Hazyillusions Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Been dating a guy for a month. Have had 4 dates so far, every date lasted at least 8 hours with the longest being 12. He makes effort choosing interesting places to go and we've been to some really amazing places outdoors (explored war tunnels, scaled big sand dunes, checked out amazing beaches all over the city, a faraway lake, hiked, went up places and checked out amazing views etc. Had dinner every time. As you can imagine, we've done A LOT of activities during the day. Would normally meet up around noon and he'd drop me near midnight. So far we've created inside jokes, have a nickname for each other and the convo ALWAYS flowed and never gets awkward. We really have chemistry and a mental/intellectual connection. We've kissed (passionately) but so far nothing remotely sexual has happened. He's not the most touchy feely type and at times I wonder why it takes ages everytime we hang out for him to touch me (my arm, waist etc). Now he has told me he's someone that likes to take it one step at a time, likes to build a foundation and work on friendship factor too when getting to know someone etc. He also said that's why he purposely invites me out during the day-bc you can gauge the other person a lot more than just dinner or drinks. So last time, because he's really artsy, he wanted to show me some of his design books and ideas. Apparently had a card collection he wanted to show me too so while heading to the beach, he brought up showing me around his place. I was reluctant and he never mentioned going to his place before. Anyway, we get there, he shows me his collection of books, garden and his room. Showed me his sketch books (he's also writing a second book so has idea notepads). Showed me his feminist art book he mentioned on the second date and we lay around looking at dodgy art work lol. We modelled his collection of scarves and he talked about developing his book ideas and how things came about. Normally, I avoid going over to guys houses bc it's hardly ever innocent but surprisingly, he didn't attempt anything. He didn't kiss me or try to make out...He didn't make any physical contact at all. We stayed there for 20ish mins then he told me we should head to the beach so yeah...Left and spent the rest of the nearly 7 hours outdoors. Had loads of fun. Saw a mini waterfall, reinacted Titanic and he piggy backed me a couple of times through really muddy puddles. I didn't want anything to happen sexually yesterday but it made me go hmmm... Cos lots of guys would have made a move. Now it makes me wonder, he's not friendzoning me is he. He's a lawyer and attractive, seems to be really social so he's a busy guy. Why would he spend full days with me right. I'm not sure how he sees me, esp if he's so non touchy feely and when we mostly go dutch. We used to have long text convos, but now it's not frequent at all. He really doesn't text often anymore. He did txt me this morning at 7:30 telling me he had a great time? He normally wouldn't but hey, could just be just seeing me more as a friend? Would appreciate your thoughts? Link to comment
relevart Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Kinda seems like you're asking the wrong people. You could ask him. Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Well I wanted some opinions from other people's perspective. Link to comment
LKDag Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 You kissed ("passionately"), and I don't really think that's something that friends do, lol. I obviously don't know the guy, but as a guy, he might just be a little reserved (though, if you were kissing...). I know, when I first started dating my ex-girlfriend, I think we went on like three or four dates before I finally had the courage to give her a peck on the cheek. Maybe a month or two before I felt bold enough to grab her hand and hold it. Don't remember the first time we kissed for like real, but I'm sure that took a while too. I was just kind of intimidated and was afraid of screwing things up by being too bold and her rejecting my advance. If he wasn't interested in you as an anything, he wouldn't be spending so much time with you. And, if he didn't consider you something more than just an a person he knows and occasionally does things with, he probably wouldn't have showed you his personal artsy stuff (people can be really protective of those kinds of things, you know). So, there's that. Do you make advances at him, or he you? Link to comment
Loriana Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Hey Hazyillusions, There are a lot of people who aren't very touchy feely, I am one of them!, but it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't interested in you or sexually attracted to you. It seems you have been on some pretty adventurous dates, it's always great to be creative and different, but I think it would be good for the both of you if you could spend some alone time together. I kind of get the impression that he might be nervous to be alone with you that is why he always takes you on adventurous dates. You have been on quite a few dates now so I would bite the bullet and ask him how he really feels about you that is the only way you will find out if you are being friend zoned or not. Good luck! Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Oh we've actually spent a lot of alone time together. Just talking about life haha. I just mentioned what we have done for people to have an idea of what we've been doing during those long hours (not just walking around aimlessly etc). It's just hard to read him. He initiates physical contact but it's not often. I guess I'm used to quick affection from guys. I guess its confusing bc the non frequent texting is another reason why I'm alittle confused. Bt we still have proper text convos, just more sporadic. Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 How old is he and what have his relationships so far been like? Has he ever been married, had a long term relationship, etc? Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 He's 25. Always had long term relationships (like 2-3), is very choosy. Was semi engaged to someone a couple of yrs ago bt split up with her 2 yrs ago. Was burnt, I'm not sure what happened. Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 He did explain to you that he likes going slow and such. So really, he warned you that his speed is going to much slower than yours. If you aren't satisfied with how things are going, you should talk to him. It doesn't sound like he's friendzoning you. It sounds like he's making the effort to get to know you and wanting you to know all about him, too. Isn't that what we constantly ask for, but never get? Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 In that case, he could just be very careful about starting something new after what happened last time. 4 dates/a month aren't that long except they seem to last long..too long, actually..so, it's understandable why you're confused. I think I would cut down on the amount of time I spend with him until his intentions were more obvious. Right now, you spend way too much time together for 2 people who are just dating...in my opinion, at least. Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I know. We've spent around 40 hours together. But it's never a plan to spent that much time, it just happens. The first 2 times, he was actually sick but we just hung out, drove around to a few diff places, and I guess he didn't want things to end, nor me. Bt yeah, slightly mixed signals. I don't feel emotional attachment (ws burnt in last relationship myself) but really like him so I'd be really disappointed if he didn't see me romantically. Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 He has kissed you so he does see you romantically..the issue is why isn't he moving forward, especially when you spend so much time together. I know what it's like to go slow but, yeah, a date that lasts for 12 hours and not much physical contact (not necessarily sex) is a bit unusual. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Really, we complain when men want to sleep with us too soon and we complain when it's not soon enough? Lol... Sounds like you're having tons of fun dates and he's taking things slow. As someone else pointed out, friends don't kiss passionately. Just slow down and get to know him, enjoy the dates. Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Oh I never have had sex outside a relationship, and normally wait at least 7-8 dates min to get sexual. I just meant expecting more basic physical contact haha. Like we'd meet up n hug and he wouldn't touch me for at least the next 3 hours. At all. With regards to him not making any physical contact in the first 3 hours yesterday besides a big hug n waist grab, and no physical contact in his room...Why do you think that is? Like touching my arm or giving me alittle kiss at his place isn't dangerous haha. And wht about the texting thing? Thought interested guys would txt really consistently? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I agree that you should talk to him about it. I think you can find a cute way to bring it up. Btw marathon dates so early are an easy way to burn each other out. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 sidenote: these dates sound fun. btw, y not initiate some of the physical contact yourself? why wait for him to do it all the time? im not saying sex or anything major. but if you feel like holding his hand and the time is right why not do it Link to comment
luxurylover Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Really, we complain when men want to sleep with us too soon and we complain when it's not soon enough? Lol... lmao i know right Link to comment
JA0371 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 It's soooo hard to not want to see each other so much in the beginning....but I am a believer that men fall in love in between dates. They need t be able to miss us, and visualize a future with us, without our influence. They love thinking of the possibilities. Don't take that away from him. He will come to the conclusion that he not only wants you....but needs you in his life. He needs to miss you and your presence. Enjoy it....and savor the beginning stages. I think your guy sounds very genuine and just interested in going slow. It sounds very promising .... Link to comment
zebragirl Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Are you waiting for him to initiate all physical stuff? If so why? Maybe he has a hard time initiating.. Try kissing him or wrapping your arms around him, holding his hand, all at random but not all at once. if he responds positively it's a good sign. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Some people are just not that touchy feely, especially so early on. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable around you enough yet to do that straight away. Give it time and let things unfold. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I am a believer that men fall in love in between dates. They need t be able to miss us, and visualize a future with us, without our influence. They love thinking of the possibilities. Don't take that away from him. He will come to the conclusion that he not only wants you....but needs you in his life. He needs to miss you and your presence. Enjoy it....and savor the beginning stages. I'm no Miss Universe, but I learned this very early on in my dating career and this has always worked well for me. OP, the dude is not a mind reader. If you want him, go get him. Link to comment
ificould Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I don't think you are. All of it sounds like real interest in a relationship. The things you are concerned about (lack of physical affection and/or taking things slow) you know and he has said are just his personality. I think it sounds like things are going great and you shouldn't worry. I think you should consider though, if you want to be in a serious relationship with someone who just isn't very physically affectionate or sexual. That could become an issue down the road. Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Recently he's told me he liked me a few times and was attracted to me. He also named me after an animal that apparently reminded him of me- 'deadly, beautiful and elegant.' I'm seeing him tonight, should I just relax and go with the flow? Link to comment
JA0371 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Yes.....just relax. Flirt and be playful. Nothing heavy!!! Have fun! Keep us posted! Link to comment
weathergirl Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 There is a song (an oldie but a goodie)...entitled "It's In His Kiss." "... if you wanna know if he loves you so...it's in his kiss..." It's too early to call it 'love" at this point...but hopefully you get its message... So how does he kiss you? Is it with passion? Or just blah like he is going through the motions....without the e-motion? The answer to that should tell you whether or not you are being friend zoned.. Link to comment
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