jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Hi, This is my first post here. I am 41 and was previously married for 12 years and got divorced nearly three years ago. The break up was easy for me as we had just fallen out of love with each other and I never missed my wife at all. I thought I would remain single for years and didn't want to get into another relationship. I then met a girl a year ago and we were just seeing each other for a bit of fun an company. I found her so sexy and loved spending time with her but new I didn't want to be in a relationship as she is a handful. At the beginning she told me all about her sexual history. She had pre had various f**k buddies the year before, been sleeping with 20 year olds from well know sports teams, she had had threesomes and slept with loads of people I knew years ago. After she told me all this I just didn't want to be in a relationship with her but over time I have fell for her. In the first few months I finished it five times as I new she would cause me anxiety and worry. Each time she begged me to go back with her and I gave in. The first time I finished with her was because she had asked me to meet up with her and a male friend for a drink, this ended in her having a horrible argument with the guy that got very aggressive and nearly come to blows. I couldn't believe how aggressive she was and I finished it. She then text me fifty times a day telling me how much she wanted me and after about two weeks of constantly texting me I gave in and went back with her. A few months after we were getting on really well and she asked if I had been with anyone else since we had been seeing each other. I said that I hadn't but she then told me that she had been with someone in the two weeks we had split after our argument. By this time I was totally in love with her. I finished with her again straight away and was really hurt. Again she text me constantly for two weeks offering me sexual favours and using every trick in the book. I then started to think that what she did wasn't a problem as we were not together at the time she was with the other guy and I got back together with her. The problem is that since then I have become very anxious which is making me ill and affecting my mental health and I don't trust her at all. I have nearly had a nervous break down when she has a night out. The tables have turned In our relationship and now it is me that is crazy about her and I have stopped seeing my friends. My hole life seems to revolve around sorting her problems out and my issues never get resolved. My main problem now is that I cant sleep worrying that I am with someone that is going to cause me pain. I cant stop thinking about her sleeping with another guy and the fact that she has had a threesome with two guys in the past. In the back of my mind I think she has been a complete slag and I keep visualising her with two guys and it makes me feel sick. I have been put on anxiety medication and waiting for counselling on the NHS. I really do feel like I am loosing my mind and its making me ill. I am usually very stable minded and I know if I was a friend of mine I would tell me to get a grip, grow a pair of balls and move on but I am obsessed with her and she is all I think about night and day. I am totally in love with her. She is incredibly attractive and very sexy which doesn't help. I am usually happy when I am with her but fall apart when I haven't seen her for a few days which is strange because it was me that didn't want her in the beginning. She is a very strong woman that knows how to get what she wants and I have some how become a weak wimp that lets her walk all over me. I would love to know if anyone has been in a similar position and how they dealt with it. If I could turn the clocks back I would have left her alone in the first place as my gut instinct was always that she was going to be bad for me but somehow I fell in love. I'm really not sure if I should finish it. If I thought I could press a switch and turn of the anxiety I would love to stay with her but cannot stop visualising her with other guys. I just wish she didn't tell me all the stuff about her past and I would have been happier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coldarmy13 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I think you should dump her for good. She had a past that you aren't comfortable with, and it doesn't seem like much has changed since she'd be hooking up after your break ups/arguments. The one that's right for you wont make you feel all that anxiety and certainly wont have you breaking up with her numerous times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I'd dump her aswell. She's no good for your overall health and sanity. A happy relationship dosn't make you feel this way, you feel great and in love. Things are awsome. It's none of those things here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Dump her. FAST and et a STD test ASAP. Next time, don't sleep with people you have 0 desire to have long term relationship with. Remember, we are NOT in control of our feelings and our actions (intimacy especially) can kick those feeling up in no time (as you have found out). There are people that are pretty strong in that regard and can bang away and not give a crap, you are not that person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knot2loud Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 At your age I'm sure you already know how to follow your gut. You seem to more of a logical thinker than someone who reacts on impulse. And now you're stuck with more impulse and that seems to be what's driving you nuts. I think you might need to break down this relationship into more basic pro and con parts. Place them on a scale and weight it. If the scale tip positive, then you're good. If the scale tips to the negative, then you have a mean decision to make that really going to put a twist in your life. Yeah, she pretty hot, she's filling a gap and she's taking care of some carnal desires. I think you're tougher than that. Regroup yourself, take a few deep breaths and get back to your old self again. Besides... Do you have any idea how many single middle aged hotties there are out there? Why settle for just chicken when you can have the entire buffet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Dude, woah, if I were in your position I would be running. She sounds like she uses sex as a coping mechanism. She gets dumped, she goes out and hooks up. You break up with her over that, and she offers you sex acts to try and get you back. Whatever floats her boat and all, but she doesn't sound like a stable partner at all. You had the right idea at the beginning to stay away. Your lifestyles are not really compatible. "My hole life seems to revolve around sorting her problems out and my issues never get resolved." It sounds like you are becoming codependent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 If it was in the past, I would say eh, she is who she is and you either make peace with it and accept it, or you split and move on. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like her "lifestyle" is in the past at all, it's still very current and I would bet you anything it will continue in the future too. She copes with issues by having sex with...whoever is available. She did it while she claims she was missing you and wanting you back, and while sending you tons of texts to convince you to take her back. That's hardly the past... I also recommend the STD testing, and I hope you realize she is not the only available woman left on the planet, there are lots of better ones out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
relevart Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Break up with her -- again -- and block her on your phone and social media. Eventually you just need to man up and staybroken up. You don't really need any advice from us. You just need to do it one more time and make it the final time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. Im usually a strong person emotionally so cant believe im like this. I forgot to add I also had an STD from her after never having one in my life although she says it cant be from her. You are right I shouldn't have thought of the Sex. I thought I was stronger than that and its the first time I have had a relationship like that. The truth is I am not built that way and I am clearly not capable of having sex without getting attached to someone. I agree with what you have all said. I have been thinking this myself but just didn't want to admit it. I also found pics of guys with there s out on her phone when we first got together. She said it was from before we met. She is 36 but seems more like a 20 year old. She tells me she loves me every day and would never cheat. The other thing that worries me is that her x husband went completely nuts and paranoid about her having affairs which is why they split up and he ended up loosing his job and couldn't see his kids for six months due to depression. I just though it was him that had the issue and I would fine but I seem to be going the same way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Good advice. I really appreciate it. Thanks. From your reply it seems like you know me very well which is amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 I think you are right. She is such a strong character that I just seem to meet her needs and not do anything for myself although she says she would never stop me and encourages me to see my friends she always seems to have something planned for me to do. Thanks. This is very good advice. That is so true. I think I know I have to finish it but have been putting of as I know I will get weeks of from her. I do actually love her as well and will miss her allot but I think it is best if I finish it as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Excellent advice. I did have allot of attention from girls before meeting her but have somehow now convinced myself that woman are not interested in me. My self esteem is rubbish at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpottiOtti Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Since you already know how she will react when you break it off again, and how that's gone for you in the past, how will you do things differently this time so you don't repeat old patterns? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Thanks. I agree. I think I will do it but its gona hurt like hell. I'm so anxious its affecting my work and relationship with my kids. It has to end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Great advice. I think blocking her is a good idea so she cant text me 50 times a day offering me sexual favours if we break up. I have to help her move house on Monday and have all her belongs in my garage. After that I'm going to have to man up and sort myself out. No more being a wimp. This forum is amazing. So much great advice. I thought I would get a barrage of abuse telling me to stop being a jealous . Thank you everyone for all the support. Its appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 I did get an STD but cannot prove its from her although its very likely. I'm just thankful it wasn't anything serious. The more I think about the situation the more I realise what I have to do. I was thinking that my anxiety was causing issues in the relationship when it seems I was right to be anxious and worried and it is her that has made me feel this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 I will definitely block her and not reply to her texts next time. I was scared of upsetting her and kept replying to her messages which didn't help. She is very manipulative and knows how to pull my strings. She also just turned up at my house last time and offered me no strings sex saying that we could have sex even if I didn't want to be with her. I'm not gona fall for that one again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I will definitely block her and not reply to her texts next time. I was scared of upsetting her and kept replying to her messages which didn't help. She is very manipulative and knows how to pull my strings. She also just turned up at my house last time and offered me no strings sex saying that we could have sex even if I didn't want to be with her. I'm not gona fall for that one again. The mere fact that she uses sex like some sort of hot commodity is just gross, and tells me that she has nothing else going for her, such as brains or a great personality, if she feels the only thing she can offer someone is her (diseased) vagina. You can't possibly be that desperate for sex, to the point where you are willing to jeopardize your mental health, not to mention your physical health, for a - for lack of a better word - bimbo. It's just not worth it! You really don't sound like the type who would be happy with someone like her, most decent guys wouldn't, so why waste any more time? Block, and if she comes at your door, tell her she's not welcome and if she keeps harassing you, you will call the cops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Thanks I agree with you. I did want to make a go of it with her but the things she has done churn my stomach and make me feel sick. It never going to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knot2loud Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Dang... If that woman is seriously the way you describe her. She's some seriously rotted up bad news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 I think I was attractive to her as she was fun and after 12 years in a loveless marriage with no sex it seemed attractive. I have now learned my lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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