Hermes Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Naomi, I can assure you he is a loner. It jumped out after your very first posts. Nothing wrong, I say, with being a loner, and he has at least made it clear to you that is what he is. It would be worse if he was the type who strings along women under false pretences. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 You just need to understand yourself 100% and if you can't handle keeping your emotions out of it then you end it and you go cold turkey withdrawl, zero contact so you rehab from him. Strangely enough, I feel kind of indifferent. But I know myself..the emotions and the crying will start soon enough. I wanted to slap him when he told me to go date other men just three minutes after we played hide-the-salami. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Now the ball is in your court - can you handle someone you can "come home to," can you continue counseling, etc, to move through your commitment issues so that you can meet someone like that? That is your next assignment! Agreed. I had someone to come home to for 10 years and wasn't really thrilled/happy with that situation. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I think you handled it really well, as well. . I think you knew this all along but was afraid to get it in writing because then you would have to act on it. With some distance you will be thankful for the outcome. ""He said, "How about we take a break? After you find a boyfriend, we can hang out again?""' This part concerned me. Is he suggesting a side piece as well? Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Understand you, Naomi. And a few tears won't do any harm. You'd have to be made of stone if you didn't shed a few. I did smile at that salami expression. Never heard it before lol. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 I didn't feel that conversation felt finished. Is it finished? Hard to tell. Yay! Your a free agent. Please don't go back to him. I don't know what else needs to be said. I was supposed to decide if I wanted something more serious, to let him know. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Well Naomi ... it is sorta you in that you chose him despite signs that he wasn't very interested from the beginning. The good news is that you are looking to make changes in the men you choose. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 ""He said, "How about we take a break? After you find a boyfriend, we can hang out again?""' This part concerned me. Is he suggesting a side piece as well? I don't think so. Because in the beginning he said we are sexually exclusive. And if one of us decides to sleep with someone else, we have to tell the other person. He is pretty much monogamous without the committal piece. That's why I don't think he is suggesting that he would be a side piece. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Naomi. Don't even go there.... Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Naomi. Don't even go there.... huh? Last night I asked him if he was sleeping with someone else, and he said no but if he was he would tell me, and we'd stop sleeping together. That's how I know he wasn't insinuating a "side piece" if after I found a BF. He is monogamous (but noncommittal.) Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Why would he want to be your friend, once you find a new boyfriend? He is deluded. I think he knows deep down you will go back. I know you will go back. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Just a bit perplexed, Naomi. This is the end of the road with this man. Yes? Nothing further to be said, really. If however you want to continue seeing him on HIS terms (no commitment, not a lot of emotion, a loner etc.) then only you can decide that. I had understood you would like to meet someone with more of an interest in a long-term relationship/partnership. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Why would he want to be your friend, once you find a new boyfriend? He is deluded. I think he knows deep down you will go back. I know you will go back. You know what? I was taken aback at how much he kept trying to weasel in the topic of "friends" in that whole conversation. I think he is deluded too. There is no way in hell we can be in the same room, alone, as friends watching TV without some type of physical affection. He is extremely cuddly and I'm really affectionate. Friends while I'm trying to find a BF. Friends while I have a BF. Friends while I'm dating around. What the hell is he thinking? Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Never mind, Naomi, what he is thinking. What are you thinking? He has told you in no uncertain terms he cannot offer you anything more. No commitment, no anything. However, while you dither he will be smiling to himself knowing that you will go back for more of the same..... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 You know what? I was taken aback at how much he kept trying to weasel in the topic of "friends" in that whole conversation. I think he is deluded too. There is no way in hell we can be in the same room, alone, as friends watching TV without some type of physical affection. He is extremely cuddly and I'm really affectionate. Friends while I'm trying to find a BF. Friends while I have a BF. Friends while I'm dating around. What the hell is he thinking? I guess it's not too far off of a question considering that you had agreed to his loosely defined terms up to this point. At least from his point of view. But no. . you can't be his friend and move on at the same time. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Just a bit perplexed, Naomi. This is the end of the road with this man. Yes? Nothing further to be said, really. If however you want to continue seeing him on HIS terms (no commitment, not a lot of emotion, a loner etc.) then only you can decide that. I had understood you would like to meet someone with more of an interest in a long-term relationship/partnership. Of course…. I think there was a miscommunication. I didn't type out the full explanation. Someone asked me if he was suggesting a "side piece" after I had found a boyfriend, and I said I don't think he is capable of "side pieces" because if he was pretty adamant about "you need to tell me if you're sleeping with someone else so we can stop having sex," then I doubt he was alluding to having sex with me on the side if I found someone else. That's all. No, I didn't mean I was going to continue on with him. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 He is desperately trying to keep you in his life, by offering friendship (as he can't offer it any other way), as his means to keep you. He can't phrase it any other way. But I don't think your strong enough to say no. I think if this was to end, it would have to come from him, as then it would be final. Give him a few days and he'll come sniffing around to see where your at. That conversation was no where near finished. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 He is desperately trying to keep you in his life, by offering friendship (as he can't offer it any other way), as his means to keep you. He can't phrase it any other way. But I don't think your strong enough to say no. I think if this was to end, it would have to come from him, as then it would be final. Give him a few days and he'll come sniffing around to see where your at. That conversation was no where near finished. For real? Why do you say that? I felt like convo was finished. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Really? Where did it say on your end "This is over, I think it's best we do not see/contact each other again" All you kept saying was "I'll let you know". Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Friends while I'm trying to find a BF. Friends while I have a BF. Friends while I'm dating around. What the hell is he thinking? He's not, it's his way or the highway. Up your value, Naomi. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Straight question: You have finished completely with this man and will not see him again? Yes? Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Really? Where did it say on your end "This is over, I think it's best we do not see/contact each other again" All you kept saying was "I'll let you know". The conversation last night was not to end it. It was to find out where we are at. Anyway as you can all tell, I do not make hasty decisions. I think about them, consult you guys, and then execute. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Straight question: You have finished completely with this man and will not see him again? Yes? In my heart, I know he's not the one. So yes, I am finished. Will I see him again? I can't answer that. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Dear girl. You already knew (heart of hearts) where you were at, or not at. And IMO this is one time where a hasty decision might be a good idea. I am getting the sensation that you are hooked on this man, even if he is a loner and does not want commitment of any kind. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Dear girl. You already knew (heart of hearts) where you were at, or not at. And IMO this is one time where a hasty decision might be a good idea. I am getting the sensation that you are hooked on this man, even if he is a loner and does not want commitment of any kind. Well, nothing has happened yet, as this "talk" just happened a few hours ago. I can still decide never to see him. Link to comment
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