thejigsup Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Go on the date. We're talking one, little, date here, not a serious relationship. If you don't go on a second date, so what? You most likely had a fun night out. Nothin' wrong with that. I think people today worry too much about things and forget to enjoy the moment. I think my generation could teach you a thing or two about living in the moment. You get more out of life that way. Always being cautious and careful must be so tedious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 It is certainly very tiring! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 So, I have just come back from afore mentioned date and am quite honestly not sure what to think. In a good way rather than 'did what he said have hidden meaning/is he a psycho'. He's down to Earth guy who works in IT. It was nice to talk and get to know him. We have some similar interests and some that we don't have a clue about (no idea about IT, none). I didn't feel like he was out to prove a point or show off. He was just himself. He's 37 compared to my 30 and at times I did feel young compared to him. I felt a bit immature. I felt that this difference might get annoying to him in the future. I felt that I talked an awful lot about my job and I felt that was I was the one showing off! It's no excuse but I work a lot and interesting things happen. But maybe I did use it as a bit of a front...because I have nothing better to talk about. I hope I wasn't tedious. It worries me that I look 24 and it makes me think when people in the late thirties ask me out. I wonder is it the kudos of having a 24 year old...who turns out not to be 24! It's not something that concerns me too much but I do note it. There was some awkwardness but I think that's expected! Is there instant rip your clothes off attraction? Not as such from my side but from experience I'd rather fall for a person than the idea of a person. I think it's reasonable to want to get to know someone before you touch them!! I don't know. Can you know after 3 hours with someone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 I did go on a second date. There was some awkwardness still but I find him easy to talk to and nice to get to know. I like his clever wit, his nice nature and he seems down to Earth. I, again, worry that I have nothing to talk about but work. Maybe it just makes me seem passionate about what I do! (Hopefully!!) Getting to know him is exciting and scary and puzzling. What is reality? What are our projections? I don't like infatuation. It makes my brain silly. Meeting up again this weekend. Time will tell I guess. I've started reading 'Age, Sex, Location' and have become amused because it is about a woman who appears to enjoy 'no strings' sex and trialling dating techniques on men. This book was given to me by my mother and I wonder what she thinks my life is like at the moment?! I'm worried that she has been looking back on her 20's with wistful regret! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Today I was browsing the evil that is Facebook and saw a picture of my ex. An old uni friend had, had a baby and he popped up in her cover photo of her wedding. It was taken about a year ago and the pretty blonde girl who he started to date less than a year after our break up was still there. It was a little kick in the balls, a little punch in the stomach. I can now use the stick of 'after our 6 year relationship he met "the one" and she was younger and pretty and didn't have any faults'. Or I can use the carrot of I hope he doesn't make snide comments and then say "only joking" to her. I hope he doesn't make negative comments on her dress or her ability to get better exam results than him. I'm worth more right? I went on a 3rd date and I'm not sure. We went to a 'coffin museum' because of its appropriateness for a dating location. It was really good and not really all that morbid at all. I found it interesting that so much effort was put into crafting these beautiful coffins for them only to be buried. Logically it makes no sense but I guess such is our reverence for life and those we care about. It was all going well we were enjoying each others company and went to get lunch afterwards. During lunch I asked whether he lived alone or not. To which he answered...I live with my parents. He was embarrassed, I was embarrassed. He is 37. I asked if he had ever moved out to which he said yes for university and then for 3 years with an ex-girlfriend but that the relationship was on/off during that time. That he works away from home 3 days a week. I don't know if this is a deal breaker for me or not. When I was 27 and broken up with my ex I moved back in with my parents. I was devastated and depressed. I lived with them for 2 years. It was really hard for me to move out: I didn't have any friends my age to move in with, I didn't want to live alone and I get on really well with my parents. I moved out because my home town is small, I wasn't meeting people, and I felt that I'd regret it if I didn't. I moved out because I was lucky enough to be able to afford to. Sarah Millican was my go to...she'd been divorced in her late 20's, lived with her parents for 2 years and then moved out. It was okay because someone famous had done it. I found my flatmate on 'myspareroom' and haven't looked back. Thing is, I do still have 1 or 2 friends who are my age who live at home or are reliant on some degree on their parents. A good friend from university still does and for her I think it is financial but also not having the confidence. I can't say, with confidence, I will never move back home. My housemate has been with her boyfriend for 3 years now and although we've signed a contract for another year. After that year she may move away to be closer to her boyfriend. I could see myself moving to another house/flat share whilst saving to buy a flat/house. The thought, at present, of living alone really does not appeal to me. I get on well with my parents, they are retired. If I were single in my late 30's I can't honestly say that I wouldn't move back in with my parents and contribute to the running of the house. In some cultures that is seen as normal. When I panicked to a Malaysian friend that I was in my late 20's and still living at home he said that that wasn't entirely abnormal and he had professional female friend who did the same. But being a women makes it easier doesn't it? For years it has been expected of us that the only way we'll leave the nest is to make a good marriage or become nuns or governesses. We are 'fragile' and need protecting whereas if you are a man you must go out to the world and 'man'. My impression of this man is that he is shy, quiet, kind and witty computer geek. We get on. My concern is that he is dependent on his parents. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with his mother as well. Is that too judgemental? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 Went on dates 5 and 6 this weekend. I really enjoy spending time with him and getting to know him. There is something about him that makes me feel comfortable. I like the relationship we are building so far. Nothing physical has happened between us and I like this. It makes it seem more special. Today our upper arms touched in the cinema for most of the film and it felt good. I'm aware that my brain is being flooded with lots of feel good anaesthetic, type hormones. It's un-nerving. Went to see 'The Lobster'. It's really good. I've not seen a film like it and I think that's hard to accomplish in films. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Dates 7 and 8 this weekend. I like him and start to look forwards to the weekends when we can meet up again. Went climbing for the first time today and enjoyed it. I wasn't that great at it! I have a tendency to panic a little when I can't find a hold and my muscles get tired when I try to work it out. I didn't fall off though. I feel like we're forming a friendship and to me that's an important basis for a relationship. It feels different to my 2 previous relationships in that it feels...I can't find the words to describe it...smooth? Comfortable? Flowing? I can't describe it. I feel that we are approaching first kiss/relationship conversation but are both a little scared to. A lot of the time we're out doing things together and it wouldn't really fit. I have a little bit of confidence that this will probably happen naturally and that it will be time when it is. I was so broken when my relationship at 27 ended and I really couldn't see much of a future for myself but I'm glad I hung on. I'm glad I didn't off myself. Even without a relationship I've learnt a lot about myself and life and will continue to do so. I guess it's these moments we push through the bad times for. And there will be more because that's life. I can't believe it's Sunday evening already. I always complain every weekend how short it's been. You would think I would be used to it by now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 That sounds nice! I haven't found anyone I could spend more than 3 dates with, so even if it doesn't work out, it sounds like you've met a person worth meeting. I can't climb - my fingers are just not strong enough. It might be my arthritis. But it was fun to try anyway. Belay on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted March 1, 2016 Author Share Posted March 1, 2016 I've not written in a while; that's not a bad thing it just is. After 3 months of dating I said 'so is this a relationship?' and he said 'I guess it is'. I like him a lot. As an anxious person this makes me anxious that I am going to loose him but such is the cost of caring! I'm decreasing my dose of antidepressants again this week. That's 6 months after the last decrease. I'm now on the lowest therapeutic dose but not the lowest dose. This is a real achievement for me and I'm lucky to have had met the therapist I see. I think the break up 3 years ago helped (despite the pain at the time). My physical symptoms haven't been as bad as last time. On day 3 now. Yesterday and today I've been having feelings of sadness. I've been alone and relatively unoccupied which I planned as I didn't know how I would feel. I'm okay with this. I'm trying to not get too caught up with it but also trying to listen to see if something is making me sad. I'm going to go out this afternoon and keep myself occupied as I suspect it is something to do with being cooped up in the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Hi Chalkie. Is the guy you were dating in November still on the scene. I hope you are feeling improved now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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