WithLove Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Okay, so now that I'm single and unattached, something that I put way in the back of my mind has risen to the forefront again: traveling. Back when I used to have college etc, I always thought about how cool it'd be to get a job in a different city. Especially if I got a job that let me travel elsewhere too. And after I started a LTR, and knew he had a child, and after fighting for custody for said child, I realized I wouldn't be able to leave to travel quite so easily. Now I'm alone again, and all of those thoughts are coming back to me. But I've never done serious travel before. How would I even begin to plan a trip, anywhere? Does anyone have suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
relevart Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 What kind of travel? Over seas? On in the States? I would love to be able to travel, to just get in my car and go. First, a road trip sounds really nice, but eventually two places I want to go are Australia and St. Marteen. If I travelled stateside, I'd just get in my car and go. Don't even need to buy a map anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 Here is a better question......... I have thought for a long time that I'd like to go back to where I lived up north with my first ex to visit my friends and his family. I still talk with most of his family every day and my friends up there every day. I miss them all terribly. Visiting them is something I truly want to do. But.... I don't know how my ex will take it. I haven't told his secret (about him meeting other men on Craigslist) to anyone; I haven't even told him that I know. He has contacted me several times in the past few years and has told me more than once that he still loves me and laments the break up. I know it's selfish of me to want to see his family again, but I love them and miss them, and I know my visit would be exciting for all of us... except him. What do I do? Do I talk to him about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigKK Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Depends what kind of traveler you are. When I travel alone I use a very unstructured approach. I decide where I want to go, I research it, pick some places that interest me then I set out and buy a ticket, decide on accommodation. I usually do a combination of couch surfing, hostels, air b n b. To give you an example in one trip I planned on landing in France and going counter clock-wise...Spain, Portugal, Italy. Instead I went clockwise, to Belgium, Holland, Germany Denmark, etc It was a lot of fun, and sometimes I'd go to train stations and pick at that moment where I'd like to go. It was very fun. Obviously this kind of travel is tough with only a week, but if you can sneak away for a few weeks then I love to do it like that. I'd obviously plan some more refined things as well, and meet a lot of locals to show me around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Does he still live up there? How is it that you know his secret but he doesn't know you know? And if he has contacted you a few times...then just tell him what you are planning to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 I'd like to stick in the US to begin with, because I have lots of family scattered through the States. I'm in Florida, but I've got family in Chicago, Arizona, I got a cousin that's a film editor for Universal Studios in California, some family deep in the mountains of Montana.... I want to go to them all. But someday, I would LOVE to visit Ireland. If I did that, I have a friend that's Irish and has visited Ireland with his family last year - I might ask him if he'd like to come with, so I'm not a female traveling alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 Does he still live up there? How is it that you know his secret but he doesn't know you know? And if he has contacted you a few times...then just tell him what you are planning to do. There's no way I could avoid telling him. He lives with his uncle, whom I love dearly and would definitely be visiting. When he contacts me, I always explain why we didn't work out and why there will be no other chances. I'm afraid that he will view my visitation as another chance anyway. I haven't talked to him about it yet, because I wanted your guys' opinion as to whether that'd be a good idea or not. His secret would destroy his family if they knew. They are all pretty religious and for it to come out that he has "been in male company", I don't even know what they'd do. I haven't told him I know because we broke up, I got tested and was negative, and what would it accomplish if I told him, anyway? I know because his ex after him messaged me on Facebook with screenshots of his email. I know it's his email because among the other emails, there was stuff I recognized from when I was with him. It's the same email he had when we were together. It also explains a lot of things that happened when I was with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Then I would be very clear that you are in the area to visit your friends and are making plans to catch up with his family. And that you are not interested in rekindling the romance. I don't see it as awkward. Dash all hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingYu Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I agree with the post above. As for travelling. The first time you do it yourself is always difficult - it's a big first step. After that you can go half way around the world like I have and go with no fear whatsoever. Basically my advice in a nutshell would be to: 1. Have an approximate budget (or at least, an absolute non-negotiable maximum amount of money you will not go over) 2. Find out where you want to go 3. Do a little bit of research 4. Decide whether you want to plan the trip entirely, be spontaneous entirely, or do a little bit of both (I usually write a list of "must-do's" and then leave a majority of the trip to spontaneous things... you do tend to get lost if you've never been to the country before, and working out transport also takes time so don't plan too much or if not you just add stress upon stress) 5. Check the requirements for, and obtain the appropriate visa required 6. Book a ticket 7. Book accommodation 8. Pack and go! Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 I spoke with my ex's cousin and his uncle (he lives with his uncle) regarding visiting the family up there. They both said they all missed me and would love for me to come visit; I asked the uncle what he thought my ex would think, and he said he'd talk to him. He did it before I had a chance to talk to my ex myself. Ex said he wouldn't be bothered by it; but when I asked him myself (I thought it was chicken to not ask him myself), he said he honestly didn't know how he felt but that I shouldn't let that stop me from coming. I explained that I didn't want him to think more of this, and that things between us would not change. He said okay. So, I am thinking about a good time to go - I need to have plenty of time to save up for it, because I will not go up there unless I'm comfortable with the amount I want to spend. I need to pay for a flight, rental car and hotel (although I'm really, really hoping that one of his family members or one of my friends will ask me to just stay with them - although I am not counting on this and won't ask myself. If not, there's a really nice B&B along one of the main streets that has really good reviews about it and costs about as much as a nicer hotel per night. I'd love to experience that.). I want to have enough cash on hand to pay for 2-3 meals a day if needed, plus spending money. So far, I'm thinking sometime in the fall (I'd like to go when it's cooler); I was thinking October. I thought I'd go up there for a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 This will be my first "solo trip" of going just because I want to, with no expectations. The town I'm traveling to is pretty small itself, but it's a 2-hour train ride from NYC, about a 2-hour drive from Hershey Park, and about an hour drive from another, smaller theme park. There are tons of fall activities every year that are local and within and hour of this town. Plus, I've got friends in town, plus in 2 of the surrounding towns. I don't think I'll get lonely or bored! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 I spoke with my mother about it, and she's actually excited for me! She said she would help me look for flights and such. I have a friend that would likely offer me his couch for the visit, but we're both stubborn and he'll probably only offer if I ask, which I won't do. Ugh! (He'd find great pleasure in not offering and making me ask.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 This trip is still on. I have about $1,000 saved towards it, but haven't bought a plane ticket. One of the friends I've mentioned has offered me a place to stay, for which I am grateful. We have tons in common and he's looking forward to taking me shooting and brewing a beer he thinks I'll like (that's one of his hobbies). Another friend is convinced that he's going to get me to eat sushi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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