Good online dating sites?

[al7]

I'd say link removed is a good site for girl. GUys have huge competition there due to unlimitedness of contacts. I would rather go for something else.

[al7]

If you were in your 30s in NYC, I'd tell you to use link removed, because every woman I know in her 30s who is single, not in a relationship, and in NYC, that I've spoken to about it, has been on match. If you were looking for someone in a different area or different age group, wouldn't you go to the one with the most possible choices? Check them out, roam around the profiles, see what fits you best.

 

Ok, but site who allow unlimited contacts, just make super high competition for guys even if there are many women.

I would not recommend any site that allows unlimited contacts, cuz girls would be simply overwhelmed with letters from guys and as an upshot guy would face very high rejection rate. Yes it is easy to handle that type of rejection.. but are you willing to send hundreds (200-500) letters to find who you are lookign for?

[Beec]

I never had an issue with that. I think the guy who writes a decent profile is going to get attention and/or responses. When i did it, women contacted me first as well as the other way around.

 

And rejection for the most part comes as you being ignored with the on-line sites. So, it sets in slowly. And anyway, most of us are only looking for one woman.

 

If you are going to use one, you have to accept that you might be and are probably going to be rejected.

 

I will say that the thing I liked best about them: you knew the other person was looking. I understand that there are attached men and women looking, so you don't know they are single, but at least you know they are looking. If you meet someone elsewhere, you don't know that at all. Instead, you meet them and have to figure it out. Over 25, you will develop the instinctual reaction of looking at the left hand when you meet a person who you find attractive. The on-line sites take part of that out of the equation.

[MetalJoe]

Ok, but rejection rate online if maybe 99.9% for guys.

 

I'm kinda relieved to hear that, because I've really not had much luck with the online route. Sure it helps take a lot of the guesswork (and ring finger checking!) out of the equation, and it's not as painful being turned down, but it's still a bit depressing at times.

 

Funnily enough, as soon as stopped bothering to make first contact, I had a couple of women get in touch. Unfortunately, nothing came of them because we had nothing in common at all and were looking for totally different things - makes me wonder if they actually read my profile!

 

I think I'm going to stick to searching offline, the good old fashioned way ;-)

[annie24]

If you're not having sucess with your online dating, you should perhaps revamp your profile. Are you upbeat? Or, do you sound like you are depressed and just want people to join your pity party? Leave negative stuff out - accentuate the positive. Don't say stuff like, "I don't want any game players!" or "Honest men, only please!" It just sounds cynical and it sounds like you have a lot of baggage.

 

Even if you always wear a hat or sunglasses, just use a photo like that as your secondary photo. For the primary photo, use a shot where the face is clear. When I was doing online dating, I wouldn't write to guys who didn't have a photo up. I'd just say, "Please send a photo."

 

I also wouldn't "wink" back at anyone. I had like, 30 winks a day, I don't have time to sift through them. I'd only write back to guys who wrote a few sentences to me.

 

I agree with telling them your body type - be as honest about everything as you can. For example, if you are overweight, say it, but also state that you have gorgeous eyes and a captivating smile. Like I said, accentuate the positive.

 

But, if someone doesn't write back, don't look at is as "rejection." A person can have many reasons for not writing back online. Could be distance, age, you look like their ex, whatever. I don't know where al came up with the 99.9% rejection rate. If that's what you're getting - dude, something with your profile must be seriously wrong.

 

Online dating is a numbers game. Just keep at it. Like someone else said, you're only looking for one person!

[al7]

Beec:

 

I never had an issue with that. I think the guy who writes a decent profile is going to get attention and/or responses. When i did it, women contacted me first as well as the other way around.

 

Interesting points of view. Maybe you are really good at writing.

My recent attemps were not successful at all. How long ago you tried online thing?

[MetalJoe]

I write positive profiles, just as I'm positive when I meet someone. I spent a week just going through different profiles and deciding what I liked and didn't like before writing mine. There are so many depressing profiles out there, especially from the guys!

 

I listed what I like to do, mainly concentrating on the active stuff like snowboarding and mountain biking but also that I enjoy going to art galleries or curling up with a good book sometimes. I mentioned that I'd spent a few months abroad last year and that I instruct part-time. I kept it brief and light-hearted, the way I usually describe myself to other people who ask about me.

 

The first time I signed up was about a year and a half ago, but I stopped after a few months because it was costing quite a bit and it wasn't working out. I started up again a few months ago, thinking I'd give it a second chance. One of the main problems I find is that the online situation seems to match the offline situation - singles are pretty thin on the ground around my way.

[ShySoul]

Question: Why go to a website to meet people when you can do it the old fashioned way? Especially a site that makes you pay just to see others people's profiles on the chance that one catches your attention and then that she is interested in you and then that you actually get along well in person. Not saying it can't work, just that I'm not going to pay for something that could very well be a long shot gamble. Life itself presents many opportunities to meet people. Learn to recognize and make the most of them.

[annie24]

Question: Why go to a website to meet people when you can do it the old fashioned way? Especially a site that makes you pay just to see others people's profiles on the chance that one catches your attention and then that she is interested in you and then that you actually get along well in person. Not saying it can't work, just that I'm not going to pay for something that could very well be a long shot gamble. Life itself presents many opportunities to meet people. Learn to recognize and make the most of them.

 

Why go to a website and pay? Even if it's $20 a month, that's how much you would spend on drinks for one evening, if not less. So, it's a pretty good deal, I think. I'm super busy with school and work - I work like 60 hours a week, and so do my friends, and I don't actually have time to meet new guys the "old fashioned way." And plus, online, like another poster said, you know that the other person is looking and available. You can't always tell that if you meet a person in a random place.

[MetalJoe]

I'm lucky in that I meet a lot of people each week, just that very few are single. I thought online dating would improve my odds, but it hasn't really. I don't begrudge trying it, it's good to try new things.

[al7]

Question: Why go to a website to meet people when you can do it the old fashioned way? Especially a site that makes you pay just to see others people's profiles on the chance that one catches your attention and then that she is interested in you and then that you actually get along well in person. Not saying it can't work, just that I'm not going to pay for something that could very well be a long shot gamble. Life itself presents many opportunities to meet people. Learn to recognize and make the most of them.

 

Oh ShySoul,

 

We have established you submerged yourself in an ocean of cute and young femles every day

Sure you would tend to think why to use those site...

What if I dont see females anymore?

I have gone to three clubs (organization clubs) recently.

In each I found just one girl I liked (and there we were like 10-20% girl 80-90% guys). One is married (the most attractive), one is a young nerd (in a good sense, a good looking nerd, but still a nerd who is not into dating .. how do I know? She was doing some chemistry work on Friday night up to 10 pm.) and at the third club I didnt have time to figure out a status of that girl.. but sure she is either married or have a "solid" bf, cuz she is darn cute.

What to do? I turn to online dating.

Does it answer your question?

[al7]

Question: Why go to a website to meet people when you can do it the old fashioned way? Especially a site that makes you pay just to see others people's profiles on the chance that one catches your attention and then that she is interested in you and then that you actually get along well in person. Not saying it can't work, just that I'm not going to pay for something that could very well be a long shot gamble. Life itself presents many opportunities to meet people. Learn to recognize and make the most of them.

 

Why go to a website and pay? Even if it's $20 a month, that's how much you would spend on drinks for one evening, if not less. So, it's a pretty good deal, I think.

 

Hm. They make it sound like it is a good deal.

I am sure for girls it is a really good deal. You dont have to do anyhting, just pay the bucks. On most sites, people are allowed to make unlimited contacts: pay $20 and contact any number of females you want.

So most guys do exactly it. They send tousand of emails I guess.

And girls online became super picky.....Still a good deal?

Just for women.

Still I'll have to explore other site like lavalife who offere different scheme when you pay about $1 for one contact.

[ShySoul]

We have established you submerged yourself in an ocean of cute and young femles every day

Sure you would tend to think why to use those site...

 

Yeah, an ocean of young females who I have nothing in common with. It's not like I'm getting mobbed by girls who want to date me. For that matter, I can't find any girls that I would want to date. So I'm in the same position here.

 

What I mean by the old fashioned way is the real old fashioned way, let nature take it's course. Let love find you when you it finds you, don't go out of your way to find it. There's nothing wrong with being single, enjoy it.

[annie24]

oh shy soul! When I used to to live in San Francisco, all we girls did was complain that there are no straight guys around! The girls are out there, looking for you. I just heard a statistic - the person you marry is most likely to live a mile away from you. I've dated several neighbors.... I guess that the advice is just to physically get out there... go to farmer's market, take your dog for a walk around the neighborhood, take a walk yourself, go to the library.... go everywhere within a mile of your house.

 

But I agree with you, Shy Soul, about "not looking for love." I had tons of blind dates for several months with men I met on the online sites. However, I didn't feel a spark with any of them... maybe one, but that didn't work out. I just took that as the universe's way of saying, "it's not your time." I think once you stop looking for something is when it finds you. So, I've stopped looking - really stopped looking. Just trying to enjoy my wonderful and free single days.

 

Happy V-day!

[Beec]

one is a young nerd (in a good sense, a good looking nerd, but still a nerd who is not into dating .. how do I know? She was doing some chemistry work on Friday night up to 10 pm.)

 

Now, in this one, I would see opportunity. She's cute, smart and not busy on a Friday night. FYI, she wants to be social, we all do to some extent. I'd be looking to create some chemstry, but I also would not be into a hurry to study anatomy with her.

 

I've dated plenty of these smart women who spent much time not being social. They thought of themselves as nerds and did not think of themselves as sexy women. Take you time, show her you think of her that way, mkae sure she know you appreciate her mind, show some respect, and she is probably yours.

[al7]

We have established you submerged yourself in an ocean of cute and young femles every day

Sure you would tend to think why to use those site...

 

Yeah, an ocean of young females who I have nothing in common with. It's not like I'm getting mobbed by girls who want to date me. For that matter, I can't find any girls that I would want to date. So I'm in the same position here.

 

What I mean by the old fashioned way is the real old fashioned way, let nature take it's course. Let love find you when you it finds you, don't go out of your way to find it. There's nothing wrong with being single, enjoy it.

 

Well what is the old fashioned way? When a guy just would up to a girl and start a convo. You have tons of opportunities, the question is just to use them.

What do You mean by really old fashned way then?

[al7]

one is a young nerd (in a good sense, a good looking nerd, but still a nerd who is not into dating .. how do I know? She was doing some chemistry work on Friday night up to 10 pm.)

 

Now, in this one, I would see opportunity. She's cute, smart and not busy on a Friday night. FYI, she wants to be social, we all do to some extent. I'd be looking to create some chemstry, but I also would not be into a hurry to study anatomy with her.

 

I've dated plenty of these smart women who spent much time not being social. They thought of themselves as nerds and did not think of themselves as sexy women. Take you time, show her you think of her that way, mkae sure she know you appreciate her mind, show some respect, and she is probably yours.

 

I have to add: I didnt think of her as a nerd, I felt she is a nerd.

Why? I had hung out with her and some others for about 4 hours.

She is not willing to hold a convo, she is trying to get busy with her chemistry stuff (she was doing something about biodisel fuel), she was not willing to flirt at all. Like arobot you know: you ask, she answers...

not more.

So maybe she just didnt like me which is fine of course.

But in combination of her nerdy friday night I think she is just

doesnt care about guys or doesnt care about me at all.

[al7]

I think once you stop looking for something is when it finds you. So, I've stopped looking - really stopped looking. Just trying to enjoy my wonderful and free single days.

 

It might be good idea for a girl. What do you think would happen to a guy who stops looking? Would he ever marry someone?

[Beec]

I think once you stop looking for something is when it finds you. So, I've stopped looking - really stopped looking. Just trying to enjoy my wonderful and free single days.

 

It might be good idea for a girl. What do you think would happen to a guy who stops looking? Would he ever marry someone?

 

I think the one thing this does is you stop caring so much, you stop being so desparate. Desparation is very unattractive. I'd rather have bad and smelly gas.

[al7]

I think once you stop looking for something is when it finds you. So, I've stopped looking - really stopped looking. Just trying to enjoy my wonderful and free single days.

 

It might be good idea for a girl. What do you think would happen to a guy who stops looking? Would he ever marry someone?

 

I think the one thing this does is you stop caring so much, you stop being so desparate. Desparation is very unattractive. I'd rather have bad and smelly gas.

 

I think we mix things up.

If a guy is not "desperate" that means he is not even thinkgin about meeting somebody. Then, he would never even approach any girls.

Am I missing somehting?

If you do not initiate a contact you would never get to know anyone. Women are nto going to approach guys even with all feminist movements we have.

[Beec]

I think we mix things up.

If a guy is not "desperate" that means he is not even thinkgin about meeting somebody. Then, he would never even approach any girls.

Am I missing somehting?

.

 

Yes, you are missing something in translation. Desparate means "driven by great need or distress", kind of thinking you have to have her. Like you need a woman. If that's how you look and think, then you are sunk, as a woman or man. Instead, you have to be just fine without one, although you might enjoy being with the right one or even onoe who was not the right one but with who you had fun. Desparate means you care way too much about this one. You can care too much, especially early on.

[al7]

I think we mix things up.

If a guy is not "desperate" that means he is not even thinkgin about meeting somebody. Then, he would never even approach any girls.

Am I missing somehting?

.

 

Yes, you are missing something in translation. Desparate means "driven by great need or distress", kind of thinking you have to have her. Like you need a woman. If that's how you look and think, then you are sunk, as a woman or man. Instead, you have to be just fine without one, although you might enjoy being with the right one or even onoe who was not the right one but with who you had fun. Desparate means you care way too much about this one. You can care too much, especially early on.

 

Very good point. 100% agree.

I think I learnt how to emulate carefree attitude in person: it is simple: my message is "Yes I am looking, yes I'd liek to be with... but you know,

you do not satisfy some of my criteria..

And that gives me some kind of relaxed attitude.

I might sounds here desperate cuz I am: no one replied to my profile after uhndreds of letters. Anyone would sound desparate.

[annie24]

I think I learnt how to emulate carefree attitude in person: it is simple: my message is "Yes I am looking, yes I'd liek to be with... but you know,

you do not satisfy some of my criteria..

 

No no no Al! Carefree is "Hey, I'm going out with some friends to the hockey game this week - wanna come with?" Your quote just sounds mean and condesending...

[annie24]

Remember how I said stuff finds you when you're not looking... I'm not looking, and some guy just asked me out yesterday.... we're going out later this week. I think that's just how it works. Stop looking.

[al7]

I think I learnt how to emulate carefree attitude in person: it is simple: my message is "Yes I am looking, yes I'd liek to be with... but you know,

you do not satisfy some of my criteria..

 

No no no Al! Carefree is "Hey, I'm going out with some friends to the hockey game this week - wanna come with?" Your quote just sounds mean and condesending...

 

You are right.. I got it from a public speaking book: if you fear you audience ... try to imagine them all naked and very little...

Besides, that thing was intended for internal use only, sure I will never say out loud that to a girl. it is just for me, to repeat, in order to not to care that much...