I don't know how to love someone other than myself.

[Snow2tears]

Yes the title sounds narcissistic, but it's true. I don't know if what Im doing is right though, which explains why I'm seeking advice.

 

This year I really strived for personal growth, it was triggered by my last relationship which ended pretty badly. But like any other person, I wanted to improve myself and change my life for the better. And it really did work. But maybe too well.

 

My perspective on life improved drastically. I was reading self improvement blogs, I meditated, worked out regularly, I had time to read books, watch tv shows, and play video games. I even ate a lot more than I did before. I slept early and woke up early everyday! I went on hikes and explored my neighborhood. I was more patient and confident. I had an amazing relationship with my family and friends. I cut out those who were toxic in my life. I wasn't scared to be alone in public. I guess you could say that I found inner peace and I truly felt like I had my life together.

 

That's that, and now I've recently entered my first year of university which by the way is a long ways from home. I met a lot of people and had a lot of work to do, and surprising I was perfectly fine with taking care of myself and keeping my dorm clean. And then I met a boy. I thought he was just like me, someone who strived to better himself and be curious about life. And I really was interested. His roommate, himself and I became the best of friends. We hung out everyday. All in all, we both became interested in each other. But as of recently I started to notice a lot quirks about him that really made me question my attraction towards him.

 

As I'm writing this, I'm sure I don't like him at all. Some reasons is that he can barely take care of himself and lacks responsibility. I find that I often clean up after him (clean his room, vacuum) but I don't mind since I hang out there a lot and would like it to be clean. He has really bad sleeping and eating habits. And health is a huge priority for me so I always lectured him about it. Overall I feel like Im constantly taking care of him. And he doesn't think twice about returning the favor, not that I expect it. He lacks compassion for others, like he only worries about himself and doesn't think about others. Or goes out of his way to help others. So I really cannot find myself dating him. I want someone as passionate about personal growth as I am. And who is just simply responsible and respects himself and others.

 

I'm pretty sure he thinks I still like him and he still likes me but we never established it verbally. So I don't know how to get out of that situation...

 

But as of now...I'm satisfied with being with myself and loving myself and being my own best friend. But it's been awhile so I don't know.....will I ever find someone to share my happiness with?

[Iggles]

But as of now...I'm satisfied with being with myself and loving myself and being my own best friend. But it's been awhile so I don't know.....will I ever find someone to share my happiness with?

 

It's way too soon to be worried about being alone for the rest of your life! You have many years ahead of you. You're only in your freshman year of college.

 

It sounds like you're ahead of the curve with your peers, in being content with yourself and assessing this boy is not a match before diving headlong into a relationship with him. This is a GOOD thing! He won't be the only guy you'll ever like, nor will he be the only guy where there is mutual interest.

 

For now you've learn you don't want a boyfriend who is content with you cleaning up after him and has low empathy for others. Understand how a potential boyfriend treats other people says A LOT about his character. If he is selfish or dismissive to everyone who is not you, those negative traits will come back to bite you at some point.

 

Kudos for recognizing what you do want and being okay being single until you do. So many people begin the pattern of settling early on because they're afraid of being alone! This introduces stress and users into their life. This distracts them from fully discovering who they are and what path in life would fulfill them, as they compromise to keep things going with the partner they have chosen.

 

You have time to figure things out. As for how to convey non-interest, dial back the amount of time you spent at this boy's dorm. If you're there four nights a week start making plans to study or meet up with other friends. When you do hang out, make sure his roommate is around as much as possible. After a week or so start talking about a cute guy you've noticed in lecture hall. Talking about your attraction to other guys is the fastest way to convey platonic interest -- because these are observations you wouldn't discuss with a crush or with a guy you're "sorta" into.

 

Good luck!

[Snow2tears]

Thank you so much for this. You mentioning I have time to find someone made me feel at ease. You're absolutely right about what would happen if I did start dating him. I will also try your last piece of advice and hope no drama ensues.

[Tinydance]

Ummmm...how old are you? First year of university, are you a teenager? You're still so young, of course you will find someone you'll love! Maybe you're just not into this guy because he's not right for you, there's nothing wrong with that at all! Also what's so bad about being so comfortable in your own skin and being most content on your own? I think it's great that you don't need a man to make you happy. There's no rush, just enjoy life as you are now and don't overthink it and I'm sure you'll meet someone out of the blue.

[reinventmyself]

I wouldn't let an interaction with one person who is an obvious non-fit for you rattle you to a point that you may think you can't let anyone in.

He's just not the one. . That's all.

You've learned a lot about yourself and now you know what you want and what you don't.

This is a good thing.

And when the right one comes along, you will likely know it.