries. She has been in chronic depression since I know her and it is sometimes hard to deal with (the deeper reason I believe we broke up each time). Anyways, this time around she told me she feels like it is a cycle with us where we go well for a while and something goes wrong. And this time, it was just that she felt I was more of a friend than a boyfriend, she didn't feel like a real couple anymore. She feels stupid about it because on paper I am amazing and we should be great together (which up until a month ago we were...) but she just doesn't love me anymore. I am just "not the one".

 

I don't know if 2.5yrs is considered a long relationship, but we were also best friends for many years before we dated and so it feels much longer. We were talking about her moving in with me next summer and spoke a lot about our future together and how we wanted the same things. All our friends thought of us as that couple that they are jealous of because we sort of just work together and get along great. She has told me when we now broke up that she wants to be friends but I can take my time if I need. She is ready to move on and start dating, and just doing whatever she wants to do (no long-term relationship though). Her bestfriend, who she talks to all the time, messaged me to tell me she is probably more shocked than I am about all this and really did not see this coming. I will note that before me, she dated a guy for 5.5years and wanted to live the single life a bit after they broke up and have some freedom until she sorta basically just fell for me and we started dating.

 

I still love her so much and after a lot of dating, thought I found "the one". A girlfriend who is actually my best friend. It really seems as though she is over me, and I am trying to move on but a small part of me is holding back not wanting to lose her.

 

I feel I just need to move on and let her live her single life for her to experience it first hand and see what she is missing/or not missing out on. I'm just wondering I guess if anyone can help me understand what happened in the past month when sex disappeared completely and general intimacy. She started taking anti-depressants at that time which is supposed to reduce/kill her libido but she insists that, even though she thought it was that at the beginning, she realized it wasn't that now and it was just that she didn't love me anymore. I don't want to lose her completely...

 

I guess I'm trying to understand what happened and what I can do now going forward...

 

Thanks a lot.

 

PS I know many people might say you broke up three times now, it's probably time to let go but I really think that without her mental instability, we would be great. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated.

[mhowe]

It is likely a combination of the anti depressants as well as her own issues. And since you have broken up twice....then get back together and it feels new again...she likes the "high" of new beginnings.

 

Seriously...do you want this cycle to continue for the rest of your life. Let her be single. But cut the chord. Don't stand in the wings waiting, and don't take the role of emotional crutch where she gets your friendship but doesn't share any intimacy.

 

Accept her decision and disappear from her life.

[DoF]

but she just doesn't love me anymore. I am just "not the one".

 

Really can't get past this statement right there.

 

It's over. Cut your losses, accept it's done and go NO CONTACT for 3-6 months and heal/recover. And no, there will be no friendship.....can't be friends with Ex or people you are attracted to

 

Leave her where she belongs, in the past. There is no winning her love back, there is NOTHING you can do to make her love you again.

 

You DO NOT want to be with a person that doesn't love you. As simple as that.

[Dottieflanogon]

This sounds like the classic case of GIGS and So, she may feel that she needs to go out and explore. But, that is not fair to you. Go NC, you'll only get hurt in the process if you wait around in the back ground You need to tell her that you have to cut all contact with her in order for you to heal and move on. During the next month, have fun. Go out with friends. Do normal things that you might do if you're single. Make sure that you take this time, whether a breakup or a break, to re-establish your own identity.

[overthemoon86]

Hi,

 

PS I know many people might say you broke up three times now, it's probably time to let go but I really think that without her mental instability, we would be great. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

I just skipped to the last part. You said without her mental instability, you would be great. That's like saying "I can drive on this road without the giant tree laying across it." Either way you can't drive on the road. And you shouldn't be with her if she is having issues. It won't work.

[SeanCages]

Hi,

PS I know many people might say you broke up three times now, it's probably time to let go but I really think that without her mental instability, we would be great. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

Also picking up on this one.

It's exactly like the dude before me said.

 

I'm pretty sure me and my ex would be a great couple once we both had jobs and security, but that's just not what life is right at this moment. So, we don't fit. It's simple really, live your life in the moment, not in a possible future or in an alternate universe.

[oereich]

Thanks for all the replies. I guess I just don't want to admit to myself what I actually need to do... Will work on it definitely!