testcase Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 You need to step away from your friend in the troubled marriage. It is emotional cheating on his part, and very enabling on your part. Furthermore, your motives are anything but pure. Absolutely agree with mhowe. I would cut off all contact with him. Let him figure it out on his own. If he's single and has gotten a divorce then he can talk to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 I know. But I don't think I will stop talking to him. It's going to sabotage him and me, separately. But I don't think I'll be able to just not talk to him. I will however maintain to him that he should try the counseling and try n his heart to make it work. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I know she is his wife for a reason. I'm such a hypocrite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Tell him that as much as you care for him as a friend, his contact with you is not helping his marriage. And stop talking to him. You are not so much a hypocrite as kinda selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 That's true too. I know what i have to do. I just don't want to. But I have to. I care for him enough that I want him to save his marriage. Talking to me about what would happen if he were single is not fair to his wife or to me, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 That's true too. I know what i have to do. I just don't want to. But I have to. I care for him enough that I want him to save his marriage. Talking to me about what would happen if he were single is not fair to his wife or to me, really. It sucks...but it is part of being an adult. A compassionate, adult with integrity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Man. My heart feels like I'm letting the biggest, best fish go. But he's not mine to land. So. Onto other ones, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 If he is ever single, he knows how to reach you. Right now...you are a distraction and an emotional tampon. Aim higher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Tell him that as much as you care for him as a friend, his contact with you is not helping his marriage. And stop talking to him. Agree with this 100%. Also, it's easy to judge and hate on another woman based on what a man tells you (his side of the story, and you will likely hear a different story if you had talked to her instead), you don't really know what's going on in her and their life that's causing this problem and you don't know whose fault it is (maybe no ones fault). Marriages go through rough patches and many work out. Is he a catch as you say? Maybe or maybe not. You don't know what he's like in private, just the outside, glossy stuff. You are just envious of her and their relationship (before this), and wish a man would do the same for you. But these things are not specific to this man. Any decent man who loves you would do these things and stand by you in times of trouble and through everyday lives like help taking care of the children, so find your own man. Had he been complimenting you and saying he'd date you if he was single before all this also? Because I think that's inappropriate. And also proves that he may not be as "perfect" as you think. Neither is his behaviour right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 You are all quite correct. Thank you very much for your advice. I really appreciate it. In other news: I had to cut Michael off today. He stupidly compared me to a past relationship. Buh-bye! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Surprise, surprise - Tyler texted after work, saying he had a stressful day and wanted to see me later today, before our date tomorrow. I accepted - we have agreed to slow down, so he knows physical contact is off the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I know. But I don't think I will stop talking to him. It's going to sabotage him and me, separately. But I don't think I'll be able to just not talk to him. I will however maintain to him that he should try the counseling and try n his heart to make it work. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I know she is his wife for a reason. I'm such a hypocrite. You won't be a hypocrite if you stop talking to him. I know he seems great now, but if he works things out with his wife (or gets with someone else), you'll become history to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 He came over. We just talked all night, til 1 am. We both talked, not just him! It was nice. Then, we had sex. It wasn't planned, at all, but it was agreeable to me, so I let it happen. I am an awful person, and here's why. He's very small. It has never mattered to me before. Honest to God, I've been with smaller guys and it really did not matter. But... it just wasn't happening. I even made up a reason to stop, which I've never done before. He is fantastic in every other thing, except intercourse. I don't know what to do. I'm regretful, because it wasn't good, but also glad to have discovered this before I waited any longer. He's a good guy, and I have another date with him tonight, but I'm dreading it. I feel like a terrible person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 No need to feel like that. It has happened to me, too. I had stayed with the guy for a few months (we broke up for other reasons) because everything else was perfect but I had never really enjoyed sex with him. However, since you've been with smaller guys and it didn't matter, are you sure the problem is size and not chemistry? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I feel like we do have chemistry in some capacity. I thoroughly enjoy his kisses and caresses. It's just the intercourse that threw me for a loop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Is there any chance of salvaging this possible relationship by just giving it some time? Maybe I was nervous the first time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Only you know if you were nervous or you just didn't like sleeping with him because he's very small or whatever. I guess you could give it some time..but sex is something that can't make a relationship but it can certainly destroy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
testcase Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Normally when I sleep with someone I consider terrible in bed I give it a few tries to see if it gets better. Why? Probably cause I'm a guy. You way he's small but you've been with smaller? Doesn't seem like size is the issue. Just sounds like you two didn't click in the bedroom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 First times are not an indication of future times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Well, to be a little more clearer - I have been with 3 guys, 2 of which were on the smaller side. This guy is smaller than those two. I feel like a terrible person for making a big deal about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Well, to be a little more clearer - I have been with 3 guys, 2 of which were on the smaller side. This guy is smaller than those two. I feel like a terrible person for making a big deal about this. Big deal....you didn't say that! Small is small. Size does matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 It has never mattered to me before..... I don't want to dump a guy because of his size!! I've been thinking about it all day - I'm going to give it another chance. Maybe we were both nervous. I didn't 'plan' on getting intimate last night, so maybe I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. Sometimes it takes a little while for things to 'jive'. Maybe it's a mistake - I don't know. But I certainly don't want to look back and regret letting a guy go too quickly over something that may or may not get better. I have another date with him tonight. Stay tuned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
testcase Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I mean you two have only hung out a few times. If it's going to be an issue better to end it earlier. Personally I'd hook up one more time to see if it gets better. If it doesn't? Just move on and find someone you're compatible with. You're not dumping someone cause of their size. You'd stop seeing them cause they're terrible in bed. Size may just play an issue in that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Thanks, testcase, that's my plan. I can't say I'm proud of the plan, but I just don't want to give up on him just now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
testcase Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Haha ya if I got dumped, or dumped someone, every time I had bad first time with someone new sex! LoL. It'd have happened a few times!! Now I'm not going to lie it doesn't always get better.... But what does it hurt to see? If it doesn't dump him. But don't mention it being because of sex. That'd be awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I would never tell a guy that. What would be a good way of wording it but still being honest? "I don't think we're very sexually compatible"? "I don't feel like I have enough of a romantic interest in you"? "I feel more friendly than romantically towards you"??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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