The Tale of One Interest

[IAmFCA]

Makes sense. You're recovering from a break up. All break ups happen in our heads, which is when we stare them in the face and brave our new reality. You're doing that now. It makes sense that dating is an effort.

 

I want you to overcome whatever that is inside you that allowed you to give LO power that belongs to you and you alone, always and forever. Like, I want to dive into mom stories, tease out an answer somewhere. Because you are awesome.

[youareworthy]

I agree with ITIC. You are awesome!

[John John]

Agree with ITIC and youareworthy.

 

Sportster, you're the f#%king man. You are a catch, and will eventually meet a great woman with whom you will not have to wonder what is going on on the other side

[superkatnip]

When I felt like that, I knew it was time to recharge. Focus on taking care but of me. If I was thinking that empty, I had nothing to offer anyone else.

[Sportster2005]

Agree with ITIC and youareworthy.

 

Sportster, you're the f#%king man. You are a catch, and will eventually meet a great woman with whom you will not have to wonder what is going on on the other side

 

Thanks folks Love the support.

[Sportster2005]

Still not interested in dating. I put the Harley back on the road, on vacation Taking long rides to no where. It's been over a month since LO gave me the talk. If I could have one magic power it would be to get over people in a reasonable amount of time. All the rational reasons to let her go and move on, are there. But I can't help missing her and wanting to see her again. I have to work harder than most people to move on. And I think big part of it is frustration getting misplaced. I do O,K but just once in my life, I want to get the girl.

[catfeeder]

I have to work harder than most people to move on. And I think big part of it is frustration getting misplaced. I do O,K but just once in my life, I want to get the girl.

 

No, dear, you don't need to work harder than most people. That's something we all tell ourselves when we're suffering the grief of dis-illusion-ment.

 

Attraction + fantasy are a potent potion when combined. These can leave a lasting hangover and cravings in even the strongest people. It's like trying to recover from a drug.

 

You will 'get the girl' when she's the right girl for you. This was not her. She may have been seductive, but she was a flake. You may have enjoyed yourself for a time, but at some point it would have occurred to you that you've put yourself into financial ruin while getting run over--by a flake.

 

Head high, you can do this.

[Sportster2005]

No, dear, you don't need to work harder than most people. That's something we all tell ourselves when we're suffering the grief of dis-illusion-ment.

 

Attraction + fantasy are a potent potion when combined. These can leave a lasting hangover and cravings in even the strongest people. It's like trying to recover from a drug.

 

You will 'get the girl' when she's the right girl for you. This was not her. She may have been seductive, but she was a flake. You may have enjoyed yourself for a time, but at some point it would have occurred to you that you've put yourself into financial ruin while getting run over--by a flake.

 

Head high, you can do this.

 

Thank you Catfeeder. There was something different about me when I woke up this morning. I think time has worked it's magical healing. It's hard for me to imagine ever dating her again.

 

We tell ourselves "it's their loss", to make ourselves feel better. In this case I really do think it's her loss. I don't mean that in a mean selfish way. And it might sound weird, but I'm a bit sad for her. She has so many marriages and relationships. There's something wonderful about her. But there's also something tragic.

 

She claims her third husband was the love of her life. He was an abusive alcoholic and she had to leave him. I think it hurt her and she never fully recovered. She uses her looks and sultriness to attract men. Which is sad because she doesn't have to. And it was a red flag with me from day one. She has some fantastic qualities. She's an enigma. I'll probably always be fond of her. I've reclaimed my confidence. She can't have me, even if she wanted to. I may approach later about private dance lessons. But for now I think a little more time has to pass.

[catfeeder]

I may approach later about private dance lessons. But for now I think a little more time has to pass.

 

Uhm... nobody here can tell you not to do that. But don't do that.

[youareworthy]

Agree with catfeeder on that one, Sport. That's a surefire recipe for a ton of pain. Don't do that.

[Sportster2005]

Agree with catfeeder on that one, Sport. That's a surefire recipe for a ton of pain. Don't do that.

 

Uhm... nobody here can tell you not to do that. But don't do that.

 

Not any time soon, if ever.

 

This thread started about three women.One if them LD was a friend I developed romantic feelings. I tried to hold it together before abandoning her. She is a guitar player and singer. We used to jam and push each other a bit. We were eventually going to do some open mics together. I really struggled to be friends, we both enjoyed this.

 

I bumped into her a couple of months ago. We smiled and exchanged pleasantries. I thought I would try one more time to be friends with her. We talked and I apologized for sort of ghosting her. We are very close friends now. We keep in touch daily, and spend quite a bit of time together. And we are jamming at least once a week. We tell each other all about our dating woes. There isn't much we don't know about each other. And I've passed the friend litmus test. I don't think I could ever have sex with her. It would feel creepy.

 

I would like to do the same with LO some day. Only dancing. Her last text to me was "We have to practice (dancing)". I suspect she was just to rope me into friendship, or keep me as an option, or things didn't work out. Whatever, covering old ground. I even thought of enduring the friend zone to practice with her. She wins awards on the national level for dancing. And I'm sure if I would have became good enough she would invite me to be her dance partner at the various dance events. If nothing else than being some arm candy for her.

 

I wouldn't dare approach it now. Also, the reality is LO and LD are entirely different beasts. And if LO wanted to mislead and put a collar on me with the false promise of a potential relationship I might fall under her spell again..

 

Sigh, the fact I'm even here defending myself kind of says something. .. ...

 

I might bump into her tonight. LD thinks I should ignore her entirely. She feels the way she lead me on at the end was downright cruel. But ignoring her gives her a lot of power. Then again I shouldn't care about power at this point. I believe in always trying to maintain the dignity of people, even if they may not deserve it. She doesn't deserve to be treated harshly. She meant no harm. Just a little self orientated. I'll say hello if she does. I'll be vague and uninterested if she strikes up a conversation. She lost the right to be in my bubble when she made it known there was a previous gentleman she thought she may still have feelings for. To be kind at this point goes beyond nice and enters into the door mat void.

[Sportster2005]

Ugh, a wee setback. LO maintains an FB page. I check it for dance information. She posted something yesterday. FB now adds the location the post was made. It's almost always where she lives. Except this post was from a different part of town. So of course my imagination runs wild, or not. And all I can think is she's at the new guy's place. She has no female friends. Or, Facebook had the location wrong. Or the photo she was sharing was from that location. Long story short I had a real good day until that.

 

I decided not to go where I might bump into her. Part of me was going to go to prove I'm so over her. And if you are doing that, then you probably aren't. I'm kind of bummed, because many single women go to these events. I think for now I will just stick to the dance lessons until I can find a partner to go dancing at these places with.

 

Put a few hundred more km's on the Harley today.

 

That reminds me..... There's a woman that works at a bar, me and some friends go to from time to time. A few months ago a new server was working there. She's drop dead gorgeous. Early 40s I'm guessing. She was our server one day. Now I know it's hard to gauge interest from people in the service industry. They're supposed to be nice. But that day she seemed to go a bit beyond nice. When she was standing behind me she put her two hands my shoulders. Even my friend sitting beside made a comment about it. I said 'nah, she's just being nice, that's what they do" And when we were leaving and I was talking to a friend she was standing a bit away. She came over and jumped into the conversation.

 

On subsequent visit she was a quite a bit more cool. As she walked by I asked her about open mic night. She explained they don't have one anymore. When she took our order, she came back and said "I forgot what you ordered Sir"? Sir ??? Really ?? I was kind of bummed out.

 

Then I found she rides a Harley. She quickly shot up to number one position.

 

The last couple of times we went there we didn't sit in her section. But I made lots and lots of eye contact with her. And it was reciprocated.

 

This past Saturday they had a band playing. One of the friends that go there said she was "Going" on Facebook. Midway though the week I texted to confirm she was going. So I invited myself along. She didn't mind. She usually goes out with a few female friends. So my plan was just to stay long enough to have some fun and dance, and try to get a better feel for this Harley waitress, lets call her Harley Girl.

 

So I get to the bar, and my friend isn't there. I text her. She says she's waiting for a guy friend to pick her up. Umm O.K. So they get there and grab a table. I should mention this friend is kind of attractive and I'm sort of interested. But she has a habit of being incredibly needy. We know this because of past boyfriends. But I'm there to check out Harley Girl and enjoy the band. But when she showed up she looked amazing. I've never seen her polished up. Kind of got my attention.

 

Then when her friend went to get her a drink I asked how she knew him. They met on POF a while ago. I said so you're on a date with him?? and you agreed to meet me here??? She said he was O.K. with it. I wasn't. Now I'm the third wheel.

 

I went outside for something and Harley Girl was having a smoke break. Crap, game over.

 

I hung around for a bit longer. Made some excuse and left. I thought it was a bit thick of her to not tell me earlier she was coming with a date. I would have made other plans instead of being a third wheel. I think she may have done it to make him jealous, or me jealous, or both. I think she may be interested in me.

 

The next evening my friend texting me. She's never done that before.

 

Damn I can't find a woman with a Harley who doesn't smoke. And they're very hard to find. And even when I do there's a hundred single guys with Harley's competing for them. And she was pretty hot. I hate to say 'out of my league' but.. yeah .. kind of. ....doesn't matter. Smoker. Or maybe I'm being too inflexible? I used to smoke.

[reinventmyself]

 

Damn I can't find a woman with a Harley who doesn't smoke. And they're very hard to find. And even when I do there's a hundred single guys with Harley's competing for them. And she was pretty hot. I hate to say 'out of my league' but.. yeah .. kind of. ....doesn't matter. Smoker. Or maybe I'm being too inflexible? I used to smoke.

 

Your deal breakers are always up for renegotiation at anytime. Something to think about.

[thejigsup]

I wouldn't negotiate on smoking. The vilest habit ever! Have you ever kissed someone who smokes? Gag! I used to smoke many, many, years ago and it is one of my two absolute deal breakers. The other is drinking. I don't drink and I don't want to be with someone who drinks, even socially. Sometimes our boundaries are healthy ones.

[superkatnip]

I had a few deal breakers that never wavered. Smoking was one of them, and yes, I smoked years ago too.

[youareworthy]

I agree that smoking is a good dealbreaker. My mom now has a lot of lung trouble, and she never smoked, but she grew up with parents who smoked, and she married a smoker (he quit smoking when I was 6 though). The doctors have told her that these lung issues are all from the second hand smoke.

 

Personally, I wouldn't go there, anyway.

[catfeeder]

You're a runner and you've chosen a screenname like 'Sportster.'

 

Think.

[Sportster2005]

You're a runner and you've chosen a screenname like 'Sportster.'

 

Think.

 

Not sure I follow??

[thejigsup]

They meant this: Running and being athletic is healthy. Smoking is anything but. Why on earth would you want to be with a smoker?

[maker]

Heh, that smoking deal breaker of yours reminded me of a profile I saw just today, perhaps because I'm also a non-smoker and I can't stand the smell that permeates pretty much everything. A girl had "smoking: never" on her profile and the very first pic showed her with a big a** cigar. Guess there's never and then there's "never".

[Sportster2005]

Heh, that smoking deal breaker of yours reminded me of a profile I saw just today, perhaps because I'm also a non-smoker and I can't stand the smell that permeates pretty much everything. A girl had "smoking: never" on her profile and the very first pic showed her with a big a** cigar. Guess there's never and then there's "never".

 

It's getting harder and harder to be surprised online.

[IAmFCA]

It's getting harder and harder to be surprised online.

 

An occasional cigar like once every 5 years can happen in the context of a celebration, a beach sunset and glass of burgundy. To me, the cigar doesn't imply smoking though I see that sounds ludicrous in print.

 

My friend just reported to the on line service a man who was messaging her, whose several pics were actually of an Italian model, whereas he reported living in an average US suburb.

 

A recent profile popped up for me twice in a row,once with stunt double then with investment banker as occupations. I called the guy out. Presuming he's telling the truth, he owned up.

 

It's hard to know what's real except for trusting one's instincts. So for the guy with the occupational switcheroo I still don't believe him. I suspect he's embellished the truth because he lives in an average every day suburb. It doesn't fit.

 

I would have not questioned it otherwise.

[IAmFCA]

I haven't smoked a cigar in years. But maybe I would? Maybe not? Don't know.

 

Smoking is a deal breaker. I don't even begin.

 

My other weird, controversial deal breaker has to do with religion. I'm not sure I agree with myself but my instincts tell me to stick with it so I do.

[maker]

An occasional cigar like once every 5 years can happen in the context of a celebration, a beach sunset and glass of burgundy. To me, the cigar doesn't imply smoking though I see that sounds ludicrous in print.

 

My friend just reported to the on line service a man who was messaging her, whose several pics were actually of an Italian model, whereas he reported living in an average US suburb.

 

A recent profile popped up for me twice in a row,once with stunt double then with investment banker as occupations. I called the guy out. Presuming he's telling the truth, he owned up.

 

It's hard to know what's real except for trusting one's instincts. So for the guy with the occupational switcheroo I still don't believe him. I suspect he's embellished the truth because he lives in an average every day suburb. It doesn't fit.

 

I would have not questioned it otherwise.

 

Agreed, a cigar every now and then is not on the same level as smoking, I found it more funny than anything else. That particular site has the major bits of information right next to the profile pic, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed. Now I'm tempted to take a pic of myself with a pint in each hand, some ridiculous beer brand t-shirt an a row of beer bottles behind me. Drinks: never.

 

Religion can be a really touchy subject, but at least over here most people don't believe in anything, so I've that going for me.

[IAmFCA]

Agreed, a cigar every now and then is not on the same level as smoking, I found it more funny than anything else. That particular site has the major bits of information right next to the profile pic, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed. Now I'm tempted to take a pic of myself with a pint in each hand, some ridiculous beer brand t-shirt an a row of beer bottles behind me. Drinks: never.

 

Religion can be a really touchy subject, but at least over here most people don't believe in anything, so I've that going for me.

 

Don't do the funny pic! It may weed out people who would share your sense of humor IRL. Sarcasm in a profile is hard to convey in the proper context... we are all in that cess pool together, so why make fun of it.

 

Still, I get your point. I think that's why the career switcheroo guy did what he did with stunt double etc. Making fun of the whole thing. Now I don't know where his humor ends and truth begins, so it's tougher to get past the facade and to the real person underneath.