shellyf62 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Hi My Son is 31 and Bi Polar. We share a house, so I see his highs & lows on a daily basis. We have lived through these, but over the past few months he has been in a major depression. He went back to his Dr, who is concerned that he has had no mania, and he did a lot of blood tests. The Dr said he needs his meds increased, but he wasn't comfortable increasing them. He suggested my Son sees a psychologist who can change his meds. The problem is that my Son does not trust a psychologist & refuses to see one. He is planning on seeing another Dr, and "lying by omission", saying he is just depressed not BP and his meds aren't working. I asked him if I booked & paid for a few appointments with a psychologist would he go & he said no. His Wife & I were talking & I told her this. She is very worried about him, and said maybe I should book them, then he would feel "guilted" into going, as I would lose the money. I don't know what to do. I know that he is an adult, and should manage his own health, but I am worried that he is in this huge depression, and cant see a way out. Do any of you lovely people have any advice for me? I have never intruded before, but I am genuinely concerned, and to be honest, I think he is too, as he has never discussed his health with me before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liefde Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I hope I will not be spanked for posting this link! They are Australian based. I just feel it is a better place to get the facts and answers from the horses mouth. Remember to look after yourself as well. Big hugs! You and your son are in my prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 This link may help as well: bdpfamily.com Bipolar is a disease and they need help, support, and boundaries set. His wife and you both need counseling on how to help him best. However, your son must recognize the need for help and that his thinking isn't always correct. The responses you outline are typical of a depressed person. You will need to learn ways to communicate and set boundaries to get him to see he needs help. I wish you the best of luck with this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Thank you both for the links. I have decided to go & talk to my Dr tomorrow & see what he suggests, maybe he will be willing to see my Son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 My dad is severely bipolar, he has bipolar one. He has the extremes of mania and the extremes of depression. Unfortunately, part of the disease is they don't like their medication and they want to have real feelings instead of feelings that are really dampened down or moderated. My dad has yo-yoed on and off medication for the last 50 years of his life. It really is such a sad condition for the person suffering it and for those around them. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Thanks Victoria. I have never seen him like this before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 I have just made an appointment for him to see a psychologist next Tuesday. If he goes back to his Dr he can get a mental health plan, and he can have 6 visits for a third of the price. I am going to tell him all this tonight, and hopefully he will go. Wish me luck guys, and thanks for listening & replying, it means a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 If his depression gets severe (he is suicidal often, ends up in the hospital from time to time) and medication and counseling are not helping, he may have to file for disability. There are many people with mental illnesses that can't be successfully treated yet. If his symptoms are that bad, he should be eligible for a social worker to help him complete disability paperwork. I see you made an appointment for him to see psychologist which is great . He will have to keep fiddling with his meds. Research also shows that BOTH medication and counseling are much more effective than either alone Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I think you should be strong and just tell him you are going, as you love him. I hope you are successful. I understand how hard it is to deal with someone who is depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Good luck darlin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Hard situation because as an adult you cannot force him to do anything. On one hand you want to respect his personal wishes as an adult on the other you don't want to enable him making bad choices. Why does your son not trust psychologists? Why are he and his wife living with you? Does he work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think you should be strong and just tell him you are going, as you love him. I hope you are successful. I understand how hard it is to deal with someone who is depressed. Thanks, I agree. I am going to be stern with him, tell him he needs to do this for his Wife & Son ( he is divorced & has his Son on weekends). It is going to be tough, but I am a tough love kinda Mum, so I am sure the neighbours will hear our discussion. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Hard situation because as an adult you cannot force him to do anything. On one hand you want to respect his personal wishes as an adult on the other you don't want to enable him making bad choices. Why does your son not trust psychologists? Why are he and his wife living with you? Does he work? Apparently one of the "by products" of bi polar is not trusting people. He has always been like this. He has only ever opened up to one friend, but something happened between them, so now my Son doesn't trust him either. They don't live with me as such, we share a rental house together. He met his Wife online, she moved from Arizona to Australia to be with him. They are a great match, so similar, and she loves his dearly, but she has never dealt with bi polar before. My Son moved in with me after he separated from his first wife, to sort of get his bearings, then when his new Wife came out we decided to find a bigger house. I have helped her deal with his moods, and given her a lot of insight into it. Yes he does work, he has a supervisor's position, he is a great Dad to his Son, and that is the leverage I am going to use tonight to get him to seek help. He needs to be well for his Son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 His wife - not his mother - needs to be the one to coax, cajole him or set an ultimatum when it comes to him seeing a specialist. It is their marriage that she has to navigate with him. I appreciate you wanting to intervene and he will always be your little boy - but you have to let them handle it. I think that the most you should do is give the wife a tip about chemical imbalances that if she comes to you with concerns you can suggest she try that medical tack with him. If she reaches out with love and concern for their marriage - it will have better mileage than having his mother play the wife role or play the role of a scolding mom, in his eyes. Also, I will say it is a horrible feeling when loved ones "diagnose you" and tell you what is wrong with you. I have been there. It may take him to hit rock bottom to admit he needs help. And that may be the only way he gets help. I know it may be hard for you to allow his wife to be his wife and get this one - but if their marriage is to survive you need to do that. If she doesn't know about bipolar, then instead of spoon feeding it to her or through your lens or impression, then she has to go herself to support groups, read up on it or go to the doctor with him on her own so she can glean on her own and not just the parts you disseminate. If he doesn't trust people but trusts his wife because he married her, it won't help with her sounding like she is parroting back to him exactly what you always say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Thanks abitbroken, I agree with you, but it doesn't work like that in "our" house. His Wife is a people pleaser, and goes out of her way to not rock the boat. She will do anything humanly possible not to upset him, or bring up any subject that can lead to arguments,/discussions. I spoke to my Dr, and he said the Psychologist will only help with counselling, not changing meds, so I have cancelled that appointment. My Son seems to have been better the last couple of days, so I am leaving things & see how it all goes. Thanks again everyone for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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