Feeing horrible - just broke up with my girlfriend

[jbone1973]

Ok so here's the storey. I have just broke up with my girlfriend that I have been with for a year. My situation is strange because I really love her more than anything and miss her more than I have ever missed anyone but the truth is that I don't think she's good for me. Since meeting her I have become really anxious and not sleeping to the point where it's seriously affecting my work and mental health.

 

When I first met her she was having casual sex with people and told me every gory detail about the things she has done such as threesomes ect which has always played on my mind and made me not trust her. She also slept with someone else when we first got together. We had broke up at the time but she was texting me every day trying to get me back when she went with the other guy which is what I think made me anxious. If I could press a button and stop stressing about it I would have stayed with her but it doesn't matter what I do I'm get more anxious all the time. If you read my first post on here I left a message detailing all the things that happened to lead me to this.

 

What amazes me is that when I got divorced after twelve years of marriage I felt none if these feelings but now after a year with this girl I am in bits. Feeling depressed and missing her so much I can't breath although I still feel that I will be better of if I can stay away. Her x husband also suffered from mental health problems when he was with her which also worried me. I have definitely gone down hill since meeting her and have no confidence or self belief. I think I must be crazy to finish it with someone I love that much but sometimes people are not good for each other. Really need some help to get over this. Any word of wisdom will be appreciated.

[DoF]

The way you feel it's completely normal. You SHOULD feel this way.

 

What's most important is that you made a smart/sound decision. Stick with it and make sure she is blocked/ignored completely and there is absolutely no contact.

 

In time you WILL feel better. And remember, any contact from her = reset of your healing time, so don't do it.

 

I wish you luck. In 3-6 months you will be ready to date again and hopefully find someone that you deserve. This girl is NOT it.

[Person1001]

I am going through the exact situation, the worries in the relationship didn't affect me as much as they affected you, but I'm sure over time that would happen. I miss my ex dearly, but I left him because he was not right for me and in the end I don't think he ever really cared about me that much. The hurt you feel is normal and that's because your ex was a part of your life and temporarily when going out w/her you fit your life around her (that's what happened to me). I am completely cutting him from my life because I don't want him in my life, if I did it would be in the capacity of a romantic relationship, but I know if I stayed or if I go back, my life will be misery. As the poster above me said stay strong, you will be tempted to contact her, get back w/her etc, but time will heal wounds and I am looking forward to the day where my ex is a distant memory and good lesson in my life.

[catfeeder]

You did the right thing, and you'll start to feel better over time as long as you can trust that instead of drilling into doubt.

 

When I first met her she was having casual sex with people and told me every gory detail about the things she has done such as threesomes ect which has always played on my mind and made me not trust her.

 

Uhm, this wasn't a red flag, it was a giant neon sign that this woman is a mess. It's entirely inappropriate to discuss your prior sex life with a partner beyond your current STD status. Her lack of concern for how her blabbermouth would impact you, much less whatever her sexual history says about her ability to form and nurture a monogamous relationship, was a clear indicator that involving yourself with this woman would be like walking into a propellor blade.

 

You may have ignored that then, but now you can see 'why' you'll need to use more discretion in choosing future partners. That's not a disaster, it's your learning path--most of us have needed to take the long road and the hard way to teach ourselves how to use better judgment going forward. So just consider it your tuition.

 

On top of that, you've demo'd to yourself that you're strong enough to walk away from a bad situation, and you can parlay that into a self esteem builder. If you use this time properly, you'll grow more confident in your own judgment. If instead, you use this time to belabor the stuff that kept you in a high anxiety state, you'll only take up where she left off in keeping yourself miserable.

 

I'd make it my private goal to adopt pride in your decision instead, and to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resiliency and ability to bounce back from this. I'd hire a counselor who can help you work through your grief, which is natural. An objective expert can help you find the pearls and the confidence to move forward and build a great future for yourself--by selecting only trustworthy people to enter and become a part of your life.

 

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[DoF]

Agreed with above. No one should EVER talk about anything sexual from the past unless we are talking STDs, Porn/Nudes or high # of partners.

 

ANYTHING else = will only do harm.

 

Don't ask and don't tell. Goes for both men and women.

[jbone1973]

Thanks for the words of wisdom. My x has text me 20 times today trying to get me back. I have nearly folded already. Trying to be strong

[catfeeder]

Thanks for the words of wisdom. My x has text me 20 times today trying to get me back. I have nearly folded already. Trying to be strong

 

Block her or hit delete.

 

Consider this a favor you've done her that will challenge her to stand on her own two feet and pull her life together. You can't do this 'for' her, so quit the indulgence and move yourself to higher ground.