Brokenheart99 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Hey all, so I'll try to keep this brief. But please have an open mind when reading this. I am from a semi-arranged marriage background so please don't judge and keep in mind, our version of dating is different. That being said, I was introduced to this guy who lives in a different state from me a year ago. We "talked" but he was always very very distant and closed off. We met once with our families and for many months after, he was always very distant. I mean like one text maybe every few days etc, maybe a small talk phone call every so rarely often. Anyway, because of that, I kept trying to end it with him saying he wasn't interested, but he would always come back and say he was interested in me but just didn't know how to get to know someone this way, especially over the phone. So finally I kinda cut it off because I was tired of being ignored and one text every 3 days was insulting. so back in February we kinda argued over email because I was trying to end it saying he wasn't interested and again he was saying he was. So he suggested that maybe he could come every weekend to visit me and get to know me in person as he prefers. So I agreed. Except when he finally planned his first visit it was like 2-3 months away. I thought he was bsing me again so I ignored him and cut it off all together. 4 months ago, I accidentally pocket dialed him and we got to talking again. During that time, he visited me a few times and he finally opened up so much about himself. We started talking regularly and he actually seemed like a very nice guy, explained himself a lot. That he was very different from his family and he was afraid I would judge. I said I never would and he got more comfy and we started talking. Being that it's been a year since all this went down, I naturally have been kinda asking for when we will get serious(please understand this is somewhat normal in my culture), and initially when we were on good terms, he said we should decide one way or another in October when our fams can meet. Oct came and our fams met. Either way, I'm not sure when or why but for the past month he's been different, kinda distant. When our fams met, I was very disappointed bc I thought he would get more serious about things. He called me that night and said "i didn't get an overwhelming rush of being in love with you when I saw you". And he said he is used to a traditional relationship and living with someone and spending lotsa time with someone to fall in love. He said stuff was developing with us and he thought he would feel in love with me when he saw me, but didn't. (Naturally so) it's understandable how he feels. I told him lets visit more, hang out more, asked him if he was ending it, he said no and not to give up on him yet etc. He said he feels good about us and that he needs to get over this mental block he is having. I understand that to an extent bc we are not a traditional couple and are long distance, I think love can grow when you are together though, as this is how our culture operates. My question is, this was a week ago we had this talk. Since then he has gotten extremely busy with work and hasn't been this stressed out in years from work. And our communication has literally gone to one text or a few texts a day. He says he will get less busy on Tuesday when the project finishes. But it's driving me nuts because who can possibly be too busy to respond to texts? Why ignore me so much? Am I just being blown off despite everything he said?? Or is this how guys operate sometimes? They just withdraw and need to think and can only focus on one thing? Why invest so much and go through alllll this if he was just playing me all along? Is he just stalling? I guess I just want some insight because it's driving me nuts. Please refrain from "long distance never works, arranged marriages are stupid" etc. Thank you for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Guys are all individuals, so you can't blame this guys lack of interest on the male population. I think he isn't as invested as he was because he met you and didn't feel the spark. While he is willing to continue, when work stress hit and he isn't prioritizing the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 Yeah perhaps that could be part of it, except he was being distant before he met me? Maybe his feelings faded some I don't know, the chase ended who knows. I guess, am I wasting my time? Is that spark something he can feel later? Why tell me not to end it and whatnot and that he feels good about us? I'm confused I guess as to where I should go with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I don't know the rules with these arranged marriages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosti87 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 It sounds like his priority is more toward his career. He may not be ready to get married yet. How old are two? Do you have a career as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 The rules are pretty similar as traditional dating, we just meet differently, I guess. Get introduced, set up. We are in our early 30s, sorry I should have mentioned that. Yes, he values work almost more than anything in his life, it's extremely important to him. I have a career as well, though it's not nearly as time consuming as his. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Are you allowed to meet other potential guys instead of investing in just this one? I think more people are NOT the right match for us, so our job is to find the RIGHT one. So can't you get introduced to men with the idea of screening out the wrong ones instead of investing so much into trying to change a bad match into a good one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 Yeah I can..I guess I just liked this one, so I wanted to see if we could work. Bleh. I didn't think we were a bad match, but I guess the consensus is he's just not into me? What he says is so mixed, so many mixed signals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Could it be that he has feelings for someone else that he met the regular way, and he was forced by his family to meet you despite that, just to keep the tradition going? If so, it could be that he met up with you only so he could appease his family, but it didn't change the way he felt for his (potential) girlfriend or arranged marriages. Anyway, he doesn't sound interested... and there's nothing you can do to change his mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 I really doubt it, I've asked him point blank and I even told him I would help him be his fake suitor if that was the case, bc I know how tough the situation can be. He's said no many many times and he's really not the type to do things just bc his fam said so, as witnessed by the choices he's made in his life. It's slightly possible but I highly doubt it. He's dated a lot a lot, only one or two real long term gfs, everyone else he never gave a 2nd date too. Seems like he's been searching for some magical chemistry or spark that no one can encompass for him, idk. I guess either way, he lost interest in me or never had it to begin with and was just trying. Sucks. Hate dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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