Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Haha. I think actually that he is not thinking about her because if he were, he would be expressing some regret. I think he's thinking: OK sucks that that ended but it's fine, she's doing what she needs to do and I'm gonna do what I need to do too. I'm now free to sleep around with whoever I want, cool! I AGREE. That's why I want him to text me he misses me and prove me wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 You said, Naomi: "And I already said before, I'm not too keen on him meeting my friends. " Just one question, and I am curious. If Dr. Who has never met your friends then how on earth (as mentioned in several earlier posts) can they say they don't like him and other words to that effect. If they never met the man how could they judge. Or, did some of them meet him at some time? I ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I bet it is 2 months. I think he will reach out never. He said he wouldn't contact me unless I did first, and I refuse. So it's not happening. Radical acceptance. He's so close, yet gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I think he'll reach out. Next time he's lonely and/or horny and he remembers how you used to fawn over him, he'll text you to suggest hanging out "as friends", knowing you can't resist him. He won't be thinking about your well-being, but about getting himself some. Naomi, how about starting a journal here on ENA? I can't help but think every time you see the title of this thread it has to feel a bit like a stab in the heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Hard to go from caring to not caring, it's a habit that needs breaking or re-directing. It's all inner work, shifting that inner dialogue. Instead of wondering about him, when those thoughts crop up, use them as a reminder to imagine how great you will feel when you are in your future fabulous satisfying relationship with the future Mr. Right. But first, imagine how great you will feel when you've healed from this. THis is sooo true. I've created neurons in my brain that are accustomed to the same patterns of thoughts of the doctor. Now that he's gone, there's a phantom pain in my mind that's going to take a while to turn redirect. All I can think about is lying in his bed, between his smooth sheets, kissing his chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 THis is sooo true. I've created neurons in my brain that are accustomed to the same patterns of thoughts of the doctor. Now that he's gone, there's a phantom pain in my mind that's going to take a while to turn redirect. All I can think about is lying in his bed, between his smooth sheets, kissing his chest. And then him telling you that you have to go, then the long lonely cold drive home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I think he'll reach out. Next time he's lonely and/or horny and he remembers how you used to fawn over him, he'll text you to suggest hanging out "as friends", knowing you can't resist him. He won't be thinking about your well-being, but about getting himself some. Naomi, how about starting a journal here on ENA? I can't help but think every time you see the title of this thread it has to feel a bit like a stab in the heart. I wasn't even aware at how many views until a couple of days ago. What is journal? Don't really want to do that. I love the interaction here with all the ladies and two men (Helpexpressme and Lost) And I'm really happy we all seem to get along and it hasn't been closed as of yet. I have my browser redirected to the last page I've read, so I never see the title of this thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 And then him telling you that you have to go, then the long lonely cold drive home. OUCH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 A journal is a script (as yet unsold to a publisher) for a soap opera! I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read on here, but at the moment I am just swearing like a trooper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 THis is sooo true. I've created neurons in my brain that are accustomed to the same patterns of thoughts of the doctor. Now that he's gone, there's a phantom pain in my mind that's going to take a while to turn redirect. All I can think about is lying in his bed, between his smooth sheets, kissing his chest. Early in, someone on ENA told me about thought-switching (I think that's what it's called). That thought that pops up, take a snapshot in your imagination, then watch it change (similar to those old Polaroids you could watch develop), imagine the image of him fading away while the image of you becomes brighter, clearer, and prominent. You are the focus, and those sensations are part of you, your values, what you carry forward into your next relationship, not as a comparison or standard, but the loving and touch you give and value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Hard to go from caring to not caring, I didn't mean to imply that its easy to go from caring to not caring. What I'm saying is if you're going to care, then why set your sites so low? So what, he misses her? That doesn't mean he wants her back in a more invested manner is what I'm getting at. [/i] it's a habit that needs breaking or re-directing. Yes.. the not caring any more part... it's a journey to get to that blissful stage of indifference and anyone who has gone through any type of grieving process whether through death, a break up or an unreciprocated love knows that for sure. It's all inner work, shifting that inner dialogue. Instead of wondering about him, when those thoughts crop up, use them as a reminder to imagine how great you will feel when you are in your future fabulous satisfying relationship with the future Mr. Right. But first, imagine how great you will feel when you've healed from this.I'd not even think that... I'd be thinking of my next fun thing I'd be doing with my girls and how glad I am to have them. Wondering about "boys" can come much later... when closer to that stage of indifference... least that's how I see it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I wasn't even aware at how many views until a couple of days ago. What is journal? Don't really want to do that. I love the interaction here with all the ladies and two men (Helpexpressme and Lost) And I'm really happy we all seem to get along and it hasn't been closed as of yet. I have my browser redirected to the last page I've read, so I never see the title of this thing. You can create a journal here on ENA that allows comments and responses. Just like a thread, but it's in a different section (check the lower right, there is a category for Journals). And I deliberately gave you that "ouch" because you were romanticizing the time you spent with him and it sounded like you wanted that back so badly your resolve might go out the window. It was not meant to be a kick but more of a gentle nudge of reality...that's more my style than the "oh, you poor thing, everything will work out fine!!!" routine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 He is a loner He is happy alone and people who are happy alone are not miserable missing someone. Like I said, I have no pull. Man, I really miss him. Oh for goodness sakes. You keep telling us that you don't like drama but that is rather dramatic don't you think? I didn't say he'd be "miserable" while missing you... I just said HE WILL MISS you. "You have no pull?" Well, he's not going to go on about it and start a thread on you, I'm sure but I'm also sure that you have some "pull" it's just not the same "pull" on him that he has on you. He is confident enough to know that there will always be another one just like the one that just wisened up and left him. Maybe one day he'll find someone like himself who can separate her kitty from her heart and they'll hook up perpetually till one of them croaks alone, in bed because neither one wanted to have a pajama party at the other's house. I'm sorry, N. but if you don't want more with him then what he was giving you, if you don't want him to meet your friends and you don't want to meet his then WT heck did you send him that text? If he cared enough to actually ask you what you wanted or what he could give you for you to stay and continue on with him, what exactly would you have told him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Gee, if I'm this horny, he must be super-freaking horny being a male. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Buy a new toy. There, that takes care of THAT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Naomi, I think we are moving here into the realm of telepathic sex. LOL. As in "how he must be feeling right now"....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Originally Posted by bluebell29 View Post Haha. I think actually that he is not thinking about her because if he were, he would be expressing some regret. Not everyone that misses someone will "express some regret." You're thinking like a girl. lol I think he's thinking: OK sucks that that ended but it's fine, she's doing what she needs to do and I'm gonna do what I need to do too. I'm now free to sleep around with whoever I want, cool! I'd think too that he was prolly thinking something along those lines because players know there is always someone else to play with but that certainly does not mean the he wouldn't miss her. Maybe not "miserably" but... Just sayin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Oh for goodness sakes. You keep telling us that you don't like drama but that is rather dramatic don't you think? I didn't say he'd be "miserable" while missing you... I just said HE WILL MISS you. I don't like fighting and bickering or confrontation. "You have no pull?" Well, he's not going to go on about it and start a thread on you, I'm sure but I'm also sure that you have some "pull" it's just not the same "pull" on him that he has on you. He is confident enough to know that there will always be another one just like the one that just wisened up and left him. Maybe one day he'll find someone like himself who can separate her kitty from her heart and they'll hook up perpetually till one of them croaks alone, in bed because neither one wanted to have a pajama party at the other's house. OMG THAT IS SOOOOO FUNNY!!!!! That entire last sentence!! I'm sorry, N. but if you don't want more with him then what he was giving you, if you don't want him to meet your friends and you don't want to meet his then WT heck did you send him that text? If he cared enough to actually ask you what you wanted or what he could give you for you to stay and continue on with him, what exactly would you have told him? For one, I'd like to be able to spend the night. We could start there. Second, I'd like to plan trips together. Third, how about actually making breakfast together??? In the entirety of 8 months, we never shared one breakfast!!! So I broke up because I want to be with someone who is at least open to the idea of something more stable. He wasn't even open to the idea and gave me no options with regards to us except for status quo or find someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Buy a new toy. There, that takes care of THAT. I already pulled it out of the closet and it's charging as we type. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I don't like fighting and bickering or confrontation. OMG THAT IS SOOOOO FUNNY!!!!! That entire last sentence!! For one, I'd like to be able to spend the night. We could start there. Second, I'd like to plan trips together. Third, how about actually making breakfast together??? In the entirety of 8 months, we never shared one breakfast!!!So I broke up because I want to be with someone who is at least open to the idea of something more stable. He wasn't even open to the idea and gave me no options with regards to us except for status quo or find someone else.I beg to differ. Because if you didn't tell him what you would like, then you don't know that he wasn't open to give you what little it is you're actually asking for. I already pulled it out of the closet and it's charging as we type. lol... BUT... that's not a New B.O.B. now is it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 He said he couldn't be more serious than what he was now. In his pea brain, breakfasts/trips/spending night is the pathway to something meaningful, which is against his religion. And so he's nipped it in the bud by not allowing me to spend the night, etc, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi99 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 [/b]I beg to differ. Because if you didn't tell him what you would like, then you don't know that he wasn't open to give you what little it is you're actually asking for. lol... BUT... that's not a New B.O.B. now is it! What is BOB? Battery operated boyfriend??? Kinda newish. New enough to have a USB charger…hahahaha! It's my new DOAS!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 lmao. *bows* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 He said he couldn't be more serious than what he was now. In his pea brain, breakfasts/trips/spending night is the pathway to something meaningful, which is against his religion. And so he's nipped it in the bud by not allowing me to spend the night, etc, etc. Oh how you assume. I guess that's safer then actually asking him outright and having to face a double edged sword of being rejected or having to fear getting what you THINK you want Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Well, I DID spend the night with my ex. The entire weekend (Friday night through Monday morning), pretty much every weekend. I DID travel with him. I DID meet all his family and many of his friends. We DID have breakfast together.He DID come to holiday meals with my family. However...he did NOT love me, and told me so. I was not satisfied with the "boyfriend-ly" behavior because despite all that, he did not love me and made it clear he did not. He made it clear I was "convenient" (his word) but that he felt that another reasonably attractive woman who did all I did for him would have done just as well. And that was not acceptable to me. If I'm giving my love to a man I need for him to give his to me. And he did not and would not, so that was the end for me. Naomi, would doing those things with him knowing he did not love you and could replace you easily with another female been enough for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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