Should I make peace with him? Will it help me overcome my depression?

[vanilla27]

We were together for a year, we're 20. I've hated myself for a long time and when he cheated on me when drunk and deeply regretted it, I forgave him but often he would neglect me to play video games, sex was the only time I felt truly cared about. Bitter drunken arguments were often due to the unresolved issues and one day after I was diagnosed with depression, he broke up with me and said he couldn't take the arguments anymore. Someone told me he'd cheated another time and when I asked him, he told me I'm paranoid, manic and desperately need help. It turned out the cheating allegation wasn't true, but he thinks that I still believe it. Despite how horrible he has been, I know that he is very immature, and did indeed care about me. I can't seem to stop thinking about him and stalking his twitter feed. He told me he doesn't want me in his life because I'm bitter, and he unfollowed me. My self esteem is at an all time low and while he's toxic for me, I feel bad that he was so upset by me believing this cheating allegation. Despite how often he would upset me by being rude, insensitive and stubborn most of the time when I was upset. What should I do? How can I feel happy and move on? Is there any point pursuing peace and stopping him hating me if it will risk him upsetting me further, since I'm still not over him?

[LKDag]

If he cheated on you- drunk or not- screw him. As a guy, I have no respect for men who treat women like that, and as the person that he cheated on, nor should you.

 

If he's done- and it sounds like he is- there's nothing you can do about it. Maybe the situation changes in the future, maybe it doesn't, but the point is, you can't control him, what he thinks, how he feels, and so on. "Internet stalking" him is only going to make you feel worse. You're keeping him in the forefront of your mind, but in reality, he's only a phantom idea that your own doubts and depression are going to make you feel bad over.

[kbbcoop77]

Instead Concentrate on making yourself a better you. Screw him cheaters are crap you don't want that you're just grieving the relationship not him. You deserve way better than a cheater because once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. That's not a life that's a prison sentence. You are worth more than that.

[1a1a]

Go work on you. Regardless of if he was good for you or bad for you or somewhere in between, if you're depressed, and not actively seeking to recover from that, you're bad for him. My ex left his depression untreated and I believe that was a great deal of what split us up.

 

What are your options regarding treatment?

 

Also, try all the usual things to move on, see your friends, talk to family if you are close, go upskill, do some hobbies that involve being social.