Good online dating sites?

[annie24]

Arg. See, I don't get what's the big deal about the first phone call. I don't know. I don't really even like talking on the phone. Except for my long-distance friends, I only call someone to make plans, ask for directions. My typical phone conversation is 2 minutes long.

 

I get far more freaked out when I've dated a guy for a few weeks, then I start to wonder if he's seeing other girls, what he's doing on Friday night without me.... I guess I have other hangups. The first phone call, first few dates, I couldn't care less.

 

I like men with accents. It's a turn-on to me. What I mean about "not a man" is that it could be a 17-year old girl playing tricks on people. Or a really weird person just playing games. When it comes to meeting someone over the internet, I will run at the first sign - any sign - of weirdness.

 

For example: In an e-mail, a guy told me he had an extra ticket to a Cubs game, and he invited me to come along for a 1st date. I wrote him back with my number, but told him I couldn't make it because I had to work that day. He left a message on my phone later that day. He said, "Oh... I'm sorry you can't get away for ONE DAY to go to a game." I really didn't like the tone in his voice when he said that. It's like, he doesn't know me, he doesn't know what I have going on in my life. So, I didn't return his call. He called me afterwards 5 TIMES!!! He was freaking me out and leaving all these messages. Here's a guy I never even met, thank god.

 

Seriously Al, get over the "first phone call jitters." There are so many other things later in the relationship to worry about. Don't worry about a girl that you've never even met.

[Beec]

 

I want to ask you something:

1. Do you think having an accent is a neutral thing (for a woman toknow)?

2. Do you think having an accent is a turn on (for her)?

I am sure we have two NOs here.

 

if do, then it is obviously a non-positive feature. Why would I want to advertise it in the very beginning?

 

Example: Assume I have big, long, unhandsomely protruding ears that just dont not contribute to a good look. Now, it is a non-positive thing. In fact this non-positive thing is a turn off.

Do you think telling her about my "ears" in the very beginning would do any good?

 

Well as annie24 said: some women think an accent is a turn on. So, it can be positive, it can be negative or neutral. Depends on the woman and the accent AND HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT.

 

You want to bring it out from the get go, first, because if it is a "deal breaker", if she just won't go out with you because of it, you should not waste your time. Second, you dealing with it with humor makes it much less of a deal and makes you more attractive. My example about yodelling down a culvert is only an example, but what did annie24 say about it: "I think Beec's example is kinda cute. It shows you can laugh at yourself, which is a good trait." So at just the moment she finds out you have an acent, you make yourself attractive. Third, you waiting to tell her something is making it a BIG deal. You waiting to tell her takes something that may be miniscule to her and makes it a big deal. As an example, a colleague was dating a woman a few months ago, and found out she had lied about her age. In his opinion, there was nothing wrong with her age. She claimed to be a few years younger than she was, but he would have dated her at her real age too or even a few years older. But when he found out, he was angry.

 

When I was out looking, I knew my hair was thinning. I don't like it. I want more hair, but I am not wearing w ig or getting a weave. But what I did do was joke about it, and when I did every single woman I did it with was attracted. It was not a positive, but me saying it early and laughing about it overrode any negative about it.

 

You are better off getting it out early and laughing about it.

[al7]

 

I want to ask you something:

1. Do you think having an accent is a neutral thing (for a woman toknow)?

2. Do you think having an accent is a turn on (for her)?

I am sure we have two NOs here.

 

if do, then it is obviously a non-positive feature. Why would I want to advertise it in the very beginning?

 

Example: Assume I have big, long, unhandsomely protruding ears that just dont not contribute to a good look. Now, it is a non-positive thing. In fact this non-positive thing is a turn off.

Do you think telling her about my "ears" in the very beginning would do any good?

 

Well as annie24 said: some women think an accent is a turn on. So, it can be positive, it can be negative or neutral. Depends on the woman and the accent AND HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT.

 

You want to bring it out from the get go, first, because if it is a "deal breaker", if she just won't go out with you because of it, you should not waste your time. Second, you dealing with it with humor makes it much less of a deal and makes you more attractive. My example about yodelling down a culvert is only an example, but what did annie24 say about it: "I think Beec's example is kinda cute. It shows you can laugh at yourself, which is a good trait."

...a colleague was dating a woman a few months ago, and found out she had lied about her age. In his opinion, there was nothing wrong with her age. She claimed to be a few years younger than she was, but he would have dated her at her real age too or even a few years older. But when he found out, he was angry.

 

You are better off getting it out early and laughing about it.

 

First of all, I guess by "accent" annie meant something like some fine British accent. Eastern Europen accent a turn on? Guys, give me a break!

It has never been a turn on for anyone.

As you noticed it might be a deal breaker. If I adopt abobementioned attitude (state your disadvanatges from the let go and with humor)

then I should talk not only about the accent, but about how much money I make, how many kids I'd like to have etc etc

Even if I talk about these issue in a humorous way, I dont think any one would ever consider it very normal: a guy states right away all his shortcomings instead of boasting with some good "stuff".

 

What I think I have to do, is to state I have an accent (with some humor) in about 2nd email.

I dont think I lie if I just dont say in the very first one. I just think

I have to come up with good stuff for the first email and leave negative things at least for the second email.

Does it make sense?

[Beec]

Well, we agree on how to bring it out, just not when. It's not the biggest difference, and I think you make it a bigger deal than it is.

 

How many kids you want is not a negative, and it is already out there. How much you make, it could be a negative, but I have never told any one how much I make. She'll see how you live.

[al7]

annie,

 

When I call a girl for the fist time, it is usually not less than a half an hour of talking. Sure, she doesnt care about the talk much: she is screening, filtering guys, why woudl she worry about it.

 

Not thta I worry abut the phone, but I really dislike the qulity of communication on the phone. It has never been good due to many thing I described before. Sure if you talk for 2 min it is fine and you may not even feel the quality of convo. If you talk longer with a stranger - quality become crucial.

 

Does a man with eastern european accent is a turn on fo you???

 

What kind of accent you had before?

 

I get that feeling that yu are really pretty girl and somewhat picky cuz of it. You see the world from totally different angle in terms of weirdness.

 

By the way, if a girl doesn pick up the phone, should I call her next day?

Should I leave a message? what is a good solution i she doesnt return messages - forget about her?

[al7]

Well, we agree on how to bring it out, just not when. It's not the biggest difference, and I think you make it a bigger deal than it is.

 

How many kids you want is not a negative, and it is already out there. How much you make, it could be a negative, but I have never told any one how much I make. She'll see how you live.

 

Yes, we agree on how to bring it, sure humor (especilly a good one) is a great thing!!

 

Though I stilll dont get it, sorry. Income is important, is not it?

If it is low, it might be a deal breaker, so in the same manner I'd have to treat it as the accent: bring it from the let go. You dont agree?

If the income is average to high, agree it really doesnt matter when you talk about it or talk about it at all.

So here are 2 questions:

1. Do I have to bring all negative stuff as soon as possible?

2. if not, why would accent be an exception and should be brought that early?

3. You meantioned you dont like quality of the hair. ok, do you bring it early on (first email? second email?) If not - why?

[OceanEyes]

al7 - I think what both annie and myself are trying to say here, point-blank, is that you seem to be very troubled and nervous when it comes to talking on the phone, but that it can be somewhat of an important step. I think you are taking this way too seriously, and it is going to show through in your personality. In fact, in all likelihood, she is nervous too! This is something that you can get past by DEALING WITH IT, getting to know each other, and moving past the formalities (everyone has to deal with it at first!).

 

I would not meet a guy who I had not spoken to over the phone at least once, and I know many other women who have dared to enter the realm of dating sites who feel the same way. By discounting this step, you may be missing out on some great opportunities.

 

You seem very self-conscious about your accent. Most women find accents somewhat attractive, or at the very least, are not bothered by them whatsoever. My first serious boyfriend was Scandanavian and had an extremely thick accent. I loved it. The important thing is that you can communicate with her. Your accent isn't so thick that she won't be able to understand you, is it? The only way that I could see your accent as being a problem is if she can't understand you. It will make things very difficult if you have an actual relationship later on.

 

The most important thing, that I know is easier said than done, is that you really have to learn to relax and stop worrying so much. Who really cares if one date doesn't work out? Believe me, there WILL be others. If you can go into each date with this in mind, I think you might be able to find some comfort.

 

Something else to consider, is that the woman who agrees to go out and meet you wants to like you. She's not going out with you because she's looking for some sucker to pick on, she probably wants to meet someone 'special'. Unless you're dating a very high-maintenance, judgemental woman, you shouldn't have a hard time just being yourself, and having a good time. BELIEVE that you deserve to meet someone special, and screen her just as much as she screens you.

[al7]

Guys, we seem are talking about different things. in fact it seems everyne talk about what he\she thinks is a way to go.

First, I am not nervous while talking on the phone (but I am very persistent in figuring out what I;d like to know and that seems like I worry about it a lot), but rather I do not like to give a bad impression on the phone. and that worries me: I present myself in a bad way just cuz I am talking on the phone.

so I tend to dislike it. I prefer a date where I can do way better.

The only thing I wanted is to figure out if it was possible to skip the phone convo. Is it? should I take your post as a "NO, itis an improtant part of screenin process for women, so forget about it"?

 

I am self-conscious. Phone convo makes it WORSE. MUCH WORSE.

A date make it simple - there accent is not a problem anymore.

Do you see my point?

Thtas why I want to skip the phone convo.

Is it possible? How?

[Beec]

Well, we agree on how to bring it out, just not when. It's not the biggest difference, and I think you make it a bigger deal than it is.

 

How many kids you want is not a negative, and it is already out there. How much you make, it could be a negative, but I have never told any one how much I make. She'll see how you live.

 

Yes, we agree on how to bring it, sure humor (especilly a good one) is a great thing!!

 

Though I stilll dont get it, sorry. Income is important, is not it?

If it is low, it might be a deal breaker, so in the same manner I'd have to treat it as the accent: bring it from the let go. You dont agree?

If the income is average to high, agree it really doesnt matter when you talk about it or talk about it at all.

So here are 2 questions:

1. Do I have to bring all negative stuff as soon as possible?

2. if not, why would accent be an exception and should be brought that early?

3. You meantioned you dont like quality of the hair. ok, do you bring it early on (first email? second email?) If not - why?

 

I think you HAVE to bring out all that you cannot hide. Or at the time you sit down on the first date or pick up the phone, it is revealed and you hurt your chances by hiding it.

 

What is not obvious can be revealed more slowly.

 

If I was on a date with a new woman or correpsonding, I would very quickly in it make a joke about my thinning hair. When I have joked about it, it becomes a non-issue. When I have not, I have sat there eating with a woman watching her look at the thin spots and knew it was going badly. Too late to fix. I learned. early and humorous disclosure.

[al7]

Well, we agree on how to bring it out, just not when. It's not the biggest difference, and I think you make it a bigger deal than it is.

 

How many kids you want is not a negative, and it is already out there. How much you make, it could be a negative, but I have never told any one how much I make. She'll see how you live.

 

Yes, we agree on how to bring it, sure humor (especilly a good one) is a great thing!!

 

Though I stilll dont get it, sorry. Income is important, is not it?

If it is low, it might be a deal breaker, so in the same manner I'd have to treat it as the accent: bring it from the let go. You dont agree?

If the income is average to high, agree it really doesnt matter when you talk about it or talk about it at all.

So here are 2 questions:

1. Do I have to bring all negative stuff as soon as possible?

2. if not, why would accent be an exception and should be brought that early?

3. You meantioned you dont like quality of the hair. ok, do you bring it early on (first email? second email?) If not - why?

 

I think you HAVE to bring out all that you cannot hide. Or at the time you sit down on the first date or pick up the phone, it is revealed and you hurt your chances by hiding it.

 

What is not obvious can be revealed more slowly.

 

If I was on a date with a new woman or correpsonding, I would very quickly in it make a joke about my thinning hair. When I have joked about it, it becomes a non-issue. When I have not, I have sat there eating with a woman watching her look at the thin spots and knew it was going badly. Too late to fix. I learned. early and humorous disclosure.

 

I agree with that if you put it this way. No one is going to hide it, as you menationed "because we cannot hide it". What I think is crucial is not to

advertise disadavntages. You dont start with "Hi, I have problems here and there..." My only hesitation was and is about if to put it in first email\or profile or second email. No one is going to wait until a phone talk or a date to reveal all negative stuff.

Does second email sounds fine for a major revelation?

[annie24]

I like all accents, including eastern european. Why don't you just mention in your profile that you moved here x years ago from whatever country. So, then, they know right off the bat that you have an accent, and if they choose to keep corresponding with you, then you know they like foreign men, or it doesn't bother them.

[Your_Own_Disaster]

i know that this isnt really an online dating site, but in terms of profile sites, it kicks ar$e link removed

[GATSBY]

FYI:

 

go to link removed

 

and you will find lists of all the internet dating sites.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey Jaela, lol

Bet you wasn't expecting this many replies! Look at how many views there is!!

 

See ya after!

Miya

[al7]

GATSBY,

 

I guess the problem is kind of the opposite: there are TOO MANY online dating web sites and it is not obvious what is better to use, since no one is going to review them from a consumer point of view.

Maybe we can just compare some concepts:

 

1. When you pay, all others pay too and people can contact each other on unlimited basis. You pay per month. (link removed)

 

2. Only those who want to contact others, pay. Unlimited contacts, you pay monthly fee. (link removed)

 

3. Only those who want to contact others, pay. They have to pay only for the contacts they made. There os no monthly fee (lavalife)

 

It is not about money, but rather about the difference it makes for people.

Obviously that #1 is the worst idea, it make people less responsible when they write and many post their profile in a very careless manner "just in case". It is not conducive to a better matches at all.

 

#2 is kinda better, all people should think before they write and should be more serious about dating. It puts women on disadvantage since they have to pay too. Some women do not pay.. I wonder why...

 

#3 is puts men on disadvantage, but in general improve dating, since men are those who mess up a lot

 

Still ideally all people have to pay a monthly fee plus those who initiate contacts should pay some more.

Does anyone knows about a stite that uses this concept?

[GATSBY]

Hi al7

 

Ok...lets compare.

[GATSBY]

al7

You have done your homework! Thanks for the info.

 

Regarding the question you posed at the end....I don't know the answer.

 

Its a pity the Consumer Reports doesn't have a listing of all the pro/con's of all the internet dating sites. I did try looking, but they don't have it.

[al7]

al7

Its a pity the Consumer Reports doesn't have a listing of all the pro/con's of all the internet dating sites. I did try looking, but they don't have it.

 

Anyway, I don't trust much Consumer Reports, they have been paid by somebody, right? So they present biased info, otherwise they would not get paid.

 

If you feel you are more of an extrovert, you may find speed dating fun, when you meet about 10-20 people in one night. Though you gotta feel comfortable "dating" each guy for about 3-5 minutes, ahve decent social skills...if you do, you'll find it a good alternative to online dating.