WithLove Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Today I typed out the non-renewal of lease letter I'm handing in tomorrow when I pay my rent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Today I typed out the non-renewal of lease letter I'm handing in tomorrow when I pay my rent. Changes are difficult but necessary at times. Try to change the way you look at this and view at as a fresh start. Try to find a way to get excited about all the new things that will come your way. One thing I have learned about life is that in an instant your life changes. . One minute you're in a funk. .the next minute you bump into something unexpected that changes everything. It happens every day. . Be open to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I would view it as a new start as well...because it is! You're doing good. Like reinvent has said...life changes so fast. Give it some time. Think about what you want your life to look like in five years, and start working towards making those goals happen. You are in control of your destiny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 My goals seem stupid. All I want is to have my mood and mental state... even. Normal. I want to be able to pay bills on time, every time. I want to be comfortable with who I am and with what I've done with my life. I don't feel like I'm successful as a person in general. And it's really discouraging to admit that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 My goals seem stupid. All I want is to have my mood and mental state... even. Normal. I want to be able to pay bills on time, every time. I want to be comfortable with who I am and with what I've done with my life. I don't feel like I'm successful as a person in general. And it's really discouraging to admit that. Why are those goals stupid? They seem very key to me. I would say they are very realistic. Just remember the course we take in life is not a linear one. Sometimes we have to go back three steps to go forward 10 steps. People often think that life is linear and you just keep going up and up and up and up and up and that's the way goes but that's not true. That is a myth and an illusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 I think I'm just feeling pretty low right now. It's been extremely stressful at work, which follows me home because once I get there I don't want to do anything. For the last 2 weeks or so, I think all I've done is work and sleep. Work will get better, but for now, I'm in way over my head. I'm close to breaking. I had to take a pill at work to be able to handle my workload today. Otherwise, I could feel myself breaking down. I'm also lonely. I've turned down family get-togethers, like, three times. I don't want to be around anyone. I feel the loneliness engulfing me when I'm surrounded by people, but when I'm actually by myself, I'm able to handle it better. It's very strange and confusing. I feel lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Hugs. I think many people feel this at some point in their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Hugs for you WL! Hope you feel better soon! I'm sure it's just a rough patch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Thank you I may have to reach out to someone soon. I'm avoiding talking to my mother, who is my best friend. So I know whatever is affecting me, is doing so on a pretty large scale. I'm going to wait until work starts to get better. If I'm still feeling this way, I'll think about what my next step is. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Just drifting along.... But I feel myself sinking. I feel the water closing in above me. I'm isolating myself and I've been irritable and have lashed out to friends that don't deserve it. So I've withdrawn even more into myself. Ho hum. Another day. I'm tired. Would anyone notice if I go home after work and sleep until tomorrow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Probably not, but will sleeping like that benefit you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Doesn't hurt or help, really, except it passes time til I have to be awake again. That's a pretty weird thing to say - it's just that work is stressing me out so much, and I'm waiting for my coworker to recover from the surgery she had last week. It's just been me and the girl I trained last week - so just me, basically, til the new girl becomes more efficient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I think sleeping that much is detrimental. It doesn't bring anything positive to your life. You need to get out...meet up with a friend for a walk or an ice cream or something...just, don't sit at home alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 I honestly only have one friend that I hang out with. We have been hanging out together a lot and it's been helping. I think this is something that's wrong with my meds. 2 weeks ago, I picked up my meds that I had filled through my regular doctor instead of the nurse at the behavioral center (I made the decision to stop going because my meds were working really well and I found out I could get it filled through my GP instead). When I picked them up, I noticed that they looked completely different from the last set I had. They were also much cheaper. I even pulled out the previous bottle to compare it and the correct prescription name was on the new bottle, so I figured, maybe the look just changed or something. But now, 2 weeks into these pills, I can tell they are not working the same way the previous ones were. I don't feel as good on them and the repercussions of accidently missing a day are much more severe than the previous ones were. I'm wondering if they actually gave me the wrong pill, or maybe just gave me a different, similar one. I've always taken the generic, so I don't know if they swapped it for the name brand or what. But aren't they required to tell you that? And it'd have been the actual name brand on the bottle, not the same generic one that I've been getting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Go back to the pharmacy with both bottles. You need to get that corrected asap. They might have given you generic, or totally given you wrong thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 I woke up today to a broken fridge. Most things were not cold in the fridge - didn't check the freezer. I called maintenance and they came by to fix it. The guy said most of the freezer stuff was thawed but still cold. So it looks like I'm cooking tons of meat things tonight. I talked to my one friend about everything that's been going on. I was afraid of what she'd say. She has bailed on me in the past. But - she sternly told me that she understands what I'm going through, told me I need to keep myself busy, and told me that I will be coming over a few times a week if needed so that she can ensure I stay busy. It was so nice to hear her take charge and take me under her wing. I told my mom, too. She asked me what she can do to help me. She mentioned some stuff coming up near us soon that she thinks we'll both enjoy. It's nice to know I have a support system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Today I was talking to Sean (one of my best friends that lives up north) about relationships. He is convinced that he can't be in a relationship or have friendships like everyone else does. He's angry and bitter and selfish and doesn't like to commit. I told him, you have to be okay with who you are as a person and for what you bring to the table. If you aren't, change it. If you believe you can't have relationships or friendships "just like everyone else" then it's because you believe you can't. If you're okay with who you are, then that's okay. I'll still love you regardless. But like I said, you gotta be happy with you. Screw everyone else. And he asked me, what's the point of changing myself to be with someone? Don't I want them to be with me because I'm me? And I said, because being in a relationship sometimes means compromising to make the other person happy. And being happy that you're compromising to make them happy, because you love them. I've been thinking about it all day. I wish someone had pointed this out to me a few years ago, what it would have mattered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I know what you mean. On the last forum I was on, one of the older ladies who had been widowed by the LOVE of her life said, "you have to become the kind of person that the person you want to be with would be interested in"...and did they ever change my perspective! Before it was all about me- but not what I was willing to give. Doing work on myself was painful. I've been working through tons of stuff in the last 5 years...but has the quality of guys I attract ever improved! So worth it. So worth "changing" for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 "you have to become the kind of person that the person you want to be with would be interested in" My dad said the same thing to me when I was 19, I didn't get it then, I was like yea whatever that means. But I totally got it as I got older Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Faraday's post about binge eating made me Google it. And it's totally me. I also eat excessively, to the point of feeling sick. I'll make cookies and can easily eat a dozen or more of them in a single sitting. I can polish off half a pan of brownies in no time. I rarely feel full and when I do I've already eaten way too much. I don't purge after eating. I'm not sure if I should go to the doctor about this. I can eat healthy and exercise for awhile; but I always fall off the bandwagon. Maybe this is why I haven't been successful in losing weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Faraday's post about binge eating made me Google it. And it's totally me. I also eat excessively, to the point of feeling sick. I'll make cookies and can easily eat a dozen or more of them in a single sitting. I can polish off half a pan of brownies in no time. I rarely feel full and when I do I've already eaten way too much. I don't purge after eating. I'm not sure if I should go to the doctor about this. I can eat healthy and exercise for awhile; but I always fall off the bandwagon. Maybe this is why I haven't been successful in losing weight. That's EXACTLY what it's been like for me. I don't ever feel full. I almost always feel hungry...I don't understand why or how this happens. I can eat really healthy and within my caloric goals (on my fitness pal. I don't eat under my goal or I know the binge will be the immediate day after the deficit) for about 3-4 days...but that's it. I just get too hungry. Idk, I would talk to your doctor...it's only gotten progressively worse for me. All I can say is...I'm not hungry anymore. It's amazing. I can eat my caloric goal, and feel more than satisfied. Yesterday we did a twelve km walk and...I did get hungry a few hours later- but I still stayed within my goal without adding extra calories to make up for the 800 calories I burned on the walk. It's pretty incredible. I always thought I was weak...my brain just wasn't signalling cues right. I regret not looking into this stuff sooner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 I had talked to my doctor at the behavioral center about my nutrition and sleeping habits. Because I had such trouble finding the right medication for my depression/anxiety, we had agreed to figure that problem out first; once we got me on a good medication, we'd start looking into other things for the nutrition and sleeping stuff. But now I'm not seeing her anymore, so I'm thinking I should call my regular doctor and talk to them about it. I wish my regular doctor wasn't cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Ha yeah my doctor is 70 and he's been my doctor for 25 years...I can see how an attractive doctor would make talking about certain topics a bit awkward. But then...telling my doctor (that my entire fa,ily goes to) that I wanted to go on birth control when I was 14 (to regulate periods) was pretty awkward too lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 I went shopping with a friend over the weekend and we bought some sexy "night life" tops to wear out. I'm really excited. I haven't felt good about myself or my looks in a very long time; but when we tried them on, I felt good, sexy even. We're going out in 2 weeks for some cocktails and billiards with some of her friends. I've been making efforts to socialize a lot more often. I've been hanging out with Jennifer for a few weeks now and we're close just like we used to be. She's been really good about not flaking out and being sensitive to my needs as a friend. She's invited other of her friends out with us and I'm meeting new people and having a good time. I've spent maybe a handful of nights at home alone for the past few weeks. I'm not used to being out around people so much. It's very different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Good for you WL. .Girlfriends, good ones nourish your soul. Spending time with mine is better than therapy. Enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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