Randomly talking to women, Creepy? or Welcomed?

[Moontiger]

I'm completely with you! Certain actions are just plain, flat out, creepy. I have known many girls, when I see how they interact with men, it's creepy. Like the girl who could never be alone, had to be with her BF 24/7, or the girl who changed who entire wardrobe everttime she dated someone new, etc.

 

We have insticts for a reason. If I can a creepy vibe I'm not going to sit there and say "Oh, don't be judgemental." I am going to get the heck out. You hear it all the time where a come ends up in a bad situation and when asked how it started she'll say "Well, it felt weird but I didn't want to be rude."

 

Ladies and Men, if something feels creepy, RUN.

[Sportster2005]

Funny always makes me feel at ease when a man speaks to me randomly. In the check out line or sitting in some waiting room someplace I find the funny guys don't creep me out. The ones that go straight for "your so hot" and immediately ask if I'm single do creep me out. Just my experience.

 

If a man is talking to you, it's not random.

[Sportster2005]

I often wonder this, too. I would say funny and easy going is the way to go. I actually was approached by two different women in random situations and I kept the conversation going. Being approached on its own made me feel good! I got a pic with one(married, nice lady) and the other I got a hug, kiss, phone number. I likely would have gotten farther with the 2nd one if she wasn't leaving for home from vacation the next day. I have also approached on my own as well. I can't say I had success, but just being able to with confidence and the ability to strike up a conversation was a positive to me.

 

It wasn't random.

[ParisPaulette]

We have insticts for a reason. If I can a creepy vibe I'm not going to sit there and say "Oh, don't be judgemental." I am going to get the heck out. You hear it all the time where a come ends up in a bad situation and when asked how it started she'll say "Well, it felt weird but I didn't want to be rude."

 

Ladies and Men, if something feels creepy, RUN.

 

Exactly this!!!! A good buddy of mine was shot and left for dead, because he ignored that little voice telling him something was wrong when he stopped to roll his window down and ask if everything after being approached by someone he said was clearly, clearly a drug addict with a very scary expression on his face. But there was a woman partially hidden behind the guy and my friend, being the gentleman he is, was so worried about her he failed to see the gun the guy had in his hand. They shot him in the face, dumped him into the street in the cold and drove away with his car. He managed to crawl to a nearby gas station that thankfully was open at that ridiculous hour. He survived, but it was touchy for awhile. He gave me Gavin Potter's book The Gift of Fear at one point and told me it should be recommended reading. So yeah, listen to your instincts always.

 

Also if you look around this forum you see a ton of "I didn't initially like her/him, something seemed off, but they pursued me and I gave in.…" only to have it turn out the person was right from the very first moment that something was off. So yep, body language and listen to your gut. So you offend someone out to get you in the first place or maybe not, so what. You're still alive, stop griping.

 

Bottom line, body language and your own instincts will serve you well no matter who you talk to or choose to talk to.

[j.man]

My uncle got beat to an inch of his life by a dude who his instincts told he should cross the street to avoid. But the guy was black and my uncle didn't want to be racist. It's a Hispanic neighborhood so not too many black people around, but he still should've trusted his street senses enough to know he wasn't just scared because of the guy's skin color.

 

There's a time and place for idealism. Sometimes you gotta ask yourself, "Just who am I trying to prove myself to??"

 

I know it's a radical example and I'm not saying all "creepy" dudes are out to abduct a woman, but I don't think anyone's entitled to put themselves out more than they'd like to simply because they'd appear close-minded.

[Sportster2005]

No one talks to you randomly.

 

Make eye contact first. If the woman reciprocates, approach. If she's sitting in Starbucks with headphones and reading. Leave her alone.

 

Cold approach isn't my thing. If an opportunity presents itself I'll take advantage of it.

 

I still think the best way to meet women/men is through mutual friends, and through groups of shared interests, i.e. running clubs, fight club, art classes etc.

 

Attractive men have MUCH more leeway when approaching women. If Ryan Reynolds pulled up in a pickup truck and offered his number, I don't think too many women would feel creeped out. Hell I might even consider switching teams. But I won't type that out loud.

[TMifune]

Attractive men have MUCH more leeway when approaching women. If Ryan Reynolds pulled up in a pickup truck and offered his number, I don't think too many women would feel creeped out. Hell I might even consider switching teams. But I won't type that out loud.

 

Men and women both. It's called the Halo Effect. People assume that someone has good intentions or is generally a good person because they perceive that person as attractive.

 

 

 

I'm super excited for the Deadpool movie (staring Ryan Reynolds) but I just don't see him as particularly attractive. I never understood the fuss.

[TMifune]

Also if you look around this forum you see a ton of "I didn't initially like her/him, something seemed off, but they pursued me and I gave in.…" only to have it turn out the person was right from the very first moment that something was off. So yep, body language and listen to your gut. So you offend someone out to get you in the first place or maybe not, so what. You're still alive, stop griping.

 

And if you look around here and talk to people in real life, you'll find just as many "I didn't really like him or her at first and thought they were weird, but after x,y,z events we ended up together and I couldn't be happier stories.

 

I think the idea that everyone's "intuition" is perfectly calibrated is absurd.

 

I'm really, really sorry about your friend. But this thread has me imagining a guy following a woman through a parking lot "excuse me, miss" "Excuse me".....she jumps in her car, tires squeal she almost runs an old man over trying to get out...oh, god...oh god....meanwhile the guy's left standing there scratching his head thinking..."You...you dropped your glove, I just wanted to give it back to you".

 

What I'm talking about is when your intuition is poorly calibrated and you see threat where threats don't exist. I don't want people to ignore threats, only be better at identifying them.

[Striker0602]

No one talks to you randomly.

 

Make eye contact first. If the woman reciprocates, approach. If she's sitting in Starbucks with headphones and reading. Leave her alone.

 

Cold approach isn't my thing. If an opportunity presents itself I'll take advantage of it.

 

I still think the best way to meet women/men is through mutual friends, and through groups of shared interests, i.e. running clubs, fight club, art classes etc.

 

Attractive men have MUCH more leeway when approaching women. If Ryan Reynolds pulled up in a pickup truck and offered his number, I don't think too many women would feel creeped out. Hell I might even consider switching teams. But I won't type that out loud.

 

Ryan Reynolds IS dreamy.... but I agree, guy or girl, starting out with the looks advantage helps. As far as the "gut feeling" is concerned. You hear stories going in both directions. My mom was not at all interested in my dad, even thought he was (in her words) "skeezy"... he persisted, 30 years later they're still married. Theres tons of posts on this site saying "I didn't like him at first but hes amazing now" ... i know thats not the same as creepy, but it is evidence of instincts being wrong. Not that I'm disagreeing with those that follow their instincts, I just dont think its always that cut and dry.

[j.man]

I'm super excited for the Deadpool movie (staring Ryan Reynolds) but I just don't see him as particularly attractive. I never understood the fuss.

Come on, man. I have abs, but I've never had Ryan Reynolds abs. He's got one of the most symmetrical 6-packs I've seen.

 

Not ashamed to admit I may have gawked once or twice.

[TMifune]

Come on, man. I have abs, but I've never had Ryan Reynolds abs. He's got one of the most symmetrical 6-packs I've seen.

 

Not ashamed to admit I may have gawked once or twice.

 

Guess I've only seen him in scenes where he had a shirt on.

[John John]

I have to kinda agree with jman. Ryan Reynold's abs are like the epitome of what all us other men want. I've NEVER had abs like that, and probably never will (I have a 6 pack in the morning on an empty stomach). Stubborn belly fat is so damn hard to lose, and not sure it's really worth the extreme effort you have to make. But I will keep trying!

[TMifune]

I have to kinda agree with jman. Ryan Reynold's abs are like the epitome of what all us other men want. I've NEVER had abs like that, and probably never will (I have a 6 pack in the morning on an empty stomach). Stubborn belly fat is so damn hard to lose, and not sure it's really worth the extreme effort you have to make. But I will keep trying!

 

Well, and that's the thing. When celebrities are training for movie roles they have 6-12 hours a day just to work on fitness. It's like being a body-builder, having fitness as pretty much a full-time job. It's not realistic for most of us, working 10-12 hours a day with very little in the way of "good" options for meals while at work and still find time for the gym.

 

I'm actually tempted to put on weight....drive the shallow girls away......But my broader strategy of just driving away ALL the girls seems to keep the shallow ones at bay too.

[John John]

Well, and that's the thing. When celebrities are training for movie roles they have 6-12 hours a day just to work on fitness. It's like being a body-builder, having fitness as pretty much a full-time job. It's not realistic for most of us, working 10-12 hours a day with very little in the way of "good" options for meals while at work and still find time for the gym.

 

I'm actually tempted to put on weight....drive the shallow girls away......But my broader strategy of just driving away ALL the girls seems to keep the shallow ones at bay too.

 

I had a 6 pack for a hot minute when I was about 18. But guess what I was eating? Water, sugar free jello, and salads...that's about it. Ever since then, my attitude at least with the 6 pack thing is mostly "eff it." I have a great build already (shoulders, arms, chest, legs)...I don't have the time to workout 10 days a week and starve myself (and then have to keep doing that to maintain it).

 

As long as my tummy is mostly flat (and it is - just somewhat obscured by a small layer of fat that doesn't want to go away), I'm fine with it. I have to live my life.

 

I also have my doubts as to how much women care about that. I think if you have an overall solid build (I think they particularly care about chest, shoulders, and butt - all of which I'm pretty set with), abs don't matter too much.

 

But different strokes for different folks

[Batya33]

I wouldn't talk to a random guy who would say, hey, here's my phone number, call me. I would talk to someone if they tried to start a normal conversation at a cafe or a bus stop. I'm sociable, in general, so, I talk to everyone who seems normal enough and talks normal enough. As long as the approach isn't too obvious...i.e. you're pretty, let's talk...I hate that.

 

I'm on the same wavelength as Miss Marple. In a random public place, I err on the side of assuming the person wants alone time/space even if they do not have headphones on. I am referring to platonic "approaches" but I think it's the same idea. I would not like if a man stood too close to me or seemed to be checking me out in a random public place.

[Rosti87]

As a woman I have to admit Ryan is a yummy. But I would not say his abs is what draws me in. It is his overall large frame and his pleasant demeanor. He does not appear to take himself seriously. And he has great comedic timing. Lord knows what he is like behind closed doors but publicly he comes off as jovially appealing

[TMifune]

I'm on the same wavelength as Miss Marple. In a random public place, I err on the side of assuming the person wants alone time/space even if they do not have headphones on. I am referring to platonic "approaches" but I think it's the same idea. I would not like if a man stood too close to me or seemed to be checking me out in a random public place.

 

I'm intrigued by the concept of assuming that people in public don't want to be in public.

[Batya33]

I'm intrigued by the concept of assuming that people in public don't want to be in public.

 

Well no that's not true at all. I think people who are in public places like waiting for a bus, at a coffee shop alone, are also entitled to their personal space and to be left alone other than things like "would you mind moving your bag so I can sit down?" I don't always want to be in public -sometimes I have to be -to commute, to go shopping, run errands, etc. If someone is at a place where socializing is expected or the point of being there that is different. An example -we have a small workout room in my building. I go there almost every weekday morning at the same time. My neighbor also is there at that time and sometimes one or two other people. I figured out very quickly that the guy prefers to be left alone -he has on his headphones, he has a business news channel on, he does an intense and long workout.

 

The typical "etiquette" in that room is to say hi if you happen to make eye contact and then do your workout but I sensed immediately that he wouldn't like even that. So I simply let him be. It would be quite rude on my part to force him to make small talk at 7:30am because "I assume you want to be in public". If he wanted to chat with me I would because it would make my work out go faster and it's neat to meet someone new.

[TMifune]

I do get what you're saying, it was just funny to me the way it sounded. Sometimes you just want to be left alone to do your thing, even if that requires moving through public spaces. I just don't think it's too big a deal for people to just polite refuse conversation and go about their thing. So I guess I'd say, if it's clear conversation is unwelcome, don't initiate it, but if you're in the position of having a conversation you don't want initiated "at you" find a way to politely dismiss / end it. And if that happens the initiator should graceful walk away or stop or whatever.

 

It's like handshaking in communications protocols. "Hi, would you like to communicate". "Yes I would like to communicate" "Okay, initiating communication".

Alternatively. "Would you like to communicate" "No, I don't wish to communicate" "Okay, terminating communication"

 

The problem comes when the signals get crossed. I don't think anyone's wrong for initiating, regardless of what the person they're trying to talk to is doing. It's only when the "no" comes and isn't respected that I really see a problem.

[cingularity83]

I had to log in just to co-sign on this insightful comment.

 

I also want to add that unless I'm inside of building I have policy to never approach a girl outside once the sunsets and it's starting to get dark. I hate putting people in uncomfortable situations.

[ParisPaulette]

I wasn't talking about just "didn't like him" and I should have clarified that as more when someone has their instincts are saying something is wrong or off in the beginning. Those I think are correct. That is very different than just the whole "Yeah, not really caring about this person or the way they laugh/talk/etc." And if I approach someone and they squeal away from me big fricking deal. I was already approaching a stranger, if they panic and leap into their car and leave me holding their glove that's their problem. It wont' offend me so badly that I urge everyone to toss their instincts under the bus and stand there letting someone get too close to them on a dark street corner, because lord forbid you should offend someone by demanding they stay out of your personal space and show you a bit of respect.

 

That's what I'm talking about. And I do not agree. Most people do have decent instincts, they just end up shouting them down or ignoring them. Every time I did I nearly got myself killed and it's happened three times, so yeah I don't really care if I offend anyone. Conversely a few weeks ago I prevented someone from mugging me, because I did listen to those instincts. I looked at the guy's body language and knew he was not coming at me to make polite conversation. And no he wasn't. According the cop who caught him later I was lucky, he beat some old lady up and put her in the hospital a few days before he tried to rob me. So nope, my instincts are just fine and if I have an off day that's just too bad for you. It's not like I'm out shooting people if I don't like them or think they might be a threat. Then yes, someone can get upset if they try to approach me and I shoot at them, sure. We can all get upset over that, but we aren't talking about that. We're talking about simple "approach a stranger and if you get your feelings hurt you'll live."

 

Read "The Gift of Fear." He pretty much lays out when, where and how to be cautious. And pay attention to body language, it will tell you everything. I do it with animals too, something way too many people don't do and end up getting bitten because "gosh, the dog didn't growl at me, so I thought he was friendly..."

 

And I totally can't wait to see the Deadpool movie. Ryan Reynolds is hot because of his smile, that's it guys, his smile. I don't think I've ever even noticed his abs. It's that little crooked smile and the fact that the guy is funny. He may not be like that in real life, but he generally plays funny guys. Except in "Captive" a movie I didn't care for because it was kind of badly done to begin with. He was okay, but the material he had to work with just wasn't good. Plus yeah, a bit nightmare inducing.

 

Nope I land on the side of if your instincts are saying, "Something is off, this feels wrong, guy or gal seems strange or something doesn't sit right with me here" get out of there. If you're wrong well there's plenty of time to fix it later.

[Moontiger]

*slow clap*

[Sportster2005]

I have to kinda agree with jman. Ryan Reynold's abs are like the epitome of what all us other men want. I've NEVER had abs like that, and probably never will (I have a 6 pack in the morning on an empty stomach). Stubborn belly fat is so damn hard to lose, and not sure it's really worth the extreme effort you have to make. But I will keep trying!

 

Like a lot of those qualities, you have to work hard AND win the DNA lottery.

[ParisPaulette]

Like a lot of those qualities, you have to work hard AND win the DNA lottery.

 

Also don't get old. I used to have a midriff that would've made Britney Spears weep with envy. Those days are sadly gone and no amount of crunches or depriving myself of food will bring them back. I don't remember the saying I saw somewhere but it went something like this, "I want to be skinny and pretty, but then there's cake." Or in my case a margarita and pile of Chile Rellenos and enchiladas served with tons of pico de gallo and sour cream. I could live happily on that every single day for the rest of my life. It doesn't help that Hubs is a fantastic cook and gets it just right.

 

If I worked in an industry where my body and face were my fortune I'd have personal trainers and personal chefs and the time to work out two hours a day and then I'm sure that plus a nip and tuck here and nip and tuck, okay full-on forklift there, could probably get me to looking fab. And let's not forget the airbrushing and lighting. Hah.

 

But I'm no Ryan Reynolds, so no worries. I will just keep eating good food and burning it off where I can cleaning out the horse stables.

[TMifune]

And I totally can't wait to see the Deadpool movie.

 

This makes me optimistic that there's a girl out there somewhere who'd rather go to the Deadpool movie next Valentine's day than like eat at an overcrowded restaurant. I doubt I'll meet her, but I like thinking she's out there!