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K's Dating Journal


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Had someone contact me earlier today and we chatted for a bit. We talked about weekend plans; I told him about moving; and when I asked him about his living situation, communication stopped. Oh well.

 

I don't understand men that "like" a profile of you, but won't initiate conversation.

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K "liked" my profile before I "liked" his. I started the conversation first because he mentioned where he worked and it was the same hospital where I work so I cracked a joke.

 

I did ask him why he didn't send me a message first and he said he figured I was getting a lot of messages and his would get buried.

 

I think it's okay to message first. It's not like asking someone out on a date. You're just saying hi.

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First weigh-in tomorrow. I'm nervous. Jennifer and I have been hitting up the gym nearly every day. Today we pushed ourselves so hard. I feel so much better. Even though I'm hoping for results on the scale tomorrow, I know that I feel healthier and slimmer, even if the numbers don't reflect that.

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Finally exchanged phone numbers with J. We seem to have a good rapport and have joked a few times.

 

Also talking with another guy. We haven't had any in-depth convos yet, but he wants to meet already. I get the feeling he's just looking for company. I've used moving as an excuse to avoid meeting right away.

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What makes you uncomfortable about meeting sooner?

 

I always met as soon as possible...I didn't want to talk on the phone...or send more than 2-3 emails. So I never understood when people wanted to "get to know me" first.

 

What part are you nervous about? That they're serial killers/rapists? That it'll be boring or awkward?

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In the distant past, I used to wait a week or so prior to meeting. Like you, I wanted to wait and see, I was worried it would be awkward if I met up early. I didn't do that recently and it worked out okay.

 

Are you worried about safety? If you meet up in a public place, you're good.

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It's none of that. I just, honestly, don't want to waste time meeting someone unless I feel some sort of "hey, we have a connection" feeling.

 

To each their own. I always found it more time consuming to spend several days texting with someone, planning phone calls, talking on the phone, and then meeting...or I could just meet them for an hour.

 

I always made matches come to my end of town...like 5 minutes from my house. I told them ahead of time that I had to leave after an hour for an appointment or family dinner or I had to pick up my daughter or whatever. If it went good, I would smile and tell them "my plans have changed, would you like to stay longer?" And if it wasn't a great date, I could suck it up for an hour.

 

I never had good luck with waiting to get to know someone beforehand. Most of the time I found it disappointing. But I rarely have chemistry with people- maybe one in ten...so for me, online dating was a numbers game. I met 250ish men to meet 10 that I really liked, and 7 that I had long term relationships with. So getting to know a match before meeting was a waste for me. If you have higher odds- then yes, you should do that. Over the years, jay met 5 women from OLD. He dated 4 of them. He didn't talk to any of them beforehand (me included), I guess he just knows what he likes and makes a good enough impression that women want to date him again. I think that's rare.

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When I met K recently, all I know was our common interests/goals, where he worked, and I thought he was cute. Most of that I gleaned from his profile and a few messages. Looking back on my past, I found it really easy to dismiss someone based on their profile/few messages. I think I have a pretty specific "type" I tend to go for and if a guy is not that, I pass. But outside of that, I don't know, I think I would have been willing to meet anyone quickly if I didn't initially rule them out (which is rare that I don't).

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It's none of that. I just, honestly, don't want to waste time meeting someone unless I feel some sort of "hey, we have a connection" feeling.

 

Depending on what you mean by connection, isn't it kind of hard when its all in text?

 

That being said, I never felt inclined to meet the guy if the online messages are boring and interview like lol..

 

I don't need to chat to the guy much to meet, but I do need to know the guy's name, what does he do, a little bit of background info to feel comfortable to meet. I don't know how soon this guy suggested meeting, but once a guy chatted to me on POF (no surprises there) for like 10 minutes, didn't even give me his name, I knew nothing about him and he wanted to meet the next day! Yea, no thanks.

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I like him so far. We have a lot in common. He's pretty nerdy, but not the nerdiness as me, if that makes sense. But, he appreciates my qualities and I appreciate his. And from his picture, he's totally dreamy. Hopefully this translates in person. I asked him how recent his photos were; he told me they were from last week. Here's hoping!

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