Naomi99 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 He just texted me. I'm at work and not going to bother until I'm off and have had time to think. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Depends on what the text says. If it says "I'd like to pick you up and take you out to dinner tomorrow night", a yes could be a good answer. If it's "why don't you inconvenience yourself (but convenience ME) by driving out all the way out here, parking down the hill and schlepping some groceries up the hill so you can make me dinner and then give me some drama free sex", I'd pass. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Yes, yes what did the text say! Damm I gotta go to work, Il help you tonight. Link to comment
Hermes Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I don't think Dr. Who is "looking" for anyone. Why would he? After all they come to him! Also, this man has a career, is no doubt busy, and from what Naomi said earlier on days ago he concentrates a lot on his music (piano), and has lots to keep him occupied. The fact that he is a bachelor, a happy loner, and I did say this several times, is no doubt due to his childhood and adolescence. After all the child is the father of the man, as the saying goes. And that's all right too. Doesn't make him a freak. I believe you said, many times, Naomi, that you have no interest in meeting the doctor's friends, as you consider them "similar to 1960s Russian diplomats" (gosh you never known, they might be real swingers if you got to know them lol). Naomi, is the doctor "estranged" from his family? I believe you mentioned at one point that they live in another state. What difference does that make. I understand that in the USA you can still travel from state to state with a visa! Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 OKAY! HELP YOU GUYS!!! He texted me this morning how are you. I didn't respond. Five hours later, he texts again he wants to see my place (I'm doing something to the kitchen pretty cool.) I didn't respond. That was 10 minutes ago. I'm thinking about my choices. 1. Proceed with the breakup text. (I'm starting to miss him and I'm afraid I'm going to regret it. I'm not strong enough yet.) 2. Tell him okay but next week (and buy myself more time.) 3. Tell him not tonight. I'm going on a date. (highly unlikely I will do this but the smart-ass in me wants to so bad.) 4. Never ever respond at all. I'm sitting here, clutching my pearls, anticipating my next move. HALP. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 The meatier things, we get along just fine. Some people really want someone who is very close to their family and family means the world to them. I'm not against that, but it's certainly not my priority. If it turns out his relatives are great people, then that's a bonus for me. But my primary goal is the relationship between me and my partner, and it doesn't make me upset at all if I never get introduced to brothers or sisters. I mean, at some point, if it ends up being a serious relationship, I have no problem meeting anyone, friends or relatives. But it is not a priority. That being said, I am extremely close to my ex's mother and father and see them several times a month and talk on phone once a week, even still. So no, I'm not adverse to the idea of a close-knit family. I'm just not seeking it. Haven't really given it much thought, really. If he was estranged from his family, it wouldn't make me love him less. Unless he did something like fondle the family dog, then yeah. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I still haven't responded to him. He didn't reach out for six days, so yeah, I think he can wait. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I think you have to decide what you want to do - do you want to end this or not? What would I do? I wouldn't wait six days to answer him back to give him a taste of his own medicine. it will just drag things out. If you don't want to talk to him, tell him that sorry you were busy and missed his text, but will catch him later. You dated 8 months - he deserves more than just you never responding to him again. I think he deserves to be broken up with. This is the new Naomi who is decisive - not the old one who wants to "mirror" him. but If you want to do the seeing him less and less thing to wean yourself off, then you should get back to him promptly if he texts to ask you out and just say "sorry, I have other plans". Or "sorry in a meeting." Until you are strong enough to say more. This is what I would say personally if it were me: "Nice of you to ask. While I would normally love for you to see my place, I know that if I invite you over, we'll end up in bed. I want something more serious than what you are willing to give me and I'll just get sucked in again. So I don't think that's a good idea." It reiterates what you said in your last visit with him. Maybe that isn't a real breakup, but its establishing your boundaries so that when you do actually break up with him in person or over the phone - or unless he does it first - you will not be so enticed to cave. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 That was 10 minutes ago. I'm thinking about my choices. 1. Proceed with the breakup text. (I'm starting to miss him and I'm afraid I'm going to regret it. I'm not strong enough yet.) 2. Tell him okay but next week (and buy myself more time.) 3. Tell him not tonight. I'm going on a date. (highly unlikely I will do this but the smart-ass in me wants to so bad.) 4. Never ever respond at all. I'm sitting here, clutching my pearls, anticipating my next move. HALP. Option 1 is the response if you want a relationship. Option 2 is the response if you want to keep your options open for more sex and complaining about how he's using you. Option 3 is the catty response. Option 4 is not something you should do unless you are willing to block him and move on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 OKAY! HELP YOU GUYS!!! He texted me this morning how are you. I didn't respond. Five hours later, he texts again he wants to see my place (I'm doing something to the kitchen pretty cool.) I didn't respond. That was 10 minutes ago. I'm thinking about my choices. 1. Proceed with the breakup text. (I'm starting to miss him and I'm afraid I'm going to regret it. I'm not strong enough yet.) 2. Tell him okay but next week (and buy myself more time.) 3. Tell him not tonight. I'm going on a date. (highly unlikely I will do this but the smart-ass in me wants to so bad.) 4. Never ever respond at all. I'm sitting here, clutching my pearls, anticipating my next move. HALP. I think no matter what you do, the outcome is the same - he's not going to be your boyfriend. I might treat this the same way you would a company that's just given you notice that they are letting you go - move on and start looking at your next options, don't worry so much about fixing what's left. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I still haven't responded. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I think no matter what you do, the outcome is the same - he's not going to be your boyfriend. I might treat this the same way you would a company that's just given you notice that they are letting you go - move on and start looking at your next options, don't worry so much about fixing what's left. I agree. It's not meaningful in the long-run. Relax. Take a bubble bath. Sleep a lot. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Oh Naomi, please don't respond to him. Your not here, he better not be over there! (just jokes) Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I didn't. I went to the gym and then ate some gelato. I have to respond at some point though. Just not sure what. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I think you need to text him or call him and set up a "talk". And then sort out what you want to say. It's hard, but that's what needs to be done. That's what I'd do. Link to comment
East4 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I would go for 3 (you can't because a date) This would be the only thing that can make him reconsider his no-commitment policy and spark some action in him. If not his heart, the fact that he might be replaced easily will badly hurt his ego and will make him chase. I also see this as an opportunity to turn the tables and restore the power balance in your relationship. The Doc has to be shown that he's not calling the shots anymore. The underlying message to him would be that he is not irreplaceable, and he better treated you well, else he's out the door. I would then accept another date for another day in a public place, then sit him down in a cozy restaurant and bluntly tell him all these hurtful gestures that you shared with us - the parking spot, the driving home in wee hours, the expectation to cook for him AND buy groceries. All. He needs a reality check and an understanding of how his attitude hurt you. At present i do not think he is cognizant of this. Then you leave him picking up his jaw from the floor and you head home ALONE. And you sleep ALONE. Then see how he's going to respond to your talk. Good luck. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Don't want to do this again. I just had "the talk" with him last week. no more talks. He texted he wanted to come over. Can't I just respond, "No, thank you" and see what happens? No more talks. Don't want to do that. HATE IT. Want to cry. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I wouldn't put "No thank you" I would put "No not tonight". Don't cry Naomi, it will work it'self out. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Cry if you want. But after you cry, do something to make you laugh. Because tears are sweeter when tinged with a little joy. I suggest you read this if you haven't already. I hope this helps empowers you to start to let go: Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 WOW. What a clever maneuver. I was kinda joking about 3, but now I see where you're coming from. It's 11pm here. I supposed I could text, "Sorry for the late response. Was on a date." Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'd respond back the next day saying 'Hey XX, hope you're well. Given what we talked about the other day, I don't think we should see each other anymore. We want quite different things and it would be harder if we continued and feelings started to get involved. Hope to catch up sometime down the line as friends. Take care" Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'd respond back tomorrow "Hey yeah I'm good" and I wouldn't even mention not texting the day/night before. And if he tries to come over then I'd put "No sorry, not tonight". Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'd respond back tomorrow "Hey yeah I'm good" and I wouldn't even mention not texting the day/night before. And if he tries to come over then I'd put "No sorry, not tonight". I wouldn't say 'not tonight' as it's vague and doesn't convey that she has decided against dating him altogether. I think it's a bit avoidant... Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Well she's not dating him anyways. The doctor has made it clear. She just needs to change the way she deals with him. A break-up talk wouldn't mean much to him I don't think. Link to comment
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