Broke Two Months No Contact, Feel Like Idiot

[LKDag]

My ex broke up with me back in early September, after six years of being together. At first, I made all the classic mistakes. The last time I actually spoke with her, she said it was over but she hoped we could be friends, yada, yada, yada, that whole schpiel. I sent her maybe three or four in the couple of weeks afterwards basically asking how she/her pet were. No response. On Thanksgiving, I sent her another text wishing her and her family a happy holiday. She actually responded, saying thanks and that everyone was thinking of me. I didn't read too much into the response, but it made me feel good that she didn't hate me or wish me ill or anything like that (not that I ever did anything particularly egregious before or after our split). I felt like I had some degree of closure and felt like I could start moving on with my life. To a degree, I did.

 

For two months, I did not contact her at all. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her everyday, but her and the sadness of breaking up weren't the first things I thought of when I woke up and the last things I thought of before I went to sleep. If I could go back in time and change things, I would of, but I was at peace with where life took me.

 

A combination of things led me to wind up breaking NC after two months (Nov 27 to Jan 27, two months exactly as it turns out)

 

1) Over the course of last week, my sister was helping her boyfriend with his job (installing business computer networks or something like that), and the contract he was doing just happened to be in the town right next to where my ex lives. I asked if they passed this place or she asked how the food was at this place, and before I knew it, I found myself no longer on Wikipedia looking stuff up for something I was writing but instead found myself clicking from article to article about places near where she lived- her town, her county, the local highway, places that I used to see all the time by her, some of which we went to and others we didn't.

 

2) On Sunday, I was driving to go to a sports event an hour or two from my place. Maybe ten minutes into our trip, as I'm on the highway doing ~70 MPH, the hood of my car flies up and smashes into my windshield. We were incredibly lucky in that glass shards didn't disfigure either of us (I only have some minor cuts on my face), and that I was able to keep my cool and navigate the car into the breakdown lane without any problems. I wasn't really thinking about it much at the time, but with some time having passed, it's a really humbling feeling knowing that if a detail of two was different, either myself or my brother could've either been seriously hurt or even been killed.

 

3) Like most of the northeast, we were supposed to get a historic amount of snowfall. For whatever reason, the power always seems to go out very easy where she lives- trees and power lines, I guess. She also gets paranoid about driving when there is snowfall (caused damage to her car a few years back when she skidded on ice when stopping at a red light and ran up on the curb).

 

For whatever reason, the combination of those things and whatever else, I sent her a text message asking how she and her family were doing with the snow storm. It's been Most of the day now (text sent late morning) and she hasn't responded. Given that she was cordial to me last time we interacted, I'm just bummed out that she hasn't gotten back to me and probably isn't.

 

If she did/does respond, I wasn't planning on turning it into a conversation (let alone turning it into a conversation about "us"). It was a kind of spontaneous thing- while shoveling, I thought of her, wondered if she was OK, and sent the text. Subconsciously, I wonder if I reached out thinking I could use the snowstorm as an excuse to engage her, however limited? I mean, there are plenty of people out there that I could've asked (partially because I can assume with some certainty that some people are OK and partially because some people, I don't care enough about them to check-in) that I didn't. But if I'm honest with myself, she doesn't owe me anything. I'm someone from the past (hopefully more happy memories than sad/bad ones, the way I remember our years together), someone she didn't want in her life anymore, at least as a romantic partner. In the two months that I resolved to not contact her, she didn't contact me either (which, in truth, probably made things a million times easier for me).

 

Not too sure why I'm writing all this, other than it being a little therapeutic. I'm intending on going back to not contacting her, and this is just going to be a temporary stumble. It sucks, though. Two months isn't a lot in the grand scheme, but it's still a decent chunk of time. All that, poof, gone.

[janut1]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It happens to most of us after a break up. And you were in a very long relationship, so getting over her is going to take more time then 2 months . It does get easier as time goes by, just think of this as a small blip and move on with NC.

 

I was great at NC at the beginning, then I found out about 2 months in that my X was with another women and I freaked out. It really hurt and I made the big mistake of texting him about how I felt. It was not a nice text and right after I did it, I wish I hadn't I think I was just in shock to find out that he met this women while we were supposedly still dating and pasted all over his FB pictures and In A Relationship status. He never responded and Im glad he didn't.

 

Now I can see pictures of him and her and it has no effect on me whatsoever. So time does heal.

 

Hang in there!

[sky09]

When mine texted me (she broke up with me) a few weeks ago, I took my sweet time to respond. I am no longer on her schedule, knowwhatimsaying? Don't sweat it. You had a moment of weakness and caved in. From the looks of it, you sound like a good dude, so press on ahead!

[JDMxTeGrA101]

When mine texted me (she broke up with me) a few weeks ago, I took my sweet time to respond. I am no longer on her schedule, knowwhatimsaying? Don't sweat it. You had a moment of weakness and caved in. From the looks of it, you sound like a good dude, so press on ahead!

 

did she want you back when she responded or just a friendly text?

[sky09]

did she want you back when she responded or just a friendly text?

 

man, you need to let go of hope. it's been too long. she reached out wanting to see our pets... seeing their pictures made "her" sad.

[confused1111]

Don't beat yourself up. I am 6 months out of a 4 year living together relationship and it wasn't until VERY recently that I have finally come to terms with it being OVER.

You are going to have set backs, and the reasons for them are endless. The important thing is to just forgive yourself for them and keep moving forward.

One day you're going to either wake up or have some alone time and it's going to strike you. that lately it takes more effort to think about her than to avoid thinking about her. At that point you're whole perception of life will change again.

In the interim just stay busy doing for yourself and no one else. You'll be ok.

[engraved2008]

Don't beat yourself up. I am 6 months out of a 4 year living together relationship and it wasn't until VERY recently that I have finally come to terms with it being OVER.

You are going to have set backs, and the reasons for them are endless. The important thing is to just forgive yourself for them and keep moving forward.

One day you're going to either wake up or have some alone time and it's going to strike you. that lately it takes more effort to think about her than to avoid thinking about her. At that point you're whole perception of life will change again.

In the interim just stay busy doing for yourself and no one else. You'll be ok.

 

You probably gonna need a bit more time to heal...and its normal if you really loved the person.I dont try to speed the healing process.Everyone heals at their own space.You played your cards...and she played hers. We never know what the future holds,but we got to accept it is over and in life there is no guarantees...just try not to check up on her ,if her ,,no response'' makes you sad.Do not wait on anyone to change their mind.