Take 3

[Circe]

Ahh my third attempt at journalling. If everything goes well I'll be taking all of 2015 off from uni so hopefully I'll have a good amount of time for this, at least!

 

It was christmas day today ...well, technically it's over..12:30am. Boxing day now. it's a bit sad that I haven't really been able to celebrate x-mas post marriage because my husband doesn't celebrate it at all. As a kid we put up a tree, exchanged gifts etc.. as I grew older i went to x-mss parties with friends.. it was so festive and nice. I'm not religious but I love celebrating that feeling of togetherness, kindness, etc.

 

We've decided we will celebrate it as a holiday season next year - tree, family dinner, etc - IF i want (i.e., if I do all the organising) .. and I hope I can be bothered enough to do that because it really is worth it. We should never give up reasons to celebrate!

 

I'm so glad uni is over for the year - sort of (I'm still working on my PhD proposal).. and really looking forward to a year off. I never thought i could feel a bit burnt out studying .. and I'm not burnt out but I do really need a good long break to regroup.

[Circe]

Feeling a bit stressed. I have to look out for "reduced" foetal movements. I have to look out for at least 10 movements in 2 hrs (that's never a problem) - but ALSO - for reduced movements generally, even if that 10 in 2 criterion is met.

 

I find that so stressful. I don't know how to make calls like that - cause I can't really tell. I've been told to go into the hospital if I have any doubts because its better to get it checked out than not. I've been told by my OBGYN and by the nurses at the hospital and my husband is all behind that. But it costs us $200 every single time we go to the hospital (because of the way my private health insurance is structured). My husband says not to worry about it because it's worth it - but I'm like "that's a 200 dollar mistake - every time I make it!" .. And i know that's stupid.. there's no amount of money that's too much for a baby's health but.. argh. I just don't know how to make the call. I can't go in every day, you know?

 

I feel like a mistake in one direction and it's $$$$$... a mistake in the other and it's deadly. Obviously it's better to be safe than sorry but .. I honestly can't make the call. I can't tell. And I hate that the responsibility falls on me because I'm the only who can make that call

 

Ok - rant over..

 

In other news - it's mum's birthday so we'll be taking her to dinner. We've bought her a nice yummy chocolate mud cake and I bought her a handbag. I'm looking forward to seeing her.

[redrose85]

I think, in the end, it's only money. This is your health and the health of your baby so maybe just trust your instinct How are along are you now?

[Circe]

I know.. but it's hard for me to trust my instincts.. "What instincts?" I ask..

 

Pretty far!!! 33.5 weeks

 

----

 

Dinner with my mum was cancelled She's developed a rash on her arm and we're not sure what it is .. seeing as I'm not vaccinated for measles (don't even ask how that happened - I asked my doctor for all necessary injections months before we were ttc) .. and god knows what the rash is we decided to be safe rather than sorry and postpone. So now my husband and I are pigging out on the cake.

[redrose85]

Cake is a good silver lining wow, baby will be here before you know it! How has the whole adventure been for you?

 

Hope your mom is feeling better very soon!

[Seraphim]

What is wrong that they have you counting fetal movements?

[Circe]

Cake is a good silver lining wow, baby will be here before you know it! How has the whole adventure been for you?

 

Hope your mom is feeling better very soon!

 

It's been quite good - I think I've been lucky. No morning sickness, no raging hormones and mood swings.. so far no drastic problems on scans (he was measuring a bit small at 20 weeks but apparently still within the range that they aren't worried about)..

 

My only real symptom that I've had the whole way through is major tiredness and muscle soreness. I've been wrangling at least one foot or back massage from my husband every day though so that helps And of course I have to inject myself daily with clexane (a blood thinner) and take daily meds for my thyroid but none of that's really a very big deal.

 

So far so good!!! In fact my only grievance is that I'm clearly eating too much and too much bad foods (cakes, chocolates, restaurant food etc). It might be a combination of reduced will power and missing out on so many other foods that I love (Australia has really strict regulations on what you should and shouldn't eat in pregnancy - not nearly as relaxed as, say, the UK).

[Circe]

Today, we went to have coffee and breakfast with some friends of ours who now live in another city. They have two kids - a 3.5yr old and a 2yr old. So.. we went to the park (which has a nice cafe). I have to say.. I usually feel confident that I'll be fine with looking after a child.. but when I actually see toddlers in action my confidence gets big time shaken.

 

Those two strike me as super parents. They are both doctors - both specialists .. and they're both finishing off their PhDs part time.. and raising these two toddlers.

 

Anyway I had to stand a lot in the morning and my legs just killed so my H gave me an extra foot rub which nearly put me back to sleep.

 

In a few hours we are heading off to a friend's engagement party.. and tomorrow morning picking up a new car, going somewhere relatively non-trafficy .. and practicing driving it. It's a 100% electric car and it works a little differently to our car so will take a bit of getting used to. I'm a bit nervous.. a part of me wanted us to just drive my old toyota corolla forever so we'd never really have to worry about scratches or damage etc.

[redrose85]

You are going to be a wonderful parent. Once you and your little one get to know each other and settle into a rhythm, you'll be an old pro too. I understand though... I don't have any little kids in my life and I feel really out of practice. They don't come out as toddlers, so that's something lol.

 

Congrats on the new year. Electric is a good investment

[Circe]

What is wrong that they have you counting fetal movements?

 

You know, Vic, I've never had a single thing found to be wrong. Every time I'm scanned I'm told the heart rate is great and there appears to be plenty of fluid in the placenta.

 

It's just what they make you do here after around 30 weeks or so.. up to 30 weeks they tell you not to bother because the movements won't be consistent anyway. After 30 weeks I was told that foetal movements are the best indication that the baby is healthy and nothing has gone wrong (failing placenta etc).

 

I get scanned every time I see my OBGYN (used to be monthly appointments, now fortnightly and from mid Jan weekly - which is what he does for all clients) .. but the ultrasound can only pick up the heart beat - it can't actually rule out the problems that might be causing the reduction (if any) in movements (although the heart rate is at least one good indicator that things are good). To be sure you have to go to the hospital and they put those straps around your belly and monitor for about 20 minutes ...

 

There was one day around 33 weeks where I thought "hmm.. they might be reduced.. I don't know what to do". We called delivery and they told me to come in. They did the monitoring and everything was perfect. I felt like a right fool the entire time .. yet everyone, my OBGYN, the nurses - everyone said I'd done the right thing and to keep doing it if I was in any doubt at all about a reduction. My OBGYN said it's extremely rare that there will be a reduction that turns out to be a problem (he said of all the women who go in, worried about a reduction, it only ever turns out to be a problem in a tiny proportion of cases) - but he says why take the chance, it's not worth it.

 

The nurses said the same thing. I said "but I'm getting really anxious about this because it's hard to tell sometimes if there's a reduction and I'm an anxious person anyway esp around pregnancy so I'm more likely to think there's a problem when there isn't" - and the nurse said that this is a situation where the best way to deal with the anxiety is just to come in and have myself monitored because this kind of anxiety (related to the pregnancy and foetal movements) is only something that lasts a few months and it's better to be safe than sorry. When I went in that time, the nurse told me a story about a woman who claimed to be having reduced movements for weeks "because the baby has run out of space" and they had to force her to come in (on the basis that movements don't reduce towards the end - they just change in nature).. and apparently she came in, baby wasn't happy, they had to do an emergency section and they got him out just in time.

 

It's crazy huh? But I've noticed in this country - it's not a relaxed approach. Loads of foods are off the table as a listeria risk (sushi etc - whereas it's considered fine to eat that stuff in the UK)..you're told not to leave food in fridge for more than one day. And if you are a private patient - there's heaps of scans and appointments (not sure what it's like in the public system).

 

Ok - here's a paragraph from the booklet my OBGYN's office sent me the day I called them up and said I'd gotten a positive pregnancy test:

 

Fetal Wellbeing in Pregnancy

Most of the tests and visits in pregnancy are designed to ensure that your pregnancy is progressing normally and that your baby is well. The most important form of reassurance that your baby is fine is when you are feeling good fetal movements.

In the third trimester (after 26 weeks) there should be spurts of movement during the day, and a 2-hour window every day during which you feel the baby move at least ten times. If you do then this is very reassuring. If you do not then you may need extra monitoring, and possibly even a planned delivery. I am most concerned about a reduction in the number of movements. If this occurs you should contact the Delivery Suite of your hospital the same day.

 

And now Here is the schedule of appointments/scans/stuff that every client has to do:

 

Obstetric Care

Your Pregnancy Timeline:

4 weeks First missed menstrual period (around 2 weeks from actual conception)

8 weeks Dating ultrasound in my rooms – you will need a “comfortably full” bladder Antenatal booking blood tests if not already done. Antenatal visits now every 4 weeks (1st baby) or 6 weeks (2nd baby)

10 weeks: Earliest time for new Non-Invasive Prenatal Test (Harmony or Verifi)

10-11 weeks Blood tests for the Nuchal Translucency Scan (if you are having one)

10-14 weeks Booking visit with Natasha to discuss healthy eating and weight gain in pregnancy

12-13 weeks Nuchal Translucency Scan (if you are having one), Book in for antenatal classes (RHW).

16-17 weeks Sometimes able to check the baby’s sex on scan in rooms

18 weeks Book in for antenatal classes (POWPH)

19 weeks Detailed morphology ultrasound scan (can check baby’s sex if you wish)

20 weeks: Start feeling baby’s movements (sometimes later if the placenta is at the front)

24 weeks Long consultation with my practice midwife, Michele

26-28 weeks Gestational diabetes screen (Must be booked, Needs 12 hour fast. Allow 3 hours) Anti D injection, if blood group Rhesus negative. Antenatal visits now every 2 weeks

29-30 weeks: 3D Ultrasound in my rooms

34 weeks Second Anti D injection, if required

36 weeks Growth and wellbeing ultrasound. Vaginal-perianal swab for Group B Streptococcus. Antenatal visits now weekly

37 weeks: Second, shorter consultation with Michele, if required

39 weeks Usual timing of elective caesarean section if you need one

40 weeks: Full term

41 weeks Usual timing for induction of labour



 

It's pretty hard core right? At least it seems that way to me. My mother didn't get any of this stuff - she didn't even get ultra sounds!!! of course I'm not complaining about the level of care and monitoring etc.

 

I guess it's just - it's really anxiety provoking to have all this stuff done and be told to rush to delivery suite if you even THINK movements are a bit less than usual. Not even a drastic reduction. Just a bit less than usual. Don't wait until the next day. That sort of thing is extremely anxiety provoking.

 

So while I'm glad that there's a lot of care and attention and resources available to from there end to minimise the chances of anything going wrong.. it does make pregnancy an extremely anxious time

[Circe]

^^ On the same point..

 

I said to my OBGYN, "I feel like I only have one shot of getting this reduced movements thing wrong and coming in when nothing is actually wrong.. if I do it more than once I'm going to feel like a nut job".

 

And he said "no, no, no .. you can come in every week if you want. Come in every day if you want. If you find yourself worrying about reduced movements a lot then we may have to do some increased monitoring. Coming in is Only a problem if delivery is very busy, but even then, it's only a problem in the sense that you may need to wait a little bit before they can monitor you."

 

When he said "If you find yourself worrying about reduced movements a lot..." I thought he was going to end the sentence with "we might need to have you committed or at least give you a referral to see a psychologist" LOL.

 

I didn't expect him to say that they were going to take it seriously and monitor me more.

 

i know i should be grateful that they provide such sensitive and over the top care. And I am - I really am. But it is also, at the same time, anxiety provoking

[Seraphim]

Good god, they sound like an anxious person's nightmare.

 

I am sure your baby is doing great though.

[Circe]

Thanks both of you

 

Ahhh.. tired. We got a taxi early this morning to go collect the car - was a lot of fun - we took it for a bit of a drive each and then went and got breakfast.

 

Then we came back and did our own thing for a bit - and then went to "Baby Kingdom" to get a sling and put a deposit on a stroller and a rocking chair. I don't want to get the stuff and bring it home until much closer to February. Then we went and got some takeaway dumplings.

 

I've had a back rub and foot rub already today but I'm greedy and am pining for more. I've also had Plenty to eat today but again - am greedy and pining for mac and cheese. I don't think i'll ask for another rub - but I will make me some mac and cheese

[redrose85]

It's your time to get all the foot and back rubs you desire, be greedy Mac and cheese sounds really good...mmmm. Been a long time since I've even had any.

 

I'm going to go ahead and assume that baby kingdom isn't a real store.

[Seraphim]

Mac & cheese sounds good to me and I'm not even pregnant! Nom nom.

[Circe]

I'm going to go ahead and assume that baby kingdom isn't a real store.

 

It is a real store!!! hahaha - it must sound like a funny name, huh? They sell everything you could need for a new baby

 

I had a bit of an anxious stress out today. I find I'm getting a bit more anxious these days. I get anxious about losing things that matter. I've never been this happy before and I'm scared it's going to go away. Because that's life, right? Most of the time? It's not a continual high. It's serious ups and downs. And you know what? I have had downs and I have to be more confident that I can deal with them when I arrived.

 

Today's anxiety was about the new car. It's a Tesla Model S.

 

I was very .. of two minds.. about getting it because:

 

1) I don't like the idea of luxury cars - to me cars are a functional item and you should pay the least amount you can for something that will get you from A to B safely.

 

2) I don't like flashy status symbols. I feel like its like rubbing something into others' faces, which is not nice for them - AND, in a world where everything you have can disappear over night - is that something you ever want to do? If you don't get attached to status symbols you won't lose anything if you can't have them again.

 

3) It's expensive. We've paid off our house and we didn't need a loan to get the car - BUT - my husband has to pay a chunk in taxes in April, his work will be slow in April (he has his own business so it's not a fixed salary) because he's taking 3 months off and if you take time off - work's always slow when you get back into it again. And with a new baby.. I'd rather have heaps of savings than no savings (albeit no debt either) and a nice car.

 

4) If something goes wrong with the car - ONLY Tesla can fix it. And there's only one Tesla store in Sydney. And it will cost a bit more than any other car.

 

But.. I agreed to getting it because - I've never seen him more excited over anything than this particular car. He was just obsessed with it. Read everything online about it - checked out every video. And - just cause I don't like luxury cars doesn't mean he's not entitled to. And - at least it's not an obvious brand like a mercedes or an aston etc .. most people would have no idea what Tesla even is. So it's subtle. AND - it's electric. So it's good for the environment and good on Elon Musk for being an innovator.

 

So what happens? Our first day with the car and there's a nail in the wheel! It's going to cost $300 to fix (a normal would be less than say $200). I know it's not a big deal. I know it's not going to happen every day. But to my new anxious self.. all I could think was "what if we go broke - will we be ok?"

 

So I was sad - and my husband was trying to comfort me and tell me not to be sad and that this is just a freak thing etc etc. And I said to him ".. don't take this as me having no confidence in you because I have all the confidence in the world in you - but if you never get a brief again (i.e., never got work again) .. what will we do?" [My hugest fear is that we'll deal with financial stress and it will hurt us .. like i saw it hurt my parents]. He said he'd go back to being what he was before he started his own business. I said "but won't you be depressed?" (he's a huge high achiever and being very successful is important to him) ..he said no he wouldn't because he'd know it's just what he has to do.

 

I said "but you've been depressed before... but you know we already have so much" and he said "exactly, and I know that .. before was a different situation.. I have you and I know how lucky I am" (he had me before too - ... didn't stop him getting depressed when his career was suffering a bit.. well.. not going as well as he hoped is more accurate). But he said we have more now than we had then (I think he means a home paid off - so less to worry about).

 

That helped me feel a bit better. Then I talked to him about how bad I feel sometimes that I quit my job to pursue psychology. Because it's cost us so much financially. Not just the cost of uni but the opportunity cost - what I could have been making if I'd stayed in the law. I see our friends sometimes.. both lawyers.. both making a great income.. and I see the security that comes with that. With having two independent income streams. And you know I don't want fancy things. I like eating out - but at cheap places. I don't go shopping. I'm not even much of a traveller. I don't want a better home - I love ours. ... so it's not about wanting more stuff. It's just a fear that if we have money problems - that will give rise to other stresses and we'll stop being happy. I think deep down I know.. that while my husband has become more like me over our years of marriage.. at his core - financial success is still very important to him. I don't know if he can Really be happy without having as much as others in our circle have. I don't know.

 

Anyway - he told me to absolutely not think that way. He said I was miserable in law.. I'd already tried lots of different things.. it's much better that I'm doing something that makes me happy. He said he understands how I feel but it was definitely worth it.

 

So I feel a lot better now.

 

He's now off to lunch with a friend. I'm going to do some work on my PhD proposal. And then I'm going to have another slice of cake

[petite]

Well, it isn't much different than any other luxury car. It still costs about $90,000 or so.. Most people that own luxury cars know how to spot a Tesla Model S and how much it costs.

I think that there isn't anything wrong with owning a luxury car. You work hard for it, it isn't like it's handed to you. Even if it was, who cares? It's unnecessary stress to worry what other people think.

We have luxury cars and I don't really care if someone judges me based on what I drive. It says more about those judging you than the person that owns it.

Just be comfortable with who you are and what you have. No shame in having something expensive.

 

As far as the Obstetric Care, mine was pretty similar to yours. I had my girl at a private hospital, and there isn't much difference from the public hospitals from what I'm told. Private hospitals pamper you more and cater more to the individual patient I feel, but people get fantastic care at public hospitals too. Just depends on each individual pregnancy and the expectant mother. If you're an anxious person, of course they will cater more to make you comfortable because they want you to be ok.

I was pretty much fine until I reached full term and my baby wasn't budging. My girl was late and I was nearly induced but she decided to come naturally. I think I got over pregnancy after 36-37 weeks because my stomach was huge at that point then it just got bigger and she wasn't budging. That was frustrating lol.

[Fudgie]

I am with petite. If you want an expensive car and can afford it without eating all of you savings or going into debt, go for it. Most people really don't bat at eye, to be honest. The only people I know who talk and care about what other people drive are young. It's just not a big deal.

 

My family could afford luxury cars but no one in my family buys cars over 20-25k and we all run them until they can't start anymore, I guess we're cheap, lol. I drive a Honda Fit and I love it and it's my baby. Cost 16k in a recession. Many good memories, awesome hatchback, and I feel like a million dollars when I speed down country roads.

 

Find a car that you can afford, luxury or not, that makes you feel comfortable and awesome. No one is going to care, everyone else is too concerned about their own cars to worry about yours!

[redrose85]

It really sounds like you two are doing quite well financially, so I can see why you'd give in on the Tesla. If it makes him happy, that's what matters And yeah, never mind what other people think.

[Circe]

I think you can own luxury cars and buy labels and spend your money on whatever you want - but it's not for me, for the reasons I stated. There's no reason to spend $137k on a car (we got the one with the better range than the entry level one.. and then you add on extras like anything else) for me because there are heaps cheaper ones which do what cars are meant to do. I have seen people use their stuff - not because they think this stuff is worth the money but because it shows others how much they have - and I don't like that sort of behaviour. It's just crass. So I'm only of those people who do the judging.

 

And look - I don't judge Everyone that way. I think some people just genuinely LOVE cars.. just really admire the performance ability of luxury or sports vehicles and so get a lot of personal satisfaction out of owning them. But - for example, I have a BIL who's mummy bought him a luxury car (so yes, it was handed to him).. he immediately went on FB and posted photos of it and the letter he got from BMW - and basically posts in a way that makes it clear that he uses the car to show off to the world that he's successful and I know he does it because of his extreme insecurities. So yes, I do judge that negatively. It strikes me as pathetic. I can't help it.. Some people have pricey stuff and they really just don't think twice about it because they've always had expensive stuff. They're not actually trying to use it to make a point about their success. Other people are using it to make a point. I don't like the latter thing. It's no different to bragging - and as I said.. I just find it crass.

 

Now my husband - I think a huge part of him loves being able to show off pricey things because it reflects his success and he wants people to know that he's successful. I love him more than anyone - more than anything. And I judge him to be a FAR better person than I am - 100 times better if not more. His mother once said he has a pure heart and I know what she means. I've never met a more beautiful soul. And I don't judge him as crass - but I feel sorry for him for that aspect of who he is. Does he need me to feel sorry for him? I'm sure he doesn't. But I feel it anyway. I feel sorry for him that he needs the validation of others - validation not just for his ability to provide for his family (which is something I think anyone SHOULD be proud of) ... but to be able to go beyond that and just have heaps more than others. That - I just don't like.

 

Anyway.. Fudgie.. you say "if you want a luxury car" get one. But I don't want one. It works both ways. If you don't want those things then spending money on them may well stress you out .. It may well seem like money that's just not well spent.

 

But like I said - I can recognise that we (me and husband) have different views on this. I'm not necessarily "right" - it's just my view. I have my reasons but they aren't more valid than his for wanting them - just different. And that's why I went along with it. And you know he loves it and I'm glad he's got it - he deserves nothing but happiness.

 

Petite - I think people who know cars know what a Tesla is in Australia - But I don't think people in general know what a Tesla is in this country - because they didn't have a presence here until this December (this month). My husband and I were in the very first batch of deliveries in this country. Maybe in time people will recognise it here but I definitely don't think most people do - not the way they recognise other brands. People who know cars do know what it is - but not the average person on the street. And it's not how THEY judge me. It's how *I* judge certain people who drive those cars - depending on what I think their motivations are. Maybe that does make me a cynical, or .. I don't know.. not a good person. Perhaps I shouldn't judge at all. But I do...

 

Re obstetric care.. I think it's definitely gotten more .. intense.. over time as research and technologies have improved. I'm sure it's a good thing..

[Circe]

My family could afford luxury cars but no one in my family buys cars over 20-25k and we all run them until they can't start anymore, I guess we're cheap, lol. I drive a Honda Fit and I love it and it's my baby. Cost 16k in a recession. Many good memories, awesome hatchback, and I feel like a million dollars when I speed down country roads.

 

Find a car that you can afford, luxury or not, that makes you feel comfortable and awesome. No one is going to care, everyone else is too concerned about their own cars to worry about yours!

 

I have a Toyota Corolla that is more than 12 years old now, called "Jane" .. that I LOVE. She's been with me through thick and thin. She has practically been a second home to me at times. I've driven her so much. And she never breaks down on me. I've been foolish and driven her on a near empty tank on a highway with very few petrol stations from Canberra to Sydney and she's always gotten me home safe. I think a part of me actually thought we could just have her forever. That we wouldn't need anything more.

 

But Fudgie -I just know it's not true that no-one cares what car you drive. Perhaps you just mix in better circles than I do - but I do know from what people say that loads of people care about this stuff in my circles. Loads of people care about their social status and the things they have that prove that status. And I just don't like it. It makes other people feel stressed and anxious. It makes them feel like they have to stick in jobs they hate to maximise their income. It makes them feel like failures when they don't acquire the same stuff. It's just not right (in my view). And Im not saying this is everyone. Particularly, if you were born very wealthy - then I think you don't think twice about this stuff because it's just your norm.

[Circe]

It really sounds like you two are doing quite well financially, so I can see why you'd give in on the Tesla. If it makes him happy, that's what matters And yeah, never mind what other people think.

 

Yeah.. but still. Sorry to be stubborn about this guys - but I guess it's just not .. you know, I see myself a certain way and that's important to me. I see myself as someone who doesn't need to be ripped off by luxury brand sellers. As someone who doesn't need that kind of validation. And maybe that really does speak to my own weaknesses - I dunno. But that's how I see myself so it's important to My identity.

 

But like you said - it's a marriage - it's not all about me - and if it's important to him - he's got to do it and so I did and do support it. But I can't lie and say it doesn't stress me out a bit It always will stress me out a bit - but at the same time, seeing how happy it makes him, makes me happy.

[Fudgie]

I too wish my car could last forever. My grandmother helped get it for me. She gave up driving around that time so I drove her around in my car, for groceries, to the cemetery to "see" my grandpa. My car has a lot of emotional significance to me and I will be very sad when it's gone. For my next car, I will probably get a hatchback Subaru, manual shift, 4wd for the harsh winters here. Or maybe a very efficient Hybrid because I don't like paying for gas much!

 

You're right, it hasn't been my experience. I was born into a well off family and many of my friends were raised the same but no one gave a crap about cars. Those of us who had cars were just happy with that. I think I knew one father of my best friend who had a Corvette but he ended up selling it. That was it. Even when I go to the hospital, I see the doctor's lot and it's filled with Honda, Toyotas, etc. Most of them older too. My father took his car hunting and it's COATED in caked dried mud and he's driving it around with a smile. So yeah, that is my experience, growing up with people who can afford luxury cars but usually don't have them and no one cares.

 

I am with you, I think it's stupid to judge. It's just a car. But I would wager in most circles, most are too worried about their own appearances to worry about others. And your close loved ones who care about you, are they really going to petty and trash talk you about your Toyota?

 

It seems like most people spend the most thought and energy on how their own status appears, not on others. It's like a school dance, in the end, most are too busy wrapped up in themselves with anxiety to think much about the other folks,who are the doing same thing.

 

Do you think your husband worries about that? Or just enjoys luxury cars and the features?

[petite]

Well, it is entirely up to you whether you judge people based on certain things. I'm not one to care either way. someone can drive a Porsche or a Hyundai and to me it makes no difference.

My whole point is, that it's unnecessary stress.

I know the first batches came in recently, my friend got the same model, but honestly the car stands out. It looks a certain way and won't be mistaken for some cheap 10K car. That's just how it is. Whether someone knows the name of the brand doesn't really matter.

I've always believed that if you like something and if it makes you happy then great, do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy.

 

Thing is you never know why someone is driving a certain car. You see someone driving whatever brand, you don't know why, to some people a Mercedes is cheap, because they have money to buy it.

 

I think for your own peace of mind, just buy whatever you like. If you husband likes something that's just how he is, there isn't a right or wrong, better or worse.

[Circe]

So.. a couple weeks ago I thought that I may have reduced fetal movements but wasn't sure. Second guessed it a lot. Really wasn't sure. Went in - got monitored - all fine.

 

Today is Monday. On Saturday (couple days ago) I again thought I had reduced movements. I was fairly sure they were a bit reduced - BUT - he was still moving around and..by the end of the day.. I decided it was probably fine. So I didn't go in.

 

 

The next day (Sunday) he was so active. So very active. By noon I said to my husband "this is not a day I'll need to worry" - and he continued that way the whole day.

 

BUT.. his activeness on Sunday confirmed that on saturday, I had been correct in suspecting the movements were reduced. They definitely were. But because he was fine on Sunday I thought it was all fine.

 

Today (Monday) the movements were like they were on Saturday. So I did a bit of googling and I realised that .. having a good movement day following a reduced movement day doesn't cancel out the problem. I.e., your doctor still needs to know about the reduced movement. It can still indicate problems even if movements pick up again. So I called the hospital - explained the pattern - they told me to come in.

 

They monitored him - the nurses said he was fine but a lot better when I was lying on my side compared to upright with a slight downward tilt. She said "you should be able to go home - I'll just check with the OB - come in again tomorrow if the movements don't go back to normal".

 

But then she came back after talking to OB and said because I've come in before about reduced movements, OB wants me to definitely come in again tomorrow for monitoring, and then head up one level and get a more detailed ultra sound done (more detailed than the ones I usually have at OB's clinic).

 

So I obviously had some questions... the answers to my questions were these:

 

> No, nothing on the monitoring they did today made them worry.

> When they look at women who end up with poor outcomes (i.e., still births) .. the vast majority of them have previously reported reduced movements on more than one occasion.

 

She told me not to stress about it but they want me to come in to rule out that I'm not one of those women.

 

I then went home and did some more research - from good sources! And what I've discovered is that sometimes .. even the special ultra sound won't pick up a problem that exists - so if there's complaints of reduced movements, even if all other tests come out fine - IF the woman is at term or close to term, an induction is something to be considered.

 

So I'm not a blubbering mess. I'm not sitting here incapacitated - unable to do anything from worry. Nothing like that. I don't know how to describe it because it's just so DUMB. How can I be this dumb? How can I be this stupid. My mum's stupid stupid horoscope curse (she told me 7 yrs ago after consulting India's most well established fortune tellers that my first child wouldn't make it).. how can I be so so so DUMB that I let myself buy into that crap so much? There was a period of time (somewhere between 20 weeks and 32 weeks) where I stopped believing it... I truly believed everything was going to be just fine. And I'm such an idiot to think anything else. You'd have to be a complete imbecile to believe this stuff, right? So why is it that the closer I get to due date.. that stuff is coming back to me more and more.

 

If someone said to me - do you believe you're going to deliver this baby alive and do you think he's going to make it - free of SIDS - free of anything awful. I don't know what the answer is? I can't say "yes" and I can't say "no".

 

I am so annoyed at myself for that. I should be smarter than that. But clearly, I'm not.