K's Dating Journal

[WithLove]

I can't believe how happy I am right now. Just a little while ago, I felt awful about everything in my life. And now, almost everything has been turned around. I'm moving out of my dad's place, I'm so happy with J, and work is great. The only thing I'm unhappy with is my physical self, and that will be worked on once I move.

 

I feel like.... This is the honeymoon period that I never really had with J. And it's a month and a half in.

[WithLove]

I'm sort of cranky today. I stayed late with J and decided to sleep over because I was far too tired to drive the half hour home. Sleeping over, though, meant not sleeping much at all, because I still don't sleep very well with someone next to me yet. I had to get up in 4 and 1/2 hours to drive home... then I had to drop off something at the realtor's office when they opened this morning, which was another half hour away... then drive into work, a further half hour... Long story short, I stopped for some awful gas station coffee because I was fighting to keep my eyes open. I'm slightly more alert now, but it's still going to be a massive struggle today.

 

Sigh. The things you do for the people you care about.

[WithLove]

That moment when another facility calls and the guy says "Okay K, I need some more boobs, baby".

 

Good thing I speak with him daily and he asks for mammograms often. Anyone else could really misconstrue this.

[Fudgie]

That made me Crack up!

[notalady]

Haha that's funny

[WithLove]

I fell asleep a little after 6 last night and didn't get up til 7 this morning. Whew! I usually wake up several times a night, but I don't recall waking at all until around 4 this morning. It felt great to be able to get solid sleep for once.

 

Working today, then I'm hitting up a few thrift stores on the way home (I still need to find some boots for Pirate Fest this weekend). Once I'm home, I want to go through all my (still) packed clothes that I didn't unpack from moving into my dad's. Tons of them are clothing that I really just need to donate and be rid of. I want to go through each box that is already packed and organize them. I've had things for a year that I haven't touched; time to get rid of them.

 

I really need to find a large bookshelf at some point. I never unpacked all my books when I lived in my last apartment. My goal this time is to unpack them... especially since I'll be living within walking distance from a fantastic library! A place isn't 'home' to me unless you unpack your books.

 

J has today off, but I declined seeing him. Need some alone time and also really wanting to get started on my packing etc. So, he said today would be "Weasel Day"; he has 3 ferrets and said he's going to take them out and play with them today. He takes them out every evening while he cleans out their cage, but sometimes doesn't get much time to play with them. So, they'll be happy little campers.

 

I'm not really fond of ferrets, but I admire that he dutifully cleans out their cage every day - not just changing the litter and whatnot, but takes them out, takes out the food and water dishes, and scrubs everything out. Makes me feel good that he's an animal lover and cares about their upkeep. He scoops the litter for his cats daily as well. He's not a clean freak or anything, but is very OCD about his pets having clean pet quarters. It's nice.

[faraday]

That's a lot of pets! It's really good that he takes such great care of them. I've dated guys that have had pets but they neglect them....and it's definitely a reflection of their values. I found the men that put the most into their pets, tended to be more caring in relationships with humans too. I think it's a respect thing.

 

Good idea on going through clothes. I find purging to be incredibly empowering. I go through my clothes and Tines clothes every few months. My clothes because I get covered in paint and Tines clothes because she's growing so much. It's good. I purge books and kitchen stuff yearly too....and linens....I go through the whole house yearly actually.' I find that...when things end up in storage (if it's not for a purpose- like Christmas/Halloween decorations or stuff from my shows) it ends up staying there...and collecting. And then it becomes a big job to go through it all. Better just to get rid of it...I can buy it again in 5 years if I feel like I need one (whatever it is).

 

Usually craigslist (or whatever site is big in your city) will have a ton of book shelves on there. IKEA is inexpensive too. One day, if like to get some really nice ones from costco...but they usually run $300-400 and I want 3 so they match so it might be a while before we can do that:

[WithLove]

Yesterday I went thrift storing (yes I made that a verb!) looking for some boots I can wear to Pirate Fest. I ended up finding some for $14. They are real leather and are awesome!

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]10753[/ATTACH]

[WithLove]

I heard from Joshua just now.... and I physically felt my heart swelling. It startled me.

 

Crap.

[IAmFCA]

I heard from Joshua just now.... and I physically felt my heart swelling. It startled me.

 

Crap.

 

Ugh. Shake it off.

[WithLove]

I know. It's gross.

[WithLove]

I'm feeling a little lonely tonight.

[IAmFCA]

I'm feeling a little lonely tonight.

 

 

Me too darlin'!

 

A huge rain just broke out where I am, for which I am grateful. It makes a night in with popcorn and tea and maybe a book sound exactly right.

 

Am skipping an event at friend of MWFNs house, towhich I was invited on my own. Just too off kilter for that mess.

[WithLove]

J had off today so I wish I had been asked to come over. But I know he had errands to do today and I have packing to do. I can't really afford the extra gas, either. So it's better that I didn't go.

 

Just wishing I didn't have to be alone tonight, I guess.

[faraday]

Do you enjoy being alone?

[WithLove]

When it's just me, doing my own thing, yes. When I'm at my drunk father's house listening to him snore on the couch because that's where he passed out, no.

[WithLove]

Something happened with my father. I can't talk about it right now. I'll try to post later.

[IAmFCA]

Something happened with my father. I can't talk about it right now. I'll try to post later.

 

amd.hugs.

[faraday]

I hope everything is okay today.

[WithLove]

On Saturday, Dad wanted to go out to dinner. We went out and had a nice meal; although he had already been drinking by the time we went. On the way home, he decided he wanted to talk about my mother, the divorce, and how he missed being friends with her and her family.

 

He was telling me that he felt like it was silly to not communicate with her and her family because it's been about 13 years since the divorce. I tried explaining that the only person that's going to make feel any better is him, because everyone else has moved on and drudging up the past isn't what everyone wants to do. He just kept saying how he "wanted to make it right" and that he thinks him and my mom having no communication is affecting me and my relationships.

 

I was so uncomfortable with the entire conversation; I hate talking about the divorce. It's done and over with and he insists on bringing it up without dealing with all the consequences that comes with it. I finally lost it. I told him that if he wanted to "make it right", that he should stop drinking. That he should stop going to the bar every night and spend time with me instead. That he never wants to talk about these things when he's sober, and if in the morning he stills feels the same way after he's no longer drunk, to come talk to me then.

 

I watched the brick wall close down his face. I pretty much literally saw him shut down. He sat there in silence. I got out of the truck, went into the house, and he drove away to the bar.

 

About half an hour later, he sent me a text: "You're right. Sorry".

 

I was getting packed to go to J's for the rest of the weekend when he came home. I didn't speak to him, but he stopped me before I left and told me that he knows alcohol is destroying our relationship and he wants to stop, and wants my help. I told him we'd talk about it in the next couple days.

 

He's told me this once or twice before. Nothing has happened. So I'm not sure what to think.

 

I know that if I talk to him about getting into AA or another type of therapy, he'll balk. He doesn't believe in it. He thinks he can do it by himself. But if he could, he would have done it already. Right?

 

Another friend told me to go to the meetings myself, and look into Adult Children of Alcoholics. That they can give me the tools I need to help him. But... I honestly don't think I have the energy to get into this when I know I'm going to be the only one doing it. It's such a hard path and I'd be traveling it alone.

[Seraphim]

Going to adult children of alcoholics is for YOU. Do you have enough energy for you?

[Fudgie]

Al Anon is a good place to start, plus they have online resources for you to read and look through, if you're not quite ready to meet up with a group in person. It's geared towards those who have family or friends with alcoholic issues. It offers support for people who are either coping/keeping the person in their lives (despite the alcoholism) as well as those who are actively cutting out someone or distancing themselves.

[WithLove]

A girl I work with had to leave early because her husband has kicked her out.

 

Apparently, she started texting an "old friend" and he sent her inappropriate pictures of himself. Not sure if she replied in kind, but I've seen them myself and it's exactly what you think.

 

The worst part is that SHE is blaming her HUSBAND for the falling out, because he "violated her rights by going through her texts".

 

I can't believe it. I know she received the pictures and responds to him (not the husband) in ways that she shouldn't. And we (her work buddies) have told her to block him and not talk to him, because it's an inappropriate friendship. But she refused and said it's her husband's fault for looking through her phone.

 

I don't understand how some women can be so stupid.

[WithLove]

J called me again last night.

 

I'm very happy with him. He's opening up a lot more and sharing his feelings. I sent him a good morning text this morning and he replied back right away; today I'm feeling sort of off. I'm feeling restless because I haven't been eating properly or going to the gym and I shared how awful about myself it's making me. And how I'm trying to plan on getting back to it once I've moved this weekend. I told him I felt disgusting. He replied that I'm not disgusting and that I've just been busy, and need to get back into a routine. And that even though I can make time for the gym and such, that making time for fun (like the Pirate Fest, the Halloween party coming up and the Renaissance Fair after that) is equally as important because he doesn't want me depressed and overwhelmed. I suggested that maybe he can come to the gym with once as a guest and help me with the machines in there (since I don't know how to use them) and he said he loved that idea.

 

It felt really nice to be able to share my troubles and have them addressed in a nice way, and then to have a proactive approached to the gym. He wants to start his routine again too (he used to lift weights professionally) and while he doesn't want to do them in a competitive capacity again, he wants to work on getting into better shape.

[LoveSoDeep]

Good for you for telling him what you need which is not for him to speak with your mother but for him to be sober for you. Of course blaming this on someone who won't speak to him is easier than giving up his crutch, I'm sure you understand that.

 

The thing with drinking is often it's a social activity...he probably doesn't have many friends outside of the bar he frequents. So by giving up drinking he feels like he ls giving up a lot more (which he probably could use better friends, but he probably doesn't see that). My father was an alcoholic and he stopped drinking when I was 10, because they revoked his license after his 6th (yes 6th this was back in the 80s) DUI. We had to move out of state, basically so he could start over...I think our leaving town was the only way to make it work...to get him away from those old friends who were bad influences. He gave up a lot. If your father isn't ready to give up that much, chances are no matter what he says he won't be able to stop.

 

I think having your own place and being removed from it a little will help you a lot. Don't be afraid to continue to tell your dad what you need from him. I have problem with my dad and negativity we can't watch sports together because one bad thing will happen and he'll go off on how the game is over and the team is terrible and on and on....it makes watching the game with him no fun at all, and I really like being able to watch with him. It should be a special father daughter bonding time. The last couple years I actually had to yell at him that I needed the negativity to stop or I wouldn't come over anymore because I didn't enjoy it. I had to yell for it to get through to him. Sometimes you have to show all the pain you feel in order to get through to the person who is causing it. I'm not saying you have to yell...but don't be afraid to reveal the pain he's causing...it might help motivate him to fix it.