a testcase for finding the issues

[testcase]

Ya. I don't know what my part in it is. I mean I never met any of the 3 girls who canceled. This girl in particular we talked on the phone had great chemistry. She was SUPER cute. We both have great jobs. No problem texting. The problem was I was too late cause any pretty girl online is already talking to a bajillion people. I'm just sick of it. I honestly am. It's a constant competition and my strengths don't mean s*** on online dating. I make great money. What good does that do me? I guess it's doing my 401k good but certainly not helping me date. I can be extremely engaging and funny 1 on 1... but I have to get the date first. I'm terrible at texting, and keeping meaningless conversations going... which is really what online dating is all about. It's just not suited to my strengths. I've been doing it forever.... and I'm tired of all the disappointment.

 

The worst part is I'm at this point in my life where all my friends are having family's... and believe me we're a late bunch. You know I want to find someone and have a serious relationship. I'm tired / done with dating. Of course I'm also not trying to settle. It just seems like it's an impossible task anymore. Great girls are married. Great divorced girls have kids, which is fine but I'd like to avoid that. So finding girls around my age looking for the same thing... it's like we're all fk'd up. Myself included. Just a bunch of people with too much baggage to get on the plane.

[reinventmyself]

I find just a shift in attitude can turn things around. It's almost a subconscious message you can give it when you get frustrated like this. I love reading things about `intentions' or `The secret' is another good one. You bring things into your life without even being aware that you are doing it.

[testcase]

I find just a shift in attitude can turn things around. It's almost a subconscious message you can give it when you get frustrated like this. I love reading things about `intentions' or `The secret' is another good one. You bring things into your life without even being aware that you are doing it.

 

Thx I definitely need a shift in attitude. I see myself getting more bitter by the week. Years ago when I was first single again never did I imagine it'd be this tough. It's not dating that's tough for me. I can get dates. I can show them a fun time, make them laugh. It's finding someone I have any kind of connection with, that I'm attracted to, that I could see myself spending a lot of time with. That seems damn near impossible these days.

[reinventmyself]

I hear yah !

[testcase]

So I hooked up last night with a girl I was dating a while ago. She's not looking for anything serious right now, so it could be good for a little while. I'm not really looking for anything super serious with her either. It was a fun night and I enjoy hanging out with her. I guess I'll see.

 

So a little drama behind this my friend dated this girl some too. I asked him if it was cool if I hung out with her and he said go for it. I don't think he'll be mad. He kind of stopped talking to her for a while. Either way it's weirder than I'd like. But what are you going to do.

[reinventmyself]

So I hooked up last night with a girl I was dating a while ago. She's not looking for anything serious right now, so it could be good for a little while. I'm not really looking for anything super serious with her either. It was a fun night and I enjoy hanging out with her. I guess I'll see.

 

So a little drama behind this my friend dated this girl some too. I asked him if it was cool if I hung out with her and he said go for it. I don't think he'll be mad. He kind of stopped talking to her for a while. Either way it's weirder than I'd like. But what are you going to do.

 

 

I guess I need to go back and reread your journal but I could have sworn you were disappointed that you weren't able to find the `one' . .that special connection you haven't had in while.

But you then mention you aren't looking for anything serious. ?

I guess you are looking for something to do while waiting for the `one'?

 

Some of us women have pretty good radar for guys who are looking for something `to do'

Not sure how you're getting to get in the door to find out if she's the one if you give up that `casual vibe'

 

It doesn't work well that way .. as maybe you are experiencing.

[testcase]

I guess I need to go back and reread your journal but I could have sworn you were disappointed that you weren't able to find the `one' . .that special connection you haven't had in while.

But you then mention you aren't looking for anything serious. ?

I guess you are looking for something to do while waiting for the `one'?

 

Some of us women have pretty good radar for guys who are looking for something `to do'

Not sure how you're getting to get in the door to find out if she's the one if you give up that `casual vibe'

 

It doesn't work well that way .. as maybe you are experiencing.

Ya. I'm not going to lie last night I was not in a great place. No I'm definitely looking for the one. I guess in the meantime if I can find something casual, why not? She just got out of a very long relationship and is being very upfront that she's not looking for anything serious. I'm going to focus on my fitness and dating here and there in the meantime. If I get to be fwb with her great. I've never had one of those.

[testcase]

So I told my friend that I hooked up with A. He didn't really seem to mind so that's cool. I guess I'll see where that goes. Her and I already discussed that it'd be super casual. That might be just what I need right now.

 

I think I'm going to take a step back from dating. Get off Tinder and my other online accounts. I think I need a few months off. Focus on the gym. Focus on other aspects of my life. When Sa canceled the date last night it just hit me like a ton of bricks... and I don't know why. Maybe I've been on so many first dates recently... but I hadn't been excited about a date like that in forever. I think, more than anything, I've been disappointed a lot. Sa was beautiful... I mean truly my ideal girl. Great job. We were joking around with each other easily. I was excited. The day before she decides to go exclusive with another guy? All the circumstances that led me to postpone basically postpone the date a week... I just feel like I missed out. I mean I didn't get my chance. I would have been a fun date. Never got my chance.

 

I do know what I want. I'm just worried I won't be able to find it. The older I get, it's not getting any easier.

[testcase]

Valentines day is tomorrow. It hasn't been a seriously special holiday for me in sometime. By now I'm probably bitter about it. It was special for me when I was with my first true love... but it was also the holiday that caused the relationship to end. I guess it's funny how that works. It's truly a day to celebrate love. Or, it can be a day for lovers in doubt to really reflect on what the relationship means to them. In my case, it was the day she decided after six years she just couldn't fake the feelings for me anymore.

[testcase]

Well was a pretty crumby Valentine's day! Had lunch with my parents... That was good. Saw my most recent ex is dating sometime new... Not that mad she's actually just a straight up terrible person. Sex was OK. Was hanging out with some friends tonight seeing where the night went. It went nowhere.

 

One interesting note. My friend, who dated the girl I hooked up with, sent said girl a happy Valentine's day text. She basically sent him the same genetic answer she sent me. Obviously it's some garbage but what are you going to do? My buddy and I took a picture together. We want to be jerks and send it to get but we're holding off. I'd like to sleep with her a few more times... But the more I think about it probably not if she's sleeping with a ton of other dudes! It's just a dirty situation.

 

You know now that I'm taking about that. How is it so easy for women. That really disgusts me. I guess it's just the way it is / always will be. Doesn't make it any easier.

[testcase]

Ah last night I was kind of upset. I don't know why. I still feel like I have to back away from everything. Regather my thoughts. I mean with A I don't blame her. She just got out of a super long relationship. If she wants to have fun she should absolutely have fun. If I had the opportunity to do that when my relationship ended I would.

 

I just feel like there was a time in my life when I know who I was and what I was looking for in a girl. If I found others that didn't have the traits I was looking for I just wouldn't try to associate with them in a dating sense. Now I have no idea where I am.

[testcase]

Got a date tonight with another girl my friend dated. I swear I live in a major east coast city! How this is possible I have no idea. He didn't even meet her on tinder... just out at a bar. Either way I'm looking forward to it. So far she's been fun to talk to. Think she's real cute. It'll be a fun time. Have to beat the snow.

 

I skipped the gym again today! I've absolutely just fallen off the wagon. I don't know my problem is but I need to get back there. I've been working out at home but it's never as good. Don't have the same good equipment. Don't push myself as hard cause it's just a different atmosphere. If the snow isn't too crazy I'll go tomorrow. If it is who knows the next time I'll make it.

[testcase]

Had my date with La last night. It was honestly a lot of fun. One of the best dates I've been on in a while! We had no trouble finding things to talk about. She's a hard worker with a good career. We grew up in similar areas. I was able to joke around with her easily and I was super attracted to her. I walked her back near her home and we had a nice first kiss. Had to pull myself back a bit to not go overboard on the first date. I'll definitely be seeing her again and I'm excited about it.

 

Also came back to see Sa checked out my profile on eHarmony. That was unexpected but who knows... maybe I'll hear from her again one day.

 

Getting to the gym tonight! Can't let anything stop me... even the lure of Fat Tuesday drinking. I guess I'll do that post gym.

[happpybear]

ok so hope you feel a bit better now after your good date with La

[testcase]

ok so hope you feel a bit better now after your good date with La

Thanks we'll see!!! I mean it honestly was a great date we had a lot of fun. I will say this girl has been on Tinder constantly. I mean I could pick up my phone anytime of day and check and she'd be active 2 minutes ago lol. So ready to quit Tinder.

 

I have another date tonight with the girl who flaked on the date last Saturday. She's def way younger than me so that could be an issue. We'll see just going to have fun with it and not try to get wrapped up until I get serious vibes from someone.

 

Me and a friend were hanging out recently. He's been married for 10 years or so and has never done the online dating. We were joking about how dating used to be so easy then... But I guess that was more so because we were in college than it was because of technology. Still I feel we live in a disposable instant gratification society now and that sucks for dating!

[testcase]

Well date cancelled tonight. Good news for me going to the gym!

 

I basically told her good luck. 2 cancelled dates. One she didn't even tell me about and I spent 2 hours on a Saturday night finding out. Don't have time for that BS.

[itsallgrand]

Hmm, what's with all the flakes you are encountering?! Do you date mostly through Tinder??

[testcase]

Hmm, what's with all the flakes you are encountering?! Do you date mostly through Tinder??

 

Haha ya recently it's been Tinder. So the date tonight canceled a second time. Tomorrows date is not really getting back to me so I think it's not going to happen. The date that I had on Monday that I really enjoyed... well I saw her in a local restaurant on another date tonight when I was picking up food on the way home from work.

 

I mean you really couldn't write this stuff I don't think. My luck with dating is terrible!

 

I do think I'm going to quit Tinder and just take a break from dating in general. I just saw J back on Tinder today. We haven't talked in about 2 weeks... That really sucks cause we were staying in pretty good communication when we got back in touch. Even if we never went on dates. I just felt it was me that was keeping it all going. Wanted to see if I backed off what would happen. I guess I found out. I'll probably hit her up tomorrow and suggest we do something fun in the future, if we find something fun going on. Then I'll leave it at that.

 

I think I need to take a two month hiatus. Once that's said and done I'll come back, get on eHarmony and use that for all my dates. At least people on there are semi serious about something.

[testcase]

All this bs recently from these dates has me thinking about M. A simple two month relationship that amazed me and gave me true hope for the first time in a long, long time. I think the craziest thing about it was it was just easy. From the first date we were texting every day. I always knew there was no one else and she knew pretty early on there was no one else for me. It was just amazing. Maybe the best online dating experience I've ever had.

 

We clicked really well. She was easy to talk to and I loved listening to her. She knew so much about crazy stuff I never even put thought in to. She was beautiful. Actually when I met her shockingly beautiful, her pictures didn't do her justice. Honestly I was excited by it all. God I wish I had more time to keep getting to know her.

 

The way it ended really caught me off guard. I said something incredibly stupid I wish I could take back.... I couldn't. At that point there was about nothing I could do. Still, it really amazes me one mistake could end something like that. For a while after I did all the things you shouldn't do. I wish I didn't unfriend her on FB, as stupid as that is. I guess it was good for me but it probably ruined any future chance. I shouldn't have kept trying to get her back. It was over. I should have held my head high and walked away earlier. Still I'd love to reach back out. I won't because it's not my place. I've realized she's farm from perfect. I just wish I could go back and have given that two more months.

[testcase]

Well my date canceled for tonight so ya... 2 for 7 the past two weeks.

 

Now I think my hopeful FWB is pissed at me too. She text me super late, as booty calls do. I was tired and went to sleep early that night. When I wake up I see two missed texts and she was asking what I was doing tonight, or tomorrow. I woke up and text her that I was sorry I missed her and which night was she asking. I didn't get the most pleasant reply.

 

I mean who the heck knows. I left it in her court and said I definitely wanted to see her again sometime soon. Just to let me know. I have no idea what the static was about. She was probably drunk when she messaged me. She was probably hungover when she replied. Hey I've been there. Still surprised it's been a week+ since we've hooked up. I'm not going to worry about it.

 

Sent a lot of messages on OKC. Haven't heard back from any! Was talking to someone on eHamorny. I'll message them, and J tomorrow. At this point in time I'm just rattling off messages with about 0 hopes of them working. I'm probably going to get to sleep soon. Maybe I'll miss another booty call and get demoted from booty call to no call.

[testcase]

Well I sent another message to J today. Just being friendly. Leaving things in her court. I haven't heard back yet... which I guess is what I noticed prior to this. I just wasn't hearing back as quick. She's never just not responded. Part of me thinks, what if this was just one big understanding?? I always wondered... what if she was as cray about me as I am about her? Wouldn't that be wild? That we both just fugged things up this bad? I have really tried to have a legitimate shot. I stepped all kinds of out of my comfort zone to get a fire lit. I feel when a fire is burning it's burning from both sides. With her I always felt like I was driving down a one way street. I always initiated the conversations. Always tried to get her to hang out.

 

Is that really just how it is supposed to be for a man? I've had experiences where it's been give and take obviously. I've normally gravitated towards the more aggressive girls, which I thought she was. But I imagine there's some people out there who expect, in dating, for men to make all the moves. She never... never.... struck me as that kind of girl. No way she is. I mean she may be somehow shy, introverted, but she's in no way a traditionalist. So I guess she's just not that interested. Years built up with this vision of her above ever girl I've ever dated. I just have to let those go.

 

I set up another date with La. After basically calling her out for seeing her on another date I quickly backed off. Realizing the hypocrite I was and honestly how much fun I had with her. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again.

 

Lastly I heard back from my potential FWB. I guess I didn't piss her off too much. We're going to hangout on Sunday so that should be good. I know she's dating a lot and she actually tells me about the other guys she's dating. That's a really weird experience for me but to be honest I just like the casualness of things. I mean I've been looking for a FWB. She's looking for one. This could be mutually beneficial for both of us. I do worry about all the other dates she's going on cause honestly who knows what she's doing with those guys. But whatever! I'll claim ignorance and have as much fun as I can while I continue to pursuit for a girlfriend.

[happpybear]

Is that really just how it is supposed to be for a man? I've had experiences where it's been give and take obviously. I've normally gravitated towards the more aggressive girls, which I thought she was. But I imagine there's some people out there who expect, in dating, for men to make all the moves. She never... never.... struck me as that kind of girl. No way she is. I mean she may be somehow shy, introverted, but she's in no way a traditionalist. So I guess she's just not that interested. Years built up with this vision of her above ever girl I've ever dated. I just have to let those go.

 

I do think that most women wait for the man to initiate most contact. However, There is no misunderstanding...you are asking her out, and she is not taking the bait. I could understand her not responding in kind if you were just shooting the sh*t but not planning a date..but that's not what is happening here.

 

She's not into you. I'm sorry, but if she was into you it would not take her this long to respond.

 

Testcase you are a cool dude you deserve better than the breadcrumbs she gives you. and that's what it is right, minimal. From what you describe, she is similar to me, a little shy, introverted and not traditional...I can speak from experience that women like this have no problem making things known, and making things happen. She is elusive and not making things happen, or at least helping things along. She likely knows how you feel about her, and is keeping you at a distance because while she probably values your friendship she still wants some of it but doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. So she occasionally will let you see her, talk to her etc.

[testcase]

Testcase you are a cool dude you deserve better than the breadcrumbs she gives you. and that's what it is right, minimal. From what you describe, she is similar to me, a little shy, introverted and not traditional...I can speak from experience that women like this have no problem making things known, and making things happen. She is elusive and not making things happen, or at least helping things along. She likely knows how you feel about her, and is keeping you at a distance because while she probably values your friendship she still wants some of it but doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. So she occasionally will let you see her, talk to her etc.

 

Thanks you're right! I'll probably hear from her again one day... maybe I won't. Either way I'm coming to the realization it's not happening. I didn't really ask her out again. After the 2nd date I just didn't ask her out cause it just didn't feel like it was going anywhere. Took about a month to get date #2. We talked a bit after that date but I felt like she was slowing down her communication and I was putting in all the work. She always got back to me but it just wasn't like it was from the start. I figured what would happen if I stopped initiating contact? Haha well I didn't hear from her, so that's what happened. I guess I sent this last message to put the ball in her court. I didn't say hey we should get together again... I just tried to catch up and let her know if she wanted to do something I'd be down. Now I can focus on the other girls I'm actually dating.

 

I'm really looking forward to this other date with La. I really enjoy talking to her and want to get to know her better. I think I may go out in the city a lot more than she does... but whatcha gonna do? I've also been talking to this girl I'd like to be FWB's more and it seems like that could be really good for both of us. We enjoy hanging out, enjoy talking, enjoy hooking up, and seem like we both want to keep it super casual and not have anything series with each other. I've never had a FWB so I'm pretty excited about it. It's really refreshing because her and I are basically straight up with each other and I don't think I've ever done that with someone I've wanted to date or been in a relationship with. I need to change that about myself cause this open communication is amazing so far!

[testcase]

So I saw my FWB the other night. Things seem to be going real well there! This is my first ever FWB and so far it's amazing. Where has this been all my life?!? I do have a problem, and this could be TMI, reaching climax. I've actually noticed this recently with a few girls. I don't know if I'm just drinking too much? But we had morning sex and I had the problem then too. Maybe I'm just not in to it? I don't know. She is awesome though and I enjoy spending time with her. Absolutely respect what she's about and going through. So I'm just going to enjoy the ride there.

 

I met a girl in a local bar Saturday night. Super pretty, lot of fun. I got her number. I almost don't even know what to do with it haha. I just sent her a text to see if I could open up a conversation. I don't think she was really in to it but I guess I'll see if and how she responds.

 

Lastly I have a date with La on Wednesday. Wish it didn't take so long to get the second date but I know we're both busy. I'm really looking forward to it. Should be fun.

 

All this dating is so time consuming. It really is. Annnnnd expensive! I really should take a break and focus on me. I think I'll do that if the few girls I'm talking to now fizzle out. I'm going to take a break till summer.

[testcase]

Ahhh crap. Glad ENA is back! So I went out with La on Wednesday and last night. I had a lot of fun Wednesday so we decided to see each other this weekend too. I guess it'd be our first date where we didn't have to be up super early in the morning. I told myself I didn't want to hook up yet. We hooked up. Now I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

 

I guess I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete ahole. I'm just not sure how attracted to her I am. I feel like with every date I'm becoming a little less attracted. We're basically complete opposites and she said something that really pissed me off last night. Of course we smoothed it over and were able to have a great rest of the night... but it was just one of those things where she basically went on the offensive about me. You know what? She was right with what she said. Still, I feel it wasn't her place to say that at that time. We'll see. I'll definitely go out with her again and see how it goes. I'm very conflicted because we have a lot of fun, can poke fun at each other, just a few flags have been raised. It's probably a great reason to wait on sex going forward. Who do you really know after hanging out a few times?

 

So I'm hanging out with my FWB tomorrow. We're going to a awesome fundraiser for charity. This is another reason I feel like a complete jerk. I don't want this FWB to end. I actually really like the girl, we're being super honest with each other, just having fun. I mean it can't go on forever I know that. Ultimately I want a relationship. Her and I are completely different parts of our lives. She's just out of a super long relationship, I'm 7 years removed from a really long relationship and looking for something real.

 

I've never seen two girls at the same time like this. What am I doing? I just hope no one gets hurt...