SoulTaker Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I'll be waiting for an update on this as I believe that if you really want to see someone, you make time and if you can't, you offer a different day/time when you're free. I'll be glad to see I'm wrong, though I agree with MM. Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yeah, I'd just say "Okay, thanks for telling me Then stop texting her. You can still be nice and polite at work without instigating friendship. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 As mentioned earlier, the work place complicated the way she handled things. She couldn't just go "no contact" on you. No need to respond to her text (no reason to be polite after what she's done). She'll be looking for you to show emotion when she sees you at work. Don't give in. Give her a pleasant smile (don't fake it), say hello, and move on. Link to comment
LKDag Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I'm sorry but your story reinforces my belief that people should communicate with others more openly. If you had asked her (like you were thinking of doing) if she was interested in DATING you 2 weeks ago, she would have had to come clean back then..and it would have saved you time...and money I feel like that could be a catch-22. I mean, I appreciate bluntness and being direct, but I know that insecurity is seen as a big turn-off, and there probably isn't anything more insecure than asking a girl if she "really likes me" or whatever after she already went out with me once and agreed ahead of time to go out again. She already told me that her friends were in town and she wanted to spend time with them before they went back to college before going out with me again (I wonder if those people are even real or if they were just made up to not have to commit to anything at the time), so I would've come off as really clingy, needy, and almost ignoring what she asked/told me about them. From day one, I thought I was pretty clear about my intentions. I mean, I went from polite indifference when she was around (because in the past I was still dating my ex, and then was still getting over that break-up) to being flirty, complimenting her looks, getting breakfast a few times, obviously asking her out...I don't know why she just randomly told me now- I am guessing it is because she would've felt bad if I got her something for her birthday, but more than a few times since the end of December I asked about what she wanted for her birthday and she never said anything. I don't know if it would've been better if she just told me when I first asked her out that she wasn't interested or not. I mean, that would've sucked, but it would've saved me weeks of fluctuating between feeling awesome because I thought we had something between us and feeling down because I thought she was not interested in me but was too polite or something else to let me down yet. Link to comment
LKDag Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 As mentioned earlier, the work place complicated the way she handled things. She couldn't just go "no contact" on you. Again, this is 50% me just talking and 50% me venting a little, so bear with me. But anyway, I just don't get why she couldn't have said no when I initially asked her out, or after we went out and I asked her to dinner again. I mean, I'm happy it's not like a day or two before Valentine's Day, but it's been almost a month here. She told me she isn't interested in dating anyone right now, and I assume that's not something that she magically just realized. I've been engaging her, she's been engaging me, in person and via text. Thinking back, I did seem to initiate most of it, but she never outright ignored me, always went along with it...I don't know if if "led on" is the right phrase, since I think that has a little malice involved, but that's kind of how I feel here- she wasn't interested in dating, could've told me at any point in the last month instead of letting me flirt and think we could've had something, but didn't until just now. (I don't mean to come accross as bitter; just a combination of sad, confused, disappointed and maybe a little angry, but at the situation, not her) Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I just don't get why she couldn't have said no when I initially asked her out, or after we went out and I asked her to dinner again. I mean, I'm happy it's not like a day or two before Valentine's Day, but it's been almost a month here. She told me she isn't interested in dating anyone right now, and I assume that's not something that she magically just realized. Because, just like I had told you weeks ago, she might not be sure that it was dating you were after and not just a simple outing with a colleague/friend. It's not like you went out and you tried to kiss her or something or kept complimenting her (I imagine). I went out with someone last night and we'll meet on Friday, too (albeit with a 3rd person, too) but, to me, it's not a date. If he had 'hit on me' so to speak, I would have explained I'm only interested in his friendship. But because he didn't do anything of the sort, why would I just tell him 'you know what, I'm not interested in dating you'. Link to comment
LKDag Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Because, just like I had told you weeks ago, she might not be sure that it was dating you were after and not just a simple outing with a colleague/friend. It's not like you went out and you tried to kiss her or something or kept complimenting her (I imagine). I went out with someone last night and we'll meet on Friday, too (albeit with a 3rd person, too) but, to me, it's not a date. If he had 'hit on me' so to speak, I would have explained I'm only interested in his friendship. But because he didn't do anything of the sort, why would I just tell him 'you know what, I'm not interested in dating you'. I don't remember my exact words, so I don't remember if I asked her if she "wanted to go out with me" or "wanted to go out on a date with me", but either way, my actions were pretty self-explanatory. I'm not a touchy-feely person with people, but I hugged her and did awkwardly kiss her. I don't walk around telling girls that they look good, but I almost every day told her that she looked beautiful (once or twice very awkwardly), funny, smart, that she was special to me, and things along those lines. Been doing that kind of stuff since the beginning, so I don't see anything was said or done differently between now and then that would possibly make her think my intentions were different, that would warrant her letting me know now. I'm thinking that she probably didn't want to tell me that I'm boring or ugly or something and thought she was being nicer by saying she wasn't interested in dating anyone- which would still kind of beg the question why she went out with me and maintained the communication in the first place though. I dunno... Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 You are way over thinking this. Chances are, she was flattered by the attention and went out with you because she wanted to, but didn't have the gumption to tell you that she wasn't interested in dating right now. It's pretty difficult to tell someone that you're not interested in them - believe it or not, I believe that most people don't actively look to hurt people's feelings. She was honest and polite about setting the record straight, so emerge from this experience knowing that there are women out there that are interested in going out with you, but you just need to find one that wants the same thing you do. Link to comment
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