boltnrun Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 It's good that you want to protect yourself. He certainly isn't going to. I'm just concerned when you end it and he reiterates his offer of "hanging out as friends" (i.e., drama-free AND dating-free POAS), if you will be able to say no. And stick to it, even when you feel lonely or horny or down. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I mean, if you don't leave him, you pretty much compromise your self respect. That's a hard thing to earn back. Takes time. I vote for not putting yourself through that. Especially as you are finding him more and more distasteful. Instead of giving up - why not just give a solid push of effort and be done with this - like a band aid, rip it off. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 I do not want to be his friend, sex or no sex. He is not good friend material. In fact, I don't even want him to be my doctor. I've seen him trying to change his password on his computer and it took him 25 minutes. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 I'm just concerned when you end it and he reiterates his offer of "hanging out as friends" . That's all speculation right now. We don't know if he'll offer friendship. He hasn't even contacted me since Thursday and I haven't even ended it yet. IF or when he offers friendship, I'll worry about it then. For now, I gotta figure out if I want to screw his brains out one last time or end it via text. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Funny how all those quirks we once saw as endearing or that we were willing to overlook become hideous when we no longer desire that person. My ex used to spit. Constantly. He'd hack up a loogie and then spit it out the car window, or he'd open the front door and let it fly, or he'd spit it on the ground. Totally disgusting. And I used to kiss that guy. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 That's all speculation right now. We don't know if he'll offer friendship. He hasn't even contacted me since Thursday and I haven't even ended it yet. When he offers friendship, I'll worry about it then. For now, I gotta figure out if I want to screw his brains out one last time or end it via text. Um, I'd recommend no on the screwing. You'll release bonding hormones and it will become almost impossible to detach. Your hormones will try to talk your brain out of ending it. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Thoughts? I think he's thinking about finding a new companion. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 I think he's thinking about finding a new companion. Good for him. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 If he says, "Can we still be friends," I have soooo many things I'd like to reply with: "Sure, we can be friends! Can I borrow your car?" "Sure! I need a friend to vent to. I went on a date last night, and we had sex within hours of meeting each other, and then…." "Sure! Can I borrow a thousand bucks?" "Sure! Can you help me move?" Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I'll be totally honest. I think you would be putting yourself through a degrading experience if you 'screw him one last time'. You know what his deal is, and you are even finding him less and less able to stomach. Take care of you. Don't self destruct over this. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 my friend Carol finally confronted/asked Bill about the status of their relationship (after 8 months of dating, but without any discussions of relationship, commitment, etc...) He basically told her that she's great, wonderful, perfect, has a great time with her, just all the best things..... but he doesn't want a relationship. He wasn't clear about WHY or what specifically he felt was missing, so she's kind of left without a concrete resolution. My advice to her is that he probably wants something, but doesn't know what he wants, or he has a very specific list, and she doesn't fit the bill. Maybe he wants to marry a red-head and she isn't one so that's out of the question. Bill was happy to just enjoy things as they were (dinners, dates, intimacy) without anything further than that. Anyway, if getting married and having kids is important to you, i'd recommend you hop on that right away and try to start meeting some marriage-minded men. Of course, take any time you need to get over this guy, but don't mope forever. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Did you refer Carol to my thread? I am not interested in marriage or children. Neither is he. I'm not even sure I'm interested in anything further than just vacations and regular dinners together, but the fact that he was so quick to say "I can't offer anything more serious than what we are now" makes me look like a needy little wench when I'm really not. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Isn't amazing how everyone thinks they can mind-read Dr. Who! LOL. Yes, it's all speculation Naomi. Of course, he will find a new companion. Be odd if he didn't. He isn't a monk and I don't think he ever said he was. I think you are doing O.K. Naomi, all considered. It's late over here so I am logging off. Take care of yourself. H P.S. You do know what you don't want, as in marriage and children, so in reality Dr. Who and yourself do have a good deal in common. A bachelor man and a bachelor girl. You would not be the first nor the last. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I don't think you're needy. But some basic common courtesies as well as being treated as something more than an unpaid escort would be nice too. I think he likes you just fine. I also think he will like the next woman just fine too, as long as she doesn't try to ask for anything more. Interesting how the contact died down after your talk. Maybe he's afraid the "drama-free" portion is over... Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 I don't think you're needy. But some basic common courtesies as well as being treated as something more than an unpaid escort would be nice too. I think he likes you just fine. I also think he will like the next woman just fine too, as long as she doesn't try to ask for anything more. Interesting how the contact died down after your talk. Maybe he's afraid the "drama-free" portion is over... I won't be contacting him and I won't be chasing. If he never ever contacts me, consider it over. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I still think he'll contact you for "friend sex". That is, until the next Naomi is lined up. He's not thinking about your best interests, which is why I think he'll try it. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Just from what you've shared in your thread, I say you have displayed: Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving. To a man that you knew deep down wasn't reciprocating the way a committed man would. Let others define you. (You've followed his lead until he lead you into an ongoing, casual union when you wanted more) Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.(you're always waiting for him to be who you want him to be.. the guy that invites you to join him and his friends etc.) Feeling bad and guilty when saying no. (I think you called it "being mean.") Not speaking up when you are treated poorly. (walking up a hill or down one with groceries because he didn't volunteer to move his car over yet you never asked him to do it and instead complained about to us.. who can't do anything about it) Falling "in love" with someone you barely know. (He's kept it so you barely knew him by keeping a wall up to you). Sorry... just couldn't help myself. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Did you refer Carol to my thread? I am not interested in marriage or children. Neither is he. I'm not even sure I'm interested in anything further than just vacations and regular dinners together, but the fact that he was so quick to say "I can't offer anything more serious than what we are now" makes me look like a needy little wench when I'm really not. No, I didn't but I should! Neither was Carol being pushy about marriage or kids. She just wanted to know if now it was summer vacation (he's a teacher) if they would start spending more time together - that's what led to the discussion - and her also wanting to know what he envisioned with her - i.e., she's wasn't pushing to be bf/gf, but wanted to know if they were going in that direction? yeah... some guys just want to have fun, dinners, fool around, not more. Some women too! I'm not even sure I'm interested in anything further than just vacations and regular dinners together, but the fact that he was so quick to say "I can't offer anything more serious than what we are now" makes me look like a needy little wench when I'm really not. I think you do want something more, otherwise this thread wouldn't exist. I understand that you're not all about the marriage and babies and giant ring, but I don't think it's needy at all to want to understand what the relationship is about and where he sees you fitting in his life and vice versa. Nothing needy about that. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 I still think he'll contact you for "friend sex". That is, until the next Naomi is lined up. He's not thinking about your best interests, which is why I think he'll try it. But nothing has changed except I know we are sexually exclusive and he can't offer more serious than what it is now, so it's status quo. We are still seeing each other like normal until I decide to tell him I can't see him anymore, which hasn't happened yet. BUT…if something has changed after that talk and he doesn't want to contact me anymore, it's over. I won't be initiating contact. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I asked my husband about this thread and he said: "Geez, 550 posts for he's not that into you? It really doesn't matter why." Lol. So succinct. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 I asked my husband about this thread and he said: "Geez, 550 posts for he's not that into you? It really doesn't matter why." It's 600, not 550. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 It's 600, not 550. I asked him when it was 550. Crazy how it's still going ... Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I haven't been here and days and quite frankly I'm surprised the moderator has not labeled this as running it course... Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Naomi Start up a journal and then you can post whatever you want. I want you to keep this going, I want to know how your dates go! Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Naomi Start up a journal and then you can post whatever you want. I want you to keep this going, I want to know how your dates go! Awwww….xoxxxo I've had some really funny dates. First date where I ate something wrong and got hives all over my face and neck. Second date, he ate something wrong and couldn't stop running to the bathroom. Another guy I had been dating, he dropped me off @ my place and went to go park the car. I opened my front door and it smelled like poo inside!! I went into the kitchen and my dog had diarrhea all over and I was mortified!!!! His ass was dirty too, so I had to plop him in the tub, wash him off, clean up the mess in the kitchen, all within five minutes!! When my date got to my place, I asked him if he smelled anything, and he said no, why? And I said never mind. Another first date where I was showing the guy pix of my dog on my cell phone, and right when he was looking at it, my girlfriend texted me "Is your date boring?" First date with the doctor was at an italian restaurant and we were seated in front of a beautiful brick oven. I said I would totally build one of those in my dream kitchen. He said why? I said so I can throw small children into it. We couldn't stop laughing... it was sooooo f-ing funny. Then he hurt his leg and couldn't even walk back to his car, so he had to use me as a human crutch and walk super slow. And I remember thinking…wow, if I end up with this guy, this is how we're going to be walking 20 years from now…all cripple and slow. Link to comment
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