Hazyillusions Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Normally when you're dating someone in the first 2 months, do you just text and reply whenever you feel like it or do you keep track of how quickly they reply? Like matching their pace. Say for eg, someone texts you back 3 hrs later. Do you read the text and then decide to reply hrs later too or just gt back to them whenever? So within a few hours if you happen to see the text quickly even if it takes them say nearly a day to reply? Is this too much game playing? I've never thought about it much and never used to really txt a certain way bt I wonder if replying quicker than the other person makes you look over eager on some level? How do you guys do this? Wondering bc the guy I'm dating doesn't text often. The other day he butt txted me twice in the weekend (2 sentence of gibberish, i thought he was drunk). Turns out he read my text and was musing on what to say back (our txt msgs are always really long) and obv he forgot to lock his phone. He told me this, i didn't even know guys did that. So wanted to ask also, do you think through replies before texting back? Do you purposely delay text times too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I don't give it all this much thought. Sounds exhausting. The most I will do along the lines of which you describe is I try to match the persons pace just so neither side feels overwhelmed and neglected. The moment I feel I am doing so as a means to play some sort of game or manipulated the situation (or purposely delay as you state) some way, I will check myself. And yes. . I think through my replies before I send them. Doesn't everybody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMP2CPM Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You can definitely judge interest level by how quickly the other person responds. If it's a guy and he's still testing the waters with a girl, he'll hold back a little on the amount texting, but should promptly reply to a woman's text if he's interested in her. If he's texting multiple women, he'll respond more quickly to the one he's really interested in first, and slowly get round to replying to the others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yes, it's too much game playing. When it comes to communication, don't fake it, just be yourself. Matching communication needs are important if you want a relationship to last. So if you pretend to need more or less than you actually do, your relationship is essentially going to run aground in short order. So I personally will only respond as I feel the need. If that doesn't work for the other person, oh well. We were not compatible. It may seem harsh, but I've learned a long time ago the hard way that when it comes to communication frequency, natural true compatibility really is crucial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Sorry, this was not your question, but what ever happened to the art of picking up the phone and calling someone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Texting is a case by case situation. My bf can take hours to respond, or he misses them altogether. Yet we text all the time. You have to know your audience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbee Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yes, this is too case by case, and honestly what you described does sound exhausting. I also get really frustrated to hear people spend so much time reading into texts and replies and egh!!! I personally hate texting. I hate having conversations via text. It has nothing to do with my interest in the guy, I just have a busy life and would prefer a quick chat on the phone than a text. Currently I'm dating 2 guys. Both respond within several hours, which is cool, although I wouldn't care if either took 12 hours to respond. One guy likes to have conversations via text. I find it overwhelming and have told him a couple of times I don't really enjoy text-based conversations. He continues to ask these questions almost daily, so I take my time to reply because I personally find it overwhelming to respond. The other guy I'm dating barely texts me (maybe 2-3 times a week), usually asks me one question (how is your day going?) and I LOVE this. It shows he's thinking of me and that's fine enough. He also does call me a couple of times a week, so we catch up then. So again, texting is case by case. Don't read so much into it. Personally I hate when people respond within minutes of responding to a text. It just adds pressure and I do like taking my time to respond to texts. When I start dating someone, I tell them in advance, I'm a bad texter, will take awhile to respond and prefer calling. I do this with everyone I date, so they won't take my poor texting etiquette as a sign of disinterest. I also like to learn what the guy prefers as well so we can find a middle ground. It's not important you both communicate the same way, but can find a good compromise you both are cool with. Just talk about it with him if it's something you are thinking about to this degree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpottiOtti Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I usually match the other person's pace, or test the waters and try to reset the pace to gauge how interested they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 My head hurts. First off, there is no art to texting. It's the lowest form of communication on the planet. It takes no thought, is annoyingly difficult to do though if you're at all trying to live a life and have a life and don't want to stop to tippy u-tap away on a tiny keyboard every time someone sends you a brief message of "Hey" or "Thinkng bt u". Awful, just awful. And you cannot and should not read response times or not as signs of affection, because they simply aren't. People don't text, because they're busy doing something they should be doing--like work or driving or engaging in face-to-face conversations. When I dated more than one person got bounced after rebuking me for "not texting them back fast enough" simply because I didn't drop everything to keep up an endless stream of tiny messages. One guy even had the nerve to tell me it was sign of my disinterest in that I wouldn't text him while driving. No bloody wonder people end up dead in car accidents with that sort of attitude. Even an email takes more effort and at least there you can see if the person has some intelligence through the way they craft their messages, use punctuation and so forth. Texting tells you nothing and i do mean nothing. Don't rely on it for anything, but the barest, least important communications or a means to tell someone they can call and/or meet you for real communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I wouldn't put much stock in it, really.. Even when I am keen on a guy, I get busy and can't always reply ASAP, because: I'm washing my dishes, having a bath, taking my dog out for a poop, on the phone with my mum, entertaining friends, knitting (seriously it's annoying to stop knitting to answer a text, especially with a complicated pattern)...and if I text a dude, and he doesn't answer within 1 minute I assume he is just busy with his life. I figure if he isn't interested he will stop asking me out, or will not be interested in joining me on a date that I plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 The art of texting? Art and Texting in he same sentence??? Should read "The Art of Superficial Communicating" if you were to ask me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I can't really think of anything where people can write "BRB" as the norm as art. It's lazy. And a guy who only texts you and never calls you is lazy. I don't understand how people instantly respond all the time. Don't they have jobs?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I am writing to stand up for texting. It allows me to have private conversations while my children are up. It allows me to get a thought out without getting completely derailed. It may be an adhd thing, my adhd man and I text like furtive teens. When he calls me late at night, after our households are dark, it is a pleasure. In the meantime, I enjoy sharing little moments with him throughout the day. And we sometimes text big big ideas. Future talk, affection, public policy debates. We do this even when we each are alone and could talk instead. Texting is a way of capturing the thought whereas in speech the thoughts might run amuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I also despise texting as a main form of communication. Im lucky that right now the guy Im seeing loves to hear my voice and Ftime. We do text, but don't rely on it. If you're thinking too much about how to phrase something or how you're coming accross, then yes it's too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwixSense Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I am all for texting. I don't have much time or privacy to talk on the phone but I have time to text. Besides, talking on the phone is more for setting up appointments, or emergencies or "quick, what you want from Chipotle" type of thing, in my opinion. And so, to answer your question : I try to take my time before answering and I do match the pace for the most part. The #1 thing I'd never, ever, ever, ever, ever want to do is come off as desperate Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 To answer the OP's original question rather than carrying on a debate of texting vs calling, I would match the other person's pace when it comes to texting, or just general frequency and enthusiasm in contact between dates, but I would not "fake it", ie if I see the message and free to respond, I will respond, if not, it can wait. Faking being busy or hold off in response when you can respond is playing games. All that being said, if you question a person's level of interest and worry about how much you contact them, because they don't contact you much between dates, it's more often than not simply indicating that they are not that enthusiastic about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I'm not a big fan of texting. I prefer calling or emailing. However, it does have its benefits. I'll text people when I'm not sure where they are and if they can talk on the phone and I need to ask a quick question or something. Regarding dating, I have noticed that men who are really into me, respond faster than men who, eventually, disappear. I myself always respond fast to texts just because I consider it rude not to...even when it's with guys who take their time to write back. Maybe because I rarely initiate text conversations myself so I'm ok with someone delaying to text back. In the rare case when I need a reply fast (like if I change the time of a date and I want to be sure the other person received the text), I call. I don't think it's healthy to mirror the other person's behaviour when it comes to texting because it all depends on how busy someone is. For example, I have a lot of free time, I'm off work by 2pm, so, my afternoons are free...and even during work I always have 5-10 minutes spare time to be able to reply to a text. Some people don't. Or work longer hours. If, however, I know that, say, someone is at home watching TV and he doesn't text back within a couple of hours, I do wonder about their interest level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weathergirl Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 This thread reminds me of the SNL "text evidence" skit when Eli Manning was guest host. Eli Manning's character was on trial for murder and his attorney was going over all the utterly crazy and absurd text messages he had sent to various women the night of the muder....while questioning Eli on the stand. "Hey cutie," "whattup," "u up," " u out," "hey u," "u out" "u out" "u up" ... and was asking him to describe emoticons like ;p and others (and he would make the face for the jury). All sent to different women. It was hysterical!!! Talk about the art of texting...lol ...you should check it out if you haven't seen...it's on you tube. Sorry for the hijack...carry on.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I don't text people I am just dating. So if a guy wanted to text me, I told him to call me instead. The only guy I dated who preferred texting to talking was a terrible verbal communicator. You can get a lot more information about his long term interest and ability to communicate if he is willing to call every once in a while. And if you get a guy who says he called to hear your voice, then you have a keeper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisybush Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Its so funny i think you can understand your self when to reply or not? if conversation is really really and going very rough its good to reply after some time and stop replying for some days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 However you communicate, be authentic. Check in with your conversation partner, in whatever form that takes. If you feel like talking to him all day long, and your man is not interested, then stop texting and start thinking of other things. If your man loves getting your texts and reciprocate a different way, that works too. In the beginning, it's okay to clarify: "it's okay to call, we don't have to stick just to text" or whatever your preference is. If he's texting and I am beginning to wonder what's behind the texting, such as Am I welcome to call? Does he have kids around? Will his voice be receptive? I pick up the phone. Take control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Whether or not you text you should check out Key & Peele's skit "Text Message Confusion" on YouTube. It's a very funny take on why text messaging can go very wrong, because one can't see the emotions or intent of text. Hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I am writing to stand up for texting. It allows me to have private conversations while my children are up. Funny, my hubby and I managed to do that face to face until our daughter moved out of the house after she was married. It allows me to get a thought out without getting completely derailed. Then a course on the "Art of Communication" would seem in order. It may be an adhd thing, my adhd man and I text like furtive teens. When he calls me late at night, after our households are dark, it is a pleasure. You should feel how neat it is when you can actually hear their voice when it's dark and it's just the two of you ear to ear. In the meantime, I enjoy sharing little moments with him throughout the day. While still working (retired now)and not in each other's company throughout the day, we used to love to do that at the dinner table or on he PHONE at night when the household was dark. And we sometimes text big big ideas. Future talk, affection, public policy debates. We do this even when we each are alone and could talk instead. Wow. We do THAT face to face to. Texting is a way of capturing the thought whereas in speech the thoughts might run amuck. Well, I don't think so... not if you actually have practical experience at interpersonal interaction. To each their own, I suppose, IthinkIcan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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