The Tale of One Interest

[notalady]

 

I've learn to view OLD in a large picture sort of way. Not the means to a relationship but an opportunity to meet a lot of interesting people.

A lot of these people have become friends, passers by, freaks. .(lol) and a very minor number turned into something meaningful.

But most of them enriched my life in some sort of way.

 

Try to look at it as just a day in your life and you had the honor of meeting an interesting person. . period.

Nothing more. Marinade in that for the moment. The rest will come.

 

 

That's the approach I took when I was online dating, just relaxed, here to meet new people. There were a lot of interesting, funny, horrible stories and good lessons for me that came out of it. I met lots of awesome (and some weird) people, shared some good laughs, even if there's no chemistry or didn't last more than a few dates.

 

While I knew my long term goal, I didn't think about it when I was going on dates. Just like you, I thought of it as just another day, except I get to meet some new people, hear some interesting stories and learn some new things. No expectations.

 

That's how I kept from burning out.

[catfeeder]

Try to look at it as just a day in your life and you had the honor of meeting an interesting person. . period.

Nothing more. Marinade in that for the moment. The rest will come.

 

This is fABulous, and I wish my 'Thanks' button worked in this thread.

 

Notice how we're never hung up on estimating outcomes and projecting all kinds of 'stuff' onto people whenever we enjoy old folks, small children, married people, cocker spaniels... whatever. Whenever I'm relaxed and not sizing people up to predict what they might think of me, I thrive in those encounters, and so does everyone else. So why hit the 'off' switch on that degree of authenticity whenever a person in our path is single?

 

Once I learned how to operate on the premise that most people are NOT our match, I forgot about 'the hunt,' and life got fun. I stopped analyzing, and I stopped posing. I just started enjoying myself the way kids do when nobody's looking, and the irony is, that's when I started getting asked out just about anywhere I went. Waiters, coworkers, classmates, a guy standing next to me on a line.

 

When the goal is just to allow life to teach us what the outcomes will be, we're less inclined to carry the weight of foresight to the degree that we take ourselves too seriously and keep ourselves spinning in prediction soup. Skip that. Just meet people. Let them SHOW you who they are, over t.i.m.e., Pay Attention, but don't grab onto every line in their profile as an excuse to nix yourself--or them.

 

My sister was tall and was adamant that she only wanted to date guys taller than her. She married a guy who she was fine towering over in heels at her wedding. I never saw anyone happier to be in love, and while she may not find his faults quite as adorable after 30 years of marriage, they certainly enjoyed their anniversary. They've also regressed into childlike companions as they explore a new lifestyle as empty nesters.

 

EnjOy yourself--and others. You never know where it might take you.

[reinventmyself]

This is fABulous, and I wish my 'Thanks' button worked in this thread.

 

Notice how we're never hung up on estimating outcomes and projecting all kinds of 'stuff' onto people whenever we enjoy old folks, small children, married people, cocker spaniels... whatever. Whenever I'm relaxed and not sizing people up to predict what they might think of me, I thrive in those encounters, and so does everyone else. So why hit the 'off' switch on that degree of authenticity whenever a person in our path is single?

 

Once I learned how to operate on the premise that most people are NOT our match, I forgot about 'the hunt,' and life got fun. I stopped analyzing, and I stopped posing. I just started enjoying myself the way kids do when nobody's looking, and the irony is, that's when I started getting asked out just about anywhere I went. Waiters, coworkers, classmates, a guy standing next to me on a line.

 

When the goal is just to allow life to teach us what the outcomes will be, we're less inclined to carry the weight of foresight to the degree that we take ourselves too seriously and keep ourselves spinning in prediction soup. Skip that. Just meet people. Let them SHOW you who they are, over t.i.m.e., Pay Attention, but don't grab onto every line in their profile as an excuse to nix yourself--or them.

 

My sister was tall and was adamant that she only wanted to date guys taller than her. She married a guy who she was fine towering over in heels at her wedding. I never saw anyone happier to be in love, and while she may not find his faults quite as adorable after 30 years of marriage, they certainly enjoyed their anniversary. They've also regressed into childlike companions as they explore a new lifestyle as empty nesters.

 

EnjOy yourself--and others. You never know where it might take you.

Well said!

 

My sentiments exactly, I just don't have the gift you have to express it in such a way.

 

Ir took a little practice but once I got the hang of it and made the choice to look at it differently, it became a game changer.

[Sportster2005]

Ain't that the truth!

I personally believe challenging yourself with the questions and the desire for change is half the battle.

So. . You are already half way there ;0)

Agree. I have this first half down to a science. It's the second half that trips me up?

I remember you talking yourself out of LO before you even gave her a chance.

Who? The trouble is I still don't know what part of that was self-sabotage, or was it good intuition? Perhaps even both. Going forward I have to stop both. This is something I asked my therapist. In a more general sense, I can discern between intuition and and lack of self-esteem. What caused me to flake. What caused my fear. Sadly I still don't know. I know now she's not a good match for me. But I have information now I didn't have in the beginning.

 

If there was a way you could just live in the moment, not forecast the future and maybe go into this thinking ` I can't have too many friends' and not put pressure on yourself, you'll be that much further ahead of the game.

This is what I do when my interest level is low. It's when the interest level is high I start to malfunction. It's self-defeating. I sense it's not attractive to overplay my interest. I simply think I panic.

I read once that women are notorious for going on a date and sizing up her date with `is he my forever after?' when it's just a date.

It's the path down a rabbit hole when a woman does this. It changes her energy and she looses sight of the purpose.

Maybe this applies some here.

I'm sure this happens a lot. And it happens to me a lot. And it happens because I seem to pick these kind of women. The hallmark signs are usually there. They come on strong. Fantastic wonderful date, and then the friendship talk. This is why I avoid profiles that have comments like "I want butterflies", "I want that instant chemistry", "I want to be swept off my feet." LO "I want to fall in love, and dance away the rest of our days." I'm playing closer attention to women who talk about slow and getting to know one another. Ones that are looking for a good man/friend and seeing where it goes. I don't think it's a coincidence women that want the instant fireworks have been online the longest. I've dated a lot of them.

I've learn to view OLD in a large picture sort of way. Not the means to a relationship but an opportunity to meet a lot of interesting people.

A lot of these people have become friends, passers by, freaks. .(lol) and a very minor number turned into something meaningful.

But most of them enriched my life in some sort of way.

I've done so mostly by accident. I find it hard to be friends with someone I'm attracted to. I seem to have a high propensity for finding myself in unrequited infatuations. I have made some friends. Almost all where ones I really didn't have a high interest in. I am making a mindful effort this time not to get invested too soon. My confidence has improved dramatically over my break. It seems a lot easier to take my time. If they move on, there's always more. I think believing you can appeal to more women, eliminates scarcity.

Try to look at it as just a day in your life and you had the honor of meeting an interesting person. . period.

Nothing more. Marinade in that for the moment. The rest will come.

 

Keep us posted!

Challenge accepted. My other journal follows my new dating experiences. Not much going on yet.

[Sportster2005]

That's the approach I took when I was online dating, just relaxed, here to meet new people. There were a lot of interesting, funny, horrible stories and good lessons for me that came out of it. I met lots of awesome (and some weird) people, shared some good laughs, even if there's no chemistry or didn't last more than a few dates.

 

While I knew my long term goal, I didn't think about it when I was going on dates. Just like you, I thought of it as just another day, except I get to meet some new people, hear some interesting stories and learn some new things. No expectations.

 

That's how I kept from burning out.

 

 

 

This is fABulous, and I wish my 'Thanks' button worked in this thread.

 

Notice how we're never hung up on estimating outcomes and projecting all kinds of 'stuff' onto people whenever we enjoy old folks, small children, married people, cocker spaniels... whatever. Whenever I'm relaxed and not sizing people up to predict what they might think of me, I thrive in those encounters, and so does everyone else. So why hit the 'off' switch on that degree of authenticity whenever a person in our path is single?

 

Once I learned how to operate on the premise that most people are NOT our match, I forgot about 'the hunt,' and life got fun. I stopped analyzing, and I stopped posing. I just started enjoying myself the way kids do when nobody's looking, and the irony is, that's when I started getting asked out just about anywhere I went. Waiters, coworkers, classmates, a guy standing next to me on a line.

 

When the goal is just to allow life to teach us what the outcomes will be, we're less inclined to carry the weight of foresight to the degree that we take ourselves too seriously and keep ourselves spinning in prediction soup. Skip that. Just meet people. Let them SHOW you who they are, over t.i.m.e., Pay Attention, but don't grab onto every line in their profile as an excuse to nix yourself--or them.

 

My sister was tall and was adamant that she only wanted to date guys taller than her. She married a guy who she was fine towering over in heels at her wedding. I never saw anyone happier to be in love, and while she may not find his faults quite as adorable after 30 years of marriage, they certainly enjoyed their anniversary. They've also regressed into childlike companions as they explore a new lifestyle as empty nesters.

 

EnjOy yourself--and others. You never know where it might take you.

 

So true.

 

Part of my problem is women I'm interested never get to know me. Women who are married, women I'm not attracted to, women who are too young to date, they all get to know me. They can't understand why I'm single. But the hunting instinct is a strong one. And would bet it's stronger in men. It's paradoxical to some degree. When I'm with a woman I like and is single, I tell myself just to be myself. As soon as you are telling yourself that, you're not being yourself, because yourself doesn't have to tell yourself to be yourself.

 

I danced with a married woman on Sunday at Salsa. She's very attractive. She's also probably too young for me. As soon as I know a woman is married the outcome is irrelevant. What she thinks of me is irrelevant. I was nice to her, and pleasant. We seemed to be bond a bit. She asked to stay after class to practice a bit. This isn't going anywhere, but that's not the point. She likes me. It's not about attraction. The point is, if she wasn't married, I would be an entirely different person. Not phony or fake. But I would become anxious. My mood and behavior would change entirely. I would be assessing my chances. Mindful of what I was doing. Looking for an invitation to flirt. I wouldn't be able to relax and just be me. My married friend at Salsa sees me. We can build a rapport and friendship. If she was single, I would likely become a bit standoffish. This is something that happens when I get frustrated around women I'm attracted to. Yeah, I know, I know, it's dumb. Same with the married women I run with. I don't think about what I am going to say. I don't mind my behavior. I don't project, I don't care what they think. They all love me

 

I'm trying very hard to be the same around everyone. It will be hard to ignore single attractive women. It's a behavior I think that is part of men's DNA. And it is such a long established habit.

 

You guys are offering fantastic guidance. If I can just get out of my own way.........

[catfeeder]

She likes me. It's not about attraction. The point is, if she wasn't married, I would be an entirely different person. Not phony or fake. But I would become anxious.

 

I get it. I guess that's why adopting my mantra, "most people are not our match," has served me to simply operate on the assumption that I'm not in this (whatever I'm doing) to find a match--I'm just in it for it's own sake.

 

That takes the edge off. Even when I meet a spectacular man who'd otherwise floor me, I just operate 'as if' he's married, taken, gay or otherwise unavailable. Then I can lean in and enjoy myself. Whenever that produces an inquiry for my phone number, it blindsides me, but I've learned how to keep my focus away from that and just proceed 'as if' this unavailable guy just wants to get to know me for some mundane reason ... a babysitter, a friend for his wife, an addition to his professional network, or in your case, a dance or running partner.

 

It might even help your head and your habits to take yourself off the point for a while and allow for women to ask YOU out, or for your number, or whatever. Then you won't need to switch from operating without an agenda to figuring out whether you should inject one. Just flow--for however long it takes for you to relax into operating that way at all times.

 

Once you've nixed the habit of always trying to figure out whether you've got a shot with someone, you've removed the anxiety that stems from that and you've pushed yourself beyond it. Then, if you ever spontaneously opt to ask anyone for anything, it'll spring from intuition, and you'll be in the right frame of mind to heed it.

[reinventmyself]

The change did not magically happen for me. I think I just met enough men through OLD or otherwise and learned that 99.99% of them were not going to be the one. I just kept meeting people and taking breaks in between so I didn't burn out. I got to the point that I wasn't the least bit nervous and had zero expectations outside of just another interesting evening with yet another person I will cross paths with.

 

I really forced myself to push question out of my mind about whether or not they would like me when they met me. I just looked my best and was myself.

That's all I could do. I forced myself to place my full attention as to whether or not they - were a fit for me. In addition I pushed myself to not expect to hear from them again and just carried on, moving forward. It's not that they wouldn't call . . .I just removed the expectation.

 

Though it didn't happen often, a man would show up and I'd be caught off guard by the chemistry. That rarely happened. But I learned to never get my hopes up just over a profile picture and few electronic exchanges. It's rare that someone is actually better in person, but I have been surprised.

 

S didn't look like his profile. He only had two photos and one he had sunglasses on. He's also handsome but not photogenic.

He also has that type of face that looks different every day at every angle.

 

Our first actual meeting, I thought he was handsome but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him. He was intriguing though.

The first real date when he stood up to greet as I walked towards him with a huge smile and I was a goner. He looked really different just a week later.

 

Maybe it had more to do with me and whether I was open to it . . not sure.

[Sportster2005]

The change did not magically happen for me. I think I just met enough men through OLD or otherwise and learned that 99.99% of them were not going to be the one. I just kept meeting people and taking breaks in between so I didn't burn out. I got to the point that I wasn't the least bit nervous and had zero expectations outside of just another interesting evening with yet another person I will cross paths with.

 

I really forced myself to push question out of my mind about whether or not they would like me when they met me. I just looked my best and was myself.

That's all I could do. I forced myself to place my full attention as to whether or not they - were a fit for me. In addition I pushed myself to not expect to hear from them again and just carried on, moving forward. It's not that they wouldn't call . . .I just removed the expectation.

 

Though it didn't happen often, a man would show up and I'd be caught off guard by the chemistry. That rarely happened. But I learned to never get my hopes up just over a profile picture and few electronic exchanges. It's rare that someone is actually better in person, but I have been surprised.

 

S didn't look like his profile. He only had two photos and one he had sunglasses on. He's also handsome but not photogenic.

He also has that type of face that looks different every day at every angle.

 

Our first actual meeting, I thought he was handsome but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him. He was intriguing though.

The first real date when he stood up to greet as I walked towards him with a huge smile and I was a goner. He looked really different just a week later.

 

Maybe it had more to do with me and whether I was open to it . . not sure.

 

When I accept, and it's probably true, that %99 aren't our match, I just don't want to date anymore. There is that part of me that would be completely content going solo right up to the final act. I understand you have to be realistic, but I think if it is really such a high percent, it becomes downright depressing. Is it really worth the effort? I mean really? I love women. But some days not only am I sure I don't need one, very often I wonder if I want one.

 

And then when you consider 'chemistry' and 'connection' I just to entirely give up. It seems that it's %99 chemistry and %1 everything else. Well, I think I have the %1 down, but always seem to fail on the %99 that matters.

 

I clicked a profile tonight of this cute woman in a pirate costume. She had on a mask so I couldn't entirely see. That's why I clicked on the profile to see if there were other pics. It was LO. Yeah she just keeps popping up. Her tagline said "Looking for that connection again". And it encapsulated everything for me. That's what it's all about. That's all it WAS about. I didn't bring the connection. If most people aren't our matches, and you're one of those males that for whatever reason can't produce the heat/chemistry, it just seems kind of pointless. Unless I just like having coffee with strangers. Which is not without it's appeal. But I could be doing so many other things.

 

Ya, I'm feeling sour and crappy right now. I'm stressed. Probably overtraining again. Work is stressful, and fn LO pops up everywhere. That isn't so bad, but it reminds how incapable I sometimes am at moving on. It's farkin ridiculous. I hid my profile. I don't want her to know I was looking at her profile.

 

Tomorrow is a different day. I have the boys tomorrow night The world can kiss my .....

 

Sorry if I veered off topic. I appreciate your comments Reinvent.

[Sportster2005]

Seeing LO constantly on POF is causing more damage than I anticipated. And to add insult to injury she's using the same pic on her profile she had last May when we first started chatting. A strong sense of nostalgia. Forging ahead regardless, damn the torpedoes. I dream she'll contact me. But then if she did, I would respond. Yeah, it's mostly about wanting to be wanted, want what I can't have blah blah blah.

 

The reason this thread was renamed was because of a gal named TL. Saw her on Match. It was nice to see her on there. I don't know if she stopped dating after me, or found someone else. But I would love to hear that she met someone and is happy. We didn't last year. But she was the bright spot in my dating last year. We had some fun, shook hands, went our separate ways. To good people that didn't connect. I think it was his time last year we met.

 

I'm feeling a strong urge to stop dating. Not like the whiny pity party of the previous post. Yeah, I was overtraining again. But I just don't know it it's worth it. Yesterday I had a pleasant coffee with someone. But it's not going anywhere. I could have used that time to do something else. I'll give it some more time. See where it goes.

 

A woman was behind the desk this past Wednesday at the dance studio. When class started, she came into the class. The instructors knew her. She was a good dancer. She also fell from heaven. I couldn't stop looking at her. I think she approved. We made lots of eye contact. On the way out she was standing by the door. I made a point to says good night. She looked up from her phone nodded, half smiled and said good night. She's like the young gym girl. Everyone should have their fantasies. This woman was beyond gorgeous. And an excellent dancer. She wasn't there with anyone. She danced with a regular. People were thanking her. I think she was just filling in for someone. She might be related to the owner. Don't know why I think that. Just a hunch.

 

The guy LO brought to dance class a few weeks ago showed up at my Salsa class today. He wanted to know when the advanced class was. He was told. He sat and watched our class for a while. Then left. I thought he would be back for the advanced class. Really creepy. None of my business. Just kind of creepy.

[IAmFCA]

Seeing LO constantly on POF is causing more damage than I anticipated. And to add insult to injury she's using the same pic on her profile she had last May when we first started chatting. A strong sense of nostalgia. Forging ahead regardless, damn the torpedoes. I dream she'll contact me. But then if she did, I would respond. Yeah, it's mostly about wanting to be wanted, want what I can't have blah blah blah.

 

The reason this thread was renamed was because of a gal named TL. Saw her on Match. It was nice to see her on there. I don't know if she stopped dating after me, or found someone else. But I would love to hear that she met someone and is happy. We didn't last year. But she was the bright spot in my dating last year. We had some fun, shook hands, went our separate ways. To good people that didn't connect. I think it was his time last year we met.

 

I'm feeling a strong urge to stop dating. Not like the whiny pity party of the previous post. Yeah, I was overtraining again. But I just don't know it it's worth it. Yesterday I had a pleasant coffee with someone. But it's not going anywhere. I could have used that time to do something else. I'll give it some more time. See where it goes.

 

A woman was behind the desk this past Wednesday at the dance studio. When class started, she came into the class. The instructors knew her. She was a good dancer. She also fell from heaven. I couldn't stop looking at her. I think she approved. We made lots of eye contact. On the way out she was standing by the door. I made a point to says good night. She looked up from her phone nodded, half smiled and said good night. She's like the young gym girl. Everyone should have their fantasies. This woman was beyond gorgeous. And an excellent dancer. She wasn't there with anyone. She danced with a regular. People were thanking her. I think she was just filling in for someone. She might be related to the owner. Don't know why I think that. Just a hunch.

 

The guy LO brought to dance class a few weeks ago showed up at my Salsa class today. He wanted to know when the advanced class was. He was told. He sat and watched our class for a while. Then left. I thought he would be back for the advanced class. Really creepy. None of my business. Just kind of creepy.

 

It's hard having evidence of her chaos (I refuse to separate the two ideas) in your environment. I had MWFN around but not in my face. When we showed up at the same party, I was surrounded by friends and for reasons unknown, looked hot, my cfm stilettos were endlessly comfortable, and I stayed on beat. If I had to see him or his gf often, that mystique would be unsustainable and my little ego trip shattered. And - he was my test case of my prior breakthrough. Not the guy who was my catalyst to break through.

 

She is not your wall to climb over. She is a reminder of where you've been. You're already past it. As you know. It never was as comfortable as it should have been... because she isn't who she might have been. And she isn't on a path of becoming that woman either. She is like... consumption in the Victorian era. Blech. Not your path. The anti path. A gift of a different sort, perhaps.

 

The sexual tension is annoying. It didn't go away for me. I made a boundary he will not break - his gf made it even more fortified. Being attracted to him is like a rat to garbage. It's natural, and chemical, and it's no good for me. Sorry to speak in such raw terms --- that is the situation I relate to when I think about that woman of your past. Kind of get a little sick, like trash. You and she have nothing in common.

[Sportster2005]

She is not your wall to climb over.

She is. I can't put the wall behind me, until I am over it. Imagine the obstacle course. You can't complete until you grab the rope, pull yourself up and over. I pull myself over the top. Land on the other side. Feel much relief and move on. Knowing she's behind. I run up to the next obstacle. Surprise, surprise, it's her again. It's tiring and demoralizing. I keep thinking just one more time. Just as I'm starting to accept she's online and she won't even look at my profile. More proof of the futility of all this angst. More proof that I have no place whatsoever in her world. So I've landed on the other side of that conclusive wall. I should be able to get over any remaining obstacles, as long as they're not the wall.

 

Her shop is three doors down from the Running Room. It's my place, my world. Now she's invaded that. I'm torn. Maybe I won't run out of there anymore. That's silly. Maybe I'll find excuses to walk by there and hope she sees me and misses me. That's silly. It's just not the Running Room. It's that mall. I spend a lot of time there. One of my favorite clothing stores is almost across from the clothing store she works. I guess the upside is, she doesn't seem to be able to hold on to jobs for very long.

 

The sexual tension is annoying.

 

The last time I saw her there was none. But I remember what she used to look like when we fooled around. That's admittedly kind of dumb.

 

 

You and she have nothing in common.

I fear we do. What separates us is her ability to see people as quickly disposable. I'm the opposite. I should be disposing of her.

 

I'm having a bad week or so. I'm not sure what it is. Work is stressful. The days are just starting to get a bit brighter. A lot of darkness up here. Her constantly popping up seems to be the proverbial straw.

[catfeeder]

Whenever you press button A, and B pops up every time, and you hate B, stop pressing button A.

 

That doesn't mean you can never frequent your favorite haunts ever again, but it could be your signal to expand your scope and do some things differently for a time--or try some different things.

 

Once you have enough experiences under your belt that don't revolve around revolving, stepping back into your current sphere will feel different because you'll BE different.

 

Head high.

[journeynow]

Imagine the obstacle course. You can't complete until you

 

Imagination is a powerful thing, and you can use it as a tool to help you. Imagine (and feel it) choosing a different course. Imagine coming upon an "obstacle" in your path, recognizing you are off course (i.e. the obstacle is not your obstacle, but perhaps someone else's, a different level that you don't choose to be on, you choose a different level, different course), imagine yourself turning slightly to see YOUR path, feel it, and move forward. Practice that in your imagination. Feel it. How does that feel? Better or worse?

[IAmFCA]

More takes on this theme:

 

You identified your obstacle when you said: "it's mostly about wanting to be wanted". The obstacle is not outside of you. LO does not hold the power. You do.

[Sportster2005]

Whenever you press button A, and B pops up every time, and you hate B, stop pressing button A.

 

That doesn't mean you can never frequent your favorite haunts ever again, but it could be your signal to expand your scope and do some things differently for a time--or try some different things.

 

Once you have enough experiences under your belt that don't revolve around revolving, stepping back into your current sphere will feel different because you'll BE different.

 

Head high.

 

I thought off training for a marathon this Spring. I would be able to reduce my time in the dance studio. I would be spending more time with my running community. It was a good plan, and I might still do it. I thought of this plan before I realized she works close to the Running Room. I would be walking by it before and after every run.

 

Maybe I'll start hanging out at LDs She keeps nagging me to practice to do an open mic. But I'm not sure I want to give up the two hours of cardio. It is light cardio. Maybe add a couple of ks to some runs. ??

 

Ultimately I would like to live my life my way, damn the torpedoes. I think I can overcome. I also think the more I see her, the less a threat she will be. It will become normalized.

 

She was at the studio tonight.

[Sportster2005]

Imagination is a powerful thing, and you can use it as a tool to help you. Imagine (and feel it) choosing a different course. Imagine coming upon an "obstacle" in your path, recognizing you are off course (i.e. the obstacle is not your obstacle, but perhaps someone else's, a different level that you don't choose to be on, you choose a different level, different course), imagine yourself turning slightly to see YOUR path, feel it, and move forward. Practice that in your imagination. Feel it. How does that feel? Better or worse?

 

I love this journeynow. I've been mulling it over in my head all day. Maybe it's not an obstacle to get over. Maybe she's a guide on my path. She's already had a dramatic influence on my direction. Maybe there's more to learn from this. Often there's knowledge in unpleasantness. And hasn't been all unpleasantness. Despite the chaotic nature of all this, maybe I should look closer at some of the positives. There's more to examine. From afar, while being critical.

 

I'm not going to imagine she's an obstacle. I'm going to imagine she's just part of the path. My path takes me by her workplace. My dancing takes me to the dance studio. I don't have to overcome her, or put her behind. We are both adults. Eventually we will co-exist peacefully on the path.

[Sportster2005]

More takes on this theme:

 

You identified your obstacle when you said: "it's mostly about wanting to be wanted". The obstacle is not outside of you. LO does not hold the power. You do.

 

I would settle for knowing she felt something. That initially I was wanted. As I meet women who initially at least want to get to know me, the desire for LO to want me, isn't as important.

 

She was at the studio tonight. I was surprised. She only showed up with that guy a few weeks ago, and he never came back. And then when I saw her on POF and figured that was over. But she was with him again tonight. I'm not sure what's going on. But it seems like she may not be dating him. The first class was 101. The second class was 102. I thought after the first one they would leave. But they stayed for the second class. I don't how that was worked out. Perhaps LO worked something out with the owner. She's been with the studio forever. Regardless, she was there for both classes, caught me by surprise.

 

She pretended not to know me. Like I didn't exist. Which I still find kind of odd. She dumped me?? Whatever. I found myself looking at her a lot, not directly, not sure if she knew. Very little eye contact. We both went about our business.

 

The class was in a large circle. She was behind us, doing something. When she wanted to get through the room, she went between me and my dance partner. She brushed along side me, and bumped by dance partner, who wasn't too impressed. It's hard to ignore that. I have no idea what it means. I choose to think it means nothing.

 

The class was running late. I wanted to leave. I was tired. I go from the gym to home for a bit, then class.

 

When I was taking of my dance shoes in the lobby, she was still dancing. I looked up. Our eyes met. She didn't linger, she didn't immediately turn away. She was dancing with someone, so she had to pay attention to what she was doing. That was the most contact we had all night.

 

Something happened tonight. The infatuation dies a little more when I see her. Part of me liked seeing her again tonight. I felt a bit of peace. I remembered it wasn't all about romance and lust. I genuinely like her. It was nice to be able to see her smile laugh and work the room. She's funny. I would love to be friends with her. That may never be possible. But I feel a sense of peace intervening in this story. Her role has changed. She's not the unrequited lover. She's someone I really wanted to date. She's someone I like. I want to talk to her soon. When there are no stakes. There still might be some. I might say yes, if she outright approached me. I can never say yes to her. Partly because of what she is like. And partly because of what I'm like.

[reinventmyself]

She only showed up with that guy a few weeks ago, and he never came back. And then when I saw her on POF and figured that was over. But she was with him again tonight. I'm not sure what's going on. .

 

From everything you share about LO, consider yourself in good company. Meaning, it doesn't appear that her dance partner is of much importance to her.

He's ok with whatever their friendship is, I suppose.

 

She's active on line, yet not attainable, by you or anyone for that matter. And that's her prerogative.

 

She's just not available. Not at this time.

 

Maybe this all you need to know, because you often make this so much about you when it might ultimately have nothing to do with you.

[IAmFCA]

From everything you share about LO, consider yourself in good company. Meaning, it doesn't appear that her dance partner is of much importance to her.

He's ok with whatever their friendship is, I suppose.

 

She's active on line, yet not attainable, by you or anyone for that matter. And that's her prerogative.

 

She's just not available. Not at this time.

 

Maybe this all you need to know, because you often make this so much about you when it might ultimately have nothing to do with you.

 

Yes. So simple. And exactly right.

 

 

That move of LO moving between you and your dance partner. That burned me up. She was doing the whole "I don't need or want to connect" persona, but obviously wanted to be noticed. That move was your "tell", Sportster. She wanted and still wants to be validated by you. AND to be above it all, at your expense. These two thoughts are why I write about her with such disdain.

[Sportster2005]

From everything you share about LO, consider yourself in good company. Meaning, it doesn't appear that her dance partner is of much importance to her.

He's ok with whatever their friendship is, I suppose.

 

She's active on line, yet not attainable, by you or anyone for that matter. And that's her prerogative.

 

She's just not available. Not at this time.

 

Maybe this all you need to know, because you often make this so much about you when it might ultimately have nothing to do with you.

 

Yes. So simple. And exactly right.

 

 

That move of LO moving between you and your dance partner. That burned me up. She was doing the whole "I don't need or want to connect" persona, but obviously wanted to be noticed. That move was your "tell", Sportster. She wanted and still wants to be validated by you. AND to be above it all, at your expense. These two thoughts are why I write about her with such disdain.

 

She made a lot of self-deprecating comments about why she was single. Looking back I think she's full of bull. She has many suitors. But yeah, you're right. As much as she says she wants someone, I don't think she'll ever have anyone. Her profile says she's looking for that special connection, the one she can't stop thinking of. And when we chatted she was looking for the love of her life. I think she initially gets interested, and then realizes it's not the love of her life. Or some guy she used to date, might be, and on and on it goes. I do feel some empathy for her. She has a lot of admirers and people around her. But I think she's very lonely.

 

Don't disdain her ITIC. I don't. I'm not sure how I feel about her. I've never met anyone quite like this. Hmmm maybe it's novelty. Maybe it's because she's never dull. She may have not have chose to brush up alongside me. She just chose to take that path, and it was irrelevant that I was the one standing there. But yeah, that doesn't side right. I think she would have been more polite with a stranger. Who knows.

 

Frankly I find it all kind of interesting. I've never experienced someone like her. On so many different levels.

 

I did think of a reason why I may not exist. Last night, one of the dance instructors is the guy she used to live with, there was another guy in the class she dated, she was there with this guy. Maybe she just doesn't want the community to know that there's yet another man at the school that she crossed paths with.

 

I suspect she has a lot of people in her life, that she pretends to not know, and they obligingly reciprocate. I'm glad no one at the school knows we know each other. I would be kind of embarrassed if it got around that she turned me down.

[Sportster2005]

Today I don't like her. I like some of her behavior. But I'm struggling to make a case for liking her. I don't dislike her. I do dislike a lot of her behavior. I'm quite happy she pretends not to know me.

 

She changes her profile picture every couple of days on pof. Sometimes I click before I realize it's her. Not today. Her pic today is unbelievable. If you saw it you would agree she's one of the most beautiful you've ever seen. Almost a dead ringer for Penelope Cruze. The problem is she simply doesn't look that way anymore. If she meets anybody they will be extremely disappointed. It must be hard for her. I doubt there were many women who could compete with her in her 40s. But at 56 she doesn't have the same appeal. The gal I'm meeting tonight is the same age. I didn't realize that until just yesterday. This isn't sour grapes. I am genuinely sad for her. Which might be misplaced. I just can't imagine at one time being that beautiful, and then aging so dramatically.

 

I might try to bump into her more. It's helping me slip further from her grip. She may even know some single dancers in the community. Turn the situation entirely around.

[Sportster2005]

I think this is the last entry for this journal. The three women who this was started for, are no longer on the radar. LD and I are very close friends. MD and CC ...... those trails haven't gone cold. They're dead and frozen.

 

I had the mods rename the journal when I met someone this time last year. It didn't last long. I saw her on Match. I said hello. I said nice things about her. There was no spark, but ironically she was the best dating experience in 2016, and I told her so. She appreciated it, and had nice things to say about me. Seeing her online made me feel happy that she's trying again.

 

I looked at my Ultra Match list tonight. LO is on it. I was able to read a bit of her profile, without viewing it. She started her profile by saying she was getting some weird messages, that she just wanted to let people know it wouldn't affect her, blah, blah. I felt kind of sad. People are deeply affected when they go out of their way to protest the fact they aren't. I remember conversations with her, where the theme was how she didn't care about this, or that. I dunnoh what my point is. I just find the whole thing sad. Sad that I let it mess with me so much. Sad that she seems so messed up.

 

And dats da end.

[Sportster2005]

Please lock me.