oereich Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I'm 23. My girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. Before that, we had been best friends for 3-4 years. The last 2 months, we had been fighting a lot. 2 weeks ago she said we should try giving ourselves some more space to breathe so that we can really give this a shot and keep fighting. However, after 2 more fights, she finally told me she couldn't do this anymore, she was tired of fighting. Our relationship was theoretically perfect (same goals, ambitions, common interests, etc in life) but things were getting in the way. She has been depressed for a large part of our relationship. It did not help her mood and she sometimes over-reacted to things. She finally admitted to me she had not done her part and had issues she had to deal with herself. On my part, there were a few things she didn't name that were part of who I was and that she didn't want to change about me. On top of that, my parents (very controlling) had been a large burden on her even though I made large efforts to minimize this. So she finally pulled the plug. She said she just loved me as a friend now and my presence was frustrating her lately. She had felt like this when she finally broke up with her ex before me. She now wants to be friends and not lose me completely. At first I said I didn't want to talk to her at all but we spoke the following evening when I had a few things to get off my mind. We spoke for many hours but the conclusion was the same. She is extremely sad she lost me but still believes she made the right choice. We decided to give each other some time and space now. As hard as things were at the end, I was still in the mindset of fighting for it and we could come out of this rut. We just had to touch base with the foundation of the relationship and jump-start whatever wasn't working. We had broken up once before, because of my parents uniquely but I managed to get her back. Giving her a few days of space and then explaining to her the changes I can make to try to solve the issue. Slowly we got back together and things were going great. 6 months later, it falls back apart. But it's different this time in the sense I believe her feelings for me might have actually disappeared. I'm trying to deal with this. I don't think I can get her back this time. So I'm letting things settle. I wonder if one day we could try it again once we have both dealt with our issues. Is it better to stay friends doing so or cutting contact completely? I'm very sad about losing my girlfriend but I'm even sadder of losing the person I confided in and talked to almost everyday for the past 5 years...she has helped me through much, and I the same with her... She was the first girl that I've dated where I saw a real future with. We both did. She just seems to now think she could find someone else too (she said she thought she wouldn't find anyone after her ex but we got together - fairly quickly after so she hasn't really been single in a long time) There's good stuff here, I wish she could see it was only a recent fallback...and we had a great future ahead of us. Thanks for reading, all comments/advice are welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 There are several facets that I see going on. So here is my take. You can not be a best friend to someone you want to have a relationship with. Because if she goes out and meets someone and you still want to date your best friend your jealousy will come up to the surface. So you must decide which one do you want. Best friend and have no romantic feelings for her or have romantic feelings for her and she can only be a friend thru being your GF. In my opinion both of you shouldnt be even trying to 'get back' if neither of you worked on your own issues, you two will get back to the same routine and break up yet again. And perhaps as she is finding herself she will meet another guy.. who knows.. She might be the first girl that you saw a future with but odds are that she wont be the only girl that you see a future with.. You mean in the next 50years you wont find 1 girl out of billions that you can see a future with? Oh, you will.. First, you must decide.. Which 'friend' you want to be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Give it time. In the long-run you will find someone who is a much better fit for you as you grow and mature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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