Batya33 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I made suggestions as to how you can make new friends. You can reject my suggestions of course! My other suggestion is community theater -but backstage work if you are not a front stage type. Many marriages result from that kind of activity/involvement. Making friends by cold approaches is far more difficult. That is why I suggested volunteer work and why I am suggesting backstage community theater. I moved to a new city a lot like yours 5-6 years ago and I've worked hard to make new friends with success. I was just giving you suggestions that I have taken myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 I made suggestions as to how you can make new friends. You can reject my suggestions of course! My other suggestion is community theater -but backstage work if you are not a front stage type. Many marriages result from that kind of activity/involvement. Making friends by cold approaches is far more difficult. That is why I suggested volunteer work and why I am suggesting backstage community theater. I moved to a new city a lot like yours 5-6 years ago and I've worked hard to make new friends with success. I was just giving you suggestions that I have taken myself. and i thank u for taking the time out ur day to do so. old habits hard to break, but not impossible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 update on T in entry #17 i talked about T. the day after our meetup he said his mom was having some health problems, but truly i dont think he was feeling me. especially after i slowed it down when he was trying to get that kiss. no reach outs in a couple of days so i have let it go, which is fine. i like to know who's a flake b4 i get too deeply involved, so thanks T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 and i thank u for taking the time out ur day to do so. old habits hard to break, but not impossible You are very welcome!! Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 You are very welcome!! Best of luck. thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 My journal name u know i just realized the other day while leafing thru the journals section that there's another journal with the name "musings" in it. now if i had known that i wouldve come up with another title, cause i like to try and be a lil original. wonder if there's a way to change it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 what a day... I had a crappy day. all this started yesterday late evening when I started getting a headache and feeling not so good. This made me nervous but Usually when I get random headaches my 1st instinct is to check my blood pressure. when I got home I checked it on my electronic monitor and it was high as I suspected. higher than normal. of course with me suffering from anxiety (which has been flaring up lately), seeing that high reading made me worry and a lil scared---> Which in turn makes the pressure stay where it's at or go higher. I took my medication once the time rolled around...thought about taking two since I only take 5mg anyway which is a small dose but didn't. I felt hot all over like a flush, and a lil nervous. now anyone that has anxiety can tell you anything medical can be a serious trigger. but eventually I dozed off. woke up few hrs later, checked it again and it was still high. fast forward to this morn: I thought maybe my home monitor was a lil off, it's only a month old but still, so I went to the store. store confirmed what my home monitor said. I walked around , tried (and I do mean TRIED) to calm myself, drink water, take a garlic pill blah blah blah. once I got home it had come down a lil. then I went to the gym and after that it consistently has come down. the culprit is lately I haven't been feeling too great. a lil depressed I think. so ive been eating pretty much whatever I want. I mean taco bell for lunch and dinner 3 days in a row or more, stuff like that. anyway couple that with my anxiety and depression and what do u get? HBP. Right now it's ok, but now im checking it religiously. im kind of a hypochondriac sometimes. I tried distracting myself, going somewhere relaxing, talking on phone, listening to soothing music. but with my anxious mind now triggered it's difficult but im trying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 V day... well V day is tomorrow. my bf chad has a nice dinner planned for us along with tickets to a local attraction ive been asking him to take me to for awhile, I mean since early last year. he was dragging his feet so bad that when I got with rick I asked him to take me and he did in fall 2014. It was such a fun date. now chad wants to take me and already bought the tickets! it was sweet and I was surprised he remembered...tho late as hell. I told him id already gone , but didn't mention my companion. I just said id forgotten to mention it to him but id go anyway. as for rick, yesterday night he called me on video chat out of the blue. mind you we haven't video chatted since before the breakup. I was at work and told him id call him back in 10-15 min, which I did but he didn't pick up. and I haven't heard back from him since. now im up here wondering what in the world did he want? even if it was just a chit chat call what was his motivation. he does always text me almost every day but still, VIDEO chat? My friend said maybe he wanted to see if I was with another guy...if youre on video chat and youre with someone then u cant pick up. but I told her I honestly don't think he thinks that deep (she's a little mini detective). who knows what he wanted. youll drive ur self crazy trying to figure out ppl's motives. I do know that val day is tomorrow and that brings out strange feelings in people....ill be updating here tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 well, my v day was actually great... my bf (chad) took me to the great Asian restaurant where they cook the food right in front of u on the grill. it was a bit crowded but the food was real good. but the real fun came afterwards , I suggested we go to a strip club. we'd talked about it for awhile but never acted on it. well we went and we had so much fun. it was earlier in the evening so not a lot of ppl were there yet and that made it even better. after we left I was so hot we had the best sex we'd had in awhile. I told him that I wanna do different things like that more often. if he would just step up and be more proactive about picking out places and not letting me do it all the time I think we'd be a lot better off. in other news: before I left the house on v day, rick text me "happy valentines day " I text him the same back and that was that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Glad you had fun on your date. It sounds like he picked the restaurant and you chose a strip club -so it does sound like he's being proactive about planning dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Glad you had fun on your date. It sounds like he picked the restaurant and you chose a strip club -so it does sound like he's being proactive about planning dates. yes Thank goodness. I hope it continues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 ramblings on my off day I took a day off. I never realize how i have no life and how alone i am until i am off work. i went to the gym. cooked. and basically been on youtube looking up celeb gossip for the rest of the time. i check on here every now and then. and because that's what ive been doing all day my mind wanders. and you already know where it wanders to. not to say that it doesn't do that during work because it does. sigh. actually there r so many thoughts in my head that bounce around i haven't shared in this journal. i am actually pretty bad at sharing whats on my mind with ppl. even tho i don't know the ppl reading this...that i know of. i feel uncomfortable for many reasons: fear of judgement, fear of bothering ppl, fear that someone will tell me my problems are nothing compared to someone else's. i need to get past that. if i do, maybe this journal could be cathartic for me. i think if i saw chad more id feel better. when we saw each other more i felt better about things. you know ppl can say what they want to try and make being single or alone ok, that u should enjoy ur own company, be ok without a man/woman, but there's nothing like knowing someone is there for you and can keep you company, has ur back, loves and cares for you. that even if everyone else turns their back, that person is there. if you want to be single by choice, then that's different, but all that cushioning crap that ppl say to make themselves feel better about being single when they really want someone is their lives is just that: crap. humans are social creatures and there's nothing wrong with wanting that companionship and i want it. i miss lying in bed with someone , talking while he rubs my back. nothing sexual needs to even happen, just having that physical closeness and warmth. it's a natural need and im not ashamed to say i miss it sitting here alone, just thinking random thoughts....bear with me. OH---here's an update about my friend "cici" that got into that physical altercation with her boyfriend "R"...i don't know whether i wrote about them in the journal but i do have a 2 separate posts about it if you look in my post history: on val day they went out to eat, and went out elsewhere, had a great time. they seem to be getting along...so far. he gave her a card and on it put "happy val's day to my wife"...they're not engaged nor married. i damn near vomited when she told me. i picked them up and went to a clothing store with her...he was there with us and it was hard for me to look at him. the 3 of us talked and the outing went fine but it was so uncomfortable being there around him chatting like it's all good and i know he choked her out just a week or so ago.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I agree with you that it's silly to rationalize about how great it is to be single if marriage/long term relationship is a life goal. Single by choice -from a positive perspective -of course that's great too! I gave you my suggestions on how to meet people (including women who can introduce you to men) so I won't repeat them. I'm sorry about your friend - hopefully she'll see the light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Batya: exactly , people justify it in their head to make themselves feel better. yes, thanks for ur suggestions, I appreciate u reading all my little ramblings. my friend ...im still stuck about that situation but I haven't been thinking about it too much cause it was stressful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 Interesting update Well this morning I got a text from Rick and it said "..I miss you". I had been waiting so long for that text I knew he felt it I just wanted to hear it. I told him I miss you too. After that we text for a long time back and forth this morning it was really nice. Just thought I would give everybody a update. Now I'm waiting on the I love you text that's my next thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 im sick sorry for the lack of updates, ive had a cold lately but will be back on soon some new news but not up to typing that much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 sick of this i have been sick at least 3 or 4 times this year and feb isnt even over yet. i swear if i get sick one more time...i think my emotions are making me sick. i read that depression can weaken ur immune system. im pretty sure that's what's going on here. that combined with other things that are my fault. anyway here i sit. ive been sitting here for a week now. i tried working on mon. and cleaning up my room...mistake. i shouldve been resting i think that made it worse. i just hate sitting! worst of all im sitting here all alone. chad (bf) texts me when he's not at work. rick text me here and there. one of my other friends checked on me. im lonely in here --as if im not like that ordinarily. im talking to someone off my friend ad i put up and we text a little . ive also made an inbox friend on this site. but not being in human presence is like ugh. this is the first time ive felt like typing in my journal since i got ill. in the morning i have to do a quick run for work, --dreading it-- even though it will be an hour and then im done. anyway im bored and i dont know what else to say i put that cat there cause i dont know what else to put in this entry! well....i guess i will confess...i have been thinking about rick alot. as usual. i have lots of time on my hands so he runs thru my mind frequently. apparently i run thru his too cause he does text me regularly. i was speaking to a good friend today. we talked about rick for awhile. just to talk, no conclusion really. anyway i will sign off now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 I'm in a real low place right now Start off with this, I got like an hr sleep last night. Up all night coughing. I tried everything nothing worked. Just 15 min ago I got into a disagreement with my mom. I don't even feel like detailing it...let's just say she took offense to me pointing out something. If I told u, it would sound real stupid cause it is. After doing my little work run, which wore me out, I'm so done. After the mother issue I started thinking about Rick. And I cried. I pulled out my fav pic of us and I cried. It's us together lying down in my bed with our tongue s stuck out at the camera. That was such a fun day. I just started at the pic and cried. I cried cause I miss and love him.I cried cause of the argument, cried cause of no sleep. Cried cause Chad doesn't make time like he should. Cried cause I keep getting sick. I just cried. Not the boo hoo type, just lots of tears running down my face... a quiet cry. I've started again while typing this. I was looking thru me n Rick pics...I miss him and those happy times. It's times like this I really feel like letting him know what's on my mind. ....but I can't. Not now at least. I really think he probably thinks I'm done with him as far as that goes. I just know how he thinks. But anyway I feel terrible. Not just illness wise either. I feel alone and tired. Weak in spirit. So tired of getting sick. I want Rick back. I'm tired of pining over him. I need him holding me telling me it's ok. Doing something silly to make me laugh and forget. Tired of doing this on my own. Now I cant stop crying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 A letter to my ex.. something i just posted on a site. im not really sending this to him...but it's my raw emotion...things i really want to say. im hoping that writing this will help me cope a little. there was so much more running thru my head...maybe ill type it here later. oh, want the real experience of what i was feeling? Play this link while you read it (yes this was really playing while i wrote this): Music: Rick.... WHere do I start? I love you. I miss you. I want to try again. I wonder if things were different in your situation would you give us a try. Or does it have less to do w/ your situation and more to do with your fear of what we could be. Im still asking myself all these questions. Do you know how many times ive seen something funny and wanted to reach out and text it to you? Or seen a new restaurant and thought, oh that would be a great place for us to go, and then remembered there is no "us". How many times ive worked in the cold lonliness of the morning at 5am and thought of you, with a lone tear streaming down my face. Or the flashbacks to some of the best sex of my life... Craziest thing is i know u still care. Yeah, ive stopped initiating texts but you havent. What was the point of breaking up then? The other day you told me you miss me. Come back then. My heart is still open. But you have to do it...if youre waiting on me to do it youre going to be waiting a lifetime. Let me be shady for a minute, but truthful: If you dont stop this stupid s___ youre going to end up a lonely old man. you're already in your 40's, you think youre going to have women lining up to deal with that complaining you do incessantly? --Oh there's one thing i dont miss, btw. I dont understand how you can talk to and text and spend time with someone damn near everyday for six months and you don't want that back. I didnt even do anything to you. All i did was love you. Are you not used to that? Was your last experience that bad that you're scared? Despite all that you told me , which totaled about 8 reasons, i really think that's what it is. Im not the last female you were with, im not like anyone youve ever met and i think you know that...well...regardless i still love you. maybe someday ill send this to you...which totally contradicts what i just said. I just want to be how we were. I miss my friend ..I love you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 my 2010 depression is back , dont worry, this includes a fun back story, etc where do i start...i feel a depression has settled on top of me.no matter how fancy i look or how much i do to try and distract myself. it was a depression that goes far far back...let me take u back to 2009. although ive been depressed before that , that's when this depression truly started. in 09 i made up my mind to lose weight, i lost 30 lbs and more. i looked great and felt good. i was single, had a new job even though i was going thru financial woes. i was still dealing with anxiety sometimes but not horribly. i was feeling so good, and it was that new atittude that i feel drew a situation to me... it was in feb 2010 that i met a man named shaun (his real name, cause i dont care). shaun and i started as a booty call. only shaun would text me and call me everyday. every morning, good morning beautiful, etc etc. conversations during the day. eventually shaun started falling for me. he told me he was in love with me. (for those of u that have been following my journal, doesnt this sound familiar...). i told shaun that i dont know how to answer because i was flattered but didnt feel the same way. btw, by this time we'd been on dates, hung out...more than just the bedroom. he said that was ok and he just wanted me to know. well some time passed and eventually i did find myself falling for him. hard. id never felt like that about anyone and i havent up until this day. we ended up entering into a relationship ...shaun asked me and i said yes. he brought out things in me that i didnt think were possible. attributes and traits that i didnt know i posessed. he brought out the best in me , and vice versa. we had the best sex id had in my life (at the time). when we hung out i had the best time. i told him things id never told anyone before and he told me the same. i was always the one helping ppl and ppl always came to me, but rarely did i have anyone to go to. shaun became my go to...he said he wanted to be my rock. and he was. i felt so safe with him. it felt so right. in about june he asked me if i wanted to get an apartment with him and to think about it so we could spend more time together. i said yes. marriage had also been brought up in a round about sort of way...he'd ask little questions, or drop little hints. i was never a marriage minded person, another thing that changed once he came into the picture, when he dropped the hints, i could actually see myself with him. i never wanted kids (and still dont), but with shaun, i said 'you know what...i would have a child with him if we were married and in the right position financially....' however in july shaun lost his job. that's when things started to go downhill. he fell into a deep depression. we hadnt gotten a place together yet (and never did). he stopped calling as much and stopped texting as much. we still talked and went out but i was feeling neglected. i got a new job around that time too and he still couldnt find work in his field. i should mention that he is bipolar and stopped taking his meds. saying instead that he could "handle it as a man on his own". shortly after that we broke up. id never felt so empty in my life. it seemed like he didnt even wanna have contact with me anymore so i stopped contact. then a month later out of the blue he contacted me "hi"...well this continued and eventually we started keeping in contact, on and off for four years. i never fell out of love w/ him. during this time i fell into the deepest depression ever. i was a strict gym rat and disciplined about my eating. guys would stop me endlessly when i went out to try and talk to me, that's how good i looked during these times. well, all that stopped. i stopped going to the gym...when i tried i found i didnt have the energy. i didnt eat. and when i did it was junk and whatever i wanted to eat. i gained 40 lbs. more heavy than id been ever. in nov 2010 i met my current bf Chad. we became official in spring 2011. we're still together but in the back of my mind shaun was still there. i never felt about chad like i did about shaun. chad was sort of a rebound relationship at the time. i was so lonely and he was very sweet. sweet but didnt have umph. chad and i never had chemistry like shaun and i did and i was always comparing in my head. chad and i started as sex buddies too (my pattern). i just ended up falling out of love with shaun in the early part of 2014, due to some behavior of his. we'd started having sex again (yes i was cheating on chad with my ex...id never cheated on him til shaun came back). the first time id seen shaun in about 3-4 yrs and i still got butterflies when i saw him. it was like a dream. i wanted to get back together with him but shaun was re-married to his ex wife , btw they're about to divorce again. -isnt this a mess. well shaun and i had sex a second time and it wasnt that great. something wasnt there. the spark was gone...he was lazy with his lovemaking and i let him know that. somewhere during this time i told him that i wanted to give him and i another try but i knew he was with his wife...i also knew things weren't working out. long story short shaun and i are now just friends. i feel nothing for him. no animosity, but no love anymore. but ever since he broke up with me in july 2010 i havent felt the same. it's like something has been missing from my life. there's a giant hole in my chest. im back in the gym now and trying to get back on track there. but... when rick came into my life in june 2014 i felt something i hadnt felt in a long time, real passion, love, companionship. someone that i could be there for and he could be there for me. someone that needed me and had zest like i do. a zest that chad has never seemed to have. rick left in nov. now i feel like im back at square one. im healing from my cold now. this morning i realized that ive been sick 3-4 times this year and it's just the beginning of march. before i caught this cold there was a horrible cloud hanging over my head. one that goes back to 2010 when shaun left. when i thought id have a chance at a new life with someone i love. one that even goes back to my childhood (but that's for another entry which i may do soon since im findiing this one very cathartic). ive read that depression can weaken your immune system. i believe it. when i woke today i just lay there. i laid there in my thoughts, which weren't many. i wanted to get online and type this but the system was undergoing maintenance...at 2 pm no less....so i jumped in my email which is where this is being written. my phone is silent for the most part. my bf chad has been working crazy long shifts (no shock there) at his job which is over working him. i ask him if he wants to talk about it but he doesnt usually say much. that saddens me. i do respect if he doesnt wanna talk about it but im your girl. i feel that if you cant open up to me what am i here for. i feel useless. rick used to open up to me whether i asked or not. hed share his day with me, hed ask for input. i felt useful. like someone needed me. today even rick text me about something personal within his family. it gave me mixed feelings however because i miss him opening up. i miss being there for someone and feeling needed. i dont have any kids, nor do i desire any. my friends are far and few. most of the time im alone. outsiders look at my life and say they would die to have it because they only see certain parts. dont get me wrong there are parts that i wouldnt trade but there are other parts. for instance, chad and i dont live together. youd think after 4 years...well chad has always had roomates (his current situation) and said when he gets his first place of his own he wants to live by himself for awhile. because hes never experienced that before. i respect that. ive never lived with anyone else period except my mom which doesnt count. i mean ive never had "roomate" situations. well...needless to say i have some very lonely days and nights. rick used to fill those days and nights with phone calls, texts, and hanging out...and good passionate sex. suddenly i had a buddy that was always there someone i could talk to and that wasnt too busy. and now that's gone. and im back at square one. well if you made it this far, youre a good sport and i thank you for reading my ramblings. 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luxurylover Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Meeting ex again tomorrow ...Well reallyLater today. We're meeting to have some fun I'm actually a little nervous about it I'm not sure why. It's my fourth time seeing him since we parted. Maybe it's cause if all the underlying feelings or the things on my chest I wanna say. Who knows. I'll let u know how it goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 a new guy i met online.. i dont know if i told u but i met a guy online sun. his name is anthony. we met mon or sun , i cant remember. anyway i was talking to him this eve (we are meeting shortly) , somehow we got into the topic of how u should clearly define what it is ur looking for when u first start talking to someone. now he is one of the ppl that responded to my online "want a friend" ad. so i ask what r u looking for, he says something like: "i want a girl i can b friends w/ have sex w/ , go to movies, hang out , talk on phone. also im a nice guy so i like to bring her flowers, candy. " i said oh that's a girlfriend." then he said, "yes i want that but not a girlfriend. i dont want the stress of a relationship, rltnshps are stressful". i said not with the right person. he says "yeah but its a matter of finding that right person". i said how would u know that when ur not even willing to say thats ur girlfriend. i also told him it sounds like to me he omits that title to have a convenient "out". like if the girl calls him out on the carpet for something he can always be like "oh but ur not my girlfriend". like a loophole. i said youre 40 y.o. , by that time u should know what u want from a woman and have the emotional maturity to say it without hiding behind the "friend" word. he said he cant just have sex with a girl, he doesnt want just a sex buddy. ....see all that turned me off. it's like my whole mood changed. i dont want another rick. i want a guy that knows what he wants. even if we are just friends. anthony is already calling me and texting me. saying he wants to hear my voice. calling me "bae" on text. ...all this scares me truth be told. i told him im still raw from my recent breakup. im vunerable and dont wanna b hurt again. (ill update about the meeting with my ex in my next entry....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 date with the new guy well date with anthony went ok. at the restaurant we just got some appetizers and chatted a bit. let me start with the list of things i didnt like. broken down in a convenient list for ur enjoyment: 1. when we needed more napkins, instead of waiting til the waitress came back nearby, he shouted half way accross the place for some. --tacky, no class. true it was an upscale sports bar but still. 2. he is cheap and let's it be known. i dont mind a guy that is cheap/frugal but dont talk about it. such a turn off. he wanted to order the $5 cup of gumbo and share it. i said no we can go dutch, ill just get some wings. he was like r u sure?? i was like yes it's just $10 its not that big and a deal and u can have some. --i know we went out as friends/date but damn.... 3. this is the worst one. apparently he met this girl online and broke it off last year ( i mentioned her earlier) and apparently she's "stalking" him. i didnt mind him bringing up the situation the first time we talked as a funny "online dating" anecdote. even a second time was fine. but he brought it up on our date and on the phone before he came. i am tired of hearing about another woman while it's "my time". so i told him: "honestly im tired of hearing about her". his mouth fell open. (here's a little fact about me: I am BLUNT. especially if i dont have feelings for u...see with someone like derrick it's harder). he said "yeah but it's about me too !" and finished his sentence about her. ---i ignored him. ...that is so annoying having to hear about other women (even if it's past ) when ur on a date. and i told him you must get an ego boost from it or find it entertaining because u could change ur number or block her if u were really that annoyed.....he said, yeah it is entertaining .im gonna sue her though and try to get some $. i was like well do that , but i think youre gonna be bored after the situation is resolved cause clearly it's entertaining u. so he said "yeah when i get my settlement i wanna get a hotel room w a jacuzzi. you coming with me?" i said "are you gonna be talking about her while we're there?" he said no...so i said id be there. anyway if he talks about her again im going to ignore him. no girl (and no guy either im sure) wants to hear about another man/woman multiple times during a date. #tacky the rest of the date was cute. we played pool and air hockey. played some pinball. it was fun and i enjoyed that part. made out in the parking lot. and besides the above 3 points a fun time was had by all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 You're never gonna believe what happened on our 2nd date So I Went to Anthony place for the first time. When I got there he asked me to go to the store with him so he could buy some new pillows. We were basically meeting just to have sex or some type of sexual activity so I was wondering why are we hanging out and he said he doesn't like to just have sex, He wants to actually hang out with a girl spend time go to the store blah blah blah but yet he said he doesn't desire a girlfriend.....translation: confused. When we got back to his place we started kissing. I was kissing and started rubbing his crotch and I said out loud oh my god it's so hard. He said Oh you like that. I said yes your you know what is so hard. He said do you want me to pull it out I said yes pull it out and he pulled it out. I look at it and feel it in my hand, I realize it's a dildo sticking out his shorts. At first I thought it was a joke I said what is this he said Oh because when I got shot sometimes my u know what doesn't work like I want it too so I use this. I said so basically you lied to me to get me over. He said he wasn't sure how to tell me or how I will react and maybe I wouldn't want to come and that the other women he had been with enjoys it. I told him it is not the point that you have a medical problem and have to use the toy from times is that you lied. I also told him that my boyfriend has erectile disfunction so had he been straight up with me from the beginning he would have known that. In other words I'm used to dealing with this problem it's not a big deal I just don't appreciate being lied to you should have seen the look on my face when that toy popped out. After that my mood change and I told him I wanted to go home. However we talk for a moment after that and I ended up staying. I ended up having a decent time however I did tell him not to lie to me anymore that really turned me off , but he redeemed himself. I told him how I used to have a problem with my stuff how a guy couldn't go inside of me,My coochie didn't used to want to open up for a man for a long time and I told him how hard it was to tell a guy that especially when I like him, so I understood butIt still didn't excuse the lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxurylover Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 lonely ---yet again--. also update about rick and anthony a few entries ago i talked about how i was supposed to meet rick on last sun but never heard from him about it. --well i dont think i said that part but that's basically what happened. not the first time he's done it. i just dont know what's going on with him. he's still texting me but never said anything about sun. meanwhile i met up with an old sex buddy tonight that text me out of the blue. we didnt go all the way because he has ED (apparently a common problem), but we did mess around in other ways. it was nice. but uneventful. on my way back home i thought, wow im real lonely. chad (bf) is at work. i would really like to go play pool again with someone like i did with anthony. although i dont think he's the one to do it with cause clearly he's acting aloof...which reminds me , since we met up the other day on my previous entry i hadnt heard from him as much. so today i text him just that cause i dont like wasting my time. i said something like "i havent heard from u as much lately, are we cool?" he replies: "big hug, you good girl". --which clearly didnt answer my question. hell all i wanted was a friend to hang with. he was blowing me up now i hear from him sparingly. im not about to be texting him feeding his lil ego (see previous entry about his supposed "stalker"). anyway im sitting here at 1am feeling empty. my life is full of empty connections that seem to go nowhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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