August 13th, 2015

[fantom1399]

I thought that this might be a good time for me to start something that I can look back on and reflect.

 

I feel like I am the chump in relationships. I keep reading about how nice guys always finish last. Well I'm startiIng to think that that statement is bang on. I keep putting all my energy and effort into relationships and it is the best thing in the world in the beginning. And then it starts to drift off and I feel like whatever I do is never enough. Am I starting off relationships with too much? Do I need to slow down and just let them come to me?

 

most recently I found out that MB has been hanging out with Corey behind my back. I don't know what she sees in him. all I see is a fat f***. she tells me that he's nice and they have a lot in common. like we don't? something I try to brush it off like I don't like what she likes because I want to have that playful banter that I thought would help with every relationship. Apparently, our lives are just not the same. It's all about timing and unfortunately, I don't think the timing is now. I just wished that I didn't was so involved with this relationship. we have a house, a dog, and everything else together and because we split up in May, I just can't help but feel like this is always going to be weight on my shoulders. I don't want to have to fight for her love. I thought that I have already won her heart and want to marry this girl forever but I don't know if I am ready for this now. So much doubt in the relationship and because I don't think she is ready or willing to give up talking to Corey, I just have a feeling that this is not what I want to do. I deserve to be a relationship where I can trust my gf to not fall for someone who can chat her up.

 

I have thought long and hard about what I want to do and whether or not I want to feel like this in the relationship. She keeps telling me that we will make this work because I am the person she wants to be with and spend the rest of her life with but I just don't know if I believe that. I understand that she needs to have excitement in her life and I am trying my hardest to do just that. but I feel like I am the only one trying to make this work and it's a one sided relationship. I shouldn't have to feel this way. I just want to be able to have an effortless relationship where I have someone who is ok with just siting beside me and watching TV after work and just enjoy each other's company. I am hurt from what she did and it's going to take me a while to get over this if we are together. Sometimes I just think that it would be better to leave everything I have behind and just forget the world. no more having to worry about a kid that isn't mine. no more drama with her and her secrets. I jumped into this relationship hoping that this would be it, I have found someone who is the same as me and who would want all the same things and just settle as I am ready for the next step. But being with her just doesn't give me that ease.

 

She tells me that it's not my fault and that she allowed someone too close to her get in the way of us. Well I am to blame. I didn't show her affection like I should have. I have gotten too comfortable with the family life and I forgot to treat her like the queen that she is. I want to be able to show her that she means the world to me and that I mean the world to her. I just don't know how I can do that with Corey in the picture. I need to do some soul searching and whether this is the right thing for me to stay and try to make it work. I want it to work so bad but to feel like I have to compete for her love just tears me to pieces. I love her family and the last thing I want to do is hurt them but to live a life that I will be regretting is just not the life I want to live.

 

I need to work on me and who I want to be and have in my life. Being alone and knowing that I don't have someone beside me is scary. But why am I like this? I know that it shouldn't be the person that determines my happiness. Ritch found someone and he is happy. why can't I? What is wrong with me? Why can't I have a lasting relationship where the women doesn't want to leave me? I am just so tired of being left.

 

I don't know what to do...

[fantom1399]

So just now, I went to picked up J from camp during my break and dropped him off at nana's house. she asked me if he was there I said yes. the next text I get is if I can go into work late to drop J off in the morning. I said yeah that fine and nothing back. You would think that if I was going to do that, she would at least say thank you or something. maybe she's waiting for me to get home. I'm just wondering if she is talking to Corey instead and that I'm just being used as a f***ing taxi. maybe I'm looking too much into this and she is just doing her own things but I know that when she gets home, she usually just sits down and looks at her phone.

[fantom1399]

I feel like she's still talking to this guy. she swore that she hasn't talked to him since he told him off about hanging out together. but I have a feeling she is still talking to him. she received a message from a number that she hasn't saved. Why would she be talking to someone who she doesn't have a number or name saved in her phone? all the message said was "yes you do." I don't know what they were talking about because it looks like she's still deleting the messages but I know she is still talking to him. what do I do? I asked her if she has something to tell or more talk to me about when I got home from work today as she had this look on her face like she wanted to tell me something. She said that there was nothing to tell and that she just missed me. I woke up this morning and wrote a note the bathroom mirror. she sent me a text this morning with a picture of the note saying that I make her feel special and that she loves me so much.

 

What is this guy doing that keeps getting her to talk to her. She only considers him as a friend but he has told her before that he likes her and wants to start a relationship with her. If he's willing to do this while shes in a relationship, what makes him think that he won't do the same thing to her. like I just don't get it. does he have this bad boy persona that I just don't have? I have been trying to show my affection to her more often but this message is just killing me. what where they talking about? I want to know. Why did she say that she wasn't talking to him but secretly is? maybe I should just ask her and let her know that I saw the message? Right now she's getting her nails filed in and it looks like she was on her phone before she drove away but it might just be that she was putting on music. but then again she has music on her radio. so I might just ask for her phone and see if the message is still there. if it's not then it's got to be him. I will never know what they were talking about but at least I know that she is still talking to him and that is not ok for me. I really don't want to leave her as we have some things coming up for us to do but I'm always going to think that she just can't let hm go. goddddd... What the hell am I going to doooooo??

[fantom1399]

So i talked to her today laying in bed and it sounds like we're on the verge of breaking up. I don't want to lose her but then again i think to myself how much easier life would be easier not to deal with this crap that i am dealing with now. I have spent the last 4 1/2 years taking care of her child and her, working hard to give her everything that she wants and needs but she still can't seem to "check back into the relationship" which i think is bs and that she is just done but too scared to move on. She told me today that if we do break up, she wants the house and she'll buy me out. I told her that i would want the house. Her reason was that she didn't want to make her son move again but if shes not willing to work on this relationship, why do i feel like i'm losing everything i worked so hard for? I am not giving this house up. If she wants to leave then she can leave but this is my house. I really don't want it to come down like this but i feel like she is just not willing to let corey go and i told her that if shes not willing to let him go, then he obviously means more to her than i do. She keeps telling me that shes not attracted to him and doesn't want to be in a relationship with him f we break up But i don't know if i believe her. She likes the danger of things and she sort of wants a bad boy. I'm not that type and i don't think i will ever be. Maybe its time for me to make a change and show her that i can make things exciting and not just in a rut. She has told me before that she just wants something new and exciting and it just kills me to know that its not with me. I hate how she went to someone new, oytside of the relationship to make her feel this way which has lead us to this situation. I feel helpless and hopeless to chabge her mind. She is the type of person that once she has her mind made up, its done. I just can't bare to see her with some other person.

 

I have been thinking about moving if this doesn't work out. She says she wants to keep the house but not if she's going to have guys over. No way in hell is that going to happen. I'm done being a push over. Althoughi want to move, i also don't want to give up the house. I worked hard for the house. She may have chose how to decoreate the house but i'm the one who did all the work. She is not taking this from me.

[fantom1399]

Things have been going well between mb and i but i sometimes still get the feeling that she's hiding something. Just today i asked if shes still deleting text messages and she was reluctant to tell me that she started the coversation because she was worried about him. He just had surgery and he was alone. I told her that he's a big boy and he can take care of himself. But she still feels like she needs to take of him which i think its total bull. She keeps telling me that she wants to be with me and spend the rest of my life with me and move and everything. She tells me all the right things and theres a side of me that beleives all that. I know she will never cheat on me because i know she is that type of person but its something inside of me that has a hard time trust her again fullly. I truly believe that she is not doing anything wrong but once she starts deleting certain texts, what else is she deleting. Man do i have trust issues.... i hate feeling this way. I want to be able to sleep a full 8 hours and not wonder if she is still texting him everyday or if she went to see him because he's at home alone. These are the thoughts that go through my head and i hate it. I want to be trust of her again and to feel like shes not hiding anything. I need to figure this out on my own and deal with my own insecurities. She should have friends, guys and girls, abd i know i should never hold her back from that. I will not be that guy.

[fantom1399]

Everyone keeps asking when we're going to get married.... i hate that because everytime I feel like things are going well and i'm tempted to buy her the ring that she wants because i love her with all my heart but then something happens and i just can't seem to pull the trigger. We have toyed wih the idea of getting married and she wants to 2 summers from now but its hard to commit to someone who creates so much doubt in a relationship. I plan on marrying this girl but i want to make sure before i do something that i can't take back.

[fantom1399]

We had a long chat today about what we both want in this relationship. I found myself boucing back and forth on whether or not I want to go through all this pain. She said "i guess i'm not allowed to go to Corey's house?". Of course not! Are you kidding me? She wants to have an open relationship where she can kiss anyone she wants to the our relationship is our number 1 priority. How is that even possible? Why would she need to put herself in the position where she had the feeling to kiss someone? Kissing is intimate for me in my mind and for her to do that willy nilly is just crazy. If she can hang out and kiss other guys, why even be in a relationship? Why am i here? I feel like i am just the guy who is off to the side, being the provider and the stable option, whereas she can find other guys and just have fun with. I don't understand why she can't just have fun with me. She says its something new and exciting and its making our relationship better. I don't see how this is possible. She's going to put herself in situations where if it gets too far, shes going to do something thar she will regret and i just can't take that anymore. Maybe i just need to let her go. I just can't see myself agreeing to having an open relationship where she can kiss anyone she wants to. We have talked about the boundries and there is no touching but i just can't wrap my head around kissing either. This whole situation is just f***ed up. Never did i think she would be like this. Never did i think i would be in this position. She keeps telling me she doesn't want another broken family and i get that but i just don't see how we both can be happy if we want different things right now. Maybe i should just move to T.O. on my own and work on myself for a while. She obviously needs to work on herself as well and so that she can be happy as a person. He thought of just leaving everything behind scares me. I have considered even getting into accidents or just hurting myself because i feel like i don't matter sometimes. I know its crazy but i wonder if she would even care. I just think that it would be easier to end it here so i don't have to worry about any of these things. Sbe can do her own thing and i don't even have to wonder or bother anyone ever again.

[fantom1399]

I just can't handle it right now. I feel so depressed knowing the fact that this relationship is pretty much at the end of the road. We lay in bed and we don't talk much anymore. She's more involved with her phone than wanting to talk to me and i totally know why. She tries to find something out there for her that's different from me. She texted corey about what happened yesterday and I am oretty sure she talked to him today. I feel like the harder i try, the further i push her away. We lay in the same room but we don't talk. That's not a relationship. I feel like we can just be roommates. I don't want a roommate. I told her this morning that if we break up, i am moving to Toronto and i will not return. She breaks down crying and she doesn't want to lose the family life that we have created. I feel like its not me that she's scared of losing. Its the kind of life that a part of her wants. The other half of her wants to be single and I told her that she can't have both. Its either we move together and she is unhappy but I'm happy. Or she wants the open relationship and she's happy but I'm not. We just grew up differently and we want different things in a relationship. She was never like this before and its my fault that I let it get this far. That's what I'm having trouble getting past. I ruined this relationship when she was honestly the best thing that happened to me so far.

She is gorgeous, sweet, generous, loving and everything you would want from a girlfriend. But her views of how a relationship should be and to have an open relationship is just plain messed up for me. I just wish it could be different. To the point where I really feel like if I was to stop and end it here, that its just the end of it and i don't have to go through the pain of the break up. I have been through it before and hurt so much. I know i have to work on myself and make myself a better person but i just don't know if I can do it again. It hurts way too much and to know that some guy broke us up, i can never forgive myself.

Suicide is just selfish but i need to start thinking about myself. I have always put someone else before me in my relationship. Every keeps telling me that but i just don't listen because I feel like this is what I have to do. I have been reading self help books and it all sounds good but what good is it if I don't feel like i'm worthy. I have tried to talk to girls in websites but they don't answer. What am I doing wrong? I just want to leave everything and end it. It would be so easy.

[fantom1399]

I don't know where to turn to anymore. I keep writing on this online journal but i keep contradicting myself. I know i should just walk away from this relationship because its just not what i hoped it to be. She is a gorgeous women and i just think that i have the confidence to get another girl like her again in my life. Am i going to regret leaving her because she wants to have an open relationship to work on us? I don't see how that can work. I'm just killing myself right now thinking about all the possibilities that can happen ans she just thinks that its the most normal thing in the world. What happened to her? What changed her mind about me. The fact that she has someone waiting on the side and her trying to convince me that an open relationship is ok just nakes me feel like she had this all lined up and is just waiting for an approval. I don't have anybody or someone that i have been talking to. I have tried chatting with girls but no one seems to be biting. I don't need see them or hang out with them but i just want to feel like i'm wanted somewhere. I don't feel wanted in this relationship but i'm just so scared of what is out there. My insecurities r killing me and j should just leave and be done with all this bull. I can't sleep because once i close my eyes, i keep thinking about what is enevitably going to happen. If i was secure enough about myself, i doubt i would even care. I understand open relationship work when it is starting out but we have been together for almost 5 years now and then all of a sudden she just wants to change things up. I'm thinking if shes willing to go through with this, she doesn't respect the relationship and to be honest, there is nothing else for me.

[fantom1399]

Over the past 2 days i have had maybe 3 hours of sleep in total. But i feel fine. She woke up today angry when i told her that i only slept for half an hour yesterday. Like really upset. I just feel like everything i do, she just gets mad. This isn't even about her and she still got mad. Not everything is about her. I stayed up because i was looking for answers on how i can deal with this situation. I watched videos, read blogs and forums and really just anything to give me insight on what i should do in this situation. Did it help? A little but really i need to think of how I am going to handle this situation.

 

She really does care about me. Bot sure if she doesn't want to lose me or if she is just scared to start all over again but she said we will find a way to make it work. Does that sound like a person who just wants me on the side and have fun with someone else? I just don't know anymore. Everytime i close my eyes, my brains crazy with all these different scenarios and i just can't handle it right now. I rather stay up all night than to think about what might happen. F*** me...😔

[fantom1399]

When we get home from the afternoon picnic, we both decided to just rest for a bit as i haven't slept in 2 days and i just wanted to relax for a bit. She was laying in bed on her phone. So go and do the same. D decides to have ppl over to hang out. I thought i might as well instead of sitting at home abd not doing anything. So i go visit my parents first and then I head over to D's house. She's sending snap chats of her and Joe dubsmash and that they want to start a fire. We ho back and forth a little and then the conversation kind of stops. The next text msg i get was at 10:20 abd she asks if i am going to be ing her tonight or is she going to have to do it herself with an emoji. I sent a text back telling her not to pass out as i will be home when i'm done hanging out with my friends. I get home at 11 and shes already passed out. Alright cool. Missed opportunity but more will come up. I then check her phone because i needed to call mine to find it and i find out that she was texting Corey righr after i left the house. That's the thing that bothers me the most. She feels the need to text him right when i'm gone. A d i know she sends him msgs on snapchat because i saw it and then when i checked it again at night, she had deleted the thread like she doesn't want me to see that she talks to him through snapchat. I have told her already how much i hate snapchat because it deletes everything right away. So now i'm left here thinking that shes going to build a relationship with Corey and affection will grow and then it'll be time for her to leave me even though she says she won't. I think its BS so why can't I just leave her and be done with it all.

 

Her aunt thought she was going to see a ring when we went over to the picnic and my friends were saying how cute MB and I are together. But what i feel inside is completely different from what i show. I don't want to keep putting on a show for everyone. I want something real. Something that other ppl can look at us and say "look at those two good looking couple" anf we have had that before. Bt that is far from being true ever. Or at least in the near future.

[fantom1399]

I can't anymore. Everyday its getting harder and harder to lay in the same bed as her knowing that she'll continually talk and slowly build a relationship and attraction to someone else. I love competition but not for someone's love. I want someone who wants to be with me. When one person is not respecting the boundries of the relationship and they continue to do it, then its not a relationship that i want. She is a strong wpmeb and she's going to do what she wants to do. To me, i don't think this is what I want. I want to marry her and have kids with her more than anything in the world but I can't keep going on if i keep feeling like i'm the side guy and she's looking for that emotional connection with someone else. I am the friends with benefits right now. I think when she actually has that deep connection with him, i'll be left in the dust and she will already have ger go to guy waiting. It's frustrating to know almost everything that she's been doing to make me feel this wat and yet i can't really talk to her because it makes me seem weak and insecure. I have the right suspicious. My insecurities are my own and i need to own up to that. I should be out there having conversations with other girls and feeling more confident with myself but i don't know how to do that. Talk to others aeems so ou5 of reach and i don't know how others can just have multpile relationships. If i had someone to talk to as well, would I be feeling this way right now? I don't think so because i would have an option is this relationship go down the drain. And that's why I think it's easier for her.

She knows how easy it is to get involved with someone and completely just forget about me. I'm sure she doesn't want to but I honestly think that the time is very near. And she won't do it because she's afraid that it would hurt me too much. Well i don't want to feel like this everyday I am with her and tell myself that she is the only one for me. I know how that works. If this one doesn't work out, there is always someone else that will give me their full attention and five me what i need in a relationship.

I know she will do great things. She is smart, beautiful and strong. To find someone like that is rare. She is going to do some great things with her life and I want to be there for her. Except now, i feel that's not what she wants at this present time. Its only going to get worst from here. She's staring school soon and that'll likely add more stress on her and this relationship. I want to think that it would be tough for her if I was to end things now but a part of me nows that she'll run right to Corey.

 

I find life really strange. Mostso people than life. Our brain is trained to feel this strong emotion and the need to have that connection with someone or something and it feels great. Feeling is happy is all everyone wants. But how to repress the sadness and feel for happiness is what i believe why we were born. The search for happiness lies within her person itself. He or she cannot find true happiness within objects if they wish to be happy forever. There will be up and downs but its how one perservers through the tough situations and break the sadness wall that will determine the strength of the person.

[fantom1399]

Over the last couple weeks or so, everything has been great. It seemed like everything is back to normal. We day we love each other every day, very lovey dovey with each other. Now yesterday was a little off day. She was off early from work on the Friday and i started at 12 so i didn't see her all day. Then the thoughts started to pour in (what is she doing, where is she going, is she still talking to him?). I didn't text her much as i was trying to give her space for her to do her own thing but when i texted her at 7, it was very abrupt and just different from the morning texts. I get home and we go for a drive to see where her new job was. That was fine but then when we got home and watched masterchef, she got all quiet. She went to bed early and that was fine because she worked early and she had to work the saturday as well so that didn't matter. But i asked her if she was ok and she said she was fine. That is was just her stomach was hurting. It seems like thats the problem alot. I have asked for sex everyday and I keep getting rejected. Like she doesn't want to have sex. It just seems suspicious. I want to check to see if she's texting him but i also want to trust her and believe that shes not. And i tell myself "what am i achieing if i find out she is talking to him?". I'm just so confused right now. Is she happy because she's talking to him agajn? Or is she truly happy to be with me? She use snapchat alot and i have caught her using that to talk to him so i wonder if that is the new way they talk. If it is, i have no way of knowing what they are talking about. They could be sexting each other. Ugh... the sfmtruggle is real...

[fantom1399]

So today I find out that she is still feeling like something is not right in the relationship. What confuses me is that she keeps making all these plans for the future and keeping me on the hook but she's still feeling this way. Why? It's messing with me and I just want this heartache to stop. We have so much invest together and our lives are so intertwined that it would be really hard to just let her go. She just bought a dress for T's wedding but to be honest, I don't know if I can see her there if we are not together still. It's still a year away. She seemed really excited about the dress and she sent me a snapchat about looking at dresses and how it almost makes her want to get married. well why does she keep does this if she is so scared to get married. She then goes on and jokes about having a kid together. No. I will not be tied to her if she's not willing to be with me for the rest of my life. I am so scared to commit to her now because she just doesn't know what she wants.

She says that we are polar opposite. I have no idea what that even means! we love the same things besides the fact that she wants to hang out with other people and potentially hook up with some of them. That's the only difference between us. It would kill me to see her walking around with some other guy but I don't want to be the back up plan. I realized that what Corey was doing to her and I, is sort of what I did to her and C. I don't want to be that guy. Maybe I'm just scared that I won't find another great looking, very caring women like her. But to be honest, I feel like I need to start thinking about myself for once and do what's right for me. I am always happy when I'm with her but when I think about all these things, I'm miserable and depressed. I just can't cope. I don't want to feel this way. I hate myself right now for letting her do this to me. Am I a whimp? I have no balls. I have talked to people and they say I'm the nicest guy and I do everything for her. But maybe that's not the way it should be. She says that I'm the perfect boyfriend but she still feels like she needs to run away. I am tempted to give her that opportunity. I just don't want to be feeling like this anymore. It hurts me to see her this way and to make her feel like she needs to stay in this relationship because she doesn't want to break up another family. Well to tell you the truth, the family was already broken up when she decided she wanted to go on a break.

The timing is just off and I just wish I wasn't so invested into this relationship. I jumped the gun too early because I saw how great it could be as R and J have the perfect relationship. Everything seems to work in their favor. And I just want to have what they have. I want to be in a love relationship where the my other half isn't thinking about being with someone else or wondering what it would be like to be single. The timing just wasn't right and I'm kicking myself for that.

[fantom1399]

Funny enough. Despite everything that has happened, I asked her to marry me on November because everything was going so well. We have been getting back on track with our relationship. We were more affectionate towards one another and everything just seemed to click. The opportune time was then so I had time to set up the bedroom and when she came back, I popped the question. We went out for dinner that night with her brother and everything seems great.

 

Wedding plans were on their way, we had venue, photographer and dj book, everything seem like it was going just right in my eyes. Oh how my eyes can be deceiving. I knew she would be having trouble with her anxiety problems with the wedding so I didn't press too much about it. Tonight, after 4 months of being engaged, she tells me before we head off the sleep that she doesn't know if she wants to get married. That she still wants to know what it feels like to be single. I knew something was off. I could just feel it.

 

Obviously I didn't take it well. I had tried to plan trips and things to do with the family to make it less routine for everyone but it just seems like nothing is doing it for her and this journey needs to be on her own. I heard her say "maybe I should let you go" and my heart dropped. I kept my composure and told her that this is a decision that she has to make because she knows what I want out of this relationship and I know where I want to go. If she doesn't want to fit into that equation then so be it.

 

I think I have been mentally preparing myself for this day. I'm not as upset as I was when we first talked about it because I had a time to think and I am fully capable of taking care of myself. This time, I am not leaving the house. I am not giving up everything I worked for just because she wants to "explore" other options. If she wants to leave, then she can. The only thing is that I would have to buy her out of the house but I don't have the money for it right now. well actually I might but I would be repaying my debt for a while. But at least I would get the house. something I worked hard for. I can spend my weekend fixing it up and making sure that the house is just the way I want it. I like how it is right now but if I don't make any changes, it'll just remind me of her.

 

I hate how everything is turning out right now. I'm laying bed next to her typing this and I don't even know how she feels about me. It's the state of uncertainty and the fear of starting over is what scares me. She is beautiful and I always thought that she was out of my league so of course I would try to hang on to her. Unfortunately she is a wild horse and she cannot be tamed. I'm just at a lost for words right now and I haven't slept all night. Relationships just aren't what I thought they were.

[fantom1399]

She woke up today and the first thing she says to me is "do you want to talk about anything" knowing that I didn't get a wink of sleep. Of course I want to talk. I want to talk about a lot of things that doesn't make sense to me. Like how you can go from loving one moment to feeling nothing at all the next? Why do you put on a show for everyone else and drag me along with you? Why do you feel like you need to know if "the grass is greener on the other side"? what did I do to make you feel this way? I just don't understand any of it.

 

No matter how hard I try, it's just not enough for you. Ever since we starting dating, I saw you in my future. I didn't care you had a child with someone late or at an early age. I alway thought that it proves how strong you are to be able to take on the world at such a young age. You still are strong. Being able to walk away takes courage and strength, something that I lack because I still can't walk away from you even though you put me through this pain.

 

These are the things I want to say to you, I want to let you know what you are doing to me and that I am scared s**tless to live my life without you. I know that sounds weak but it's true. I've never really been on my own. I've always had someone with me, either it was my brother or you. I don't know any different. I asked you how you would feel if we got married. You had trouble figuring out the right word to say and finally it came out; SAFE. That's what makes you unique. Most girls would want security and safety. Not you. Are you special and that's what hurts the most.

 

You asked me if I was completely happy. I said of course not. No one is ever completely happy in a relationship but it is the couple's strength and determination to work things out is what determines if a relationship makes it. I said that I would like more help around the house. Then I asked if you were happy. Your answer: NO. That broke my heart. I proposed that we postpone the wedding but you didn't want to make any decisions right now. Probably for the best because I wasn't thinking clearly. But now that I think about it, I think it's just because you don't want to postpone it, you want to completely cancel the wedding because you can go through with it.

 

I love you so much that I can't even get mad at you for feeling this way. I completely understand how you are feeling and that you never had the chance to experience anything on your own. You grew up in a damaged family and that's all you know. I just want you to be happy and if that means not with me then so be it. I can't say that I will be there waiting for you because I can't but I will always have the memories to cherish and I will always remember all the good times he had together. I just wish there was something that I could have done to make our relationship last forever but we all know it's just a fairytale.

 

The hardest part is everything will remind me of you. the bed I sleep in, the sink never being clean, the food you cook. The road I take when I come back from work, coming up the driveway, sitting in the back yard with the bon fire. Everything I do will remind me of you and that will be the hardest part.