Hazyillusions Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Hey guys, really need help on this one. Recently broke up with ex. He was talking to his ex behind my back and was extremely baggage ridden. Been out with a new guy 5 or so times in 2 weeks. Dates have been amazing 7+ hrs each time. We really connect. Last time we hung out we somehow got on the topic of dating. He asked me how many dates I've been on this month, I didn't answer bc I wasn't sure. Found out he was only dating me and was intending on only dating me (he's really well rounded and a great guy, I was honestly surprised bc I know he doesn't lack options). Not wanting to lie, I told him I was still looking to date around bc I wasn't wanting to rush things. Something about not wanting to limit myself. He think exclusivity naturally happens and asked me if it would bother me if he did go on a date with somebody. I actually encouraged him? Also said it was no big deal. He told me if I wanted, we could make things exclusive now, I kinda brushed him off. He also said he couldn't stop me but if I did want that, he isn't planning to be part of it. That it'd be like he's not good enough. Problem is now he's been really distant and not very communicative the last few days. I've come to realise the dating around isn't what I'm interested in anymore-I want to focus on him. I know I screwed up, but what should I do and say now? You see, in my last relationship, we rushed things (emotionally not physically) it blew up in my face. I just don't want that to happen again. I guess I wanted to seem like it didn't matter either way but now he obviously thinks I'm all about having fun (and that's not what I want. I want something that can grow to be substantial). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I think it was the way you declined more than the fact that you declined. If you had said "I am really enjoying getting to know you but am not quite ready to be exclusive" that might have gone over better. Call him -you might get a do over (but call, do not text). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 You made yourself seem completely and utterly not interested in him. Lesson #24... If you like someone...tell them. Don't tell them you don't care what they do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alittlelost Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I agree with the above. nothing to add. Just agreement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence44 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Call him and say this: I've come to realise the dating around isn't what I'm interested in anymore-I want to focus on him. Sure, it's a risk. It's the same risk he took bringing up the conversation about being exclusive. If you like him, suck it up and call! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoe141 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 If you want to be exclusive, I'd call him and ask him to meet up. Tell him exactly how you feel and the reason for your actions. I hope he's receptive and understanding. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 There's nothing wrong with dating around. It's just not good to seem indifferent about the other person. You can always try to mention to him that you do want exclusivity now but don't bank on that making him less distant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Great rewards take great risks. I know, easier said than done. But if you like this guy, pick up the phone and let him know your thoughts. I could be wrong here, but do you think when this guy first asked you about being exclusive that you were interested at that moment, but just didn't want to tell him because you were afraid of being vulnerable and being hurt? I'm only asking this because I can relate to your post. In the past my guard would be up and if I was put on the spot (like you were with this guy), I would act indifferent because I was afraid of letting them know how much I liked them out of fear of being hurt. I'm speaking from experience here, so if this is what is happening, please stop now. You could end up missing out on something and someone great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I think you were being honest because you are NOT ready to be exclusive. Yes, you may feel some 'interest' there but don't be running back only because you 'fear' losing him. If you've recently gotten out of a relationship, why feel you have to run right into another one right now? "I've come to realise the dating around isn't what I'm interested in anymore-I want to focus on him." How about you inform this guy you weren't trying to hurt him, but do explain yourself and where you are with your life in terms of emotional availability? **>> "I know I screwed up, but what should I do and say now? You see, in my last relationship, we rushed things (emotionally not physically) it blew up in my face. I just don't want that to happen again" Be careful here and take care of YOU. You may find you're not ready.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 It's one thing to say you want to take it slow and get to know each other, that would be completely understandable, but it's a completely different thing to say you want to date other guys. As someone who is not and has never been into multi dating, which is the way this guy seems to be too, I would have reacted the exact same way as he did, and I would not give you a second thought. As a matter of fact, back when I was dating, this was one of the first conversations I'd have with guys interested in me. I would ask them if they were into this multi dating thing, and I would tell them that if they were, it was ok, whatever rocked their boat, but I wasn't going to be a part of it, because I don't believe in it. It didn't mean I was going to rush into anything, just that I didn't want to be in anyone's rotation. None of the guys had a problem with it, but if they did, I was prepared to let them go on the spot, as this was my way of weeding out guys who weren't on the same page as me. So if he is from the same school of thought as I am, I am not surprised he cooled off. You can give it a shot and talk to him about it, although even if he likes you enough to give you a chance, he will always have it in the back of his mind that you wanted to date other guys, and he may not ever trust you completely. Guys who want to commit and are a good catch are few and far between, and when you are lucky enough to meet one, you don't tell him you want to keep dating others. Talk about a slap in the face... But only talk to him and try to fix things if you are 100% sure you are ready and able to commit. If you would much rather play the field, then let him go find someone who is on the same wave length as him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulTaker Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Stand your ground, and don't apologize to him. Trying to force "exclusivity" in only 2 weeks is a joke. By trying to install his style of dating onto you, it caught you off guard which resulted in an awkward response from you. Simply state through (email, text, call,...) that he is rushing things, and that you will go at a pace that is comfortable for you. If he doesn't reply back, then move on (he's not compatible with you). You're in dating mode, so all he needs to know is that you're spending quality time with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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