Misunderstandings man...misunderstandings.

[XpandTheMind]

Hey all,

 

I was with a girl, on and off, for about 4 years. She broke up with me like two weeks ago or so. I took it really hard (still recovering) but I noticed she was cold as ice during the break up. Nothing I said was taken into consideration.

 

Moving forward...

 

I began to read, looking for answers as to what went wrong. I realized I wasn't always around when she asked. We had some issues that kept me kind of distant from her. I explained a few times that "We have issues." These issues mainly involved her doing something pretty emotionally devastating for me, but I hung in there y'all...but it kept me distant.

 

I understand her feeling alone and that I didn't want to be there, but it was never the case. All it would of took for me to close that gap was for her to pull me aside and say "I understand I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I know I can't take it back, but I'm here to be with you not hurt you again. I need you here emotionally, mentally, physically." Not begging, just a heart to heart understanding, and right there, it would have been dropped.

 

Moving forward...

 

I cracked y'all. I was hurting something fierce. Chest would get tight, almost cried a few times. To ad to all this, I'm losing my grandmother, a best friend of mine's brother was killed (stood next to this guy at my best friends wedding). I borderline begged to talk to her to get clarity because I didn't want to hate her, but I wasn't ready to dive back in either.

 

All of her messages were cold and repetitive. I told her I wanted her to still be apart of my life, and she would ask/say things like "Why? I honestley don't get why you all the sudden want me around, why I'm important" And "After wanting this (me being open) for so long, and being put at arms length? Never again. I don't care if you give it or not. If you want to be there, fine. If not, that's fine too."

 

Cracked again...

 

Same things are said. Then I asked to see her cause I needed to talk to her (for clarity and I was a wreck) and she says "I don't seeing each other should keep happening...I don't hate you. I broke up with you. Huge difference. I need space to move on and heal." And I said "If that's what you need, I'll ride with it. Hope to see you in the future. I'll miss you. Later..."

 

Now...the thing that bothered me the most about everything is two things...

 

1. Her words were evasive and vague...when she left I had a feeling there was someone else she was with before leaving me. She treated me like some lunatic off the street. She refuse to have a heart to heart about what went wrong and let it go. She would say things like "How could we be friends? You don't like my hobbies? (untrue)" Everything was extremely pessimistic. Plus, I feel her friends may have encouraged her decision (they don't know me).

 

2. She never showed any consideration for my perspective. Didn't care what I had to say. Nothing. Felt like she thought I was trying to be manipulative and get back with her. Only thing I wanted, was to lay everything out on the table and let it go.

 

In the end, this really bites. Cause it broke down over misunderstandings and I'm going to have to live with letting it be that way. I was hoping to get you guys and gals (especially) thoughts on this.

 

Thanks.

[SooSad33]

"2. She never showed any consideration for my perspective. Didn't care what I had to say. Nothing. Felt like she thought I was trying to be manipulative and get back with her. Only thing I wanted, was to lay everything out on the table and let it go. "

- You're expecting answers.. closure. Don't.

 

What's been said, has been said. You two have broken up and that's that, now.

What you're doing is 'chasing' her. You need to stop this and respectively let her go.

 

She wants space now. And you have to give her that.

As i've seen, she has said plenty and you keep wanting more. What you're going to end up doing is getting her more upset by keeping at her like this.

 

I know break ups hurt like ****, but in the end, not a lot we can do but work on 'accepting' it.

Yes, she could have been 'cold as ice' when the BU happened, as her own defense. But, like she said, she doesn't hate you, but broke up with you.

This is something YOU have to accept now.

 

When we lose someone we came to love, it's called 'Loss'. So we will go through MANY thoughts & emotions for a while. ( Months)

We'll feel the pain, be in denial, feel heartache, have some anger, etc. Eventually we'll come to 'accept' then work on 'healing'.

It's a process and it is NOT fun.

 

IF she were ever interested in coming back to you, she will tell you. She knows how to find you.

Unless or until that happens? You have to leave her alone.

 

Respect her and respect yourself. Work on YOU now.

 

One day at a time.

 

tc

[XpandTheMind]

Thanks for this advice. I know what I have to do, and believe I'm starting to accept it. Trying to forgive, and not hang on to the fact we misunderstood each other. But you're right, I can't chase her.

[catfeeder]

What did she do that was so devastating that it made you distant?

[XpandTheMind]

She stepped outside the relationship. Don't know if it was because she thought I wasn't attracted, or interested, or what. But I def was. That, and she wouldn't open up to me about why it happened, or what was lacking in our relationship. She would say she needed me, but didnt think she realized I just needed her to clarify what caused it, take my feelings about it into consideration. When that was happening it made me distant cause I couldn't gauge if she gave a damn about feelings, or was scared of dealing with something where she knew she was at fault.