winkybear Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 The withered rose A withered rose my heart shall be, With the thorns but without the beauty, The red blooming colour once my life, What is left; a shameful sight. What seemed afar seemed so near, She was standing there everything was clear, The weather turned dark as she came close, Oh what fate, but I am the withered rose. The withered rose I want it to die! To have the colour of red once again occupy, Id rather make this painful sacrifice, Than becoming a sore to the eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mintyfresh Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 i read / wrote my fair share of poetry and honestly think you have a talent for it. One line really bugged the crap out of me though. The weather turned dark as she came close. this sentence is begging for the word "close" to be replaced with "nearer", but then the "near" at the top of the paragraph would have to be replaced with close... so i see how its a problem. Either way great poem, you're just being too self critical... the imagry is great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmptySoul Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 I like the line With the thorns but without the beauty Empty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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