Delaurence23 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 I guess this is my test for the sake of my knowledge against rest im going bananas because i cant stand it i hurt so bad inside, and still you till try to tell me itll be alright but its been going on for such a long time i lost track they told me its like beating there head against a brick wall and there tired of bleeding they say i wont help them but the thing is i cant break the wall down i wish i could, i wish i could try but my trust lies in no one person but a guy that is long gone down the road, chillin in heaven with god the one and only man i could trust is now gone...away from me... and now i got no one you see its like a good bad karma thing i feel like honestly that you gave up such a long time ago you only like the better part of me but you cant stand to see the sadness within my heart beats you never really tried you always knew i would die its back its back again the depression that never ends i broke bones, ive skinned my kness but nothing compares to wanting to die constantly its my test of trust that no one wants to pass i hand my hand of gratitude to everyone that asks you pile mud upon me and i never give up but when it comes down to it you dont want noting to do wit this you want to run away and take my hurt and soul away and make me in a fake way but im clinging on because its the only thing i got the only place i know i am because i am a fuc*** up man Im ready to breathe ready to die...and tonight it will be my answer NO lie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FindYourSelfFirst Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 The sad truth is that our real life consists of a complexity of opposites --- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one can prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. LIFE IS A BATTLEGROUND! It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, exsistence would come to an end. Fight the Good Fight.....You will learn...you will grow.....you will see... the real me, the real me, the real me.........you. Don't run....cause you'll always come back to it. Face the demons, get to know them better.....Gives you the control....over your destiny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaurence23 Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 I would like to know who flippin called a Delaurence over this post even if it was all true why is it your business? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FindYourSelfFirst Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Although you may see your poem as being expressive, and using the forum to share your feelings....some may see it differently. Lets say I'm a parent and worried about my 15 yr old daughter who is depressed over the break up with her boyfriend. I'm scared and worried about her, even though she may be oblivious to my concerns. I really really want to be able to do something to minimize her pain, or show that I understand her heartache and grief. So, I as a parent, who is scared to death, try to find anyway posssible to learn how my child is feeling and coping with this loss. And, I do the thing that is most likely to put distance between us, I check out the sites I know she posts on in a desperate attempt to understand. And although I know I'm impacting the trust that mother and daughter need to have, I feel like I've run out options ( How ironic, eh? a person "feeling" like they've run out of options...in life).... So as I'm browsing thru the various websites, in an attempt to learn, to understand, and hopefully be able to do something to ease the pain of my daughter....I come accross another young person who seems to be going thru the same pain. Except this person has a "gift" of being able to express themselves. And the writer shows us the dark side of themselves.....(that many of us have or will face in life).....And then, it dawns upon me, that my daughter may be at this point in life...that tonights the night, no lie.... So I see an unusual name in the post and search the internet for a phone number....Maybe I can help someone. Maybe this young person is crying out for help....I dont know....but I do know if I dont do anything....I wouldnt be human.... Please forgive me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaurence23 Posted February 6, 2005 Author Share Posted February 6, 2005 youre right, you did almost save someones life i overdosed that night, i guess i would have done the same thing but in my mind the dark side of myself is that i know im going to die in the next year or to i cant explain it i dont know how, but it is there...ive been suffering for 3 yrs now, and ive attempted it so many times no one will understand the pain theyll just use the word of psycho. I did overdose on pills that night, and i had to hide it from my parents and im still affected now...i guess i understood where you came from, but the matter is that you cant stop a person from going through wit it its there choice...im sry to say it but its true...all us "depressed" people know it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaurence23 Posted February 6, 2005 Author Share Posted February 6, 2005 and if you get in my way like that, and take my freedom, of anything because no one will understand i swear to god youre shoving me farther and farther from being ok that goes for your daughter 2, if yousmother her guess what shes gonna keep saying you dont understand, and its gonna push her over the edge... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FindYourSelfFirst Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Im sorry to hear that you feel so bad and no one understands. That must be very frustrating. My guess is there are people that care for you and love you...but struggle to understand you....It doesnt seem to me that that should be their fault (I'm not saying you blame anyone either). Understanding ourselves first, in my opinion is the hardest thing to do, and maybe should come first. The tough part for people I think, is to really discover whats underneath all the pain and suffering. It's usually a lot deeper than most people want to go. I was abused when I was young and it wasnt until I was much much older that I understood where my anger, rage and especially shame impacted my behavior - good and bad....Good in that I always worked hard to prove to everyone I was okay....which got me far in my work....Bad, in that having to prove to the world your okay, every day for 30 or more years,,,,is kinda draining , exhausting....and keeps me from really knowing and enjoying the "real" me. And for years I blamed it on my parents, bad relationships, my siblings, pretyy much everything...until I got to the core of what was bothering me. It seems like you do have some strengths...if you've been fighting this for 2 or 3 years....in some ways thats a positive....your strong, a fighter, a survivor....and there are lots of ways to battle depression these days...not just medicine....millions of people have it....so your not alone. You like to write, right? There's a good place to start. There's some good books out there that can help you develop those talents...Let me know if you need a reccomendation. My daughter is journalling, to learn about herself, and maybe devlop a talent for writing.... Im reading a book on shapes and signs and will tell you what it means if you do this exercise. There are 5 signs Circle Spiral Triangle Square Cross + Draw each one of these shapes with the first being your most "preferred" and the last meaning your least preferred.... Ill analyze it with my book......I think youll like what it says...trust me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaurence23 Posted February 8, 2005 Author Share Posted February 8, 2005 Cross Spiral Triangle Circle Square Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FindYourSelfFirst Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 okay- First, this work comes from a writer who has looked at "signs" of many cultures going back many years. What position you place the signs is part 1 of the interpretation. Each Sign has its own interpretation. part 2 Part 3, you put it together 1st position (meaning the sign you draw first and so on) WHERE YOU THINK YOU ARE. 2nd position is YOUR STRENGTHS 3rd position WHERE YOU (REALLY) ARE 4th position YOUR MOTIVATION 5th position OLD, UNFINISHED BUSINESS NOW- THE DEFINTION OF THE SIGNS CIRCLE - WHOLENESS CROSS - RELATIONSHIP SPIRAL- GROWTH AND CHANGE TRIANGLE - GOALS, DREAMS, VISIONS SQUARE - STABILITY SO WHEN YOU PUT YOURS TOGETHER- THIS IS WHAT IT SAYS WHERE YOU THINK YOU ARE. - RELATIONSHIP (NEED FOR CONNECTION FEAR OF ABONDONMENT, LOSS, AND ISOLATION) YOUR STRENGTHS - GROWTH & CHANGE (NEED FOR VARIETY CHANGE COMING TO THE SAME POINT, OVER AND OVER, BUT AT A DIFFERENT LEVEL, IN A NEW LIGHT. DREAD ROUTINE) WHERE YOU (REALLY) ARE - GOALS, DREAMS, VISIONS (SELF DISCOVERY, FOCUSED ON IDENTYFYING AND PURSUING A GOAL FEAR THAT THERE WILL BE NO DREAMS TO PURSUE) YOUR MOTIVATION - WHOLENESS (ASPIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE AND INDIVIDUALIZATION. NEED SPACE AND ROOM TO FIND THEMSELVES AND DEVLOP THEIR OWN IDENTITY FEAR- ENTRAPMENT...BEING CAUGHT IN A SITUATION THAT WILL RESTRAIN OR RESTRICT THEM. OLD, UNFINISHED BUSINESS - STABILITY (CONSTRUCTING A FOUNDATION READY TO BUILD, TO IMPLEMENT A PLAN, STRONG NEED FOR CONSISTENCY, ACCOUNTABILITY, AND COMPLETION.... FEAR THAT NOTHING WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED WASTED THEIR TIME....THEY WANT RESULTS. EACH OF THE SIGNS HAS THE MEANING...THE POSITIVES, AND THE FEARS. IF THIS PEAKS YOUR INTEREST YOU SHOULD GO TO YOUR BOOK STORE AND READ THIS AUTHOR. THIS IS JUST A BIT OF HER WORK...DONT READ INTO TOO MUCH UNLESS YOU GET THE BOOK AND GET ALL THE DETAILS....SO YOU DONT MISUNDERSTAND MY SHORT ASSESMENT. SHE IS AN ANTHROPOLOGIST, WHO HAS TRAVELED THE WORLD, WHO HAS STUDIED AND WRITTEN ABOUT PEOPLE OF ALL CULTURES....(YOU LIKE WRITING -RIGHT?) LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK: Signs of Life by Angeles Arrien, Ph.D. Pick one of the five basic signs of life (the circle, the triangle, the cross, the square, or the spiral) and author Angeles Arrien will tell you exactly where you are in your life's journey. A fascinating look at how our soul chooses the symbols that mirror profound lessons in our life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaurence23 Posted February 10, 2005 Author Share Posted February 10, 2005 i think its flippin gay, you called someone over me, and now have my secret out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 This post locked for flaming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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