Sad and lonely in my heart

[Guest Justme88]

Hi...i'm new here.I don't know how to start...but i start anyway.I think i want a shoulder to cry on,but in the last years i became a little bit lonely,cause i had a lot of problems in my life,i isolated myself.I guess i wanted to suffer in quiet and alone.But i have to say i have depression and anxiety,i have them and live with them in the last 4~5 years or more.I had ups and downs in my life,but i never felt like i am living a normal life.My family was disfunctional in childhood,and still it is a little bit weird and not loving.I'm 30 now,i'm an adult,how people say,but sometimes i feel so lost.I can't keep a job too long,cause i can't handle the stress,and sometimes people bully me at workplaces i had.That's remind me of childhood,when kids,classmates were bullying me...for what?just because i was different,just because i was the little shy and quiet girl?

I guess that leaved a scar.And right now i am afraid of new people.Maybe sound weird,but i guess i've been traumatize by people.Some said: go to therapy...But when you have less money,you can't afford therapy.Life sucks.

I am complaining here...cause i didn't succed to make/keep real friends...How t up i am? i guess pretty much.And now the winter holydays are coming...When other people celebrate it,i'm feeling like a looser.Thank God there is alchool and others artificial pleasures for a few moments.aaaa

I hate my life!!