The Tale of One Interest

[browneyedgirl36]

In short, yay.

 

A tad longer: her view of the world is skewed such that she presumes to be the center of all of it. Remarkable.

 

Exactly. I was reading your post about the conversation and thinking: WHOA.

 

You have to know that she is suffering in some way -- that things in her life and head are NOT good -- to even have initiated that conversation. It could just be arrogance/full-of-herselfness I suppose, but...it sounds like something much bigger is going on there. Her life isn't good. Maybe she really IS an alcoholic. Or, maybe she needs desperately to think that someone was so upset over her that he started a rumor about her; perhaps it feeds her ego, makes her feel important. Maybe she thrives on drama. In any case, yeah, at 55 years old, she needs to get a grip.

 

Well done on your part, Sportster, for being calm, brief, and NOT reacting to her foolishness. Classy -- that's the best way to go here, and you did it beautifully. And, you didn't feed her ego, either. I'm guessing she walked off feeling befuddled, and perhaps a bit stupid, that her attempt to get her ego fed fell flat on its face.

 

Good riddance. On to better things!

[catfeeder]

I still feel some disappointment. Not because of her. Because once again I struggled so hard with disappointment and perceived failure. When she gave me her "can't date anyone right now" speech, that's the last I ever should have talked to her. I shouldn't have let her texts screw with my head. LOL I guess in short I should have went no contact. I had the answer all along.

 

You were operating on half the equation. You saw her as fabulous, so you grappled with her reason for not wanting to continue with you. But it took this long for her to show you a side of her that gave you your reason for not wanting to continue with her.

 

Sometimes it takes a while for people to show us what they're made of. Had she displayed this ugly part of herself while still displaying interest toward you and without having cut your dating short, you might have reached for reasons to rationalize her behavior as having a bad day. We see it all the time--people put up with an awful lot of crap from those with whom they're infatuated.

 

You were well positioned to see this curtain pulled back on the woman. And yes, it gives you a nice charm to put in your pocket and carry with you into the dating world. People are not usually as they appear--at first. This doesn't imply that there's necessarily a villain hidden inside everyone you'll meet, but it does present good reason for pause before diving straight into relationships prior to getting to know a person well.

 

Head high, and I hope you'll consider dating again. One bad apple, and all of that.

[Sportster2005]

Exactly. I was reading your post about the conversation and thinking: WHOA.

 

You have to know that she is suffering in some way -- that things in her life and head are NOT good -- to even have initiated that conversation. It could just be arrogance/full-of-herselfness I suppose, but...it sounds like something much bigger is going on there. Her life isn't good. Maybe she really IS an alcoholic. Or, maybe she needs desperately to think that someone was so upset over her that he started a rumor about her; perhaps it feeds her ego, makes her feel important. Maybe she thrives on drama. In any case, yeah, at 55 years old, she needs to get a grip.

 

Well done on your part, Sportster, for being calm, brief, and NOT reacting to her foolishness. Classy -- that's the best way to go here, and you did it beautifully. And, you didn't feed her ego, either. I'm guessing she walked off feeling befuddled, and perhaps a bit stupid, that her attempt to get her ego fed fell flat on its face.

 

Good riddance. On to better things!

 

Oddly I feel bad for her. I think on a simple level she's just someone who desperately wants to find love, but can't get out of her own way. I even fear she might be a little like me. She's looking for an intense infatuation, mistaking it for love. At least I know that about myself.

 

I can't go near for a while. I could get sucked back in. I know, sad, but I'm working on it. I would like to befriend her some day. She's a fascinating person. I could also learn a lot about dancing from her. But I'm not sure that's a good idea. She probably wouldn't make a good friend, for the same reasons she wouldn't make a good partner.

[Sportster2005]

You were operating on half the equation. You saw her as fabulous, so you grappled with her reason for not wanting to continue with you. But it took this long for her to show you a side of her that gave you your reason for not wanting to continue with her.

 

Sometimes it takes a while for people to show us what they're made of. Had she displayed this ugly part of herself while still displaying interest toward you and without having cut your dating short, you might have reached for reasons to rationalize her behavior as having a bad day. We see it all the time--people put up with an awful lot of crap from those with whom they're infatuated.

 

You were well positioned to see this curtain pulled back on the woman. And yes, it gives you a nice charm to put in your pocket and carry with you into the dating world. People are not usually as they appear--at first. This doesn't imply that there's necessarily a villain hidden inside everyone you'll meet, but it does present good reason for pause before diving straight into relationships prior to getting to know a person well.

 

Head high, and I hope you'll consider dating again. One bad apple, and all of that.

 

I think I may be making the mistake of taking the rejection too personal. It is a good outcome. I shouldn't conclude just because this didn't work out, that I'm not capable of attracting a better woman. There is an admittedly bad thought that goes like this.

"If I can't even attract someone undesirable and messed up. What is wrong with me?" Then again, I don't think anyone can. And it really doesn't matter.

 

I have a grocery list of things to discuss with my fav therapist soon. I want to analyze my half of this, and try again to break bad habits. I'm struggling not to analyze her half. I don't have a complete picture. I have questions about my behavior during this that I can't answer, only she could. So I'm trying to fit pieces in. Unfortunately I am biased when I tell the entire story to myself. I was very tentative when I first met her. I probably sent mixed signals. Not because my interest was low, but because:

1. Part of me was afraid to advance because I felt I was probably infatuated.

2. Self esteem. I thought I would never date such a beautiful woman. It's irrelevant that I know now she isn't. What happens in the future? I think some of this may have been self-fulfilling.

3. Instead of walking away as red flags presented themselves, I think I played saboteur. I was torn between listening to my smart voice, and my infatuated voice. The end result was wishy-washiness. Which is unattractive. In round two when I broke this habit with her, it was too late. Actually I was completely ignoring red flags at one point. Hoping against hope.

 

 

I also if to keep the simple parts simple. Regardless of everything nuanced and obvious, there's always the fact that 9 out of the 10 people we meet aren't our match. The one time I am a match I don't want to repeat mistakes.

 

Thanks once again catfeeder. A lot of positives have come out of this. Overall I'm a happier person than when I met her. I won't give her any credit for how I improved my life. I will see she was a catalyst. And in an odd way I'm thankful to her for that. T

[reinventmyself]

From where I sit it appears she came up the possible conclusion that you had spread the rumor. Add in the fact that you were keeping your word that you prefer to not to speak with her, it seems that she was building a case against you and when she had the chance, she greeted you with some hostility.

 

When faced with your normal, respectful demeanor her best move was to ask if you were sick?

That must have been a sad attempt to make herself feel better somehow. I dunno.

 

I am glad you faced her though. Often times we build them up so much that when we do them real time, the spell is finally broken.

[Sportster2005]

From where I sit it appears she came up the possible conclusion that you had spread the rumor. Add in the fact that you were keeping your word that you prefer to not to speak with her, it seems that she was building a case against you and when she had the chance, she greeted you with some hostility.

 

When faced with your normal, respectful demeanor her best move was to ask if you were sick?

That must have been a sad attempt to make herself feel better somehow. I dunno.

 

I am glad you faced her though. Often times we build them up so much that when we do them real time, the spell is finally broken.

 

That actually sounds reasonable. Someone is spreading a rumor, she sees me at the school, I'm being aloof, she thinks "Ah Ah, maybe it was Sportster". She sees me heading for the entrance and wants to ask /accuse. And to complete her case against me she needs me to have motive. And me being angry that she said no, gives me motive. Which kind of makes sense. When I first pursued her, she cancelled a date last minute. I sent a not so nice text. I apologized for the text. She said she read it the apology. She never said anything else. I assumed she wasn't O.K with it. I stopped contact. A month or so later I texted her. It was killing me wondering if misread the situation. We met up again. She thought I stopped contacting her because I was mad at her. Which was odd. Maybe she's accustomed to men getting mad at her. Ugh, it really doesn't matter. I am curious by nature, but I'll never really know what goes on her mind.

 

I think part of it is just ongoing game playing. I rebuked her when she wanted to be friends, I rebuked her when she asked me if I was staying when I dropped of materials. I never contacted her about dancing together, after she said "we have to practice together". And I didn't pay attention to her message on FB in December. In short after she said she "couldn't date anyone right now", I haven't pursued her. I replied to some of her texts. Only because briefly I thought she changed he mind. So I think part of this drama was an opportunity to remind me she was the one to say no. Which itself isn't entirely true. It was much more vague and ambiguous. Intentionally I suspect. And maybe it was more simple. Maybe she really thought I was spreading a rumor. Regardless, the result always comes up the same. She didn't behave in a very nice adult manner. It was selfish and childish regardless of motive or complexity.

 

One of my many problems over this, is that it hurt more than it should have. Everyone is right, and I agree, I dodged a bullet. But unfortunately one of the things I know about myself is I need to get better at disappointment. I need to toughen up. I agree with my friends here. It should be long past caring about this. In short, I'm kind of a softy. I don't know if I can toughen up. Is like asking a diabetic to just have better blood sugars? I ask innocently. It's a question I need to continually ask and chase. I'm sure I can learn and improve. But there is this core part of me I worry about. It's that horrible inability to not hurt so much and move on. Part of me is sad at this outcome. That might sound strange given the outcome. I find myself caught once again between emotion and reason.

 

Anyways I always recover. This was is just taking more effort and time. I am going to take advantage of it and try to learn from it and become more resilient. In a lot of ways, it had to happen. And I've already made some positive changes from this that are making very happy in general. I just have to resolve this and get back to being happy. I knew this day would come, when I would bump into her. It's happened. It's over.

 

I can never write a short post. Sorry folks if I repeat a lot. I have to remind myself sometimes what's going on

[Sportster2005]

On another note. Cute gym girl was at the gym today. It started where we left off. Lots of eye contact. Very obvious. I didn't want to follow her around the gym, or hit on her while she worked out. I thought if we naturally crossed paths I would smile as we walked by. That never happened.

 

We were in the lobby getting ready to leave at the same time. That worked out well. I wanted to smile, maybe say hello. She was across from me. There was a chest high shoe rack / cupboard thing between us. She turned to leave looked past me, not at me. So our eyes never met. So much for that idea. I was disappointed. Not entirely discouraged. If I see her again, I'll try again. I think I'll try to be more upfront. Remove any doubt she might have. She'll either respond, or completely blow me off.

 

She is cute though. In good shape. Some ink, not a crazy amount. Seems friendly. She talked to a couple of guys today. LOL maybe she's a big flirt, and I have to compete. O.K. I guess.

[journeynow]

From where I sit it appears she came up the possible conclusion that you had spread the rumor.

 

This goes to show that much of our experience happens in our heads. She may have speculated, made up scenarios in her head, to explain outer experience. Sportster, this is similar to the speculating you do, trying to figure out what is going on with others. Similar, in that we use our imaginations and thoughts to try to explain our experiences or other people's behavior. It may not be accurate, but when the other party is not communicating about it with us we are tempted to fill in the blanks to relieve our inner tension. Conjecture, speculation, assumptions, or guesswork won't necessarily help our situations.

[reinventmyself]

This goes to show that much of our experience happens in our heads. She may have speculated, made up scenarios in her head, to explain outer experience. Sportster, this is similar to the speculating you do, trying to figure out what is going on with others. Similar, in that we use our imaginations and thoughts to try to explain our experiences or other people's behavior. It may not be accurate, but when the other party is not communicating about it with us we are tempted to fill in the blanks to relieve our inner tension. Conjecture, speculation, assumptions, or guesswork won't necessarily help our situations.

 

I said this to my friend just the other night and I think it applies here:

 

When there is an unknown, our knee jerk reaction is to fill it in with the painful, negative scenarios.

The truth is we don't know what's going on with the other person.

 

Your interpretation is a choice.

 

So when you have nothing else to go on, why not fill it in with something you can handle instead of something negative?

 

For all you know she has a terminal illness, an std or something. You never know. (I am being dramatic on purpose to make a point)

 

Just don't let the negative scenarios be your default go to.

 

When I catch myself doing this, I mumble to myself "1,2,3, this is not about me"

 

Granted, we have responsibility in all our interactions but we often give it more power than absolutely necessary.

[journeynow]

I said this to my friend just the other night and I think it applies here:

 

When there is an unknown, our knee jerk reaction is to fill it in with the painful, negative scenarios.

The truth is we don't know what's going on with the other person.

 

Your interpretation is a choice.

 

So when you have nothing else to go on, why not fill it in with something you can handle instead of something negative?

 

For all you know she has a terminal illness, an std or something. You never know. (I am being dramatic on purpose to make a point)

 

Just don't let the negative scenarios be your default go to.

 

When I catch myself doing this, I mumble to myself "1,2,3, this is not about me"

 

Granted, we have responsibility in all our interactions but we often give it more power than absolutely necessary.

 

I find this especially true for me when the other person goes silent. My mind wants to interpret that as hostile. I put thoughts into their heads in my imagination, and which doesn't help my peace of mind or happiness one bit. And I know it's on me to stop doing this to myself. It's a waste of a good imagination! ;-)

[Sportster2005]

I said this to my friend just the other night and I think it applies here:

 

When there is an unknown, our knee jerk reaction is to fill it in with the painful, negative scenarios.

The truth is we don't know what's going on with the other person.

 

Your interpretation is a choice.

 

So when you have nothing else to go on, why not fill it in with something you can handle instead of something negative?

 

For all you know she has a terminal illness, an std or something. You never know. (I am being dramatic on purpose to make a point)

 

Just don't let the negative scenarios be your default go to.

 

When I catch myself doing this, I mumble to myself "1,2,3, this is not about me"

 

Granted, we have responsibility in all our interactions but we often give it more power than absolutely necessary.

 

One of my worse and self-defeating habits is to leave things ambiguous. Not seeking clarification has lead to a lot of misery this summer, and through my life. Here's a perfect example. Sorry if you heard this before. She texted me after she said she didn't want to date anyone. "We have to practice dancing together". My initial reaction was elation. Earlier in the conversation she asked me if I was going dancing that night. Here's what I know. Dancing is very intimate to her. Her eventual partner HAS to be a dancer. She's been initiating texts with me for the last couple of days. She said "It would be nice to see me again". I told her I didn't want friendship, so why would she contact me? Maybe the guy she was unsure about wasn't interested in her. Maybe she thought she made a mistake. She does suck at communication, so I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I would get it from the conversation.

 

So despite all this, the next day I read the situation completely different. Hmmm she didn't say she changed her mind. She's trying to be friendly despite my objections. She's just trying to keep me on a leash. She wants to use me for diners/attention/whatever.

 

It's Friday now. I'm going to see her tomorrow at the pub she works. I've agreed to drop something off. The plan was to drop it off, and hang around, hence "It would be nice to see you again".

 

What was her motive? I argued it to myself. I could make a good case either way. What I couldn't do was text her and say "Hey, has something changed from last Saturday? I'm not interested in friendship or hanging around". Would have cleared things up immediately. It would also mean I might not like the answer. So I assume the worse, not the best. My hope is twofold. By disappearing she might miss me and have second thoughts. Secondly as time passes I will lose interest. I've done it in the past where it has succeeded. But it always fails when I have to deal with them before I'm completely over them. And the paradox is because I haven't made things clear, it takes longer to get over them.

 

Throw in a FB message out of the blue. Initially I'm happy. She's reaching out to me. She's using the fact I liked some posts of her's in a group she manages as an excuse to talk to me. Maybe she wants to start a dialog. Maybe she looked at my FB profile and saw how good I look now. But no. She's just playing games, or it means nothing. Or it means exactly what it means. She hopes I'm doing well, thanks for the likes. I could have sent her a thank you, ask her how's she's doing. Feel it out. But I don't want to know.

 

Then I see her out of the blue I have no idea what she is really thinking. She leads with an accusation and says I look sick.

 

Yes, she's no prize. That's evident now. Had she been, I might have blown it, by not seeking clarification. If she wasn't I could have found out months ago and be beyond this point.

 

And now a little off topic. Every single time this woman reached out to me, tried to show interest, I was surprised and suspicious.

 

She's been trying to get my attention on POF for years.

"What does she want with me?"

 

I finally contact her. We are on our first date. She's flirting openly.

"She's flirting too much. What does she want? I should just get up and leave."

 

We go back to her place, not for sex. She wants to show me her farm. We kiss goodnight. It's amazing, she seems to enjoy it. I drive away.

"Wow, I wish I could date her full time. But it's never going to happen. Just be happy you had one date with her"

That was on a Wednesday. We were supposed to go out Saturday. I never call. Instead I'm sitting in a bar wishing I had what it took to date her. I call a friend, we have a ONS.

 

I overreact to a text, or I think I do. It causes another ambiguous situation. After a month and a half we reconnect. I sense she's lost some interest. I decide to be fearless. I come on strong. I feel her slipping away. I think there's another guy snooping around. Too much too late? What happened during the month and half we weren't talking? More ambiguity. "I can't date ANYONE right now". She seems sincere. She wants to stay in touch. But no, it's just her way of dumping me. I calmly walk away, showing no emotion at ALL. I pretend to be confident. Part of me isn't really accepting it. She said we should be friends. That's almost the death of any chance. Maybe wanted to slow me down while she gets sorted. I'm too busy playing emotional tough guy. Telling her "you'll be back, it's just a matter of time". Maybe I should have stuck around a bit. Maybe there was a middle ground. Let's hangout and see how you feel? I could have dated others.

 

She loved being ambiguous, and I hate hate ambiguity, but I use it to put off nasty feelings.

 

So why did I act this way? Three possibilities.

1. My intuition told me all along she was trouble, so I was very hesitant.

2. Poor self-esteem, lack of confidence.

3. I was so afraid of getting hurt by someone I felt crazy about that I sabotaged it.

4. All the above, a combination of the above.

 

Regardless if she's a catch or not I have to fix the above. Unfortunately even knowing they aren't that great a catch doesn't completely kill attraction. This does sting a bit. I've fumbled this horribly. I only act this way with women I really like. Which is why often I don't date women I really like. I'm just too afraid of being where I am today.

 

From the moment I saw her years ago dancing in a pub I thought I should never, never date her. I'll fall in love with her and she'll break my heart. I know there's a lot of stupidity in that statement. But there's some truth lurking under the surface. Being so afraid to date someone or approach because you feel too much lust/infatuation. I was probably wise to never go there. But I did. I don't know what happened.

 

I have to stay focused. Time will take care of some of this. I have long stretches where she is irrelevant. This recent contact has changed that. I have to prepare to bump into her again. I will seek professional help, again. I'm trying to be positive. Yes I failed again, but I can hardly blame her. She probably thought I was the flake/crazy online person. And to some extent in this case I was.

 

If I could sum it all up. My behavior was bad, her behavior was bad. I failed to connect with someone I desperately wanted to. I have bad patterns and habits I need to break. I think too much. I'm too soft. I can't get over things easily. Is it fixable? I will be O.K. It's probably hard to get that impressions because I come here mostly when I'm depressed/anxious/upset.

 

I have to forget about what may, or may not have happened. Or may, or may not have happened had I been confident and unafraid from the beginning.

 

I have to accept this is dead. Stop story telling to myself. Cry, grieve, scream, but move the f forward. Learn from it, fix what I can.

[reinventmyself]

oh wow, Sportster. You are awfully hard on yourself!

 

You are correct though. This was a bumpy experience for you.

 

I think the take away may be a little less complicated than you make it.

 

I have said this before and others have as well ~

The relationships that are meant to work out aren't riddled with mixed messages.

 

You balked for a couple reasons. Yes, maybe you can work on your confidence some. Couldn't we all for that matter?

And you know what this means ? It makes you human like the rest of us.

 

But mostly there was something about her that gave you pause.

For good reason. Your heart was telling you `go' but your gut was telling you otherwise.

 

That may be all there is to this.

 

She just wasn't the one.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself!!

[Sportster2005]

oh wow, Sportster. You are awfully hard on yourself!

 

You are correct though. This was a bumpy experience for you.

 

I think the take away may be a little less complicated than you make it.

 

I have said this before and others have as well ~

The relationships that are meant to work out aren't riddled with mixed messages.

 

You balked for a couple reasons. Yes, maybe you can work on your confidence some. Couldn't we all for that matter?

And you know what this means ? It makes you human like the rest of us.

 

But mostly there was something about her that gave you pause.

For good reason. Your heart was telling you `go' but your gut was telling you otherwise.

 

That may be all there is to this.

 

She just wasn't the one.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself!!

 

LOL I edited it before you even finished reading it. It gets worse

 

And yeah, I am very self critical. And yes, it does seem very simple in a lot of ways. I guess I'm just trying to turn disappointment and sadness into something more healthy.

 

Thanks for reading, and your comments

 

But mostly there was something about her that gave you pause.

For good reason. Your heart was telling you `go' but your gut was telling you otherwise.

 

That sure explains a lot

[Sportster2005]

Dating profile. First attempt.

 

TL;DR version.

I’m a good man looking for a good woman to love, and spend the rest of my life with. I’m funny, fit and smart. I am a good man, and proud of it. You’re a lot like me. Not exactly though.

 

Long version.

Life with me would be wonderful. I know, because I spend a lot of time with myself.

 

I’m here to meet a friend, a lover, a confidante. Someone to explore life with. Someone to have adventures with. Someone to grow old with. I would rather be a traveler, than a tourist. Someone to protect from whatever they need protecting from. A fearless lover. Someone to fight complacency with. To share a life of compassion with. We don’t have to be compassionate about the same things. Just be compassionate.

 

I love live music. I play guitar. Talk of alternate tunings is the ultimate pillow talk. I do a lot of photography. My interest is in seeing the world in unique and creative ways. Generally love art.

 

I’m very active. I run, sometimes marathons. I spend time in the gym. I spend time in the dance studio. Basically I’m trying to cover it all. Endurance, speed, strength, balance and coordination. I hope to be in this body for some time to come. I want to get the most out of it. Besides I get high when I work out.

 

I can do a fairly decent Jive and Cha-Cha. I can also do Drunken Silly Dance™. I want to learn more ballroom style. Would love to compete someday. It’s a stretch goal, starting this late in the game. But I don’t do easy goals.

 

Oh yeah, I forgot Salsa. The dance, not the food. And I might start Tango.

 

I’m pretty smart. I work in a technical field. Dang, I better spell check this before I hit enter. I don’t mind if people mix up “there” and “their”. It doesn’t make me smarter to know the difference. It would however make me a knob to correct others.

 

I’ll probably fall behind in a conversation about popular culture.

 

The sound of falling rain is the most peaceful and romantic thing in the world.

 

Part time biker in the summer. Love to ride, especially on hot summer nights.

 

The one I seek shares my values. I believe in, and practice clear communication. I believe honesty without discretion is cruelty. Maintain the dignity of the other person, even if they sometimes don’t deserve it. Never say words in anger that can never be taken back. Hold people when they cry, no matter why they are crying. Be kind to everyone, you never know what struggles they have.

 

I am fearless in my search. I will not be deterred. I will fall, I will get back up. I will meet her, and we will live happily ever after. I’m serious.

I like a bunch of stuff. Let’s leave some stuff to talk about in person.

 

I’m funny too. My cat laughs at me all the time.

[IAmFCA]

Do you want comments and is this for okc/similar?

[Sportster2005]

Do you want comments and is this for okc/similar?

 

Sure. POF, maybe Match if I can get one of their deals.

[reinventmyself]

Nicely done. . Just enough, without too much.

Geniune, articulate and playful. You hit all points.

POF is garbage. At least in my area

[Sportster2005]

Nicely done. . Just enough, without too much.

Geniune, articulate and playful. You hit all points.

POF is garbage. At least in my area

 

Thanks reinvent. POF is a mixed bag here. The reality Match has less selection, and a lot of the same women are on both. OKC is almost non-existent. Same with Zoosk. No interest in eHarmony.

[Sportster2005]

I really like what reinventmyself had to say. I was reminded of how relentlessly critical I can be on myself. Last year when I had my last session with my favourite therapist I asked her what was the number one thing I needed to work on to move on. She said I needed to stop the negative self talk.

 

Whenever I coach, train or lead I'm never critical. I encourage and offer improvements for people to meet their goals. I wouldn't dream of being critical. Yet I kick myself around and hold myself to some ridiculous standard.

 

So lets turn things around.

 

I didn't get the result I wanted. There's probably nothing I could have done. Sometimes it's just out of our control. I let someone occupy to much time in my head. But at the end of the day I never let her f me around. I walked away gracefully and with strength. I ultimately refused to play games and follow bread crumbs. After her(because it was another) rejection I took measures to make myself a better man. Physically, emotionally and mentally I am a much better man now, than when I met her. My running pace as improved drastically. I have had to completely replace my wardrobe. Senior dance instructors are always complimenting my progress. I am sharper, I am calmer. And with the exception of this recent blip I am happier than I have been in a long time.

 

I liked her, she didn't like me. So what?

 

I forgot it's winter up here. It's easy to get depressed and down. I struggle this time of year. We are a nation of seasonal affective disorder. I've managed this with likely low levels of serotonin. Explains some of the loss of happy from summer/fall. Surprise, surprise, serotonin has been linked to unusual suffering from infatuation.

[Sportster2005]

Gym girl is a total bust. She seems to have dropped any attempt to flirt. She was at the gym this morning. Nothing.

 

She doesn't meet my requirement of strong and clear interest.

 

I'm forcing myself to be more bold in my flirting. I noticed an attractive woman last night at my regular cafe. As she walked by when she left I made eye contact with her, and gave her a big enthusiastic smile. It caught her off guard. She stopped talking with her friend to return the smile. Rather enthusiastically. So I'm celebrating my small victory today.

[Sportster2005]

I Snapchatted MD on New Year's, and again yesterday. No response.

 

She doesn't meet my requirement of strong and clear interest.

 

I'm starting to question my open door policy. I guess in MD's case and CC's case it doesn't matter much. I don't have much invested in them emotionally. I keep hearing/reading stories where people do finally get together after some false starts. Sometimes month or years later. So far it hasn't been my experience at all. Actually I received a text from BA(long but not interesting story) the other day. This is someone from 2010. As time goes by I lose more interest. Like CC and MD. I think it could be rekindled. But I'm not chasing them anymore. If they want me they have to come get me. I think that's fair. I gave them fair pursuit many times. Step up gals, or be ignored.

[IAmFCA]

Gym girl is a total bust. She seems to have dropped any attempt to flirt. She was at the gym this morning. Nothing.

 

She doesn't meet my requirement of strong and clear interest.

 

I'm forcing myself to be more bold in my flirting. I noticed an attractive woman last night at my regular cafe. As she walked by when she left I made eye contact with her, and gave her a big enthusiastic smile. It caught her off guard. She stopped talking with her friend to return the smile. Rather enthusiastically. So I'm celebrating my small victory today.

 

The other day I met several times in the same public place a man who attracted my interest. My friends made me back to him and ask his number. So I did. He kindly replied "I can't" which was a lovely response. I am glad they made me do it. It forced me to find words.

[Sportster2005]

The other day I met several times in the same public place a man who attracted my interest. My friends made me back to him and ask his number. So I did. He kindly replied "I can't" which was a lovely response. I am glad they made me do it. It forced me to find words.

 

Interesting response.

 

Good for you. That must have taken courage.

[Sportster2005]

When someone says no to you, don't rule out the fact you might be getting the best of the deal.

[IAmFCA]

My comments, plain spoken and intentionally over-analytical, for your consideration are in brackets.

 

Life with me would be [is?] wonderful. I know, because I spend a lot of time with myself. [This is funny, self deprecating humor. But it made me wonder if there was a little bit of a sad sack feeling underneath your happy exterior. ]

 

I’m here to meet a friend, a lover, a confidante. [LOVE THIS] Someone to explore life with. Someone to have adventures with. Someone to grow old with. I would rather be a traveler, than a tourist. [AND THIS] Someone to protect from whatever they need protecting from. A fearless lover. Someone to fight complacency with. To share a life of compassion with. We don’t have to be compassionate about the same things. Just be compassionate. [Fight complacency: I get it and very real, but is a negative. What is the positive... to embrace adventure? You said that already. Much sexier to walk TOWARDS something than AWAY from something. So I would delete "fight complacency".] [Compassionate. What does this mean? And also, do you also mean "passionate", such as to be passionate about same or different things? This phrase was less powerful than the prior ones, because it is conceptual and not concrete. Consider deleting.]

 

I love live music. I play guitar. Talk of alternate tunings is the ultimate pillow talk. ["... for me. What is yours?" This conveys your value of "passion"]. I do a lot of photography. My interest is in seeing the world in unique and creative ways. Generally love art. [Replace with "Egon Schiele's complexity, Calder's playfulness, the way Gustav Klimt's colors tell a narrative... art captivates me." for example]

 

I’m very active. I run, sometimes marathons. I spend time in the gym. I spend time in the dance studio. Basically I’m trying to cover it all. Endurance, speed, strength, balance and coordination. I hope to be in this body for some time to come. I want to get the most out of it. Besides I get high when I work out. [Delete I am very active. Delete "Basically I'm trying to cover it all." Put "Endurance" sentence first, then list the details. Delete "I get high when..." because I already know you are passionate.]

 

I can do a fairly decent Jive and Cha-Cha. I can also do Drunken Silly Dance™. I want to learn more ballroom style. Would love to compete someday. It’s a stretch goal, starting this late in the game. But I don’t do easy goals. [Delete all, except perhaps append prior paragraph with "I don't do easy goals.]

 

Oh yeah, I forgot Salsa. The dance, not the food. And I might start Tango. [Delete. Save this whole string including the DSD joke for a message exchange.]

 

I’m pretty smart. I work in a technical field. Dang, I better spell check this before I hit enter. I don’t mind if people mix up “there” and “their”. It doesn’t make me smarter to know the difference. It would however make me a knob to correct others.

 

I’ll probably fall behind in a conversation about popular culture.

 

The sound of falling rain is the most peaceful and romantic thing in the world. [HOT]

 

Part time biker in the summer. Love to ride, especially on hot summer nights. [Maybe replace this whole line with "Love to ride [clarify what sort of bike?], especially on hot summer nights."]

 

The one I seek shares my values. I believe in, and practice clear communication. I believe honesty without discretion is cruelty. Maintain the dignity of the other person, even if they sometimes don’t deserve it. Never say words in anger that can never be taken back. Hold people when they cry, no matter why they are crying. Be kind to everyone, you never know what struggles they have. ["The one I seek shares my values" is you-centric. Perhaps "Do you believe, as I do, that: ...]

 

I am fearless in my search. I will not be deterred. I will fall, I will get back up. I will meet her, and we will live happily ever after. I’m serious. [i like this. Innocent, candid. A little scary though, Is he a bit reckless, perhaps?]

I like a bunch of stuff. Let’s leave some stuff to talk about in person. [Delete.]

 

I’m funny too. My cat laughs at me all the time. [Love this.]