jaygirl Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Let me give a brief history. I had caught my husband cheating red handed about 3 years ago when we were both single. He begged and begged and i took him back. We got married in 2012, and we have a 19month old. So far all had been fine. Last week he had to travel to the Asia for work, and would be for the next 8 to 9 months or more. While washing his clothes yesterday, i found an empty condom wrap. We have never had cause to use a condom! I of course asked him immediately and he denied, stating he must have forgotten it in his trousers long before we got married (which seemed like a very stupid excuse). For curiosity sake, i decided to take a second look at this condom, and it was manufactured this year!!!!! We have never had any sexual problems to the best of my knowledge. I called him and told him i had seen the manufacturing date and i dropped the phone afterwards. Now i am confused, heartbroken and just weak. I had always told my self that infidelity of a spouse is just a no no no for me. I really dont know what to do. What would you do in my shoes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I think this time you really should leave him. You already gave him one chance (don't know why though!) and he totally blew it. If you forgive him he'll just think you're a pushover and he'll keep doing it. You know the saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Don't be the fool in this! He has hurt you so much again and can't even admit it! The first chance he gets to go overseas he's trying to screw someone else. What a low life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaygirl Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 @tinydance, he screwed the person right here! its the clothes he left at home that i found the used condom in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panther Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I am so sorry you are going through this. He has been unfaithful twice at least, but I suppose it happened more often without you finding it out. And when it happens more than once, it will happen again. This must be a very difficult situation especially with such a young child involved. I think you should leave him. Do you have any family members to whom you can move in temporarily? If you can, move out today to a friends house or someone from your family. Take time to think about what is best for you and your child, take some professional counselling if you are able to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 @tinydance, he screwed the person right here! its the clothes he left at home that i found the used condom in! Well that's even worse then, isn't it? If he just screwed someone once in Asia (which maybe he even did!) then he'd never see them again. But if it's a local he may even be having a full blown affair! And the fact he just denies it and it's not even the first time he's done it. You forgave him and look how he repays your trust. Low, low, low! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 You need to go get tested at your doctors or a clinic. Not sure why you even mentioned that there have not been problems in your sex life. He is a cheater: it's not because of anything you do or don't do. It's not because of how the sex is going, whether or not you use a condom with him in bed, whether or not you two are getting along peachy or not. Cheaters cheat. It's what they do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 You said, "I had always told my self that infidelity of a spouse is just a no no no for me. I really dont know what to do." - This is because everybody, including yourself, gets their knowledge of infidelity second hand from mass media and the never-been-cheated-on crowd. Like you found out, it's very different when it happens to you. What to do? - Start with secretly buying James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Forget what you think you know about TL... and never let him see this book) - Keep coming back for more help. (Don't tell him about this forum.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaygirl Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 oh yeah and i am currently 2 months pregnant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Well he is a total pig cheating on his pregnant wife, who's looking after his little child, while he goes away on trips and probably screws other people! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Just an FYI; I have been cheated on by someone who I was with for a long time. So I do know how tough it is. But when you make the decision to stay, you are basically giving them the ok. They now know you will stay even if they cheat. If infidelity really is a deal breaker for you, you leave. It is the only choice. Otherwise, it isn't a deal breaker is it?! I'm sorry but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that you weren't using condoms with someone who you knew cheated on you at least once before. Never mind that you took him back; you didn't even use condoms and protect your own body. Now you have a child, and an unborn child to think of and who could potentially be at risk because of this. SO I really think you need to be seeing the doctor right away. That would be the first order of business, IMO> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoagy Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Certainly you should show him the door and get yourself tested (God knows what he might have picked up in Asia). The guy's a slimeball. But can I ask, how can he have cheated on you when you were both single? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaygirl Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Certainly you should show him the door and get yourself tested (God knows what he might have picked up in Asia). The guy's a slimeball. But can I ask, how can he have cheated on you when you were both single? By single i meant dating but unmarried Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Well, since you have turned a blind eye to it befor, he knows you will stay regardless of his behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Either leave with your dignity or know it will happen again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadchick83 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Jaygirl, I had the exact same thing happen to me...not to my husband, but my live in bf. I even posted about it here on ena years ago---exactly, checked out the dates on the wrapper and would be impossible for them to be old. He's cheating and since he is traveling to Asia frequently, will continue to cheat. He also cheated in the past so has a history of this habit. All I can say is get out of this relationship. It may hurt a lot right now, but he will never change. Unless you want an open relationship with diseases, stick around. Advice: dump him. What will you do? Take him back again??? You will have to leave the unborn child out of the equation. What are you thinking of doing? Sticking with him because you are pregnant? Make him pay child support. It will be a better life than the one you have, being with a cheater! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 To each their own, but this is a perfect example of when someone shows you who they are...believe them. IMO, once cheating enters the picture, it's only a matter of time before it happens again, and the only difference is they'll find a better way of covering their tracks. As others have stated, you're better off moving on and raising your children in a more appropriate environment. I hope you find your way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 If infidelity really is a deal breaker for you, you leave. It is the only choice. Well, the other choice is to kick his ass out. Why should you have to leave your own home? See an attorney and find out your options for getting him to cooperate. My heart goes out to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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