Brokenheart99 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 So my last kinda break up was months back but we weren't in an official relationship but I did fall for him. He really hurt me. I'm crazy about him but I also hate him if that's possible. Before him, my last break up was two years ago. Anyway, I don't know if this is a product of getting older, I'm 31 now, but I just feel like I've lost the ability to love. I don't feel any excitement or desire or interest. I go on dates and talk to nice/normal guys and I never feel that rush anymore like one would on a date. It feels forced, I lose interest, and I just cut it off. Is that rush just a 20s feeling? Is it just a depression? Honestly I have 0 interest. Though I would like to meet someone and be happy and in love with them. I just don't feel like I'm capable though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
intheferns Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Maybe you need to give yourself more time to heal before trying to date again, you might just not be ready yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 You haven't given yourself enough time. Why were you heavily involved with someone, without the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I don't believe that anyone ever loses the ability to love. We all love, maybe in different ways, but the ability is always there. Your experiences and pain are probably what keep the fear of loving alive, but as time goes on that will fade too. You're young and have plenty of time to move on and fall in love, many times if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Maybe you need to give yourself more time to heal before trying to date again, you might just not be ready yet? I think so as well .... dont worry , you said you want love and happiness so that is a good start ..it will come back in its own time . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pavlo81 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I have the same thing meet nice women but no rush or connection either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 You haven't given yourself enough time. Why were you heavily involved with someone, without the relationship? Well I always wanted a relationship, but he didn't yet. He always just said his feelings were developing etc. so we just kept dating. We did that for 4-6 months. It's complicated more than that. In the end, he just said he didn't feel it. Sounds like an excuse but idk. Oh well. =\ I guess this time around it feels different bc before with my previous breakups, I always felt pain and longing etc, but never this kind of indifference. It's such a new feeling. It just feels like when I'm on a date or even when I'm talking to friends and they ask the normal getting to know you questions..in my head I'm thinking "God, here we go again with this same bs". It all feels like such a drag. Even though I see other people enjoy that same convo. I took a hiatus from dating but it gets lonely. Especially bc around this age, all your friends are getting married, newly married and having a kid so they're busy and it makes you want that for yourself. I really hope this feeling goes away. But honestly, the thought of all the normal happy in love couples activities like having a family, kids, going to the zoo, park, etc...it all feels so blah and indifferent. I go anyway but mentally I'm just bored and indifferent. I hope this resolves with time, but it feels like it gets worse everyday. First world problems eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I think if the other person does not feel the same, or has a desire for a relationship, you move on! Red flag! If you're not on the same page, don't stick around hoping he will change his mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 I think if the other person does not feel the same, or has a desire for a relationship, you move on! Red flag! If you're not on the same page, don't stick around hoping he will change his mind. Yeah in retrospect, I see it now. But it gets hairy bc at the time, he just said his feelings are developing and he kept fighting to stay with me. And he just kept saying that he develops feelings slowly but that he's getting there etc. I mean isn't it fair to say though that in the early stages of a relationship, not everyone is on the same page at the same time? Where do you draw the line or cutoff? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky09 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 That rush is not love, though most take it for granted. That's something that we deem as being "in love." Get to actually know somebody for who they are and love will develop from there. Take some time off from dating and work on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pavlo81 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Anyone got advice on hoe to stop thinking of your ex intimate with another person.?? Doing my head in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmelieM Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Maybe you've just gone temporarily numb after the last bad experience. You may be extra guarded and your heart isn't ready to open up yet. Try to put less pressure on yourself with these dates. Maybe if you think of them as potential friendships rather than relationships you'll enter into them with more of an open mind. That way it doesn't have to be sparks and fireworks right away, just a casual getting to know someone to see if you have common ground. If something grows from there, great. But if not, then maybe you make some new friends. Friends who aren't in that married/babies/zoo/park phase might be nice to have! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blanco Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Some people just need more time. I felt this way after feeling blindsided by a breakup when I was 24. It hadn't been a long relationship, but I had no complaints about the relationship. She was hilarious, driven, intelligent, vibrant, and made me want to be a better version of myself. I really saw us going far. I got incredibly cynical about relationships after that ended. This was August 2009. I didn't have more than a passing interest in anyone for two years. Part of that was dwelling too much and not opening myself back up for new opportunities. I eventually met someone who I fell for pretty hard, but I still have never felt the way about anyone the way I felt about this girl. That's how I knew this last relationship of mine was just not right. I couldn't reconcile the fact that I felt I'd had better for me already and that anything less was compromising. There's no need to rush things. I would avoid ruminating for too long, but I think there's this mentality that you should get over breakups within a few months, especially if you're a guy. It just doesn't work like that for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you so much, that actually makes me feel so much better to hear. I know I've gotten pretty guarded and cynical, but I always kinda felt like that about my previous break ups too. But this feeling I have now is just a whole other beast, I've never felt this lack of love or desire before. It makes sense that this might be the case now too, just in a different way. My last "relationship" was shortlived yes, but I really connected and fell for him bc we had such a promising future. And for a short while, he told me he felt the same way, only to have him pull the rug out from underneath me. He prob was never in it to begin with. Perhaps that explains my in difference. Sometimes I wonder if it's an age thing. Like maybe as you get older, things are just less exciting in general? You love differently and fall differently in your 20s than in your 30s? In general, it seems like your ideas of happiness evolve with age. A maturity perhaps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I fell in love at age 49 for the 4th time and it is better than all that came before. So...no, it isn't an age thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Share Posted May 16, 2015 Who knows, there are exceptions. I think you love and feel differently in different ages/stages of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
intheferns Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I wonder what if short lived love might be even more painful at the start of the breakup - the love is still new, everything about that person is wonderful and you haven't had time to see the less appealing features of that person. It's all hopes and dreams and limitless possibilities early on. A breakup at this point is really crushing when you're fully emotionally invested. Give yourself time to grieve and then try dating again in a few months if you feel whole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 I wonder what if short lived love might be even more painful at the start of the breakup - the love is still new, everything about that person is wonderful and you haven't had time to see the less appealing features of that person. It's all hopes and dreams and limitless possibilities early on. A breakup at this point is really crushing when you're fully emotionally invested. Give yourself time to grieve and then try dating again in a few months if you feel whole. Man, I really think you could be onto something here. So true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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