K's Dating Journal

[faraday]

It's brave of you to be so open in here. You're being vulnerable...and that's how you grow xoxo. You're going to be alright.

[Cheetarah]

Ah, you're a smart lady. You hit the nail on the head. Like you said, you went out of your way for them but it was really for you. You created a dynamic where they would rely upon you to meet those needs, so you could feel useful, wanted, needed - Like job security, only..relationship security.

 

I want to muss up your hair in a little sisterly way. You're smart. You're gonna be fine.

[Fudgie]

I really have high hopes for you K and I think you will work things out. You're very self aware and that's good. I know that depression and anxiety for me, especially in the not so distant past, has really clouded things for me and how I perceived people and events in my life. It's a lot to struggle with but you will get there, I know it.

[WithLove]

D'awww, you guys. I teared up, not gonna lie.

 

Lemme go pop a Xanax quick before I cry at work. LOL

[notalady]

I went back to read your posts when you guys met. In one post shortly before you met in person, you said you texted all day. The post describing when you met, he seems super into you, complimented you a lot and saying he is in awe of you etc. you said there that you think he's into you more than you are into him.

 

Do you feel that all this has changed since? Do you feel like he's cooled down?

[WithLove]

How often do you see each other?

 

So far it's been about twice a week. Tuesday and one of the weekend days. I drive about 30 miles to see him on Tuesday evening and he'll drive back on one of the weekend days to see me. Last time, he stayed the night. But this last week, his work schedule didn't work out to where we could see each other. So I will see him tomorrow for the first time in a week.

[WithLove]

I went back to read your posts when you guys met. In one post shortly before you met in person, you said you texted all day. The post describing when you met, he seems super into you, complimented you a lot and saying he is in awe of you etc. you said there that you think he's into you more than you are into him.

 

Do you feel that all this has changed since? Do you feel like he's cooled down?

 

In person - no, this has not changed. He hasn't changed at all. He's still very much into me. I'm into him the same way too now. But when we are apart is the problem for me.

[notalady]

Ok, sounds like things have been going pretty normal then

 

I can totally understand how you feel. I see Jason twice a week too (mostly), and we don't text outside of communicating about making plans, MAYBE a random text or two about an interesting article or something. That's not the communication level I'm used to in past relationships, it's always been daily communication, good morning and good night texts etc.

 

I think it does feel good to get that assurance that he's thinking about you when you don't see each other. But if you just be patient and let him show you consistently in person that he does in fact think about you (despite the lack of texts), is serious about you and is into you, I think you'll naturally feel calm about it over time

[WithLove]

Thanks NAL, that's my ultimate goal, I think. To be content with trusting that he's into me and shows me in person, via actions, that he cares, and to trust myself in between seeing him that I can be my own happiness.

[reinventmyself]

You are measuring him and his actions by your own.

You need to recognize though he may demonstrate his feelings to you differently it doesn't make it wrong, it just makes is different.

It's nice to feel needed. But I'd rather someone `want' me than `need' me and it sounds very much like K's a mature man who knows what he wants.

You get to decide if his style is ok with you.

It makes me think of M. .(slightly) who's style was so different than mine, that even with some compromise in the end it just wasn't going to work for me.

But it took me 6 months of trying to figure it out. I don't advise that. . BUT, I would step back as others have suggested and let him catch up and come to you.

 

It's still really early in scheme of things. .you both have busy lives and the distance makes it all challenging and worth while

 

And also wrap your head around that this guy may be different than others you have dated and that's ok!

He sounds like a good guy.

[WithLove]

Yesterday I saw J for the first time in a week. When I pulled up, he got a huge smile on his face and pulled me in for a hug and kiss. We spent a few hours together (in public) and he was so good. Lots of back caressing, hugs, kisses. At one point, we were alone at our table (his friends had gone out to smoke and neither of us do) and he pulled me close. As I turned towards him, he just looked at me and smiled. It was really cool, to be able to just feel his enjoyment of me being with him. We joke, laugh, share interests (and differences). It's just... really cool.

 

The things that happen or don't happen in between visits... They really don't matter so much right now. We're still learning about each other and just enjoying each other's company, and that's what I'm choosing to focus on right now. I have plenty more things to focus on when we're apart. I trust that he likes me and likes being around me, and that's what matters.

[LoveSoDeep]

Yay! That's so great! I think that's a very healthy mindset for you right now.

 

The next time you start to think he's fading on you go back and read that last post. His actions a saying everything that needs to be said right now.

[notalady]

That's good to hear K! Glad you had a good time

[WithLove]

Heading to some family's place on the other coast of Florida for the holiday weekend. I'm really glad to have Monday off, because both J and I have that day off and he is coming over to spend the day with me. It's been 2 weeks since he's been over (and since we've been intimate I'm really excited to see him. I've missed him.

 

Since I've stopped focusing so much on communication with him, I hear from him more often; or maybe I'm just not concentrating so much on hearing from him that when I do, it's really good, and when I don't, it doesn't matter. Either way, we're in a good place. Today we ordered breakfast in my office; I told him what we were having and he asked if it included bacon. It did. And he said "K; a girl after my heart.

[reinventmyself]

Give him the gift of missing you ;]

[WithLove]

At what point do you draw the line between a connection with an ex?

 

J still drives his ex's kid to work sometimes. It's never interrupted our plans before, but we had tentative plans of J coming over Sunday night after work and sleeping over. But now he's just coming over on Monday instead, because he said he'd pick his ex's son up from work on Sunday evening.

 

I told him honestly that I'm not comfortable with this whole thing, and he said that when he moves this weekend, he won't be doing it anymore because it'll be way out of his way. I guess I understand his rationale, but I'm just uncomfortable and not pleased.

 

I feel like this is his last connection with his ex and I'm wondering what will happen once it's gone. Like, why am I even in this relationship when there's still an ex in the picture.

 

But then, it's just a month in. I have a reason to get out of this if I want to. But I haven't.

 

I don't know. I'm not happy today.

[faraday]

It's a kid. He's not driving her around....why are you insecure about this?

[notalady]

You chose to jump in the relationship before he moved out and able to sever all ties with the ex, so this kind of thing is to be expected. I'd say don't worry about it for now and just wait till he moves out and see how things progress from there.

[WithLove]

I don't feel insecure about it. I just feel that it's a prior relationship getting in the way of a new one, I guess. It's not really a big deal. I'm just making it out to be.

[notalady]

Yes I would say that's inappropriate if he had already moved out and still doing it.

 

Since they live together still, it's probably just more out of convenience (and habit) than anything.

[faraday]

Yes I would say that's inappropriate if he had already moved out and still doing it.

 

Since they live together still, it's probably just more out of convenience (and habit) than anything.

 

It depends. If the kid is old enough to have a job, it sounds like the kid is old enough to have an independent relationship with J (with out his mom- J's ex- being involved).

 

I mean, it depends on how long J and his ex were involved...but if it's more than a couple of years, he might have a genuine relationship with that kid...and if he (and the kid) want to maintain one, who is whoever J's current gf to say if he can have a relationship with that kid or not?

 

If (my) Jay and I don't make it, and Tine wants to stay friends with him (obviously in server all years when she's old enough to call him and meet up with him without me), I think that's great. And it will have nothing to do with whoever I'm dating or whoever he's dating. I would think whoever is interrupting that relationship would be kind of heartless tbh (not to be harsh- it's just to give you a different perspective K). Jay and I just signed wills stating that if I die, he takes primary custody of Tine...just to give this some perspective. He's not her dad....her dad will still take her on weekends...but he would keep still care for her. Imagine (if I die) his future gf didn't like that. It has nothing to do with me...and everyone to do with...him loving Tine and knowing he'd be the best parent for her.

 

In your bfs case...he's still trying to do right by that kid...he's still acting in a step parent role...and I think that's really sweet of him. It shows he has a good heart...he cares.

[notalady]

Faraday, you're right, I do agree with that. It will have to be in context of the kind of relationship between J and the kid, and the reason they stay in touch. If they have their independent relationship/friendship without the ex, then it wouldn't be anyone's place to tell them they can't continue that after he and his ex broke up. But if it's J's excuse/reason to stay connected to the ex, then that's not cool. So it needs to be explored further I think.

 

Ps it's awesome that you're trusting Jay with custody of Tine if something happens to you.

[WithLove]

I made it a non issue. I told him that if he felt he wanted to have a relationship with her kids, then it's okay and even admirable. He looked touched; he said he doubted he would but appreciated me telling him.

 

I'm happy. He came over to spend the day with me yesterday. I won't talk about particular details, but we spent some "quality" time together and yeah. It was just..., amazing. Hahaha!

 

I'm happy.

[WithLove]

J is moving on Saturday. He's moving in with his best friend, T. I've hung out with T and J before, and I like him. He's a really good friend to J. He has pulled me aside before and told me that J needs to marry me quickly to 'lock me down' because I'm so good for him. Lol! That made me giggle. I responded that marriage isn't in my plans at this time. I'm pleased that his friends like me, because I like them, too. We didn't go to karaoke on Tuesday because T couldn't go, and both of us work early on Wednesday anyway. But I'll see him on Saturday because he asked if he could use my truck services to help him move some furniture (he said all I have to do is drive, but I'll help him move it too, because I used to work in the furniture department of a baby store and I am well aware of how to move furniture properly and with the least amount of effort). I asked for some sweet lovin' as a return favor and he said he will consider it. LOL

 

He texts me a little more than before, and I don't text him as much/don't expect to hear from him a lot. It's good. It's no longer a stress for me. Sometimes, on days where I'm feeling doom and gloom, I do feel a little more needy and such, but I'm self-aware enough to know that it's me and that tomorrow will be better.

 

On lunch I'm going to the GNC by me to get some of these protein meal replacement drinks that my uncle recommended to me. You replace two meals a day with them. I realize that that may seem extreme to most people, but in reality it works out perfectly for me, because the only meal I really think about is lunch. By the time I make it home for dinner, I don't even want to think about cooking. So, having something there for me to drink and get nutrition from for breakfast and dinner is really ideal. I'm gonna try it out and see how it goes.

[Ms Darcy]

This is all very good progress!