jbone1973 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Ok so it's hard to describe my problems as I'm not sure if it's me being a jealous or that my girlfriend does stuff to make me worry. I'm 41 and was married for 12 years and never felt any jealousy or issue but it ended about three years ago. Just over a year ago. I met my current girlfriend and early on in the relation ship we had allot of issues. I broke up with her after about three months due to a massive argument she had with a guy when she was drunk which nearly come to blows and got very physical. She then spent two weeks trying to get me back by bombarding me with texts saying how much she loved me. A month later after we got back together I found that she had slept with someone in the two weeks we had split up and ever since then I get massive anxiety every time I think about her. She also told me to much in the beginning about how she had f**k buddies and parties and how she used to try and sleep with young guys and as she is so attractive didn't have any problem getting it. She also had threesomes. I also caught an STD from her. Since then she has been different and has not cheated as far as I'm away and tries here hardest but I have finished it with her at least 10 times in a year because she causes me massive amounts of anxiety. I'm really trying to sort my stress levels out because I love her and do want to be with her but for some reason thinking about her just makes me spiral into a stressed out mess and I always end up thinking negative things about her. For no reason and find any reason to finish it. I do love her and miss her like crazy when I'm not with her but being with her isn't easy either. Every time I finish with her she finds ways to get into my head making me seem unreasonable and feel guilty and eventually I try again. I am also uncomfortable about how much she likes to drink and party and when she goes out with friends she's never home until at least four in the morning. We split up recently and got back together a week ago because she was telling me how much she was upset and missing me. I then found out she had been to an all night rave the night before and didn't get back until 9 in the morning which is not something all 36 year old mums do I'm sure. It's stuff like that that makes me worry. Not sure what she sees in me tbh as she's stunning and could have any one. I would love to know if anyone else has been in a position like this before and if any one has managed to get over there anxiety and worry about a partner. I would love it if I could stop feeling anxious about her but I'm not sure it's possible. Any advise would be appreciated. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dias Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Does she have a job? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theniceone Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Same issue and you are still wondering what to do? you are simply not compatible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 She isn't going to change her ways. You can't make her change because this is who she is. Stop contact with her completely and, because you're too addicted to her to have the strength to just ignore her, I suggest you block and delete her on all ways that she could possibly contact you. You need to rehab from the addiction of her being in your life and you can only accomplish that through cold turkey withdrawl. You are with the WRONG person if they consistently make you feel anxiety and angst. Love is calm and peaceful and comfortable. What you have with her is not love but rather codependent addiction. Get professional help in getting over her if you can't do it alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennylove Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Love doesn't cause anxiety. Also, a person in love doesn't do the things she continues to do. She doesn't love you, she just misses the attention when you leave. She needs her ego stroked constantly. She has issues, getting involved with her is a liability to you, especially if she gets pregnant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 You must have a big masochistic streak to continue having anything to do with this woman. She makes you crazy and causes you stress and you keep coming back for more. She doesnt love you, she's an attention wh ore. Smarten up, block her in every way, and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm not sure how I can know she doesn't love me. She says all the right things and wanted me to move in with her. I have to admit I always think the problem is more to do with me being insecure than her doing anything wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm not sure how I can know she doesn't love me. She says all the right things and wanted me to move in with her. I have to admit I always think the problem is more to do with me being insecure than her doing anything wrong Its her actions that tell you the actual truth... You can't trust the words when the actions don't match up. Besides: Love is not the only reason you should stay with someone. You have to be able to tolerate them and be in sync with each others personal and romantic boundaries, be able to trust and rely upon. Love is never enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Love shouldn't hurt. Your woman is getting payback with someone she can go home to and so doesn't have to do the enevitable "lonely" times of a swinging lifestyle. As long as she can hold on to you, she has it all.That sounds like torture for the soul ,this won't change, and you will waste your time trying to change her.Dump her for good once and of all, use your time to recover yourself from this terrible mess, and then find someone who's more suitable for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 You caught an STD from her. What else is there to say. And people who have actions that belie their words will often push to move in with you, so they don't have to do the hard work of putting a roof over their own heads. Sorry, she's using you and yes please use protection. You need to start questioning why you want so badly for all this to work, not whether or not what she's saying is true. Given her past history plus the STD AND all of the other things you list it's a total head scratcher why you even stay to begin with. She must be a total knockout, so you're willing to overlook everything just because of how she looks. And words don't mean crap if they aren't backed up by actions. Her actions say she doesn't love you, just the drama and the (hopefully) free room and board coming up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 After the drunk argument she had with another guy I would be out of there. My last ex was like that. It was just never ending drama and I never had mistrust like I did with her. That's exhausting, man. Do you believe that there is a girl out there that you won't have these anxiety and trust issues with? Cause compared to her there DEFINITELY is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 this is sad. You're right, you're insecurity is a problem--it keeps you involved with someone who any reasonably self respecting person would walk away from. If you want to live a life of walking on eggshells around an unstable propeller blade, then you've certainly signed on for that. So what do you believe is there to feel 'secure' about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I'm not sure how I can know she doesn't love me. She says all the right things and wanted me to move in with her. I have to admit I always think the problem is more to do with me being insecure than her doing anything wrong You have likely broken up for more time than you have been together. You like the drama. She is a party girl and has no plans to stop. Your break ups are not binding, so she can go sleep with anyone she feels like and knows she will get you back with some lame words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Thanks you. I have decided that if we spit again I'm going to block all contact. The soft approach doesn't work and she knows how to pull my strings and get me back. I'm go a give it until after Christmas at least as last Christmas was totally ruined due to a break up with her. I. Go a try and not get jealous when she goes out but if I can't stop worrying then it's going to have to end. Christmas will be a good test as a she will be going out loads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 I agree with you about her needing attention. She broke up with her x husband because he ended up mentally ill after 12 years of him not trusting her although she said she never cheated. I think after her marriage ending due to him being jealous and going nuts she is determined for it not to end this way with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Thanks, I ask my self why I like her every day. She is stunning and is also allot of fun. My kids love her because she's so outgoing and always having parties with the kids although she shouts at her g Kids allot as well which I don't like. I spent the first three months trying to end it and didn't really care what happened but somehow she got me hooked. It also doesn't help that when I'm not with her I spend most of my time on my own which is very depressing although I know that would change with time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Very true. I think you are probably right as I never felt like this around my x wife. Thanks you. Maybe I'm not as nuts as I think. Just need some normality in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Yea the argument was horrible. He was an x pro boxer that was a friend of hers. We had already been thrown out of a pub because of him and she was in his face shouting at him and I was Sure he was going to beat her up. I told her to stop going at him and she wouldn't so in the end I just left her to it as I'm not going to protect someone when they are causing the situation. I should have never gone back with her after that. Not sure what I was thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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