missmarple Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 He has not talked about sex or sent any di_k pics so far so good HAHAHA...in this time and age that is quite extraordinary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 Thank you Batya and MM. It hurt for about a week, now I see it as a good thing that I did meet him so that I could move on. I really liked him and thought we connected. But obviously he wasn't feeling it and I could sense that. You did connect through typing and talking most likely. Almost no relevance to whether there is a connection for dating purposes, looks being the least of the reason (and often not a reason at all). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 Wow what a strange week. My girlfriend had been on vacation for a week and when she was ready to come home, the OLD guy she had been talking to ask her to meet him since she would be going through his town on the way home. She didn't tell me she was doing it because it was such short notice. I texted her to see when she would be coming home and she said she was on a date with K. I was shocked but excited for her. So after her date she drove home and called me when she arrived. She felt ok about the meeting, but not overly excited. She said he was handsome, they had a drink talked and took a walk. She said he held her hand for a moment and then kissed her on the cheek when they ended the meeting. Nothing too exciting really. He did text her to make sure she made it home ok, which is a good sign, but then she texted some silly things to him about how she already missed him and asked him if he would like to see her again. She said some other things I can't remember, but it was way over the top. I was worried for her. He texted back he had fun and yes they could see each other again, then said night. She didn't hear from him the next couple of days and she started to feel like he didn't like her because they had been texting non stop with each other for weeks. I kept telling her NOT to do that texting thing because of what I learned. Its best to meet asap and not text so much. She didn't listen to me. Of course there was this fantasy built up for both of them. They talked about cooking together, baking, camping going to Santa Cruz. The usual BS. So she decided to text him 2 days later and ask him why he has been so quiet. Then she tries to make it light by saying Was it my breath, did I smell,... thinking she is being funny. BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE!! He texted her back and said, you have really bad breath and I would not have ever kissed you and Im not lying that is a serious condition and you need to get that checked out. She called me crying. She was devastated. Man, he could of just said, it was nice meeting you, but we are not a match. I know he said that because he wanted her to know that he wasn't interested but that was really RUDE. And of course this is bothering her big time and now she feels like a loser and questioning everyone on whether she has bad breath. She doesn't. Its hard to watch a friend go through this and I realize how hard this OLD is. You really have to have tough skin because there are so many odd and strange people with issues that go far beyond what we know. They are strangers. It just made me realize how scary this all can be. I have told her over and over again not to get so emotionally invested with someone you meet on OLD but she does it anyway over and over again and then she gets hurt and goes through a mini break up every time. She is my best friend and I am there for her, but some days I need a break. She will text me non stop about how upset she is and asks me questions I cannot answer like, why didn't he like me? Am I that ugly? Why are people so mean? UGGH! I told her maybe she should take a break, but she doesn't. Nothing really new in my dating life. The new guy doesn't have a set date to meet his sister because she is on vacation right now, so we have not met yet. The good news is we don't text each other much and I am not emotionally attached to the outcome. If it happens great, if not great. I like that feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 That is such a sad story, Janut. It just makes me shake my head. The phenomenon of OLD translates into us opening a floodgate of people into our lives that we might otherwise never meet. It also ups the odds that a large number of these people can have access to harm us in some way. That's all I got. . Just shaking my head at the whole sad affair. Give your friend a hug for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 That's so awful!!! I am terrified of having bad breath. That experience would put me off dating for a very long time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 You are right about your friend. It's definitely not wise to text forever and build up a fantasy before you have met the person. I learned not to do that the hard way. I'm confused. Why would someone say your breath stank unless it really did. I mean, why make that up? That seems random and cruel. I feel bad for her though. Are you guys able to meet men in real life? I mean, most of the folks I know met their partners in real life (school, work, Meetups, through mutual friends, church, neighborhood). OLD is definitely an option, but people on ENA seem to act like it's the only way to meet someone. Bizarre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 Maybe her breath did stink who knows. But she was at the end of a cold and was sucking on cough drops. Maybe that smell made him turned off. I have never been close enough to her to notice bad breath. I know she ask the gals at work and they said she didn't have bad breath. Now she is self conscious of it either way. He didn't have to be so rude, but oh well. She does a lot of things in the world, she travels and meets people all the time. I work in retail now and have met a lot of new people, but have little time for much else. I have kids, she doesn't so she has more free time and in turn is a bit more lonely too. I have mentioned that we should take a class or go to meet ups and she is open to it. We just need to coordinate a time. Unfortunately most couples I know meet on line nowadays, but classes and meet-ups are another option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Anywhere is an option. Men are anywhere and everywhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 I feel like Im losing everyone in my life. Even though I apologized to my sister for doing whatever I did, I still don't know what that was, and she said no problem, she still has not contacted me since that message. Oh she did text me happy birthday, but that was in June. My 3 year long distance friend is now gone and I just added another to my gone list. There was a guy who I had 3 dates with, we were never intimate and I started dating my XBF and just lost contact. When I was having my foot surgery and he was having his knee surgery we reconnected on FB. I was still dating my XBF so nothing romantic was even thought of and we were just friends. He brought me a nice bouquet of roses when I was recovering out of the blue and we talked a few times on the phone and were getting closer as friends. Well I hadn't heard from him in a couple months, so I just texted him to say Hi and ask how he was. I get a response and it surprised me. It said, "J, this is D's fiance, he is doing fine, please do not text him again." OH BROTHER REALLY? He was single in May and now engaged in July. I think what bothers me most is SHE is answering his cell phone. I know he was probably asleep as he works at 4AM in the morning and the text came in at around 11pm. So I am guessing she doesn't trust him and she is controlling. Obviously she is checking his messages to see who is contacting him. I had all kinds of responses in my head to that text, but I decided to leave it alone. I deleted his number and messages and will just leave it alone. I feel sad that he will not be my friend any longer. I guess there is a reason for all this, cleaning house for something better is my hope. On the dating front. My friend has a new meet with a guy on Monday morning and I have one on Thursday for lunch. We are both doing this different this time. Low to no texting and waiting for the meet to see how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Share Posted August 12, 2016 Both my friend and I's dates did not happen this week. Hers said said he had a emergency in his home and was not going to be able to make it. But she had to reach out to him while she was waiting in the cafe to find that out. Not a good start. He did ask if she could meet with him the next day but she was back at work so couldn't. Mine had a Dr appt before our lunch, he didn't think it would be a whole day thing, but they found something on his foot and wanted to send him to a specialist, get xrays so he ended up at Kaiser for hours. He then had to go to work after, so we had to postpone. My date apologized and let me know what was happening as it happened and I felt he was being honest. Sometimes I am so jaded by reading these forum that I immediately went to he is lying. But I will give him one more chance. He has been a gentleman this whole time and its been refreshing. We talked on the phone this week too, and man he has a great deep sexy voice. I love that. He liked my voice to and the conversation flowed really well. He did tell me he is not much of a texter, and I said I could tell. He rather call then text. Now its confirmed that his lack of text has nothing to do with me, its just not his thing. My brothers 60th birthday party is next week and I am not sure if I want to go. My sister is going to be there and Im thinking of ways to avoid the whole situation. I know that sounds bad, but I really am worried how she is going to treat me since she has not been talking to me for awhile now. I hate that this has happened. I don't like feeling uncomfortable at family events, and this is all new to me. Of course I will probably go, but I will be nervous. My daughter will be there and so will my other siblings, so it should be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Anywhere is an option. Men are anywhere and everywhere! maybe at 35......not 60. I've seen men that age...but I don't want to be going out with a man that doesn't MOVE and has one foot in the grave.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 maybe at 35......not 60. I've seen men that age...but I don't want to be going out with a man that doesn't MOVE and has one foot in the grave.... I was going to say the same thing. There are men everywhere, married, in a relationship, single, gay, sure. But not single available men that are my age who don't have to take lots of pills everyday because they have something wrong with them. Its just going to get worse as I get older. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 Update on the party and my sister. The party was last night and all went great. I hugged her hello told her she looked great and all was good the whole night. We talked like nothing every happened. We had a great time together and with the rest of the family. Do I think we will be best friends again? No, but at least I know that we can talk and be respectful to each other when we are in a family setting so I don't have to worry about the wedding coming up and seeing her there. Maybe its a good thing to be apart and just do our own thing for now. I finally met the guy that I have been chatting with from OLD. He is a big guy, 6 ft 3 has a bit of a belly. He has long hair, tattoos and looks like a WWF wrestler. I love tattoos and have some myself so that was cool. He actually has done tattoos himself. I felt small next to him which is a good thing LOL. As big as he is, he is very sweet and I can tell has a good heart. He is a EMT, so I am sure he has to have that compassion for people to do that job. He made me laugh a lot. He is a character! We had lunch and during lunch he got serious for a moment and said, I have to tell you something. I was thinking omg, what could this be?? He said I like you and I had a great time here having lunch with you. I would like to see you again if you would like that too. I said yes, I would like to see you again too. So second date coming this week. I am not 100% sure about him, but it was fun being with him. My friend never met that guy that stood her up, he never set up another date so she is moving on. I was told that only 10% of people on OLD are looking for a relationship or to date, the rest are scammers or people just looking for hook ups. When I heard that it made sense since most men on there are quick to want to talk about sex or send you pen*s picks right away or ask for your email address. I've been doing it long enough that I am way better at spotting these things quickly, but its a sad statistic really. 10%? Geez odds are pretty low that you will actually find someone real to date on these sites so I guess I am lucky to have met real men, even if most are not great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 Work has been busy which is good. Im doing well in selling and actually made bonus last month and am on track to do it again this month. I like my job, its not to hard, but the income is not as good as I had before and Im starting to feel the pinch. I have to make a decision to either find another high paying job or get a second job part time or try to build my business back up. All options just seem like lots of work. When I do have my 2 days off from my job Im exhausted and just want to relax. If I get a 2nd job or start working on my business I won't have any down time and Im afraid I will burn out. Also, this is my daughters last year of high school and after she turns 18 I will no longer get child support, which isn't that much anyway, and my X husband and I will be discussing what to do with the house. Im living here now, but he really wants it. I would be okay moving for several reasons. Its a lot of work and expense to keep up with a house that is getting older. There are many things that need to be fixed that I don't have the money for. I won't need the big house anymore with most of my kids living elsewhere, and I am ready to move on. The mortgage cost is killing me financially, it is way more then I can really afford. My X husband makes way more then me and has the skill and money to fix this place and he is very attached to this home. He has wanted me out since the divorce, even tried to kick me out of the home several times. LOL Hard to do when your name is on the mortgage. He has since calmed down about it all, but I am getting my self mentally prepared to move out into an apartment or small house. He will have to buy me out, its not going to be a easy thing to deal with, but im not going to just hand him the keys and say here you go! I've been paying the mortgage and all upkeep for over 6 years now and am half owner so half is what I should get. Im still talking to the guy I met last week. We text/talk most every day. He is not a big texter so our texting convo's are very minimal. This is his last week of work as a EMT and after that he may start a part time car repair business. He used to own one before, so he is thinking of doing it again. We have not gone on our second date yet because of our work schedules. This dating thing with him is moving very slow. He told me he hasn't been intimate with a women for 13 years. I was kind of shocked. He got divorced and it threw him off pretty badly. He said he had to get his head straight and it took him a lot of time. He has dated though, but nothing too serious. Thats a yellow flag and Im not sure how to feel about that. It could be a good thing, meaning he isn't looking to get laid, or a bad thing and he is avoiding intimacy. I guess time will tell. I of course am not sure about him anyway at this point. My best friend gets weird with me when I date someone. She says things like, you sure you want to see him again? If you become a thing, you will probably leave me and I won't see you that much anymore. Or she will be negative about the guy Im dating or going to date. I on the other hand get excited for her when she is meeting someone new. I think we all deserve to have happiness and I know she wants a relationship. I am more supportive of her around this stuff. So I have started to not talk to much about whats going on with me and my dating life. I don't go into much detail. Its weird but it feels like she gets jealous and then clingy. Almost like a BF. LOL Lots going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 I was told that only 10% of people on OLD are looking for a relationship or to date, the rest are scammers or people just looking for hook ups. When I heard that it made sense since most men on there are quick to want to talk about sex or send you pen*s picks right away or ask for your email address. I've been doing it long enough that I am way better at spotting these things quickly, but its a sad statistic really. 10%? Geez odds are pretty low that you will actually find someone real to date on these sites so I guess I am lucky to have met real men, even if most are not great. Where do you hear that stat? I can't think of a single person that I know in real life or on this forum that is signed up for online dating, says they're looking for a relationship... but isn't. I got d*ck pics from guys on free sites. But I have male friends on free sites and you should see how many unsolicited boob/vagina pics they get! I think a lot of it is demographics...and free sites tend to attract the least invested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Where do you hear that stat? I can't think of a single person that I know in real life or on this forum that is signed up for online dating, says they're looking for a relationship... but isn't. I got d*ck pics from guys on free sites. But I have male friends on free sites and you should see how many unsolicited boob/vagina pics they get! I think a lot of it is demographics...and free sites tend to attract the least invested. lovely Thanks for the reminder. It's been a while, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 lovely Thanks for the reminder. It's been a while, lol not sure why it's a sad face? The main point was that most people on dating sites are looking for love. I don't know anyone that's online that isn't. I don't think most people are deceitful...I don't think most people are trying to screw people over...Idk...I think overall most people are good and most people have good intentions. I mean, this forum is filled with people looking for love, companionship...a connection. It's rare to see someone (even on an anonymous site like this) that is looking to intentionally use someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Where do you hear that stat? I can't think of a single person that I know in real life or on this forum that is signed up for online dating, says they're looking for a relationship... but isn't. I got d*ck pics from guys on free sites. But I have male friends on free sites and you should see how many unsolicited boob/vagina pics they get! I think a lot of it is demographics...and free sites tend to attract the least invested. That wasn't true when I was dating - in the hundreds of men I was in contact with I only remember one who claimed to want marriage and was lying so that I'd go out for dinner with him (he had checked off "long term relationship" then claimed to want marriage- he changed his status, then the day before our fancy dinner was scheduled, he changed it back, so I canceled). Out of the men I met in person -over 100, a minority ended up wanting to have sex right away -out of those I think some actually did want a long term relationship and some just wanted a fling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 That wasn't true when I was dating - in the hundreds of men I was in contact with I only remember one who claimed to want marriage and was lying so that I'd go out for dinner with him (he had checked off "long term relationship" then claimed to want marriage- he changed his status, then the day before our fancy dinner was scheduled, he changed it back, so I canceled). Out of the men I met in person -over 100, a minority ended up wanting to have sex right away -out of those I think some actually did want a long term relationship and some just wanted a fling. I'm surprised. I rarely met guys that weren't interested in marriage/relationship. Most didn't want that with me lol (the feeling was mutual), but most did want to find love/commitment/marriage. How do I know this? Many of them made it into my contacts in my phone or email, and fb now suggests them as friends...so I see that many of them are now married or in serious relationships. The thing is...you have to meet to decide if you want to date. You have to date for a while to decide if you want marriage. If you know on the first meet that someone isn't a candidate for dating, you'll treat them different than a serious prospect...and I think there are totally guys that will have sex with a woman they don't view as a potential partner...if it seems like she'll oblige. It doesn't mean they aren't serious about finding someone...it means they're opportunistic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 I'm surprised. I rarely met guys that weren't interested in marriage/relationship. Most didn't want that with me lol (the feeling was mutual), but most did want to find love/commitment/marriage. How do I know this? Many of them made it into my contacts in my phone or email, and fb now suggests them as friends...so I see that many of them are now married or in serious relationships. The thing is...you have to meet to decide if you want to date. You have to date for a while to decide if you want marriage. If you know on the first meet that someone isn't a candidate for dating, you'll treat them different than a serious prospect...and I think there are totally guys that will have sex with a woman they don't view as a potential partner...if it seems like she'll oblige. It doesn't mean they aren't serious about finding someone...it means they're opportunistic. Of course you need to meet to see if there is potential. Thats a given. It may be where I live or also maybe times are changing. Most guys on OLD here will ask you for your email address and then send you unsolicited pictures if you give it to them. I never give out my email or phone number unless we have been out or are going out soon. My friend has had two men ask her to send them pictures of her naked body and then ask her to have phone sex. Of course, I have had my share of these types of people too, but I just shut it down quickly. I mean there are places you can go for sex, or phone numbers you can call. LOL There are tons of scammers and people looking for sex on OLD these days. You can spot them pretty quickly though. Its nice that you haven't experienced this faraday, but its a reality here in CA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 not sure why it's a sad face? The main point was that most people on dating sites are looking for love. I don't know anyone that's online that isn't. I don't think most people are deceitful...I don't think most people are trying to screw people over...Idk...I think overall most people are good and most people have good intentions. I mean, this forum is filled with people looking for love, companionship...a connection. It's rare to see someone (even on an anonymous site like this) that is looking to intentionally use someone else. just the mention of d* pic's gets my hackles up. And I do agree, when I am in a better frame of mind there are just as many decent people on the sites as there are not. But typical human nature, we can have 10 positive experiences to one negative and it's the negative one we focus on. Don't mind me. . Maybe it's because I am in CA as well. We seem to have had similar experiences. It's gotten pretty raunchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Been awhile since I updated. Ive been busy at work and making better money because we are busier. Still adjusting to not getting weekends off and retail hours suck. I miss my kids because I work till 8pm some nights and don't get home to have dinner with them. Its all so new. I haven't work retail since I was 19. Even though the company is great, the hours bother me. I've also been feeling down lately. I have so many changes coming in the next year and Im already overwhelmed. When my youngest turns 18, my X husband and I will be dealing with how to handle our home we own. I live here now, but we have it in our divorce papers that I can stay here till my youngest turns 18. That means we will have to decide on selling it, him buying me out or renting it for income. Even though my X and I are on decent terms right now, this is the sticking point for him. He didn't want me to live in the home, and he tried several times to get me out. He wants the home badly, so I am hoping he will buy me out. That would help me financially to maybe purchase a mobile home or get into a rental until I decide where I want to live. I have thought of moving to another town, but I do really like it where I live now. Its a great town and close to my family. If I think of it as a new adventure then it seem exciting. I will be free of kids and the house too, so I can go anywhere I want. I think my X is also dating for the first time since our divorce. I of course have been dating since 2 years after our divorce. Even though I never want to go back to my X, knowing he is dating someone feels sad and strange. I shouldn't care really, but it still tugs at me a bit. I guess this is how he felt when I was dating and having problems with me and my boyfriend at that time. Geez, so many emotions lately. I also feel like quitting everything and just hiding in a cave somewhere. All I ever wanted was a family and it has not worked out for me. I pick the wrong men to marry, then ended up unhappy and divorced. Just not what I thought my life would be like. My friend keeps reminding me that I've been through a lot this year already. Got laid off from work, broke up with my BF, went to school for a new job right after my breakup. Started a new job and getting used to that too. I also have my car lease ending soon and they won't let me keep leasing it, so I have to buy it and thats another thing to take care of. I am starting to date someone too. He is different then any guy I have dated before. He is respectful and kind even though he looks like a WWF wrestler. He is so big and tall that he gets looks everywhere he goes. But, he is a gentle giant. Im oddly attracted to him even though he is not the best looking guy in the world. I keep reminding myself that looks fade, and there is attraction, so I am giving it a try. We will see how this all unfolds. My goodness. Sometimes I wonder how I make it through each day. My life is such a struggle and balancing act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 You have been through a lot in the past year. For some reason, I think you leaving the house and having the freedom to go wherever is going to be awesome for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 I live in L.A. and even at my age it's always raining men. I have NEVER lacked for a serious boyfriend unless, like now, I don't want one. This is a post from Jig - who is 60. Just wanted to put out there that someone in this age bracket is pretty happy with the availability of men. Hopefully this helps if you ever feel like there aren't men your age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted September 8, 2016 Author Share Posted September 8, 2016 This is a post from Jig - who is 60. Just wanted to put out there that someone in this age bracket is pretty happy with the availability of men. Hopefully this helps if you ever feel like there aren't men your age. Thanks Mrs Darcy. Thats funny! I've lived in Northern CA my whole life. LA has always been stigmatized as a place where the perfect people live. Men in there 60's in LA are usually looking for young arm candy. So this is great to hear. Yes, I think moving and doing my own thing will be nice for me even though change is hard. That said, I still do what needs to be done even if I get anxious about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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