Serendipity vs. Meeting People Online: What do you prefer?

[Double J]

Merriam-Webster defines serendipity as "the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for."

 

I wanted to start a thread on this because I want to see what everyone thinks. A lot of people rather stick to the conventional way of meeting people by chance in person, whereas, other people like how meeting people online first lets you weed out the bad apples and choose who you want to meet given a certain criteria.

 

I, personally, have met a few girls online and have had something brief yet serious with only one. It was great, and she was very physically attractive, but it just doesn't compare to how things came together with my high school ex, who I did meet in person unexpectedly. We just met unexpectedly on a school field trip, and I just never saw it coming - it's almost as if the opportunity landed on my lap.

 

If I had to pick, I would definitely prefer serendipitous meetings over meeting people online. With all due respect to people on this site who have found love online, the online way to me seems more fabricated. Of course, it has its perks, where its easier to talk and possibly get to know someone quicker like that. Still, I prefer meeting someone when least expected.

 

The main difference between both is that with online dating, you seem to have more control over what happens. You can go browsing for prospects whenever you wish, but in person you can always meet potentials in unexpected ways and situations..

 

What do you guys prefer?

[ShySoul]

Love shouldn't be something that you make happen, it should be something that happens naturally. Love also tends to find people when they least expect it. So, I'll take the old fashioned serendipitous method.

 

As for online dating, it could work but it doesn't necessarily provide the level of control you mentioned. Yes, you can go browsing through ads and be selective with your picks. But you are taking them on their word that everything they say is true. It's alot easier to lie online then in person because of the aninimity (sp?) that allows people to feel like they can open up more. It's also easy to let yourself go and build up a fantasy that doesn't quite match up to reality when you finally do meet.

[RayKay]

I think most people will answer I would love to just bump into someone but the truth is as you get older, and people get busier, or there are les singles out there, people need to start broadening their ways of meeting people.

 

I have done the online dating thing a couple times. Once I ended up with my now-ex for 16 months....we are still friends and I am very glad I met him.

 

Now, I am living with my bf whom I also met online. We might have bumped into each other eventually as we have some mutual friends, and compete at the same races sometimes, but we sped things up a bit...and I don't see anything wrong with that!

 

I think anyway that you meet someone whom is going to be someone very special to you is fine - whether it be in the produce aisle, or with the click of some buttons. Sure there are some people online who may not be who they say they are, but I have met people in REAL life who are just as able to "lead people on" and not present their true selves. And most people online who are serious about it, will be true to themselves and present themselves honestly.

 

I do think that if you are going online, you should not drag out the meeting for a long time if you are both interested, you might as well find out how well you are going to be in real life (or not)

 

I should know, as I met the most wonderful guy I could of every asked for...and we knew almost right away we were going to go somewhere together

[Double J]

Any guys with responses?

[WECoyote]

Well, interesting topic... This topic is even more so interesting at this particular point in my life. I'll try to keep this concise and to the point but I feel a little background is waranted. So, here goes.

 

I never really though about the idea of Serendipity until one day shortly after my wife and I separated. I was watching TV in my deep depression. While channel surfing, I came accross the movie Serendipity. Luckily, I came in at the beginning and immediately became interested in the movie. After the movie ended, I immediately proclaimed it was my favorite movie of all time and there isn't another movie to even come close. I still feel this way for that matter.

 

Anyway, I never really thought about comparing Serendipty with online chatting/dating until I came accross this thread. It's actually a very interesting idea to consider. This thread has actually caused me to evaluate the people I have known in my life and the people who are important to me. This is what I came up with.

 

People other than my family that are important to me I will use initals for thier names:

 

DR - My HS sweetheart - This was a serendiptous meeting. Funny enough, I was actually grieving over the loss of my then most recent ex-girlfriend (CN) . She was also my first True Love.

 

KC - My Wife (currently separated but trying to work things out) - This was a serendipitous meeting. Okay... never really though about it til now but oddly enough, I met my wife while entertaining the idea of possibly dating my ex-girlfriend (CN) (The one I was grieving when I met my HS sweetheart). This was 4 years later and had no contact with the gf in that time period. I just walked into a bar, and there they were.

 

TR - My best friend (More like a brother to me) - This was a serendipitous meeting. We were brought together in HS. We shared a few classes.

 

TL - My oldest friend (Much like a sister to me) - This was a serendipitous meeting. We were in the same daycare when we were 3 yrs old. We went all the way through school together.

 

JA - My cool friend from Maryland who works with horses. - Don't really know what category this one falls under. I was in college and in a chatroom. Don't really remember if I was trying to meet someone or not. I guess we will call this serendiptous yet planned. Anyway, oddly enough, we got to talking about horses. Which I knew nothing about until I met CN (ex-gf)

 

JB - My riding buddy (Much like a father to me) - This was a serendipitous meeting. I met him in a bar through a group of mutual friends.

 

LN - My Medic friend (Kinda like a mother to me) - This was an arranged thing. I met her online whie agonizing over my separation.

 

Finally...

 

SI - My most recent gf - This was an arranged thing. I met her online while separated because I was thoroughly convinced that my marriage was deffinately over. We got to talking about Maryland which I would have known nothing about if it weren't for knowing JA.

 

So, with this information, and looking at how things tie together, Isn't all of life Serendipitous?

 

With exception of my Best Friend, my Oldest Friend, and my Riding Buddy, I have met all of the important people to me in my life through some how or some way my ex-gf CN. I'm sure I could tie everything together eventually. But that's too long to do here. My point is this, there is serendipity in everything. However, I can say, the people that mean the most to me in my life, I have found without looking, they have just fallen into my lap so to speak. I think the truest of loves happen when you aren't expecting it and aren't looking for it.

 

So I know that was a long explanation to a simple question, and the short answer is this. Serendipity ALWAYS!!!!!!!!

[RayKay]

Here's something else to add to the mix though...even online can be serendipity.

 

For example, my bf and I both met without any intention or belief it would be anything more than a fun date. Neither of us were looking anymore and were happy being single. Neither of us thought we would have all that much between us. We had some things in common, yes, such as similar active/outdoor lifestyles, but never figured we were what one another was looking for nor were we looking at that point for anything serious after both having some jaded pasts recently. But once we met, that night we both knew this was something else altogether.

 

So even if you ARE online, you can have no expectations and it can still "just happen". Yes you are online so I guess technically you are looking...but not always seriously. Some of us are just there for fun and don't plan on anything more coming from it. We both found in each other what we never even knew we were looking for until we met, in other words.

 

Can't it be serendipity that you were both on the same site, both took interest in one another, had maybe been in same place as one another many times but had not yet bumped into one another? And then while you do have to "plan" to meet, it is still like everything in your life thus far brought you to that moment?

 

I don't think online is much less "serendipitous" then going to same school, or to a bar to meet people for example. In either case, events have to happen that lead to the meeting.

[GettingOverIt]

Well, as a guy, I have to say I would prefer meeting someone by chance in person rather than online...

 

I have had a couple girlfriends that I met online first - one lived down the road and the other lived accross the country. The first ended up being 2+ years, the other lasted a few months.

 

My longest and deepest relationships are the ones where we first met face-to-face, through college, work, or whatever.

 

For me, there is just something about 'bumping into' the person who ultimately captures your heart.... Does that mean I would rule out meeting someone online (should I ever find myself in the position to do so)? No... I am not saying I'd go to a dating site or anything, but even online you meet people that can touch you and something grows from it...

 

LOL, guess I'm torn on the subject, eh! Well, that's what happens when you ask for a guy's opinion!!! LOL!

[Cynder]

I find this topic interesting personally because I met my husband online, but I still believe it was a serindipity meeting...

 

I was not online looking for anyone to hook up with, and niether was he. It was not a classic internet meeting like you usually here about, i.e, 2 people meet in some chatroom, they live far away from one another, they slowly fall for each other, and one moves to be with the other, etc.

 

Niether one of us go into chat rooms, for one. We lived in the same town also. We just happened to come accross eachother online rather than in the real world. When the contact first started (I was the one who initiated it), I didn't really expect anything other then (at most) and online friendship. But we moved from email to AIM, to phonecalls, to hanging out in real life.

 

Meeting online does present problems though. In our case he didn't seem to believe anything I told him about myself. He thought the pics I sent him were fake, he thought the name I gave was fake, etc. So I had to work hard to convince him of everything. In fact in the beginning he assumed I was some guy messing with his head, lol. This iritated me just a bit, but that all got worked out when we actually met. I also see it this way, obviously he believed me to some digree or else he would not have met me.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I don't care if I meet her online, on the subway, at a party, at a rally or under my bed, just as long as I meet her. I have no room to spare to be picky.

[fantasia2004]

In person is better By chance without trying.